[kharley]

I had 2 children 2 boys one was 22 the other 18 because of some one they knew being stupid my oldest son died. They were trying to cross a creek to get to a friends house that just lived across the street. The water was so cold that my oldest son didn't make it and my youngest son almost died too trying to save his brother. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him I want him here with me. The child is not supposed to go before the parent he had so much to live for. He was newly married and had a 5 month old daughter NOW she will never know him the way we did. Most days I don't even want to live anymore the only thing so far to keep me here is my youngest son. I MISS him so much I just don't know if I will make it through this or not. I know I haven't had much time to deal with it because he just died in January but instead of getting easier it is only getting harder every day, WHAT do I do HELP please.

first, let me tell you how sorry i am for your loss. a parent should never lose a child. and i cannot imagine how painful that must be for your family. january hasn't been very long past. you are still in the fresh grief.

do you have anyone, counselor, minister, close friend, that you can just let it all out with? even writing down your feelings of pain might help you.

i think that coming here to post is a good step. there are many here who will listen and support you. you've found a good group of supportive people. i'll be offline for a few days but will try to check in to see how you're doing. love, pat

i'll be up for awhile. just want you to know that i'm not going to bed right this moment. xoxox pat

[SeptemberMorn]

I am so sorry for such a terrific loss! I always wondered if I would survive the loss of a child. I understand you wondering about life from here forward. We lose loved ones and we think the whole world should end... but it doesn't. Life goes on. You have a son left that needs you very much and a grandchild. You said this child will never know their dad like you did. That's true. But you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep your son alive in everyone's heart, especially that child!

Right now, though, you need to get through your own grief. It is still very fresh. There are support groups in almost every area that deal with grief of a loved one. Call your County Mental Health Dept and see if they have one going or are planning to start another. I think Hospice also has them.

As selfish at it may seem, you need to take care of YOU first so that you can help your loved ones that are also suffering the same loss.

You came to the right place. Keep posting, keep writing, keep crying, keep talking about it. You'd be amazed at how much it helps.

We'll be here to support you through this.

[CJR520]

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss and the grief you are going through. I have a friend who lost her son young like that and he also had a baby daughter. Remember that as the child grows up, you are the grandma who can tell her stories about her Daddy and how he grew up, what he was like as a baby and little child, etc. You will keep her all night, take her shopping, and she is a part of your son. You have a lot to live for!! Hang tough for your living son and that lovely little grandaughter!! Talk to us often. We care!!!!

[Rhapsody]

From another mother that lost her only daughter.... YOU have to find a reason to want to live again, to be there for the family members you are still blessed to have - they NEED you!

One way I found to get past the guilt and hurdle of not having my precious little girl around any more was to write her a letter, telling her how much we missed her - loved her - and how sorry I was for the things we would never do together.... then I took the letter to the grave site and dug a hole by her foot stone and buried it - away from seeing eyes.... this letter of deep emotions and pain was to be just between Her, God and Myself.
AND - of course time does help and heals all wounds.... it personally took 4 years for my family: my husband, our two sons and myself to learn to live again.... to have happiness without her in our lives.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[BetseyK]

all you can do is take it one day at a time. and when you cant do that.. take it minute by minute.

You won't work "through" your grief, kharley... you will learn to live with it. That is what others who have lost children say. I have only been on this road 20 months. The way I got here...

just getting up out of bed every day... and when things were just too bad.... getting back in.

Just take it one moment at a time....

Betsey

[BetseyK]

ALSO... consider a local meeting of the compassionate friends. They are a group of people "just like us" who continue to love and grieve for their children.. while also continuing to live their lives.

[georgie_mom]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kharley said:
I had 2 children 2 boys one was 22 the other 18 because of some one they knew being stupid my oldest son died. They were trying to cross a creek to get to a friends house that just lived across the street. The water was so cold that my oldest son didn't make it and my youngest son almost died too trying to save his brother. I just want to hold him and tell him I love him I want him here with me. The child is not supposed to go before the parent he had so much to live for. He was newly married and had a 5 month old daughter NOW she will never know him the way we did. Most days I don't even want to live anymore the only thing so far to keep me here is my youngest son. I MISS him so much I just don't know if I will make it through this or not. I know I haven't had much time to deal with it because he just died in January but instead of getting easier it is only getting harder every day, WHAT do I do HELP please.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I'm terribly sorry to hear of your loss.

This is an excellent resource when dealing with the death of a child.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/index.html

[bebop]

I lost my only granddaugther. I know how bad that pain is. It took me a very long time to accept it. I thought my world was over. All I wanted was to go be with her. She was the light of my life! My world. She was ill and we didn't know it. Someone told me that we are only loaned our children. I think that right there had a huge impact on me. Each day does get easier. I think the first year was the worst. Hang in with us and as others have suggested get some grief counseling! Compassionate Friends is an excellent group!

[weather]

Its a long hard road. Some days the last thing you want is to get out of bed, let alone meet the world. Look out for the good things, even if they are as simple as a flower or pretty sunrise. Try to help others too. Helping others is a good healer. Sometimes, you will feel better and think you are on the way to normality, but then, you slide back into the pit. You will pull yourself up and start over again. Life will never the the same. It will be different, but still good. Good luck.

[sadandalone22]

I kinda know what you are going through my brother drowned in a lake that was cold they say he hit a cold pocket and went under. my mom and dad always said that the parents are suppose to go before the kids. My mom was heart broke it never stoped we always felt like half of her went with him. it was real hard to see my mom like that and trying to fell the loss of losing my brother was difficult my mom passed away 4 years after him and I believe it just got to much for her. but we all live day by day it takes along time to fell kinda okay you just got to remember he will always be watching out for you and that hes happy. that what gets me through the day knowing that he is happy.

[Lara86]

hello,....
Im so sorry for what you got........Im speechelss and dont know what to say.....my words to you in that situation of deep grief is to try to hold to faith as long as u can..Faith In God....Knowing that God would never leave you alone and He is so near to you and helping you always...Keeping that thought in ur mind will surely help in cutting down a part of that grief and will reduce such agony that fills you....
By best wishes to you and take care......
Lara...

[kharley]

I try to remember that but it's hard when the Mother of my grandchile always comes up with an excuse for us NOT to see her. I have no way to go anywhere except when my husband is home from work . I am stuck in the house just about 24/7 and I have too much time on my hands.

[Boopers]

I am terribly sorry for your loss. I, too, have two sons and couldn't imagine the pain of losing one.

Time will make it easier but it hasn't been that long, so keep talking about it and keep crying for him. You need the release as each time it will get a tiny bit easier.

If he brings us to it, he'll bring us through it.

Am sending so many hugs your way!

Linda

[anniego]

I've never lost a child. i'm so sorry for your loss. I have two
sons also and they are the light of my life. I just want to
remind you that you're other son probably needs you now
more than ever. He must have tremendous guilt for not being able to save his brother and guilt for surviving too.
Make sure he gets tons of help and support from you and
a good professional .I will keep you in my prayers. Keep posting as much as you need to and see a therapist or support group if you can. Bless you.
Annie