Try to cope with it.

Hi, My 1st time here, on this forum. Just been diagnosed Borderline, not quite a surprise since I got Psyciatric help in 1999.

It never handicaped me to the point of a psychosis, and I never got hospitalized.

I studied a lot, worked also, but could'nt hold my job more than 1 year, because acute anxieties problems and all...

I like to say I'm a survivor, I'm looking towards a better understanding of myself, and hope I'll get thru.

My name is Eric,

I come from French Canada (province de Québec).

Salut, Bye !


Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Welcome to the fourms..

I hope you can find one that fits what you are looking for.. ask anyone of questions..

we will help as much as we can..
I do not know much about your disrode, but there are others who will know and who can help ok.

welcome again.

The Lady has spoken



<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

Welcome to the boards Eric. Glad you found us. I have been diagnosed borderline too. I am highfunctioning though I have been hospitalized once during a depressive episode. BPD can be tricky but I believe it can be overcome and life can be good. I was glad to get my DX because it helped me understand exactly what was going on which made me feel less crazy.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

I wish to Thank everyone for your welcoming me. Lots of things you said are true. For my part, I had to learn that social succes with a career etc. was not the ultimate thing in life (I come from a family in which a nice career is the 1st and the top achievement). I had to quit my PhD because severe depression and acute anxiety crises, tough my marks were good. My Psychiatrist then put me on a 1 year rest and prescribed me Paxil, then Effexor which I still take on a daily basis.

Now he made me understood that it was not necessary to kill myself because I might not be able to work again, especially in a competitive domain. It's hard to deal with this fact when I see all my former friends and collegues working in nice jobs, raising a normal family, etc. It's also hard to talk about my problems, people don't seem to care or understand what happened to me. Maybe that was because I never got hospitalized because of my mental health problems.

Well, in any case, it's quite nice to visit this site and to know I'm not the only 1 with depression and Borderline and all, and that we can live with this if we accept it and deal with it honestly.

I'll leave you for now with words from Edgar Allan Poe :

"From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were-I have not seen
As others saw-I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow ; I could not awaken
My hearth to joy at the same tone ;
And all I lov'd, I lov'd alone."

Thank you every 1 for your replies, I really appreciate it.

Have a nice day !

Starbuck


Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Edgar Allen Poe! I love his works, so how is it that I've missed this poem? I can certainly relate to it.

Hurry back, Starbuck.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

A difficult part of being borderline is seperating out who we are from what other people think we should be. When I first started on this journey I had no ego of my own. It has taken about 4 years but my therapist patiently help me discover who I am seperate from everyone one else. I discovered that I have different priorities then them and that it is ok. I now have a job. It started at minimum wage though I have gotten a few pay raises it still is close to minimum. It is a simple sales clerk job though I am ordering books now which is quite satisfying. When I first started working I was ashamed because it was such a silly job for such an intelligent person--a person with a 140 iq who could be anything she wanted to be it she would just apply herself--to have. Anyone can do my job. But as I let go of others ideas of what I should be and accepted what I needed to be happy and healthy I discovered the beauty of my job. So what if it just above minimum. I get out, I talk to people, I bring home a pay check. It is a small business run by a woman who cares about her imployees. My co-workers provide me with the chance to practice my socialization skills in a safe invironment. And I help people. We have people who come in who are in spiritual emergency who need just to talk, people who are in AA who feel good when someone celebrates their accomplishments, and people who have gone around the bend and need someone who will simply ask "is there anyone one I can call for you?" I feel like I have found a place of belonging. It took time and it scares the dickens out of me sometimes but I have found it.

I guess what I am saying is that once you are able to let go of what they think you should do or be you will be able to find out what it is that makes you happy. It is not an easy task for a borderline person to do but it is possible to create a life of beauty and self.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

This poem from Edgar A. Poe is called : Alone.

I just wrote the 8 first verses. Taken from a book containing all of his works I bought in Montreal, way back in 1986. I'll write the rest of his poem if you wish to :

"Then-in my childhood-in the dawn
Of a most stormy life-was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still :
From the torrent or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold-
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by-
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
When the rest of Heaven was blue
Of a demon in my view."

Ty for sharing it !

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Hi !

What you wrote touched me very much.

Last year, I worked at my local Historical Society. I was -paid minimum wage, it was a 6 months project. The Society can't pay for a full time Historian. Twas my 1st real job since quitting my PhD in 2000. I've found out how hard it was and how many shortcomings I had. Not that I could'nt intellectually do it, but because my inner social fears, very real fears which I have since my childhood...

Having to call some official people, this was the worst, babbling all the way, I wonder how I did it after all (had to call 6 former mayors from my town, asking them questions about their realisations, etc.).

Anyway, I know I have to adapt and discover my true self, not others dreams of what I should have been.

This forum is great, and it's somehow comforting to know I'm not alone...

Ty Carrie


Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Oh I hate the phone. I do a lot of calling to tell people their books are in and such. When I first started I would stand there hyperventalating and trying to get the nerve up for each call. Now it is no sweat. I even make calls for the other people who are still afraid too...come to think of it, it seems like making calls is difficult for most people who haven't done it much. I still have moments when I just can't call someone. I will have made 20 calls in a row just fine then bam suddenly I can't do the next one. No rhyme or reason to it. *zen smiles at the silliness of it all* So yeah, I can relate to the phone thing. The people I call are just everyday people, not high muckity mucks so I can just imagine what you went through.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

Hi,

Yes, the phone is ok with family and personal friends. But it was the worst aspect I had to deal with in all my previous jobs.

But with time, it's less painful. Maybe maturing has its bright sides after all, hehe...

Take care Carrie, I'll be back later, a friend is coming soon.

Bye

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

aww a fellow Canadian, YAY

I'm in Ontario , I wanted to welcome you to the board my bf just came back from Montreal ... didn't bring me anything back but we are planning a mini road trip hopefully this summer.

Take care.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

yes I can understand what you are saying.. I know some of where you are coming from..
My deperssion has never been as bad as yours, but you sound like you are on the right foot, and seem to be headed in the correct direction..

You have came to a wonderful place, for peple to talk to and understand you, and who will be able to care, and help greive with you, and also be able to understand some of the same things you are going through in your life.

Good luck..
I am around some of the time. ok..


<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

Hi Sundance,

Nice to meet you.

Well, I'm not sure any of us cannot emotionnaly react to criticism, after all, it's part of our being human.

But with meditation and in the quietest moments, yes, you can rationalize it, I guess.

Take care,

Starbuck



Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

welcome starbuck. well, even though it has been a few years, if you still find you want your PhD , you can get it. You have NO IDEA how many psychologists, psychiatrists, and mds have psychological problems for which they take medication.

Maybe you will find an easier path though? good wishes.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Thank You Lady, I really appreciate it !

Have a nice weekend,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Hi Eric and welcome to the forums!

I am a fellow Canadian as well....I am in Nova Scotia.

You took a huge step reaching out here...you found a great bunch of people who will offer you never ending support and friendship.

Welcome .


Heather

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

But with meditation and in the quietest moments, yes, you can rationalize it, I guess.

<hr></blockquote>

It can be done, it just takes time ... anyone can get over something like this...

Good luck

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Hello heatherm,

Nice to meet you.

I'm from prov. of Quebec, 100 miles east of Montreal.

I only started yesterday. Please forgive my english writing, it's not my native language, but I've learned it well over the years.

Take care,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Hi Sundance,

Thanks for your reply.

The thing I'm beginning to understand-reading all this, is how much my inner self have died, given up a long time ago, and how I've become quite cynical about my life.

I have to reconfigure my "hard disk coco", I'm not used to that, it's quite promising and scary at the same time.

I've been waiting 6 months to see my new psychiatrist, so in the meantime, this forum gives me a support of great value.

Take care,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Starbuck, your English is perfection! Not to worry!

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Well, Thank You SeptemberMorn !

I don't type too fast, this is my way to cope with it, lol !

Have a nice day,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

>> I don't type too fast, this is my way to cope with it, lol !

That's OK, I'll just read them slowly.



(Sorry... very old joke)

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

It's definatly going to be tough, especially with doing this on your own while you wait to start to see your psychiatrist.

I hope you will keep coming here and posting when you need too.

Take care.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

I know, I know...

I've just been told I would'nt be able to see psychiatrist whom I've been waiting to see for 6 months.

In these times, I like to read Peanuts and Charlie Brown, lol...

Take care,

Starbuck

Born in 1963 of French mom and Canadian dad. Studied a lot (Majors in History, Theology, M.A. in Sociology). Jobless for now. Just been diagnosed Borderline.

I wonder where it will go from here... But I'll try nonetheless.

Wanted to wish you a warm WELCOME, Starbuck.

I understand about the job thing. I've been away from my profession nearly 2 years; remains to be seen whether I can/will return.

I have agoraphobia, but it has improved immensely.

My 'deal' now is that I'm not sure that I even WANT to return to my prior profession, (law), but I feel sooo much like I'm supposed to. :-(

Anyhoo, I'm glad you are here. :-)

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>