Dateline Predator Series

Oh I just wanted to add... I never blamed anyone for the mistakes I have made in life.. I always took the blame, being having a baby at 15 to marrying abusive men... I never blamed the past on anyone... But since I have learned I was raised in a violent home environment and molested as a child, i can understand the pattern I was following all my life, without even knowing I was making bad choices...

An example .. I didn't do the "therapy" until I crashed and separated from husband... k.................prior to therapy, I didn't understand why I always ended up with abusive men...and the sad thing is, i have created the same "adult home" environment that I lived as a child and I never even once knew that... but therapy did open a few doors...I had to ask my brothers and sister what home life was like growing up... what they told me... is exactly what i created as an adult in my marriages......and that being violence..... Again I do not recall the violence growing up... my brothers and sister told me about the violence ..I am surprised my parents didn't kill each other... sooooooooo I understand the pattern .... I can thank therapy for that ... Just to say again, I have never blamed my problems/mistakes on my past... But I can say I understand why I made the choices that i did...

And being molested as a child, the other side of my growing up... I can understand why I freeze in bed with men and have not had the "normal" experiences a woman should have..... and feeling dirty...... shameful.. ugly... worthless..bad..hating my body... never feeling good enough...lacking self confidence...living in a bubble.. just looking out.. never believing that good things I would ever be worthy of.... .. I understand where these feelings comes from... I am not blaming anyone... Understanding is more important to me than blaming... But I am not all that happy that life was so harsh and cold as a child........

smiles...... and hides miss clairol... you win... grins

and remember, what happens to us doesn't have to DEFINE us as the wonderful people we've become or are on our way to becoming.......... (now, where did i put that miss clairol?)

Thinks september has all da miss clairol...

We are the Champions , and may I have some of that miss clariol, please

Sure can.. . we can have a miss clairol party...

Hun! You haven't seen a pic of me lately! No Clairol or anything of that nature here!

What's clairol?

and i'm a part of it.........

........... looks like i have alllllllll the clairol then.....

hmmmm.... yep sorry. hehehe

is that a quiet way of saying ... yes i know clairol well??? grins

Only too well!! Just finished growing out the awfullest weave job ever!! Stupid beautician tried to do with Clairol... on black hair!!! Results? <font color="orange">ORANGE </font>

oh myyyyyyyyyyyyy ... not orange...... my heart goes out to ya... ..because I've had orange, green, and colors I haven't even seen on color charts......... lollllllllll Now I am almost natural frosted, but I tend to highlight with blonde orange isn't fun... this is for sure........

are we going to get our fingers spanked for being off topic?? I think I hear heavy walking and that means hide lol

Making a dive for under the bed!!!!!!

HI!!!

I couldn't resist.

Back to the subject...I do agree that many can find their own form of healing (whatever it might be for the individual). I also believe, with all the contacts that I've had that many more carry amazing pain and the MANY splintering effects of childhood sexual abuse with them. As for living normal lives...I ask myself, what is normal? I don't believe in that word actually. I believe normal is an individual perception, and as such is constantly changing and really never attainable. I DO believe in "average".

That said, I feel that many survivors can heal and have an "average" life (for whatever it means to them) regarding childhood sexual abuse, many can achieve the appearance of average while harboring scars that might never be seen...many more remain victims in pain from open wounds that the can't get to scab over.

The massive, splintering, continual effects of childhood sexual abuse can be devastating not only to the victims but to their families, even when grown and married it can affect the new families in so many splintering ways.

Yes, I feel that those who commit a crime against a child should have the stiffest of penalties. I believe that those, as in the aforementioned series, should receive just as stiff the penalty due to "intent". They had MANY chances to not follow through...even after ringing the darn doorbell. They didn't just make one bad choice; they made many. To me it's premeditated, which makes it more calculating and should be prosecuted heavier under the law.

KD

I don't think predators change; I'm just open to being proven wrong. My boyfriend opened my mind to this. I have been abused, but not sexually abused. Sexually harassed, yes, but not sexually abused.

Yes, some of you are misinterpreting things I say, because you're saying I said things I never did.

Let me ask you about this...and this is real, not a "what if"...

Do you believe in sleep sex? Do you believe a man can molest a child or have sex with a woman without her consent while he's asleep? And he not be aware of it, upon waking? This has actually happened, and I've been with a man who sleep-sexed. There have been cases where this has happened. So, is a man a sexual predator if he's asleep when he commits his crimes? I know stories of men who were convicted or found not guilty for this.

I, personally, think that's a rare exception to the rule for an abuser. I, for one, am speaking more of the mainstream based on experience and those I've talked with.

However, I would be interested to know a follow-up on prosecuted cases to see if these perpetrators continued to "sleep-sex" while in jail, prison or a residential facility. I then might be able to make a more opinionated statement there. I would also fear that if that defense worked, and became public knowledge, it would become THE defense for many abusers. I still think that that the person should be, at the least, in secure treatment because they would be a risk to our children. Those that are found "guilty by reason of insanity" are still prosecuted, and sentenced, with that taken into consideration.

KD

I don't know where you keep thinking I'm saying pedophiles should be given light sentences and get away with their crimes. I'm not saying they ever should be set free or that they should ever be happy. The only thing I said in that regard was a question: Should a pedophile be released from punishment if his victims get over it and live an undamaged life--and I'm not saying they can; I've never known anyone who did--because the reason for lifelong punishment is lifelong harm. I do think victims--in my experience--suffer lifelong harm, so pedophiles and predators deserve lifelong punishment. Stop assuming you know what I think, because I'm telling you.

My boyfriend, and other men I know, have some hostility that men are often looked upon as predators, when they haven't committed a crime. For instance, on a plane, if a child is alone, they will try to place that child in a seat next to a woman, rather than a man. Men often are looked upon as riskier for being a danger--and that may be true--but if they haven't done anything, it's understandable why one would feel angry about being automatically suspect.

SeptemberMorn said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Better yet, how would she like a registered rapist living anywhere on her block??

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Been there, done that. Rapists and molesters, registered or not, probably do live close to you, too. And, like I said, my brother had sex with underage girls, plus flashed himself at them. He talked to me about porn movies when I was 14. I had a pervert in my family. He dated a woman who once stayed with my family for a week. This woman helped hold down another woman while two of her male friends raped the woman, because they said she owed them money.

So, I may not have been raped, but I do have experience with sexual perverts.

As for sleep-sexing, I might agree with you, KimmyDawn, but only while they sleep. If that's the only time they're a danger, they can live a normal life (more or less) when they're awake. Still, you can't convict someone until they commit a crime.

I said:

I would also fear that if that defense worked, and became public knowledge, it would become THE defense for many abusers.

I shouldn't have said that. That was an assumption based on a "what if".

I do stand by my thoughts, though, that if this "sleep-sex" were proven without a doubt, that the body still committed the crime and should be held accountable with appropriate consideration in place, as the same body is a proven risk to our children.

Just wanted to clear that up. I don't like making, what I feel are, judgmental statements like that.

KD

if we could take this back to the original topic..... the Dateline series, i would appreciate it.

perhaps a new thread would work better for the "what ifs"? i'm tired of trying to defend the victim's rights to feel as we do feel. someone who violates someone else, such as a child, should be punished.

it makes perfect sense to me, maven, for you to start a new thread, concerning laws for sexual violators, and i'm sure you will get a lot of discussion concerning your questions.

i would also like to comment upon your statement about "airlines always seating small children by women" instead of men.....has it occurred to you that it could be because women are considered to naturally be more nurturing than men? or that it could be that there is some notion, by the airlines, that more men, than women, travel for business and thus they would be less inclined to pay attention to a small child seated beside them? that dog won't hunt.......in my book.

as i said before, i really wish another thread would be started concerning law reform and the male psyche involving law enforcement.

I agree with fayerody.... I thought being a little playful would give a lil rest from the strong feelings on this thread... And I come back and folks are so they say "not defending" predators, but they really are with all the ifs and what nots.... Starting to make my skin crawl

....First folks are trying to compare white collar crimes with child molesters.. Then using mental illness as an excuse for doing crimes against other people.. now this.. a sleep walking sex offender.. Makes you think that an erection is a "mindless" thing... that men don't need a brain for one...

Bottom line is...... when ever a person violates another person, being molesting, rape, murder, whatever, they deserve plenty of time in jail....period.......

So please take all of the ifs and what ifs to another thread..

I will say it for the last time! You have NOT been sexually violated so you DON'T KNOW what it's like! Stop trying to convince us that you do!

Like the Indian saying goes "Walk a mile in my mocassins!" You can't do it!