eating disorder's daily check in spot

Having trouble eating enough to stop losing weight. I am working a lot these days and it is very physical work. My dietician wants me to eat a "dinner sized" meal for lunch and then a smaller meal for dinner on days that I work. I just can't seem to get that to happen. All I really want to do is stabilize and not lose or gain anymore. We have an agreed upon number that I cannot go below and I am getting closer to that number. I don't know what to do.

I've been forcing myself to get at least some calories in every day because I'm in theatre and our show just opened so I've been rehearsing for more than 12 hours a day all week. At first, I asked close friends to sit with me so I had support around eating, and for a few days it was wonderful, but I started to feel like they'd rather eat with the group, so I backed off and tried to do it on my own. I was reasonably successful. I was doing pretty well on my own. But trigger:


So now I have a whole 2 and a half days where I don't have any reason to eat (no shows until Wednesday, no reason to make sure I can run around and act and sing and dance)

It's my first real test to see if I can continue the progress I've made, but in all honesty, I think I'm going to revert back to heavy restriction. And after the show, for sure.

I got an e-mail from the outpatient program I was referred to saying that there MAY be a group for me in the summer, more information to come. Great. May be, and summer. What do I do until then?

Dear ''Fallingdown'' and anybody reading who's feeling the same way or similar. I was also ''incarcerated'' in the Psych Hospital a number of times when I was younger, anorexia/depression/SI and overdoses. The hospital (London) and Psych Dr's had absolutely no idea except force~feeding as to treating eating disorders, infact it's still the same way really. We HAVE to eat to gain health, yet it's the one thing we are terrified of! However, if we can get through the first month say, there's much more chance we'll live to tell the tale. I'm sure as sure it's better for us to provide our own sustenance, in our own way, rather than have it forced upon us. Fallingdown, because I never learn to deal with the reasons behind the issues (BPD), I'm still back where I was 33 years ago mentally. I want ridged control but it's elusive, maybe it's just as well 'cos I'm at the lowest weight I can be to stay out of hospital.

My sister just posted something really triggering about exercise on facebook. I've been over-exercising at times lately, but haven't been motivated to get out of bed today, and now I feel AWFUL.

Is it some fitspo junk? I hate that stuff, it's so damaging, even for 'normal' people. Exercise should be something that's enjoyed, not a punishment. (I have trouble with this concept, too). If it makes you feel better, I'm still in bed, too. It's my only day off from work/school/bf, so I'm savoring it.

She was bragging about how many calories she burned at the gym. And it was way more than I would have expected.

Things are suddenly getting bad again. I've been out of treatment for 9 months and I'm already failing.

I ran out of food at the house, and I don't have money to go shopping. So I haven't eaten in over 24 hours, and it's not even because of my eating disorder.

Ended a fast with a meal at BWW. Not a good idea. Doing everything I can to distract myself from how uncomfortable I feel and the horrible thoughts plaguing my mind.

butterfli; have you thought about supplements? Ensure, boost etc. They might help you avoid losing any more weight.
It looks like I'll be going inpatient to Johns Hopkins next week or the week after. I'm scared. I'm scared of gaining weight, scared of losing my eating disorder, and scared it's not going to work and I'm going to come out just the same. Anybody have any tips?

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I totally get where you're at, I've definitely been there. My last inpatient stay, I almost doubled my weight in 5 months. I'm sorry you're so anxious.

I just made the horrible mistake of stepping on the scale for the first time in months.

I knew I'd gained some weight, but it was more than I realized. I've literally doubled from my lowest weight a year ago. All my worst fears have come true, I'm fat.

Saw my dietician today and she is starting to get a little concerned that my weight is still dropping. She told me how much I have lost over the past 4 months and it isn't much, however she can tell by looking at me that I've lost. We've implemented a plan of if I'm not feeling hungry, then I need to eat something off my list. That way I am still eating and hopefully my hunger cues will kick in. She said that I can't afford to have anymore days where I eat one meal for that day.

Hello 'BREAKMYSTRIDE'. I'm so very sorry to hear of your recent weight gain. I know you have an eatinh disorder, as I have too, and I've had my disorder for 33 years, long years. I do UNDERSTAND what its like being forced fed to gain weight. Because hospitals usually just ''feed us up'' and chuck us out with no therapy, we end up as you are now hunny, feeling bad etc. Message me anytime hun.

You're not fat. You're healthy. I know that's hard to hear. I hate being told I look "healthy" or "good", but it's the truth. I don't know your current or past weight, but to have doubled it, you had to have been at a horribly low weight. Just keep telling yourself that. And remind yourself of all the things you can accomplish and feel and be a part of now that you don't feel like crap all the time.

I hear you. I went through the exact same thing almost three years ago. It sucked at the time, but once I survived it(and I wasn't sure I would), I was so much better off for it. And I'm looking at going through the same thing yet again in the very near future. I'm terrified, but I know it's for the best. Hang in there. You made it this far, you can get through this.

Going inpatient at Johns Hopkins (well to their medical ICU first, then their medical floor, then finally their eating disorder unit - it's going to be a process) probably the week after next. As soon as I'm "stable" enough. Trying to convince my providers to let me go home for a couple days so I can pack what I want to pack, what clothes I want, to clean so I come home to a clean house etc. Doesn't look like it's going to happen. Like as in probably a snowballs chance in hell. Oh well, wishful thinking I guess. Otherwise, probably starting to feel a little better. Amazing what a little nutrition does for you.
Hugs for everyone who's struggling right now. Seems to be kind of a hard time.

I did not throw up any of my food this week. Oh wait.....that is a lie. Well there is always next week.

Struggling with boredom and major urges to restrict. I'm having a hard time seeing the upside to eating at this point. If I keep losing, I know I'll and up in treatment again. I don't want that to happen. So I have negative deterrents, I guess.

I keep on getting heart palpitations today and it's really freaking me out.

This happens to me when my anxiety gets really bad.

The radio's on in the kitchen again...dinner must be ready soon...I'm so stressed.

Not doing well. I have a virus of some sort in my intestinal tract, at least that is what the ER Dr said. I am also having chest pain that is not related to my heart. The ER dr put me on oxycodone with Tylenol even though I have an allergy to codeine. I'm scared to eat because I am afraid that it is going to come out. And I'm scared to take the oxy because I might have an allergic reaction. I HATE ED!

That sounds awful. Please don't take the codeine ... it sounds like you'll need to wait out the virus, and use all your anti-ana skills to keep ED in check. YOU CAN DO THIS. You've made such progress

The eating disorder program in my city thinks I'm too sick for their services and want to send me elsewhere. My doctor was like "surely not because of your weight" which obviously means I'm too fat.

I know how that must feel. I hate it when people (especially doctors) say things without thinking because it really hurts.

My outpatient doctor at the ED hospital is terrible for that, AND she's an eating disorder doctor so you'd think she'd be even MORE understanding :/