I HATE!

just when i'm to the point where i'm making it again. dissociation is coming down and i'm coming back into my own, the mother from HELL pulled a good one!

she's triggered me horribly, diminished my abuse, negated my feelings and practically called me a liar in a few sentences.

the drama queen has struck again. i realized tonite that her doing that knowing the shape i've been in, that she would literally see my demise if it would gain her attn or ammunition for her own saga.

yeah, so what do i do with that???

i give up.

((((((((((((((((((((( Kimmy )))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((Kimmydawn)))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so so sorry that these terrible things keep happening. You deserve the most loving mom in the world. i'm so sorry that it's like how it is.
i wish there were some way for you not to feel so much pain. Not dissociating must be a tremendously hard struggle now.

i hope that there are loving people all around you there. You need to keep away from any more verbal attacks.

Please Stay Safe.

You are so Loved and Treasured, Kimmydawn, for who you are and no lying words can take that away.

((((((((((((((((Kimmydawn)))))))))))))))))

Love,
kerria

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((LMo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((((silver)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((((((((kerria)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you so much for caring. i'm better about this today. i'm angry with myself that she still has the power to break my heart, and to rock my world.

the thing is, we've had this talk before. she's been picking for a couple of days. and it hurts me more to think this is some kind of payback?

she's a piece of work, folks, let me tell you. she's so self absorbed (histrionic) that she can't see past the nose on her own face. she's thinking of her pain right now, not mine. i have to remember she's ill, so that i don't hate her, but if she keeps up these impromtu attacks, i can't be around her at all. it's just fact.

thank you again and much love,

kd

Your not alone I HATE my parents because they are not parents that I WANT them to be!
{{{{{{KD}}}}}}

Definality moving out when I'm 16 even if I have no where to go!

((((((((((((((((((missA)))))))))))))))))))) ty hon. i'm sorry that your home life isn't what it should be. i really am. stick with us. we will hear you.

thank you again,

kd

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
she's a piece of work, folks, let me tell you. she's so self absorbed (histrionic) that she can't see past the nose on her own face. she's thinking of her pain right now, not mine. i have to remember she's ill, so that i don't hate her, but if she keeps up these impromtu attacks, i can't be around her at all. it's just fact.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Yep. As much as that hurts you've spoken your truth there about what is going on.

We're here to remind you if you falter and begin to believe she is safe. We'll remind you of her fangs.

((((kd))))) wish it weren't this way for you sweeties

((((((((((((((((((((zh))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you. you've given me an idea. i've done this before, in fact. i had separated myself from her for three months 2 yrs ago. the reason we started talking again is because the baby and his mother was in an auto accident.

anyhow, i enlisted (with the prompting of t. he also believes she's dangerous for me) my hubby's help in screening calls and reminding me and giving me strength and boosting in not calling her. see, insiders will call and then there i am again. so hubby and daughter watched us like a hawk.

i need to do this again. i need to explain to them what she's done and help to remind me that she doesn't care about me. she needs me for her own gain in her mellow-drama. they will do that.

the baby is the issue. i need help until he's three and can start in headstart. his parents are in bad shape, and not capable of being dependable. i need someone to help me at least a day per week so that "we" can have the time needed to keep internal peace.

ugh ugh ugh. it hurts my soul that she'll slow down her relationship with the baby to play her games. she did it with her own children, so it doesn't surprise me. she did it with my children. she'll do it with him as well. maybe it's better now that he's young? it just all hurts.

thank you ((((((((((((((((zh)))))))))))))))))

kd

((((((((((((((((kimmy)))))))))))))))))

thank you (((((((((((((((((((((bear))))))))))))))))))))))))

i need all the hugs i can get...

kd

Ya know what kimmy? I read the subject line and hear how upset you are but then read what you've written and realize you are acting out of love for little man.

That is a beautiful thing to do!!

I'm so glad to hear hubby and daughter will help hawk eye you so that phone calls by inners DO NOT get made.

Have you ever been able to journal or leave notes for them about the mother not being safe for ANYONE in the system/family? Just an idea if they might be receptive.

Your dedication to little man's future is amazing and wonderful to read about. He is lucky to have you in his life and he is a blessing for you all.

We'll gladly remind you of your strength in this "the mother" battle. She's predictable in her tactics which makes it somewhat easier as you've seen it all before.

Good job keeping aware of this and working out solutions before they are needed.

Ya rock kd, didya know that?
xoxo
__zh

yes, zh, ty. my soul/sole goal is protect my little man. he's already got many strikes against his being emotionally "ok". i don't want her to hurt him. however, if she's going to (to spite me) it's better that she does it now. he'll heal much more quickly.

i want her to have a relationship with him. i hate to say that i actually need that for selves. however, in the process, i have to protect selves. this is a lose/lose situation, and it royally sucks.

however, i've seen worse. insiders have been very helpful and i'm sure they'll help me to come up with a viable solution.

zh, thank you so much again.

kd

Oh Kimmy....I'm so sorry that you're going through this and as you know....(the mother issue is my biggest block right now too)....But what I have concluded is that whether the parasite comes in the form of a mother, a "so called friend" or anyone else in your life...they are still an emotional parasite and you are their victim. I have accepted that I will always have to maintain a very clear emotional boundary from my mother....because despite the blood relationship, her effect on me is as unhealthy as it is on many other people in her life. Being related by blood just doesn't make it acceptable. Nor does it mean you should tolerate it.....take the word mother out of the equation and simply ask yourself....Does this person ever have my best interests at heart?
Then act accordingly.....grace

((((((((((((((KimmyDawn)))))))))))))
This must but "mothers against kids" week. do they all get together and plan how to hurt us again???
Keep yourselves save even if it means staying away or having her stay away. I am glad my mother lives in Arkansas.
w.i.

kd,

I just read this and I feel so for you having to be in this situation with the mother. ( you know about our the mother) I, like _zh ,know you are acting first in protection of little man and have so much respect for you in this. It is hard to go day to day and then to devote yourself to another like you have speaks volumes to your strength and character.

I wish for the day to soon come when the mother is no longer a "must have" in your life and you can free yourselves of her manipulation tactics.

Peace to you my friend.

take care.

((((((((((((((((((white iris)))))))))))))))))))) thank you. i'm sorry you have to deal as well, but i'm glad you have distance from your mother.

thank you again and be safe,

kd

(((((((((((((((((((((grace)))))))))))))))))))))))))) how well said. no, she has never had my best interest at heart. hubby said tonite that she's like someone you see profiled on t.v. he said the only reason she's not in prison for life is because she cares too much about herself to allow that to happen. he was right and that scared me. he said she has no conscience.



thank you for caring and i'm soooooo sorry for what your mother is doing to you right now. you're in my prayers.

kd

((((((((((((((((((((((place))))))))))))))))))))))))) thank you. i long for that day as well. hubby said to stop all contact and we'll figure something out for me to get a day without little man and for myselves. God love him. he said he'd help me to stay away from her, but said we'd have to be strong. he said she's hurt me enough for five lifetimes and has no conscience. next to t, i trust his opinion more than anyone's. this is tough.

ty for caring and hoping for me.

know you're in my prayers as well.

kd

I can tell by your posts that yes, you are angry at your mother but as ZH pointed out, you're definitely doing it outta love for your little man. I can see the love &amp; determination you have going on deep inside of you. Sometimes hate does spur us. Sometimes we need to hate somebody to keep us going. But I think you don't need it as much or anymore, like you used to 'cos it's being replaced w/ unconditional love for your little man.
I know from other posts you are doing better w/ this situation. You're handling it very well, setting &amp; keeping your boundaries.
Big hugs to you &amp; yours.
Love,
RM

<font color="purple">Hello. I am not allowed to hate buuuuuuttt lots of people are not nice. I do not have parents nopenope nope never did nope nop e nope. jj

(((((((((((((((((jj)))))))))))))))))))) thank you honey. i'm better about the hating now. i'm not doing it. i think i was more man than anything.

it's so good to see you! i hope you're well?

kd

<font color="purple">I think some body has a cold. I feel sick. jj

((((((((((((((((jj))))))))))))))))))) sorry. sick is no fun! do you have blankets, soup and other feel good stuffs?

kd

[colorurple} Hello kd. I do not. I will not be out MAY be I will get to play a game buuuuut a grown up will do time then. I like your pictures. jj.