What does dissociating feel like to you?

I'm pretty sure I dissociate. I'm seeing a psychiatrist every week to figure out whats going on with me. But, If I am actually dissociating, it feels like this. I zone out but I'm still concious, I know what I'm doing at the time. I feel all fuzzy and tingly in my head and my whole body. I actually kind of feel like I'm on some weird drugs, like I'm on a trip. It usually happens when I get stressed out, like if I'm in the middle of an argument with my husband. But sometimes it happens out of nowhere. He can tell when it happens too, I talk different, he can look into my eyes and I look almost empty kind of. If I'm in the middle of saying something, I all of a sudden stop, and everything goes blank, I dont remember what we were even talking about or what I was saying. Then when I finally feel normal again, I have an extremely hard time remembering what happened. I'm pretty sure I have dissociated for a month or two at a time!

When I was 16, I went through a very stressful time, I lost my first boyfriend because he went to prison for something he didnt even do and I lost my mind basically. I couldnt handle it. I really loved him. I somehow dont remember quite a few months of our whole relationship, especially towards the end of it. For the past 4 years, I went on a rampage. I dont remember half of it. I ended up getting raped twice, and I was also in an abusive relationship for a year and a half. I cant remember a lot of any of it. Anways, my husband, who actually was the boyfriend who went prison, notices that I'm laways forgetting certain moments, or things I say or do, even recently.

Now I want to hear your stories! Tell me how you feel when you dissociate.

Each person has their own experience of dissociation. Some of us blank out totally and "wake up" not realizing things have changed until we look around and hours have passed or we are somewhere with no clue as to how we got there.
The more aware I become, the more it changes into feelings like you describe of being fuzzy.

what does your treatment providers say about when you feel like this?

the reason I ask is because your profile says you have borderline personality disorder. that disorder sometimes comes with a symptom similar to dissociating. its called Psychosis. if this is part of your borderline personality disorder by way of psychosis having your treatment providers adjust or prescribe medication can fix this problem so that it doesnt keep happening.

your profile also says you have aspergers. aspergers also has symptoms that mimic that of dissociation. with some people with this during social situations and other times, like talking with family and friends if the conversation becomes stressful they have sort of a brain freeze where they dont know what to say, forget the conversation and get this nobodys home / glassy / spaced out look in their eyes. and they talk in monotone (flat no emotion sounding voice)

just to cover all the bases I would like to suggest you talk with your treatment providers. they can let you know whether whats happening is dissociation or a symptom of your mental disorders or both. people can have dissociation problems with or without any of the known mental disorders.

That said

what does my dissociating feel like? to me it feels like I am sinking into and becoming part of the wall, bed, floor, chair what ever object that happens to be around me at the time I dissociate.

My special talent is dissociating. I can do it different ways, not really by choice. I do the above like amandalouise become part of a
plant or ceiling or wall. I can just go nowhere and become trapped in a scary nowhere land(that's bad). I can even worse go to my
traumaland and be trapped there( that's worse.) Or i can go to a nice fantasy land or memory land that' s cool.

Other things that happen is i just lose time and have migraine- bad. People or things just get bigger and smaller- scary. I feel myself get bigger and smaller- have no idea what that' s about.

To us, it feels like a bad Alice in Wonderland remake.

I think amandalouise has made some great points.

I hope the psychiatrist can help you find answers
Sorry you've had such trauma.

for me-- there seems several different ways it can be....

sometimes it's as though I have a very thick blanket over my head- not hearing well or understanding others, visual awareness is difficult.... it's hard to describe in words.

some other times it's as though I've been sucked into a vaccum- don't feel anything, no sight or sound - just -- gone... like under anaesthesia...

still other times it's like I'm not even inside me-- but watching me interact with others from afar

you know that feeling one has right after they shut the car door and they realize the keys are IN the car and it's now locked..... that's the feeling I get after I'm present again
-- gasp!
I'm shocked(what the H just happened, not again!)
-embarrassed-(they must think I'm stupid, I'm so lost/confused)
then sad.(I hate this, I'm so dumb. why can't I quit being so ditsy?)

I don't like any of these things, I don't talk/post about it much-- just thought I'd share in case it might be of some help for you to rule this out-- I wouldn't wish this on anyone.... not that you are wishing it... just that it's so not good and has deeply affected my adult life in negative ways.

I wish you- self understanding and much healing.

fins

I tend to feel all fuzzy and numb, like nothing is real. my speech is slow and I don't make much sense. but i can still just hold a conversation so it's only my T and nurses that have picked up on it. then afterwards I have no idea that time has past until I look at a clock or see I'm somewhere different etc. but I can't remember anything that happens during that time.

People with Borderline DO dissociate. As well as have borderline psychosis symptoms. As can anyone, especially with any kind of trauma or stressful history.

I dissociate all across the different types of dissociation. But I do it far less than I used to because of all my ongoing work in therapy.
How does it feel? Now there's a question! Depending on the situation, I can feel blank or elated or frightened, and if a dissociative flashback is involved, threatened, aggressive and physically smaller.

I didn't know that there are different kinds of dissociation. I only learned about dissociation when I started with T a year and a half ago. She pointed out the times in the history I gave her when she said I was dissociating. If she's right, then my dissociating at least is just "being somewhere else," "not being me," not being where I was.

This usually happened when I was staring at illustrations in children's books. Later while I was reading print. But it also happened in other places both inside and outside when I'd feel drawn into a particular thing or area I saw. When things got too hot, I went away. Still do it now, though not as much. You lose track of time. I've lost whole days and more. Take care!

To me, it's a constant thing. At least, that's what I think. I get this...very uneasy feeling. I don't feel real whatsoever, and often times nothing else feels real either. I've just been going through life with it, and everything is just so blurred and uncontrollable.

I suppose I could best describe it as living in a dream, but my dreams lately are more real than life itself. That's a scary thing. I just feel like at any moment I'm going to fade into nothing.

this is how I feel too.

This is exactly how I feel!

I've had experiences of dissociation that feel exactly like you describe, and if I do it today, it feels very much like that.

In the past, when it was much worse, I'd just all of a sudden be somewhere with huge chunks of time 'missing'. Like, I'd be walking down a street with no recollection of how I got there and just head home, or I'd wake up with days missing and just get up and go about my business.

Weirdly, when I was blanking out like that, I didn't worry about it. I didn't think, "Wow how come I don't remember how I got here?" because I think the blanking out is protective. SOME part of me knew but kept it away and I was fine with that.

When some of that 'blanked out' material started coming back, it felt like a hallucination--like I was watching a nightmare with me as the star only I was awake. It took a long time to believe it was really me remembering bad experiences about ME--it felt like some other life.

I think everyone dissociates sometimes, but not everyone ends up having problems with dissociation, if that makes any sense. Really it's a protective mechanism that becomes unhelpful later in life, that's the way I see it. Good luck to you! It does get better.

At times, I can look around with awe and think to myself "This IS real" Trying to ground myself. Sometimes it works, sometimes I can't shake it off.

To me, I don't generally feel it. I just stop existing, even though my body keeps going and ends up doing destructive things. The way I experience my bad dissociation is literally one second I'm at home eating lunch, and a second later I'm in 4 points at the ER and 7 hours has passed.

I zone out a lot too, but I'm not sure if that's dissociation. People around me see it real quick, they say I glaze over and stop responding. I'm in la la land at that point.

we experience dissassociation like grey fuzziness like white noise like a static tv screen. all the tiny white and black fuzzies turn into white or black birds and different parts follow different birds different places. our hands and feet go numb and tingley like asleep. we sometimes see ghost hands, smaller or larger than it seems they should be when we're coming back, and we're not sure which ones are the real and which ones the ghosts.

hmm. it's different experience, or so i'm told, for everyone in the system. But for me, personally, as i don't like to speak for everyone else. I feel unreal; dreamy. i zone out, and lose track of time. the way it used to be is that i'd freak out being in a new place when i'd front for the system; it was sudden and jarring.

now, though, since we all weave in/out every few days, everyone has gotten used to our host's life, and we know, now, what he wants/needs.

usually, so i've noticed when the host dissociates, he feels unreal. Last time we had it bad, which was Wednesday in therapist's office (which was a bad day anyway) it was some of the deepest dissociation he's had in a while. He kept going in/out, and trying to escape, but our therapist kept him in limbo. (because one of our bad alters was being angry, and therapist was concerned he'd take over if the host left/dissociated too far). But he was experiencing the typical "my body isn't real. i have no legs. no arms, no torso... i'm like a floating head. didn't think he could move at all. that sort of thing.

usually when this happens, he goes away, and one of us takes over for a while.

I did not realize what this was called until I told my T what was happening. He told me to go home and look up dissociation on the net and one of the four (I think) types would fit what was happening. He wanted me to tell him on my next visit which type I thought it was. When I read about depersonalization the experiences fit.

For me I would just be doing normal things and then suddenly I would be standing behind my left shoulder watching myself. The person in front of me would be talking but I would not be moving my lips. It is so hard to explain. During that time I felt nothing. I was just watching from over my shoulder. After it was over I would think I was losing it. I would just drop everything and leave.

I talked to my T and PDoc about this. I asked my T if I should worry about it. He said it was a really good stress relief mechanism and that it was common during deep depression and I really should not worry unless I remained in this state. ????????

Until last week this type of experience is the only way that this occurred for me. But one night last I had a dream. About half way through the dream I woke but I could still see the other characters in the dream. I followed myself down the hall and watched the conversations I was having with other people.

I have never been scared when this is taking place as I feel like an observer. Though with this last one I am really starting to worry.

I am just learning what happens to me. I have in the past floated over myself. I can tune out all noise in the room and not notice someone talking to me. I found myself driving in the neighbors grass or getting lost while driving. I guess tuning out the stress and still functioning at work or home is the creepiest feeling. I feel like I am walking through deep water. T has not said DID, but she can get me to a state where I act like a little girl. That is freaking weird. I am not sure what is wrong with me, but right now I can not handle any grown up, adult, diagnostic words coming out of T's mouth.

just a quick suggestion - everyone whether they have a mental problem or not has what the mental health community here where I work and live call having an inner child. this is times when you naturally feel and act like a child, when things remind you of when you were a child. working on this kind of stuff is called doing inner child work, inner child therapy.

if you are not comfortable doing inner child work with your therapist its ok to tell them you are not comfortable, feel its freaking weird. having therapy doesnt require a therapist "getting" you to switch into inner child mode / state of mind. in fact around here it is strickly forbidden for therapists get someone to act like a child by doing inner child work. we believe this is a natural thing that happens and doesnt need any coercing / forcing / getting to happen. the reason we have this rule here where I work is because making a client act like a child can cause the client to have false memories / false inner children / false alternate personalities. We also deal with court cases and the courts will through out any cases where a therapist has caused a client to act like a child, act like they have inner children , act like they have alternate personalities.

again if its freaking weird to you let your therapist know. this kind of therapy work in my opinion and those in the mental health community here should not be done if it makes a client uncomfortable and can be put off until you are more comfortable with yourself and your problems.

It comes and goes for me. I've been dealing with it since I was 4 so it's kind of normal for me. It goes all the way down the line in my case. I can dissociate just a little... Start to feel like my mind is loosing it's attachment to my body. Start to lose feeling in my body. Start the head tingles and fog. If I don't keep a grip and let lose for a second I could lose months of memory at a time. This is from my DID though. Most of the time, when it's not high stress times I only lose seconds to minutes if any at all. I'm pretty good at keeping out... I hope lol... But it's a spacey unattached feeling. My boyfriend calls me "space cadet" because I'm so spacey. He can tell every time I start to feel dissociative. I have had a massive seizure that started with dissociation (haven't found out the cause yet, first one was just in August) and he was there for it. He saw the dissociation before the seizure so now every time he sees me dissociate, which has been a lot since the seizure (stress caused from it and losing my license from it) he gets panicked. He can see it though, I get the same empty look. Like my soul left the body and I stare blankly until I come back or someone else comes out. Pretty trippy, you have that right! It's like some drugs were made to mimic these mental disorders!

I did it Saturday night and 'woke up' sitting on my bed realizing I have cut and ODed badly. then it was a trip to ED trying to explain what happened.

When I dissociate I am there but sometimes I am pushed to the side or I am watching myself and other times I step back to let others come forward. But I always seem to be there. I don't feel real. I feel like the me that was present prior to dissociating is an alter the presents appropriately. I only feel real when I am with one good friend or when I feel empty.

It feels pretty awesome for me sometimes. It's like a super power. Cold hard analytical thinking with no stupid emotions or weakness. Everything is like crystal - hard and cold and easy to deal with. People crying? Big f'ing deal. It wasn't until after I had children and realized how nervous and insecure they seemed when I dissociated that I thought of it as a problem.

I sometimes can't tell the difference between depersonalizing and dissociating. Or maybe I have depersonalized, and I dissociate pretty much ALL the time, so I don't even know the difference from "normal". But I've felt things like being above myself and watching myself talk, but not being the one to form the words. Looking down at my hands and them not being my hands. Everything being waxy or plastic. It almost sends me into a panic attack. Looking at myself in the mirror and having no idea who I am. Spacing out pretty much constantly. Lack of concentration. More recently I've noticed I loose time, although I never put it together before.