Bad reoccuring thoughts

I got about a week without any suicidal thoughts. I dont know what I did in that week to make them go away. I guess I was just too worn out and tired to even think. But those thoughts are back...really back. I need help. I can finally say it. But I just dont know how to go about getting the help. I'm out of therapy, Im pretty much alone, and I have disconected with my friends. Im scared. How do you ask for help with this kind of stuff when it scares you more than anything? I know that typing out all my pathetic problems wont help me, but until I get up the courage to ask for help, this is really the only place I can come to for support. Sorry if I rambled too much.

I'm fried so I'll do my best to help you. For one, it's good that you came here. Go to the support chat if you can and discuss this with people there. If that doesn't help call an emergency hotline. If you get to the point that you have a solid enough plan and feel unsafe enough to carry through with it, call 911 and request to be taken for a psychiatric evaluation. God, I sound like such a pig don't I? I apologize but currently that's what options come to mind. I hope you will be OK...

Hi, I know how you feel, I'm in that same place but I will tell you what I do that helps sometimes and maybe that will help you. I listen to quiet music and try to picture myself somewhere that would make me happy, like on a beach, or by a lake with no people and lots a different animals around me. After all, animal don't judge, or I play computer games or I go out on to a webcam in Africa and watch the monkeys and other animals play, that puts a smile on my face.

But you did the right thing writing here for help, but if it doesn't get better call for help. You may not think so, but people do care about you and wouldn't want anything to happen to you.

stay around for awhile, this place is designed to help. the people here are the best. for real.

write. chat.
at first, I would just show up daily, I couldn't do anything else.

write a few posts to others suffering also. something about helping someone feel listened to and cared about returns to us, where we need it most, in that place we can't quite smooth out yet.

anyway, stick around.

peace and love
nightbird

Thank you all for the responses. I plan to stick around here, this place has helped me in the past more than I think I'll ever know. And I'm trying very hard to do things that I enjoy, and just relaxing. But what I really want to figure out is what triggered these thoughts.
Back when I was in therapy, I was cutting constantly. But I wasnt suicidal, I was just in love with the way self harm made me feel. And of course I was put on meds. But more recently I have been out of therapy and off my meds (docs orders). After about four months without talking about anything, no meds, but also no self harming (i have completely stopped with that even to this day), I started getting more and more depressed. And finally the thought of just ending it all came to mind. Ever since then, it has become an obsession. I dont know if it's the lack of therapy or the fact that im off the meds that has triggered this. Nothing has really happened in my life. Nothing im not already used to.
Im not sure if finding the trigger to the thoughts will help me, but I know that when I figured out the reason that I would cut myself, I just had no intrest in it anymore. That's all Im hoping for.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
damajdancer said:
After about four months without talking about anything, no meds, but also no self harming (i have completely stopped with that even to this day), I started getting more and more depressed. And finally the thought of just ending it all came to mind. Ever since then, it has become an obsession. I dont know if it's the lack of therapy or the fact that im off the meds that has triggered this. Nothing has really happened in my life. Nothing im not already used to.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It's the same exact thing I'm dealing with right now. It's been four months since my last therapy, and I'm just more depressed than before.

There are times when I feel like I'm dead already. That's a bad thought. There are times when I just want to have amnesia, so as to forget everything, but that's not a good one either >.>

I hear you. ;[ I was about to make a new post regarding this one but I figured out just to contribute to this thread since it's the same thing.

I hope you're doing better today. I'm going out to my close friend's house today just to hangout and shove my thoughts away... they have no idea what is going on with me, but hey, it doesn't hurt either.

<font color="purple">Clandestine</font>