[Blueberrybook]

I walked/jogged too long again. Really beginning to have issues with this overexercise.
I know I am underweight, and I need to gain weight, but I don't want to gain weight. Ugh. Losing weight. Noticing more bones. Liking it. Same old drill.

I'm tired. Didn't get much sleep last night. Can't wait for bedtime.

-breakfast

- 3 packets of sweets

and it's not dinner time yet...

funny how every day's a new day- yesterday was good, and I only had dinner and breakfast

[Blue_Bird]

Due to my binge/purge earlier this month I ran out of food 2 weeks before my money comes in. The only thing I have in the entire house is a canister of oatmeal, not a slice of bread or stitch of food anywhere else. So that's what I've been eating for 2 weeks .... this is not on purpose. I am so hungry it hurts. Thankfully I will get my money on Thursday and be able to go grocery shopping. That's probably one of the hardest situations I've gotten myself into as a result of the ED in a long time.

I have a list of healthy food to get and menu plans so I am determined not to get myself into this position ever again!

[Blue_Bird]

Ughhh. It's addicting hearing people say I've lost a lot of weight ...

[Blueberrybook]

I didn't exercise this morning. I was too tired. I feel guilty about it.

I know I'm not suddenly become huge and obese overnight but ugh. And lately, I've been running a lot. I have a playdate scheduled with my daughter & my niece at 9 AM (about 15 min. driving involved) and already I'm wondering what time I have to wake up in the morning to work my run schedule around not only that but getting my husband up at 5:15 this week. He is a high school teacher and off for the summer, but they are sending him to mandatory training this week, and traffic is bad in the area of Houston he needs to get to for the training.

Got to get my run in tomorrow. It'll drive me crazy if I don't.

I think these long runs let me eat pretty much anything I want to and not gain weight because of the calories burned, and the ED loves that. I am very underweight and keep losing. I got my medical records from my pdoc recently; my weight was listed, but when I saw the gastroenterologist for a followup a couple weeks later, I weighted less, and boy was the ED happy! I'd say my weight fluctuates between a couple numbers anyway, and it's crazy how happy a lower number on the scale makes me feel even though I'm raising a pre-teen daughter (10 years old). What kind of horrible example am I setting for her?

not really about my eating, but yesterday I wasted an entire pizza with chesey garlic bread (I didn't feel I had much of a choice, it tasted disgusting)

but I feel so bad and I can't get my head round it

wasting food to me is like a bad owman

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

not really about my eating, but yesterday I wasted an entire pizza with chesey garlic bread (I didn't feel I had much of a choice, it tasted disgusting)

but I feel so bad and I can't get my head round it

wasting food to me is like a bad owman

Each day can be a new beginning. When I don't do what I feel is right for days or a day I then start a new beginning. Sometimes I have new beginnings all week long..lol..it helps me anyhow.

[LucyD]

[katydid777]

I am getting ready to have my toast, so I can take the rest of my morning meds.

[Blueberrybook]

Ran this morning, farther than I'd planned to because my running app messed up on me.

Had some issues with prolonged grief over my mother-in-law's death late last December. She was a wonderful person, and I loved her as if she were blood family. A very minor thing set me off, and I felt sad all morning.

I napped 2.5 hours. It's helped me feel a bit more like myself again. The morning was hard though.

[katydid777]

Originally Posted by katydid777

I am getting ready to have my toast, so I can take the rest of my morning meds.

I had cottage cheese, and peaches instead, and I didn't have dinner. I just wasn't interested.

[88Butterfly88]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Ran this morning, farther than I'd planned to because my running app messed up on me.

Had some issues with prolonged grief over my mother-in-law's death late last December. She was a wonderful person, and I loved her as if she were blood family. A very minor thing set me off, and I felt sad all morning.

I napped 2.5 hours. It's helped me feel a bit more like myself again. The morning was hard though.

So sorry for your loss.

[88Butterfly88]

I wanted to have a bunch of candy but had fruit instead, yay.

[Blueberrybook]

I've had a bit of a rough morning with lots of diarrhea (sorry if TMI) without taking laxatives, a bug or food poisoning, but I ate what the rest of my family aat yesterday, and my daughter & husband soem fine.

I finally did manage a run/walk but shorter than usual because of the time (hotter outside and there are some of these meds than want your to avoid heat) and they are replacing a big power pole on my usual route with tons of electric trucks, cones, etc. that make it hard to run. You have to run on the road here. This subdivision is older; sidewalks slant a lot with tree roots and weather, not to mention people block them with their cars. there is an ordinance against that, but the HOA doesn't seem to care to enforce it.

I'm feeling better now. My daughter's still asleep. She is a night owl. She probably didn't go to bed until midnight. But she stays up reading or computer coding, not playing video games, so I don't know. Hopefully, her sleeping schedule will get back to normal once school starts.

[Blue_Bird]

I ate! First normal meal in over 2 weeks. It felt great to eat again finally, although it left me feeling pretty bloated afterward since my body had gotten used to not eating but I know that will pass as I continue to eat a normal amount of food and my body gets used to digesting again etc

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I ate! First normal meal in over 2 weeks. It felt great to eat again finally, although it left me feeling pretty bloated afterward since my body had gotten used to not eating but I know that will pass as I continue to eat a normal amount of food and my body gets used to digesting again etc

It's good that you ate a normal meal though. You need to eat more normally, and your body will eventually adjust. I felt bloated all the time at first gaining weight but it did reach a point where it redistributed more evenly.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

I wanted to have a bunch of candy but had fruit instead, yay.

I have changed over to fruit mostly but once in awhile I have something very sugary. Fruit is so good for us. Sugar is empty calories and meaning not nutritious or so I was told by my Diabetes Educator. Trying to eat nutritiously as much as I can.

[Blueberrybook]

I did OK today other than the running too much. I wonder does the ED convince me it's a good idea to run outrageous distances or does the hypomanic/manic phase of bipolar do it? I think I'm slipping into hypomania. I'm sleeping less and that is usually the first sign of heading toward hypo for me. I guess if I start up a zillion projects or spending money outrageously, hypersexuality, etc, then I'll really know.

Or maybe having the ED with the hypomania is a disaster in the making.

I'm not gaining, not losing weight, but I need to gain. I'm getting the lean distance runner's physique, but I'm not eating the proper diet to keep up with it. Honestly, I am starting to get on the bony side, but I find I like it of course. Stupid ED.

[88Butterfly88]

Ate way way too much last night.

[Blueberrybook]

Same old, same old. Ran too much again this morning, but the running lets me not have to take my full dose of Klonopin, so the running helps with my anxiety.

I am getting a distance runner's physique and liking it. Good legs with muscles but obviously too thin in other places. Getting too noticeable. Hubby said something about it, but then he seemed to think it was OK as my weight is stable. I'm eating, but the problem is I am not eating a diet for distance running.

Haven't had breakfast yet. I need to get cleaned up from my run.

Originally Posted by katydid777

I am getting ready to have my toast, so I can take the rest of my morning meds.

I like toast too

pass me the marmite please..

I am currently craving a takeout

too bad I have no money at the moment to get one

one more day of eating my cooking..... yuck

[LucyD]

My knee is killing me. May have to go to the ER. Don't know what's wrong with it. I've taken a lot of meds for it and nothing works at all.

[88Butterfly88]

Originally Posted by LucyD

My knee is killing me. May have to go to the ER. Don't know what's wrong with it. I've taken a lot of meds for it and nothing works at all.

[Blueberrybook]

I am not doing as well as I thought. I wasn’t feeling well after a long run this morning, and went to the doctor (pcp). Yep, it’s as I thought. I have a UTI and had a 100 degree fever. He prescribed me an antibiotic that fights most bacteria causing UTIs and told me they would call me in a few days if that antibiotic does not fight the bacteria the culture shows is making me sick and if I need a different medication.

Then I got a HUGE lecture on my weight. It seems I was in there in June for a wellness exam, and I lost more weight since then, and I was already underweight back in June. He gave me all this nutritional info, but IDK, I really don’t feel like gaining the weight back. I am exercising too much for the calories I eat, long distance running but not consuming the diet for it. This is usually the way my ED usually works. I get diagnosed with anorexia, purging type (through exercise). I hadn’t realized I has lost so much weight in a short span of time. The ED part of my brain was happy, of course. While the logical part of me is screaming, “You know this is not good. You’d tell any other woman at this weight to gain weight and get into ED treatment! What’s wrong with you?!”

Ugh!