On privacy and membership here

Umm, that frightens me beyond belief. I don't want to say why in case she reads and uses it against me.

I will only feel a bit more safe when I am assured that she cannot access the forum at all. But then again, she can go to any public internet facility.

so may we suggest banning the IP as well? I am just feeling really bad right now for not only wi-fighter but all who donated the money to her. then I find out she was eating out at McDonalds everyday? geesh how does that make everyone feel about donating the next time someone really really needs financial help? talk about kicking us in the behinds!

Sabrina, I think you're too far away for her to try anything. Have you angered her in any way? If not, there's not much to fear. As far as I know, you haven't given much away about yourself or anything important you may have going on right now. Nothing to fear there either.

Stop and think before you panic, Sweety. It's going to be okay. Really!

I recall that she mentioned she was eating at McDonalds everyday for free?

Yes, a friend gives her the food...

But lets NOT go there, ok?

and...that would have been PC that paid for it??? IDK. That has nothing to do with privacy and membership here.

I'm sure if members have questions, that members here can PM any member that seems to have answers... and ask... Mods and Admin generally will not talk about members or former members...

TC!

Sleeps cannot be banned from reading the forums here, because she comes from AOL. I cannot "ban" AOL, sorry. As for her ban being reconsidered, I'm sorry, but no.

Let's also not dwell on the past wrongs, real or perceived, of this person. She has caused enough harm in the community for one person. Let's try and remember that and move beyond the hurt and find ways to come together again as a group.

Thank you,
John

Twisted soul I liked sleeps and with my abuse history I did not see this coming. many of us didn't

Look at the situation campared to what we all know about abusers from the professional agencies that are helping us to recognize abuse and stand up for ourselves -

A pertetrator tries to befriend their victims
once befriended the perpetrator starts emotionally abusing
During and after the emotional abuse the perpetrator uses manipulation tactics, fear tactics and turns the blame on the victims
Then the perpetrator offers rewards and prizes for their the victims silence.
When they realize their victim is not going to be silenced they turn the situation into an advantage or what it isn't.

Sleeps befriended people here and if those friends
did not agree with her she emotionally abused - called names and so on and then turned the blame on them by calling thenm jelous (and other things I have noticed by rereading her posts)
Then the end abuse happened against WI_fighter. She tried to silence her with bribery and when that didn't happen she posted that she was going to be off the site for a bit for other reasons not related to this situation So she still was not going to accept resposibility for hurting Wi_Fighter. Yea she admitted to Wi_Fighter and Doc John but she also swore Wi_Fighter to secretcy

how many of our real world rapists and so on appologized to us but denied it to the community at large and made us out to be liars and so on?

Sleeps may have said to Doc John and Wi_Fighter she waw going to accept resposibilty but if she was going to live up to that she would have openly on the boards appologized to EVERYONE here for what she did. When she abused Wi_Fighter she was no different then my abusers that kissed up to me then emotionally abused me then physically and sexually abused me and then placed the blame on me and gave me money and objects and reasons to fear so that I would keep quiet and then when when I went public first my abuser tried to kiss up to me and when that didn't stop me there were threats and so on.

Would we welcome my real world abuser here for doing this to me? Of course not.

Bottom like sleeps was well liked just like our abusers
Sleeps gained our trust like our abusers
Sleep emotionally abused people here like our abusers
Sleeps tried to hush up her victim like our abusers.
Sleeps tried bribery like our abusers
Sleeps gave a different reason in the generalmessage boards for her not being here which in my book amounts to nothing more than lying and denial by omision Just like our abusers did

And now you are saying maybe we should not send her packing.

Well look at the steps an abuser takes and how she has followed those steps the only one left is for her to retailiate and threaten her victim because she was exposed.

Im sorry I am not in agreement for taking her back she has followed the other steps of an abuser so I have no doubt that if she is allowed back here she will attemt to terrorize Wi_Fighter and possibly other victims if there are any that have not come forwards.

Sleeps does not belong here any more than my real world emotional, physical and sexual abusers do.

I want to add one other thing, and this could get me kicked off the boards because it was something I was told in PM, but it was that (paraphrased) "this is so unlike me and so out of character." Basically saying, it never happened before and I promise I won't do it again. What victim hasn't heard that before?

edited to add trigger icon

Can you please stop for one second and read exactly what I wrote :
Again, I agree her actions were deplorable. I have no rebuttal for that.
My concern is that we as a support community are sending her packing....

I am asking you to please help me understand this as my abandonment issues and thought processes are not comprehending and I fear that I could be left on a doorstep at any moment.
So, I guess it is my own insecurity that I am dealing with and asking someone to guide me.

I support Wi-Fighter and want to help her heal from this and even offered to help her get a dog. So, it was malicious and I understand that.
Help me, would you?

SEE, IT ISN'T THAT I AM SAYING LET HER COME BACK. I HAVE NOT BEEN UNDERSTOOD >>>> MY ISSUE IS I AM FEARFUL OF ABANDONMENT AND BEING ABUSED AND I AM DEALING WITH THIS IN A VERY HARD WAY TOO.

I asked for help in understand and in support of my OWN issues. Not asking for Sleeps to be able to come back and "rape" and "rob" again.

She sucked me in just 3 days before all of this and I believe she did it because she was up to her cruel acts and wanted me to soften the blow. I feel EXPLOITED!

You're welcome and promises - If I had even a half of a penny for each of the promises of not doing it again I would not be living on foodstamps and SSDI. Thanks for adding that.

Susan, I saw you two become friends, and I saw you get hurt by this. As the person who was hurt directly by this, I really don't think you have anything to fear. I really don't.

A lot of us have had our differences here, and they've eventually smoothed out or become a nonissue or even led to understanding and friendship.

You have your solid base of support here, the people that won't give up on you no matter what, and then you have the supporters who can help when they're emotionally up to it, and then the ones we allll have, the people who can't even stand to see our screen names and put their hands over their eyes until they've scrolled past that part OK, maybe that's a minor exaggeration but you get my drift.

I honestly, honestly, HONESTLY think you have nothing to fear as far as being abandoned.

((((((((TS)))))))))

Thanks for the love Wi!

Trust is something you earn. Just like with money you have to keep earning it! In order to do that we all need to be honest and true to each other.
Sleeps doesn't earn any trust coming from our direction, anymore. We all make mistakes, but this wasn't a mistake it was an evil act.

Wi_fighter, I really feel for you in all this! I hope that we all here in PC, been hurt by this, will heal as good and as fast as possible.
The trust issue will probably be a tricky one, at least for a while. We've already been decived before in life by others and we sure don't want to be in the same situation again.
I think it's good that we discuss this so openly... to get it all out and to find ways to continue our fight for a better life, together.

I've been wondering if I should have even said anything at all. This whole thing has hurt so many people. I came in here on Saturday right after it happened and just fell apart. Maybe I should have kept it all behind the scenes for admin and no one else would have had to have their trust rattled.

No way! We're in this together, Shirley! We're all a part of this site and want to know what's happening. It effects us all. You're our friend and we want to be here for you- ALWAYS! This needed to be shown in the light!

((((((((((((((((((Shirley))))))))))))))))

Ok. I need to say something, I think.

Shirley, you reacted to an attack. You should NOT feel guilt or regret about reacting to such an attack. Hindsight is 20/20 dear and there are alot of "what if's", but I think you're something else and allowed me and the rest to do what we needed to even though you had more emotion than you could express...um, good job doesn't express it.

love,

kd

PLEASE, PLEASE, sweetie, PLEASE quit beating yourself up for this. YOU were the VICTIM! Please don't hurt YOU anymore!!!

Absolutely this needed to be brought out! We are going to be a stronger community for it, ultimately.



Love, Candy

(Wow I miss a lot when I'm away for a few days!)

I'm sorry that this has happened to you wi_fighter. That kind of act is unacceptable. I'm glad that it was resolved to the degree that it was.

You should not feel at all guilty for saying anything. As was said, you are the victim and you did the right thing by informing this community.

*HUGS* to you.

girl.......you deserved to say everything that you said when this happened. i'm still terribly angry at the person who did this to you, your children and our community. and yes, this was a community. so many of here have shared so much and how sad it made me feel for us to be PMing about taking all of our personal photos down and changing our bios, etc. etc. i loved looking at people's pics..so that i could put a face with the poster. i remember the first photo that i saw of W1-Fighter...i knew that i was going to like her!

so, perpetrator, do you feel good about our loss of community and our openness and our ability to reach out to each other through our personal photographs? do you feel good about W1 and her children NOT getting the dog? how do you feel about her daughter being afraid to sleep alone? (and, i, personally sleep with two dogs and i know that if it makes an adult feel safer.......imagine how a teen would feel.) the reason i'm asking, is that i know you're reading all of these posts. you have no idea what low regard i hold you in. that you would stoop to something as base as revealing that a person belongs to a support forum and direct ANYONE here is absolutely beyond me...in a way..it is.......but on the other hand, it doesn't surprise me at all that you did it.

to deny another human being the freedom of coming here and being open and honest is disgusting. and to "offer support" and such when this all went down is lower than an old black snake's belly. i really, really want you to know that you didn't fool a lot of people. you really didnn't. you managed to hurt a lot of us, but you didn't fool a lot of us.

PC will still be special but i will always be afraid to post anything personal here. i asked KD to go back and delete my most personal threads about my health and such. i cried and cried when i had to ask her to do that. i shared that because it made me feel good that i had love and support from others on this site. that is why we ALL shared. and now, you betrayed all of us. Shirley, her children, Doc John, KD, the mods and all the members...........

by the way, in no way do i believe that only one person knew what happened. i KNOW that more than one poster knew what was planned and when it happened. and YOU are just as much to blame as the person who notified the adoption agency is. and believe me, i'm pretty sure that most of us know who you all are. this was something that was PMed and e.mailed about and giggled and snickered over. and the deed was done. and you all are to blame.

I agree you did the right thing by bringing this forward. you are MY hero. for one it lets everyone know to be a little more cautious with such personal stuff. I know I have said things in here I wish I had not let out because of that very thing. I know now that I do need to use more caution. You are a wonderful person. now stop kicking yourself for this hon. you are not to blame!!

Fayerody
If you thought it was a conspiresy(sorry I can't spell)

Would you like to name names so that we can all feel safe here?

I don't know who to trust anymore!

Come on (((fayerody)))) tell us how you really feel!

Yes, I also "know" that there was more than one person involved, I have to believe that, because of other actions, stories etc that occurred with the banned person and others.. so why not this event too? If wouldn't bother me one bit if they would just stay away and not ever return to PC. There are hundreds of sites where that mentality is accepted, and perhaps they are already members there. The members who plotted and contributed don't fit in here, and if all they did was "know" of the plot,that's just as guilty to me. If they do plan on staying, they need attitude adjustments. We don't go 'round hurting each other here, nor will we stand for it.

WI Fighter... you are not the perpetrator. Thank you for speaking up. It helped make PC a safer place.