[pixy]

I lost my best friend. She passed away three months ago.She was only 38, 4 beautifull children. 5, 7, 14, 16. She suffered cancer. She was the type of person you could tell anything,and not judge you on anything. I feel so lost without her.Everytime I see her children,especialy the younger ones,I nearly break down. Her husband is a lovely man,and is struggling. He says he is fine I know he is not. I have never had a friend as close,and so much like myself in many ways. Our lives were so much alike. She would know when I was feeling down,the phone would ring and it would be her, saying whats wrong. I also would ring just at the right time,when she needed me. We shared our secrets, clothes,baby sat for each other.Even councelled each others children when they were feeling down and thought that mum and dad did not care. You know how teenagers get. I only knew this friend for three years,but it was the best three years of my life with a friend. I'm still waiting for the phone to ring. Her husband gave me her dog and most of her clothes and shoes, he knew how we shared everything, sometimes I think its a bit silly we were like two teenages.Her dog is a little maltese, so cute. Im finding it realy hard getting over this. She told me before she died she was sorry. It breaks my heart everytime I think of that day, the last day I spent with her two days before she died,which was a friday. Fridays I play music and burn a candle to remember the good times. It does not seem to help I feel lost without her. I also feel so deeply for this family, they lost their grandfather only five weeks before,he was my friends dad.They both went so quick,she only found out she had the cancer in january, gone in may. Same with her dad ,4 weeks. Its been such a shock.There has been alot of deaths ive had to deal with in my family in the last 3 years, but this im not dealing with well.

(((((Pixy)))))

So very sorry to read about your loss. Perhaps it may help if you would put yourself in your friends place. Say it was you that had passed. Would you want her feeling the way you do?? Probably not! I bet she would 'not' want you to feel this way either. I don't know if this helps, and I don't know if this is the right way to look at it, but it is a loss, and when we lose something we dearly love, we do have this total empty feeling in our soul.
Hope your feelings are better soon!

Prayers,

SongBird,

((((( Pixy )))))

I'm so sorry.

It sounds like she was a wonderful friend and person.

I know the pain of loss.

I have no answers, just a shoulder.

Petunia

[pixy]

Thankyou for your thoughts. I know she would not like me being like this and Im trying realy hard. Its not just loosing her, its also I feel so sad for the family and there is nothing I can do,but be there for them. I attended three funerals in 6 weeks. They were all close to me.Two boys were killed in a house fire, I had known them for 5 years, then my friends dad, then my friend. They say if you hear of one you hear of three. Its scarey. How is someone to cope when they suffer depression on other issues. Im so cranky with the world.

[pixy]

Thankyou for your thoughts. Ill try and feel better. Im going to relaxation therapy tomorrow for the first time,Ill see how that goes. Thanks again.

"There is no night without a dawning,

no winter without a spring,

And beyond the dark horizon

our hearts once more will sing...

For those who leave us for a while

have only gone away

Out of a restless, careworn world

into a brighter day."

Helen Steiner Rice

Hope you find peace.
Petunia

[Junerain]

What about joining a support group for people that are greiving?

[BlueFaith]

((((((Pixy))))))) so sorry for your loss. I don't know what else to say except that I am here if you need to talk to anyone.
~Jen~

[green24]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing your best friend. I know how hard it was on me when I had to move away from my best friend because we were going to be seven hours away but if I was to completely lose her I don't know what I would have done....My thoughts are with you...If you need to talk I'm here...

[Gemstone]

(((((((Pixy)))))))) I am so sorry for your loss.

[tootercat]

pixy, there are no words anyone can say to take away your pain. As far as whether your friend would want you to feel "this way" is not up to anyone to say. You feel what you feel. Grief is very personal and takes as long or as short as it takes. I hope you have a loving and patient support system in your life (realtime not just cyber). At least you can come here to say whatever you need to. Take care of YOU.....

Hugs,
Pam

[eskielover]

I can honestly feel your pain. My mother died of cancer this last January & because of everything that surrounded her care at home, I was left dealing with that trauma let alone her death. Cancer is a very hard thing to watch destroy someones life & seeing that death is so much better than the pain they are having to cope with. To this day, I am having a hard time grieving because of all that is going on inside me. But I do understand the loss of someone that close to you. I would share my good things with my Mother, & I still think when something good happens that I have to call my Mom & tell her all about it. Even though we weren't all that close, she was always there.....like I was for her.

The hospice group that took care of her the last 5 days of her life hold groups for grief counseling. They invited me there & I went to one...my only problem was that I was dealing with the trauma & couldn't get past that. I needed a private psychologist to deal with what has turned into PTSD & am still working on dealing with that & just a little getting into the actual grief that I feel.

I was the one that told my mother that it was ok for her to die two hours before she actually died. I was back in the hospital myself at the time she died getting a phone call the next morning that my Mother had died. I had to do all the funeral arrangements from the hospital while being treated for malnutrition. For some reason, I don't think she ever admitted to herself that she was dying.....she left without saying a word to me about how she ever felt. My daughter keeps reminding me that her cancer had most likely moved into her brain & that she wasn't capable of thinking clearly.

Life is so unfair....how a serious illness can be ignored until it is too late. I lost a friend that I had dated in college a year ago in April from cancer too, then my Mother. It amazes me how something that serious can keep itself so well hidden that the person doesn't realize until too late it is a problem.....when they keep saying that "early detection" can save your life.....that is true for those who are lucky enough to detect it early.

It does leave us behind wondering what happened & it seems to happen so quickly that we can't believe they are gone.

Debbie

[pixy]

Im so sorry to hear about your mum. Im sure she loved you,like every mother loves their children. It seems as we get older they dont show it as much. It must have been hard being sick yourself.Do you have councelling? I have had councelling for the last 6 weeks and Im finding that It is helping,also the forum.Your daughter is most proberly right about her no thinking clearly,my friend had trouble,her cancer was on the brain .She made it quite clear to me how she felt about death and her life a few weeks before she died. What I get most upset about is that she kept telling me she was sorry, like it was her fault . She knew everyone would be hurt and I would be lost without her.I did not want her blaming herself. I really feel for your loss of our mum. Im not that close to my mum but if I lost her I dont know what I would do. Im also sorry you lost a friend, yes life is so unfair somtimes.But I try and think of the good things I have two beautiful grandsons that keep me strong,and I try and spend as much time with them and my children as possible. That I feel is part of my therapy. Again Im sorry for your loss,spend as much time with your family as you can. Life is to short.The loss of my friend made me see that. Take care.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I am so sorry for the loss of you dear and sweet freind she sounds so awesome..I believe shes in a better place in my belief system....Sadly that leaves all the ones she touched with her love like you..in pain a pain she no longer has to feel....I will pray for you and her family....In the meantime as you heal, maybe you could do all you can to help make things easier for her kids and family...just be there when you can and cry with them...maybe share a meal and some talk ..I know when I have lost loved ones its the time well past the furneral that nobody seems to be around and by then the shock wears off and you need people more than ever...Also for you and the family Hospice often offers free group meetings to help one another with the grieving process, maybe you can call them.
iN SYMPATHY

[dottie]

I got a good chuckle as I viewed your kitty sign off. Have a good week ahead. I am new here..& it will take some time before I get to know you all.

Happy, happy,

Dottie

[eskielover]

Pixy,

Thank you for your words of support while you are the one needing the support.

I can really agree with Sleeps, people are there at the funeral, but after, there is NO ONE, & it seems like that is really when we need people support. Since you are close with the family, maybe you could all go to the grief group that the hospice care provides. It could be good for both of you.

Yes, I have had psychologists for years. The one I had at the end of my mothers life, when my mother was at home with the home care RN, didn't believe what I was going through with the ID theft & the threats from the RN (my pdoc didn't believe me either). When I was in the hospital it was because I was so exhausted from going through the trauma from the RN & being with my mother 24/7.

While I was in the hospital, my GP made sure I had the hospital's pdoc & psychologist see me every day...it was during that time when my Mom actually died & they were trying to work with me on that, but had in their minds that I was anorexic & losing weight due to that. It took awhile after that when I realized that it was really dealing (or not really dealing) with the trauma that was causing the nausea & weight loss. At that point, no one wanted to touch that kind of treatment. They didn't mind the simple anorexia but some other cause????? I finally went back to a psychologist I had 8 years ago. She is really good at helping me work through the trauma stuff which constantly haunts me & is working through the feelings I have about my Mother. Between those things, it seems like it has been impossible to even feel any grief so far......I do miss her, but there is a lot of stuff inside that just hasn't come out yet.

I have found that my dogs & horses are what have given me the most love & comfort. They are always there for me & I have to have a clear mind when working around my huge horses so there isn't room for thinking about what I have just gone through.

Debbie

[pixy]

Please fill me in more about the RN, and how they were treating you. Its not fare to treat family of the ill in that way. I wonder if they stop and think if it was them and how they would be dealing with the situation.You need as much support as you can,in the that trying time.The Rn my friend had was a lovely lady and very supportive to all. Especially with her husband. He was lucky.It has been three months today since my friend has gone.I feel agree with her DR,she was sick on and off for a while and they put it down to blood pressure and over weight. About three months she had these signs,headach, blured vision, ect. My friend had breast cancer 2 year ago,and was treated. Now you would think the Dr would have looked into it more,maybe a scan or something to detect why she was having these real bad headachs. Knowing that she had had breast cancer. ??????.She even said herself before she died ,do you think I can summons him for that.So I feel anyone who has a medical problem and you feel its not right demand some action.To be on the safe side. Take Care.

P.s. What sort of horses do you have. I had horses . Bye.

[pixy]

Thanks Pam for your support. Ill try.