Dateline Predator Series

Like those Dutch pedophiles who created a political party for themselves.

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desirae said:I know that these men should know better then to even discuss anything with a younger kid and they should be disciplined, but destroying the rest of their lives, convicting them, and making them lists as child predators is entirely to much. The truth is the "supposed child" they were talking to was actually an adult!

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Sorry but I disagree with the above. Regardless of *why* a child (be it a minor or not) might approach, lure men in order to have sex it is *inexcusable* for said men to give in and be exonerated and/or to face mild punishment.

These men are grown-ups, they know perfectly well what is right and what is wrong. Despite this, they consciously decide to abuse a child for personal gratification. For this is what it is. And this is despicable.

One can’t put a price to the loss of innocence and the impact this will have on the child’s emotional make-up. Abusing the trust a child has in an adult, destroying their personal world and/or ‘teaching’ them that using and abusing others is ‘okay’ when you have the ‘power’?! This is the way society tends to think: why destroy the life of those men? Hell, what about the life of those innocent kids?? These sick, perverted morons deserve the highest penalty.

My boyfriend told me he heard of a guy who molested a kid, but then he became a minister or something like that, and hasn't harmed any kids since the one mentioned (that we know of). I don't remember if he spent any time in prison. There are protesters in front of his church lately Even his congregation knows about the molestation, but accepts him, since he does good works and is a good person, as far as they're concerned.

I don't think this guy should have ever gotten out of jail (or should have gone there and stayed there). As I understand, kids don't "get over" being molested or raped, and it affects the rest of their lives, so why should the person who harmed them get to have a normal life?

Does anyone feel differently?

Maven, if it's who I think it is, the guy did do time. I agree with you, the victim's life is destroyed, never to be "fixed". That the perp has to deal with the ramifications of what he did forever as well is fine with me. (Plus, I don't believe he only did it to one kid........)

the victim's life is destroyed, never to be "fixed".

Is that really true??? Although I have many "issues" and I am no spring chicken, I had hope that someday, somehow things will be different for me...that comment just sounds so defeating... maybe it is good that I don't have all the memories and just move on like i did before knowing things happened to me.......maybe i am off topic... or not thinking clearly .. or just over reacting to a comment....

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radio_flyer said:
the victim's life is destroyed, never to be "fixed".

Is that really true??? Although I have many "issues" and I am no spring chicken, I had hope that someday, somehow things will be different for me...that comment just sounds so defeating... maybe it is good that I don't have all the memories and just move on like i did before knowing things happened to me.......maybe i am off topic... or not thinking clearly .. or just over reacting to a comment....

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Good point radio_flyer; you are not over-reacting . . . a victim's life may or may not be completely destroyed . . . it depends on (1) the type of support the person receives in life and (2) the willingness of the victim to persevere.

. . . as much as i HATE to even mention this . . . i believe i'm a more empathetic and sensitive person (thus a better mom) because of the memories that i have of the many violations my father (pedophile-rapist) did to me at such a young age

. . . i hate the memories; they are forever with me, but i can be a better person and a better mom because i know how it feels to have an authority figure (someone who is supposed to nurture and protect you) maliciously and repeatedly use your body against your will, violating your soul.

Radio, I don't think a sexual abuse victim's life is forever destroyed. I was raped by my own grandmother and all she did was steal my innocence and some of my childhood. She taught me things a child should never know. But I can't say my life is destroyed!

I believe that it was a horrible thing I had to go through, but like any other problems in your life. If a hardship doesn't kill you, if you make it a lesson in life, then you become stronger in many ways and more sympathetic to other sufferers. It can also become a gauge for your own actions.

My childhood and teenage years were a pure living HELL but I can't say it destroyed me. I wouldn't be who I am today if all those things hadn't happened to me.

My T instilled in me that I am a survivor. You bet I am! But I didn't only Survive, I OVERCAME! I don't live with that Hell anymore.

If I had simply "survived" I couldn't be as active on this thread as I am. Yes, it triggers me from time to time. That's when I withdraw and regroup. I CAN'T BE HURT THAT WAY EVER AGAIN! I won't let it! That's what OVERCOMING is. You refuse the pain, refuse the behavior in you AND anyone else; the behavior of a victim! I was a victim in the PAST. NOT ANYMORE!

** Reference Fayerody (Pat's) article "Using our pain" and my response to it.

I think it's great if a person is able to overcome abuse--of any kind. But if a person does overcome their victimization, does that mean that a sexual predator or pedophile who never commits another act (and, for the sake of this example, let's say s/he really does never commit another act), should be able to go on to live a normal life?

Ok... I could give you a lot of off the wall answers. The first one that comes to mind is a smart *** answer... "my grandmother did!"

I suppose if this guy didn't get caught and is truly sorry for what he did, yes, he could go on an life a normal life. But for the sake of this discussion, just how many men or women have you heard of that have only done it once??

That teacher Dateline caught swore and be dammed that he had never made contact, yet he got charged with 18 counts of child molestation.

SeptemberMorn, I don't disagree that most of these guys have done it more than once. I was just giving a "what-if." Some, as far as we know, have only had one incident. But usually, when they catch these guys, they have over 100 victims.

Rhapsody,
I understand you, but if it is so upsetting to you, please, just "click" to the next forum/thread, for some, it may upset, too, but it is a subject that many of us wish to discuss and offer opinions, so, once again, if it triggers you, please pass it, and not deny others of allowing this thread to stay open.
I thank you, and wish you peace.
DE

Here is how I worked with my molestation. I refused to allow that to define the person that I am. Yes, it happened and I couldn't stop it. BUT, I have total control over how I deal with it and I decided that once I processed it and allowed myself time to grieve, I was moving on.

I've mentioned trust issues with men and I do want to clarify that the majority of that comes from my ex.However, I do believe that had I not had the molestation, I would not have been so vulnerable to being manipulated as I was. However, it's still my life and my responsibility to try and keep moving forward from that. My SO understands all of this and we have no problems concerning trust. I have trouble with committment. Now, I am confusing myself.

BUT, in no way do I feel any sympathy for any adult who does anything morally wrong with a child. Touching, molesting, abusing, raping, on and on. There aren't any excuses for it. I don't care if they rot in jail. What I'm not understanding about all of these "what ifs" is what part of molestation, abuse, rape, murder do you not understand? I don't give a ---- concerning their jail time, their community embarrassment or any of the other deserved crap that falls upon their heads.

This support forum is full of people, men and women, who have been abused and i, for one, wish that we would leave off the support for the pedophiles. This is not a forum about law reform.........this just doesn't feel like the place or time to be playing the devil's advocate for pedophiles. And I'm sticking with that........xoxoxo pat

MAYBE A DOUBLE TRIGGER TO SOME... AND MY POST MAY EVEN BE REMOVED.. I AM NOT SURE.......

I don't want this thread closed.. I think it is important and I am not sure why. I don't want to look but I keep peeking and searching as though I am looking for answers to save my soul....I've tried all day to respond to September's and Jennie's post and I still can't compose an answer...

As to some of Maven's comments.. I think more people have serious after-effects of being molested as a child than those who have none and have yet to experience a so called "normal" life.. and generally the predator usually does live a normal life as long as they are not exposed or caught...

With me, I was not aware of being molested until I was in my early 40's. Although I don't feel the pain or actually relate to it happeing to me, I have lived a most painful life and not understanding why, that is until therapy.. But I lucked out again with a christian counselor who sat sprawled legged, with a weird look on his face when we tried to get the details.. He had such an look on his face and the way he was sprawled I felt he was mentally masturbating as I struggled to find details.....Now is that normal?? I think not....

I have never been a cry baby or lived a life on the pity pot. In fact I can't even shed tears for myself, but I can cry for others . I also think of others first always before myself.. Which in the long run leaves me always at the bottom of the ladder, never reaching the top.

In my case, my hope may only be fantasy or wishful thinking. I may be screwed...There is so much, yet the answers and experiences seem unreachable.......

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With me, I was not aware of being molested until I was in my early 40's. Although I don't feel the pain or actually relate to it happeing to me, I have lived a most painful life and not understanding why, that is until therapy.

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Me, too.

Do you know exactly what about my post is difficult for you to answer? You can talk about it here or you can PM me. Either way, I'm here for you if I can help.

I wanted to respond positive as you had and say yes I feel that.. But I couldn't ...

.your comment -- "I CAN'T BE HURT THAT WAY EVER AGAIN! I won't let it! That's what OVERCOMING is"... Your comment is so powerful and healing.. I wanted to claim it as mine, but I couldn't... and I didn't know how to express how I really was feeling......

Your comment ..." I wouldn't be who I am today if all those things hadn't happened to me."..... Powerful and healing again......Yet I feel powerless and sick... I wanted your comments to be mine.....

So in other words, your post expresses strength, courage and healing... I wanted to be able to say, yesssss I understand and have too experienced healing.. I couldn't tho.... My heart danced for you... Yet I felt numb... I didn't want to admit I still struggle... but I wanted to acknowledge that I appreciated your reply... But my words froze....

(((((((((September)))))))))))))))))))

Hon, you want it... and you will get it! Your heart is reaching out to make those words yours.

You, too, cannot be hurt that way any more! You are not a child that can't speak out for herself. You're a grown woman and you know that you can say NO MORE. You know it's wrong and you can stop it. If you put yourself in The Now, you know that if your perp tried it again, you'd at the very least ask him to leave and the most, put a knee where it counts. It can't happen again! You CAN make those words yours!

You have already survived! You lived through it. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! You won't let it! Internalize those words. Repeat them until you believe it in your heart of hearts. They will be YOURS then!

When you go through the grief of having lost your innocence, the rest will come. I'll be here to tell you how it happened for me. I'm sure you can find something that will ring a bell or touch you in some way and you'll realize you've taken a step forward.

Don't forget. I'm here for you. That's a promise!

Yes, I am not a child, but the level I function at can be debatable at times... I seem to freeze when it comes to standing up or speaking out for myself.. Prior to my "crashing" I could be out spoken.. When a contract ended, instead of letting me go, I was transferred to another department... The new department was told to never throw work on her(me) desk, because she (me) would throw it right back at you.. Treat her right and you will have no problems... I lost that side of me... I haven't been the same since I crashed and therapy was not helpful ...

I have not totally given up.... I try.. But I also isolate.. seems I am double minded at times....I guess if I did not care, I would not even visit this site.. I just want me back... Me wasn't all that perfect, but was reasonably functional.. and i think spelled better too.. lol

((((((((((((((september))))))))))))) thank you for reaching out...

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radio_flyer said:
I just want me back... Me wasn't all that perfect, but was reasonably functional..

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I can relate to that 100%.

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Maven said:
I think it's great if a person is able to overcome abuse--of any kind. But if a person does overcome their victimization, does that mean that a sexual predator or pedophile who never commits another act (and, for the sake of this example, let's say s/he really does never commit another act), should be able to go on to live a normal life?

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Maven, I very much agree with fayerody's opinion on this. Any adult who hurt a child does not deserve a normal life. Let's not wory about protecting them.

Maybe some religious views differ. I think this issue isn't about forgiveness. I think we (society) has an obligation to keeping our children safe . . . lock up all sex offenders!

Maybe if more people would pull their heads out of the sand and face the shameful taboo subject of child sexual abuse, then maybe more victims would have the support neccesary to file charges against these criminals who hurt them as children.

I wish I had that support; now the state's statue of limitations have passed for me to press charges against my father pedophile-rapist.

jennie, you reminded me of a thought i had last night about supporting the pedophile. i really, really dislike seeing those statements here....the reason? there might be one poster who wants so much to enter into this discussion and they won't because "the rights of the pedophile" keeps coming up.

and hearing that someone else heard that someone else knows someone who did it once and then lived a great life afterwards.......come on, that isn't factual. let's keep it to stories that happened and are pertinent to this thread.

we are NOT sitting in a classroom, batting around ideas about the rights of adults who molest children. there, i've said it again!

if we help one person, who lurks, get up the courage to post here OR even talk about this to someone.......we've achieved something! that is one more person who will get support today....xoxoxo pat

p.s. remember the PM system...if you don't want to post here, PM one of us........xoxoxo

Hon, am I hearing the door shut? I'm not sure.

Therapy left me without my anger at the world, life, my family of origin, etc. It took the wind out of my sails. Sometimes I wonder if it was a good thing. I know what you're saying. But I'm still learning to act from my wants, needs and desires rather than from anger. I'm learning to achieve what I want for myself rather than spite for those that tell me "no" or drag their feet or seem to not care.

Think on that a while, ok? I'm still here!

I'm glad this thread was never closed because I truly think people have benefited from this being here, including myself.

More than you know!

me too ((((((((desirae))))))))) it's been such a good, lengthy discussion...

The only time a thread is locked (as opposed to being pulled for a clear violation of guidelines) is when arguing, tempers, flaming, etc. exists and doesn't appear to be calming.

What I see in this thread warms me so much. We, as a community, have taken a DIFFICULT discussion where there are MANY emotions attached, and have all given our points of view, thoughts, concerns, etc., without coming close to disrespecting another's that we might not even come close to understanding.

I, personally, think this thread should be memorialized somehow.

Bottom line, we are a GREAT group of people and this thread is yelling that loudly and clearly right now!

KD

I don't know where anyone got the idea that I was supporting pedophiles by asking the question, "If a victim can achieve a normal life, then should the pedophile who never commits another act be punished forever?" My belief that pedophiles deserve permanent jail time is based on his (or her) ruining his victim's life, so that the victim will never again be truly normal. If a victim can overcome the abuse, and if an offender doesn't re-offend (as high as the recidivism rate is, there is a possibility of someone not offending again), why should his whole life be spent in punishment? Again, I'm not sympathizing with a pedophile, and I haven't heard of any victims who truly get over it, but if I'm understanding some of you correctly, you're saying you did overcome it. I'm trying to understand what you're telling me.

fayerody said:
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and hearing that someone else heard that someone else knows someone who did it once and then lived a great life afterwards.......come on, that isn't factual. let's keep it to stories that happened and are pertinent to this thread.

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Just because it isn't likely, doesn't mean it isn't factual. And this isn't something my bf "heard"...it was in the news. You don't know if that guy committed more acts after his last accused act. And I'm not saying he shouldn't be punished for the rest of his life and he doesn't deserve the harassment he's getting...because I suspect his victim(s) never got over it.

As for "the rights of the pedophile," I haven't heard anyone use those words. I certainly haven't.

jennie said:
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...lock up all sex offenders!

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I'm assuming you mean all rapists and child sex offenders. Some people are labeled sex offenders for consensual crimes that don't belong on the books. Up until two years ago, some places still had laws on the books making it a crime to have oral or %#@&amp;#! sex. There actually have been people who have gone to jail on these dumb charges. One man, years ago, was on trial, accused of rape by his wife. He was found not guilty on that charge, but when his wife mentioned they'd had consensual oral sex, he was thrown in jail for that, because sodomy (which includes oral sex by some definitions) was against the law.

Did anyone watch Oprah yesterday? She did a show about child sex trafficking. Ricky Martin was a guest, discussing it. He'd seen it in his frequent trips to India, and educated himself about it.