[indigo1015]

At the advice of my trainer, I’ve been using this app called Lose It! which has been pretty revealing. It is intended for weight loss, but my trainer doesn’t want me to focus on that aspect and instead focus on my macros. She asked me to record three days’ worth of my meals and snacks, but it’s actually such an easy app to use that I’ve been entering more days in. One thing I’ve noticed is that, according to the app, I’m actually undereating. I’ve also noticed that my diet tends to lean towards carbs. It’s helping me be more self-aware.

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[Mountaindewed]

Everything I eat makes me want to throw up. I really want to throw up. My therapist told me only do it when nothing else works. Since I'm having physical issues as well. Today I barely ate and I think it was mostly physical but it could have been partially stress and nerves too. I don't really know.

[Mountaindewed]

I need to switch up my diet for medical reasons. I don't actually eat much of anything bad for your stomach besides the occasional chocolate bar or pizza Lunchable. I very rarely eat fried or greasy foods. But its the sodas and coffee I need to stop. And I need to stop eating a couple hours before bed. This is all a medical doctors order. I can't have fruit either.

[MuddyBoots]

I've been doing fairly well. Weighing myself less often, going 3-4 days without a b/p session (then doing like 4 in 48 hours but hey), staying active. So far it's been 4 days purge free. Still obsessing about food and weight but not acting on anything.

[Mountaindewed]

I had too much coffee and soda this morning so my stomach was ****ed up all day and I haven't eaten much. I'm still under my calorie goal though.

[MuddyBoots]

Went five days without any b/p and then had a session last night. Couldn't sleep because all I could smell was vomit.

[Mountaindewed]

I had a Lunchable at 2:30 this morning and then another Lunchable around 9. I had an RC and an iced matcha too. I had some watermelon around 11:30. All that sat fine with my stomach. Then I had 1/1/4 cup of plain squid ink noodles and yeah, my stomach pain and nausea kinda blew up. I guess I shouldn't be trying weird new foods right now. So I tossed in a zofran and 2 tylenol and now I'm low again on food and I'll probably just have more of the watermelon or some fennel for dinner.

[MuddyBoots]

Yesterday in therapy doing DBT we stumbled across that I struggle most with shame and that's probably the source of the disordered eating rather than anxiety.

Even the word "shame" makes my eyes watery because I just feel it so deeply. I know today's going to be a day I want to b/p. I just know it. I need to prep and plan with some skills. Distractions. DBT skills.

Although lately I've been wanting to drink more so than b/p. Or both. A drunken b/p session sounds kinda sadly amazing.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Yesterday in therapy doing DBT we stumbled across that I struggle most with shame and that's probably the source of the disordered eating rather than anxiety.

Even the word "shame" makes my eyes watery because I just feel it so deeply. I know today's going to be a day I want to b/p. I just know it. I need to prep and plan with some skills. Distractions. DBT skills.

Although lately I've been wanting to drink more so than b/p. Or both. A drunken b/p session sounds kinda sadly amazing.

DBT can be used for anything. I used it myself.

[Mountaindewed]

My stomach med makes me lose my appetite and can also knock me out for a few hours. So I'm still not eating much and I'm losing steadily. Today wasn't all that bad quality wise though. I could give the scale a break though.

I don't really enjoy food anymore and I find eating more like a chore now. Like I'll literally eat the food I measure right out of the measuring cups because I just don't give a **** right now.

[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by Buffy01

DBT can be used for anything. I used it myself.

DBT is some good sh-it. I'm really grateful I have the opportunity to do DBT.

[MuddyBoots]

I got about two miles into my run and it was what I call a "hate run" where my mind is more focused on losing weight/burning fat than enjoying the run. It sucked and I stopped and wanted to turn back. Didn't though. I reframed my thoughts and let the endorphins kick in. Went another 6.2 miles. Feel really good now.

[indigo1015]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I got about two miles into my run and it was what I call a "hate run" where my mind is more focused on losing weight/burning fat than enjoying the run. It sucked and I stopped and wanted to turn back. Didn't though. I reframed my thoughts and let the endorphins kick in. Went another 6.2 miles. Feel really good now.

With the right mindset, one can do anything one wants. Good for you

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[indigo1015]

Didn’t eat breakfast today— I binged all last night, partly because of the eating disorder and partly because I’ve had a lot of neck and back pain lately, which has made it tough to get a good night’s sleep. I’m seeing a doctor on Tuesday morning about it, because this has been going on since March and it’s worsened of late. I don’t feel hungry, but my trainer’s been pushing me to eat a healthy breakfast every morning. But should I eat even if I’m not hungry? How is that “listening to my body”? I’m confused.

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[MuddyBoots]

Originally Posted by indigo1015

Didn’t eat breakfast today— I binged all last night, partly because of the eating disorder and partly because I’ve had a lot of neck and back pain lately, which has made it tough to get a good night’s sleep. I’m seeing a doctor on Tuesday morning about it, because this has been going on since March and it’s worsened of late. I don’t feel hungry, but my trainer’s been pushing me to eat a healthy breakfast every morning. But should I eat even if I’m not hungry? How is that “listening to my body”? I’m confused.

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I have absolutely no knowledge of nutrition, but when I'm not hungry in the morning I do a quick core workout and then have something high in protein like yogurt or a protein shake.
The core workout gives me an excuse to eat protein, which keeps you full for longer periods of time and it's some nutrients in the AM which should theoretically limit the likely hood of overeating or binging later in the day.

[Mountaindewed]

I didn't do great today food wise, but I made my goal at least. I had 2 tablespoons of peanut butter, 2 chicken dunks Lunchables without the cookies, a cup of pasta, and 2 cups of watermelon. And yeah, a 20oz Mountain Dew, a can of vanilla Coke, and a mini can of dreamworld Coke, too. I don't feel hungry though and there was some good stuff in there. So it wasn't a total loss I suppose.

[MuddyBoots]

Got my endoscopy scheduled for the beginning of June. Little gross, but honestly I'm just thinking I'm giving myself nosebleeds and it's going down my throat (instead of out my nose because my nose gets blocked by snot and vomit before the bleeding starts and sometimes I get up for jumping and flushing and such) and coming back up out my mouth. Some blood does come out my nose too.

Idk, maybe I'm just giving myself the okay to keep doing this.

[Mountaindewed]

Today, I've had soda, a single serve bag of pasta, candy, some peanut butter puff things, a rice cake, and an iced latte yet I still was at my calorie goal and now I'm acting like an idiot and wondering why I feel so jittery and why my meds aren't working.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

DBT is some good sh-it. I'm really grateful I have the opportunity to do DBT.

Yes it is

[Mountaindewed]

I mainly eat LunchabIes and pasta now for meals. But I'm saving so much money. My restriction was tough today. It was a combination of not feeling good and being exhausted from something.

I probably should follow the medical diet I was given in the ER because I am feeling it now.

My mom showed me a picture of my cousins wife and they got married over the weekend. I was on vacation with her in 2019 and since then she has gained massivly to the point I don't recgonize her anymore. Idk why my mom showed me that picture. Like its gonna make my restriction any better.

[Deilla]

I had one bad day last week, but so far this week has been good.

[indigo1015]

Yesterday was rough… i tried to eat healthy, but i was tired and stressed when I got home from work and I binged. It was like i was on autopilot or something. Hoping things are better today.

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[unaluna]

6 months til my next visit and bloodwork with my gp. My hba1c (extended blood sugar) continued to fall, so he is happy happy happy.

I just had a mcdonalds fish filet, omg it was soooo good. No fries, no shake, so that waz a sign of progress. Altho i did eat ice cream last night, so i didnt really want it today.

So anyway, fresh start. No overeating, no undereating. My dr said try several small meals rather than fewer large ones, and exercise mildly after each so your muscles use up sugar before it gets stored.

[Mountaindewed]

I didn't eat much today and now I keep throwing up chunky hot stuff in my mouth because of my acid refulx and I'm in stomach pain. So I'm not sure if I'll eat anything else.

[MuddyBoots]

The body checking's been a bit over the top lately. Currently making vegetarian chili. I have no clue wtf I'm doing

edit: holy shite did I make it spicy. Guess that's what happens when you use hot sauce with Carolina Reapers in it. It's good though.