[zilch]

Yesterday, around 3:00 P.M, the time when most are out and about, I was trying to catch some shuteye. And as I was laying there in my bed, I started thinking -- thinking about my life and how I could have done things differently. As I was laying there, ready to get some much needed rest, I began hoping that when I awoke I'd awake several years in the past, and that everything I had experienced since was just a bad dream. But needless to say, I awoke in the present.

Looking back, I can pin-point exact moments where, if I had only acted differently, my life would have turned out completely differently. Y'know, I probably sound like someone in their late 30's talking about years gone by, but I'm actually only 18 (I'll be 19 in October) and I already have so many regrets. And it's little things I regret too (not studying harder, letting the bullying get to me the way it did, not insisting that I change schools, little things).

I haven't really given any background information, so you're probably feeling relatively in the dark about all this. But in all honesty, telling my story can grow pretty tiresome. (I'm sure you all can no doubt relate.) I can give a brief synopsis though: no job, no diploma, no prospects, no friends, and any other noun preceded by the word "no". Oh, and I have terrible social anxiety. Now, I've never been diagnosed, but I know that I have it. And if not social anxiety, something -- something's amiss, that's for sure.

I guess what I'm looking for is advice. I don't have a whole lot of options though. I want to do something with my life. I want a career. I want a life. But where do you start? Where does someone like myself start??? For most people the transition into adulthood is just something that happens gradually. That's not the case for myself though. I still feel like a 12 year old boy. (And I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm treated that way as well.) It's just alittle more difficult to make that transition for me, y'know.

Look, right now, things don't bode well for me and my future. I can already see my 30 year old self clear as day, sitting in my bedroom all day, jobless, hopeless, slowly dying by inches. And it's not an image I particularly like. I want to do something about it, but I just don't know how. I don't have alot of options considering my circumstances. Any possible way out of this hell I can think of, I automatically have to rule out, because I'm either too afraid or it seems unrealistic or whatever.

And, by the way, I'm sorry. My first post should be something alittle more... well, less like this.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to Psych Central! Are you seeing a therapist? If not, that would be a good place to start. Glad you found us here!

[Rhapsody]

Yes..... I would suggest that you get a T and then if needed, some medicine. Once you are calmer inside and able to think a little clearer your options (hopefully) will be more open to you and the life you now live.



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sabrina]

Hi Zilch

Welcome to PC - you have found a place that will always support, understand, be there for you, and just generally offer friendship. Please do not feel that you need to apologize for your post.

You have obviously been through so much and I do agree with Fuzzybear, are you seeing a therapist?

I am sorry that you feel you are being treated as a child - I do see a lot of maturity in the way you write.

Wishing you strength and peace.

Please post more - we will always be here.

[jennie]

what about college or tech school? can you apply for loan or grant?

[SeptemberMorn]

Zilch... oh, but you're so much more!! I can tell by the way you write. You're very intelligent and have the world at your feet! I can tell through your spelling and the way you put your words together! That excites me because I'm a "word lover."

IF! Emphasis on the "if", you can't get to a therapist, your first step would be to get yourself a highschool diploma OR a certificate. If you're this good with words, I'm sure you could pass the test for the equivalent of a diploma! It might even be possible to do it from home, but I'm not sure.

What is your living situation? There has to be a way to get you to see a therapist, if for nothing else than to get you on some anxiety medication. That might relieve your anxiety if not the social aspect of it. That you would have to work on baby step by baby step. But Goodness, Zilch! Your whole life is ahead of you!! Take the mistakes and wrong choices you've made so far and LEARN from them. Make them your lessons on LIFE... what NOT to do next time!

You have any and all options still wide open to you! All you need is some encouragement and a guiding hand(s)!! Read my post on "Open the door!"

[Liv28]

First of all, the way you see yourself is the way you ARE!! When I was 19, I was right where you are..now I am 28..and it took me this long to straighten my life out..but I DID IT..and so can you..but you have to want it and you have to work for it. You keep saying I cant or No job..no this no that..WHY? seems to me..like it was for me..that you have spent much of your life either living or being told that you couldn't or that you wouldn't..and to me that is nothing but a bunch of lies...lies told and lies learned..lies that need to be replaced by something positive and better for your growth as the person you WANT to be. How do you do that? First of all you figure out the truth..it sounds stupid..and its actually a lot harder than it sounds..You need to surround yourself with positive supporting people that will help you along the way to better yourself in what it is that you want to do in the world..both mentally and physically. If you do not have a support system, even a room such as this, you will not succeed..You need to seek help for the anxiety that you believe that you have..for this will only continue to get worse with time if not helped..and you need to start believing in yourself and your future..let go of the past..for we all know that despite all of our mishaps...we can not change the past..but we can shape our futures..our tomorrows..and we can make the most of every day if we allow it..I don't mean to sound like a freaking preacher..but I saw your post and I felt so compelled to talk to you..I saw my own face in your words and I see how much I worked and just how happy I am now..and how worth it was to come this far..and how much pain I had to go through to get here..but how I wouldn't change a bit of it..cause now I know who I am because of it..and I wish the same for you..If you need to talk..I always have an ear! (((hugs to you))))

[jennie]

an option . . . click here to learn about Federal Loans
apply for loan . . . go to school . . . apply for job at school

[zilch]

I'd definitely be open to therapy, although actually going about it would be rather tricky. See, I'd have to tell my family about it first, and that's just not something I think I can do. I wish I could, really. But I'd be too fearful of their reaction. I'm not taken very seriously as it is. As I mentioned, I'm not treated my age, and bringing up such a serious and mature subject would seem out of character, and I'm afraid they might laugh. And even if I was taken seriously by some of my family, there would still be others who would invariabley talk behind my back.

Yeah, the possibilities are just far too frightening for me to even attempt this..

[jennie]

other options . . .

join AMERICORPS or PEACE CORPS

[SeptemberMorn]

Keep in mind I'm over 60 yrs of age, raised four kids and I never met my mother's expectations of me... ok?

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I'm afraid they might laugh.

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So what??? And if the don't?? You think they don't talk about you anyway? Don't you think it's time you showed them your true maturity? Like my post says, it can be a very difficult, painful action, but you have to start somewhere opening the door to YOUR life!

Hope I don't sound heartless, because I'm not. I'm just trying to encourage you.

Let them laugh! Just keep making your way towards that door! I did at age 14!

[jennie]

therapy options . . .

online counseling
group counseling
12-step group counseling
online groups for depression/anxiety
counseling from clergy
counseling from university

many of these are free

you're an adult, don't tell your parents about therapy if you don't want to

[Liv28]

Right on septembermorn!!! You have to start somewhere! If you don't you will be stuck in this rut forever..not moving forward..always stuck in the past..wondering, as you were, what could have been..step up..make a change and stop wondering what could have been and start saying this is how its gonna be!!!

[jennie]

You asked, "Do I even have any options left?"

People here at Psych Central say, "Yes, you have many options."

You can overcome your depression and anxiety if you try. Ask for help. Or make a list of things you want to do in life, then pursue those goals. Usually, a job is required to get stuff you want in life. Consider volunteering. Consider college (work there, too). If you still can't do stuff on your own, then you must ask for help. Get counseling.

So many of us have been scared of change, like you are. You don't have to be alone. Keep trying. Keep reaching out to others.

[zilch]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the insight. A lot of the advice you're giving is a lot more constructive than some of the stuff I usually get.

SeptemberMorn, I didn't interpret anything you said as being "heartless", just rather straight-forward (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). I'm starting to realize that's the approach I'm going to need to take if I want to see any changes. I wait and wait for some magical answer to arise that will not only solve all my problems, but also allow me to pass through whatever adversity I'm facing completely unscathed. But this answer doesn't exist, and all I'm doing by waiting is wasting more time.

When I was in Junior High, I was eventually allowed to switch classes after refusing to attend school due to excessive bullying. But I soon found out that a student who attended the class I was to be transfered to was a friend of the one who bullied me. I told them about this, and they just told me that I worry too much about every little thing that could go wrong, and this is true. I do do this, and I really need to get out of this habit, because it's becoming debilitating.

I must say though, I have a lot of doubts about myself. You were very kind in your previous post when you said that I was very intelligent and that I "had the world at my feet". But unfortunately, I don't think this is true, although I do appreciate your sentiments.

I would very much like to go to college, although the idea itself can seem a little overwhelming. It's still something I'd like to do though, and I know that it's necessary if I want a career. But I'd need to get my G.E.D. (I feel small just saying just saying it.) That shouldn't be too much trouble though. But then again, there's a small part of me that thinks I might flunk it.

Provided I got my G.E.D and went to college, I don't know what I'd even pursue. There's really nothing I'm particularly interested in.

[Maven]

You have a lot of options, being so young. I agree you should seek out therapy and education. Do you have a driver's license yet? That's another place you can start.

I definitely recommend getting a degree. You said you know of people in their 30's who regret not doing certain things when they were young. I'm one of them. Get an education, get a degree, and gain some skills. It's really important to your future. Have some kind of backup to keep you secure.

[SeptemberMorn]

Zilch... you've got to find a better sceen name! You certainly are NOT zilch! Again, I'm amazed at your vocabulary and your thought processes! You NEED to prove your maturity, if not to your family, to YOURSELF! It's there! All you need is to see it!

Onward and upward, young man! You've got what it takes! Just get rid of the extra baggage! (social anxiety)

I'll be watching you with a great deal of interest!

[zilch]

Well, I looked into it, and apparently, you cannot receive your G.E.D online. Yep, who'da thunk it? Apparently, all those web-sites out there claiming you can do so (provided you send them the intial $200) are scams. *gasp*

I'll just have to take one at an official test center. No big deal really. I expected as much.

But, before I do any of this, I'd like to have an idea of what I'd like to do, but as I said in my previous post, there's just nothing I'm particularly interested in (that I know of atleast). And I really don't wanna wait any longer to figure this out. I've already spent far too much time putting this off as it is. I really need to think of something and fast. Any ideas? Just throw a couple at me, I'll tell you what I think.

[mollydaisy]

Zilch,
What are your interests? You seem good with the computer since you enjoy message boards. Perhaps something in the IT field??
Good luck.
mollydaisy

[zilch]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mollydaisy said:
Zilch,
What are your interests? You seem good with the computer since you enjoy message boards. Perhaps something in the IT field??
Good luck.
mollydaisy

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I've thought of that, but I'm not sure what I'd be qualified to do. Programming, to my knowledge anyway, requires a lot of mathematical knowledge (not my area of expertise). Graphic Design I don't think I'm qualified to do because I don't think I'm very aesthetically minded. I used to be when I was much younger, but my artistic talents are something I didn't put enough time in to hone properly. It's like they say, "If you don't use it, you lose it."

Okay, what else is there? Well, to be honest, I don't know. Save Programming and Graphic Design, I don't really know a whole lot about any of the other occupations in the IT field (which probably means I'm not qualified to pursue them).

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
But, before I do any of this, I'd like to have an idea of what I'd like to do,

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Zilch, life is a long journey oftentimes not planned out. You create as you go. You can't figure out what you'd like to do if you don't take that first step. Right now, you're stagnant. You don't know what could be out there that you'd like, preferably LOVE, to do.

Look at it like a shopping trip. You need a new shirt but you're not sure what color or what type of shirt. You've gotta get out to the stores to see what they have, what styles, what colors. You've got to get out there and see what other guys are wearing to decide whether you want to go along with the crowd or do your own thing.

Same way with a career. If you don't explore, experience, how are you going to know what you want, what would suit you best?

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And I really don't wanna wait any longer to figure this out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This statement contradicts the first statement. However, the answer is the same. If you don't shop, how are you going to know?

There are apptitude tests you can take, but in my experience, they are too general. Research them. Maybe they've come up with something better to narrow the field down. Still, there's nothing like experience.

I say get your GED first then take an apptitude test. You can go from there.

[zilch]

This isn't a shirt though, it's the rest of my life. I don't think it's wise to just play everyting by ear. Not planning ahead is partly why I'm in the situation I'm in.

You're right about my needing to do something, anything, and not just remain stagnant, but I still think that it's very important to get an idea of what I'd like to do. And I don't think doing so could possibly be anything but beneficial.

Getting my Good Enough Degree is first and foremost, I agree. I'm not so sure about these career aptitude tests though. Then again, it could help me narrow things down, as you've said. Still, I think I should plan ahead. I don't see how it could do anything but help -- just so long as I don't remain stagnant.

So, if you guys have any more ideas, I'd really like to hear them. I'm completely clueless right now, and if I had an idea of what I'd like to do, I'd be alot more confident about things.

zilch, i have read your original post and nothing more after that, the simple answer is if you think you are going wrong, or something goes wrong you can try to change it, i if that doesnt work try something else, there are no right or wrong answers in growing up, go with the flow and make situations work for you, you will learn how effectivly in time.

keep hanging in there

[jennie]

some IT jobs will train on the job, if you have some recognized skill but no diploma

there are so many types of IT field occupations . . . a few worth mentioning (according to US Dept of Labor)

Database Administrators ($65,590/yr)

Coordinate changes to computer databases, test and implement the database applying knowledge of database management systems. May plan, coordinate, and implement security measures to safeguard computer databases.

Network and Computer Systems Administrators ($63,210/yr)

Install, configure, and support an organization's local area network (LAN), wide area network (WAN), and Internet system or a segment of a network system. Maintain network hardware and software. Monitor network to ensure network availability to all system users and perform necessary maintenance to support network availability. May supervise other network support and client server specialists and plan, coordinate, and implement network security measures. Exclude "Computer Support Specialists"

Computer Support Specialists ($43,380)

Provide technical assistance to computer system users. Answer questions or resolve computer problems for clients in person, via telephone or from remote location. May provide assistance concerning the use of computer hardware and software, including printing, installation, word processing, electronic mail, and operating systems. Exclude "Network and Computer Systems Administrators"

******
I think the Database Administrator job could be learned by self research and study online, through books, and certification tests.

According to http://www.bls.gov/oco/ocos042.htm . . .

"Despite employers’ preference for those with technical degrees, persons with degrees in a variety of majors find employment in these occupations. The level of education and the type of training that employers require depend on their needs. One factor affecting these needs is changes in technology. Employers often scramble to find workers capable of implementing new technologies."

and . . .

"Certification is a way to demonstrate a level of competence in a particular field. Some product vendors or software firms offer certification and require professionals who work with their products to be certified. Many employers regard these certifications as the industry standard. For example, one method of acquiring enough knowledge to get a job as a database administrator is to become certified in a specific type of database management. Voluntary certification also is available through various organizations associated with computer specialists. Professional certification may afford a jobseeker a competitive advantage."

I'd recommend the Database Administrator job. For detailed info on this job, see US Dept of Labor's page

[jennie]

check out Six Steps to Certification

check out Microsoft e-learning Microsoft e-learning
E-Learning from Microsoft puts you in charge of your learning. You can choose core or advanced training on a wide array of subjects and choose the type of e-learning-course, clinic, or hands-on lab-that meets your needs. You can go through the training at your pace online or download the courses and study when and where it suits you.