What was your childhood like?

I put it all in the trigger box because describing it is pretty bad. Needless to say, long story short, it was pretty terrible. This isn't all of it, but a pretty good synopsis.

The way you were treated by your mother reminds me a lot of how my mother treated my brothers. It sounds like she enjoyed attention she got from having a "troublesome" child. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

life susains as amount of care overnumber that of burden
while life is pain in nature.

My childhood didn't really have any major faults, None of my pre-existing conditions were a result of it, which I guess I'm pretty grateful for, My parents want to help me as much as they can, but we're both a bit clueless on how exactly to proceed right now.

Overall though I had no real problems. I was born into a pretty good family for the most part.

Mine was beautiful until I lost my best friend at age 7. Chenged everyting... add drama from moving continents at age 12... And never going back to live where i belonged, trauma. Childhood drauma... you never get over it totally. It is like lost trust

I know my parents had their own histories that ended up leading to them making choices that were damaging and painful to me, but I have no idea if I would have most of the mental illness issues I have, if they had somehow been perfect. Because of my MI, and my abusive ex, and my inexperience, and being young and stupid, I know my kids had their own troubling childhood experience. I did my best to protect them from all of it, but I failed to do that. I finally left their father, but the damage had been done.

I think the most damaging thing about my childhood was the lie that as long as everything looked okay to the public, that was the most important thing....and from my mom's point of view, it seemed like a woman would do anything to keep the peace. My dad emotionally and physically abused her, and that is just the part I know about. I told myself I would never let someone treat me the way my stepdad treated her. But I stayed married to my ex for 21 years, and it took forever for me to realize that even though he acted like he loved me sometimes, and I was moody and ineffective( I didn't realize I had ADD and bipolar, and after all those years living at the mercy of someone'S mood, I developed anxiety), that it wasn't my fault he treated me like he did and it wasn't a normal relationship.

I think it is good to forgive people, but first I would like to understand how I got to this point. I would really rather not go into it, would rather forget my past issues, but now I have fallout problems, from the past, so I guess I will have to deal with it sooner than later.

But I do know that mental illness is not laziness and weakness, and depression is not weakness, it is a physically caused issue, and shaming you for it is not kind or caring, that is not what a loving parent does. Sounds like your mom doesn't understand mental illness very well. Also, sounds like leaving might have possibly been a healthy move, from what you were hearing from her.

My childhood was turbulent and my sibling and I were severely abused.

She seemed to love putting me in situations where she manipulated people and made me look bad, and naturally they lapped up every word of her bile and made decisions accordingly. She took pleasure inflicting in my pain and reveled in sympathy that she unjustly got. I think the word for that is "gaslighting" but I'm not exactly sure on the definition. She also seemed to be some kind of fake martyr who deliberately incurred her own suffering to ***** sympathy out of people, and then shot it down once it was offered. Either way, that was my reality for me growing up, and it really did damage to my developing mind; it's really all I've come to expect. As a result I am devoured by absolute hatred for all of humanity every second of my life because of how I'm constantly reminded of the heartless and sadistic oppression they perpetrate. Every day this hatred is only further confirmed, and it would not have ever formed if my mother bothered to treat me with an ounce of compassion.

As for your childhood, in a way yours was worse. I was always well fed, but then again my mother would scream "why don't you stuff your face, you fat tub of ****?!" while slamming my plate down on the table. I'm sorry, it's just all so ridiculous... that level of trauma, and that a person has to grow up in it... to even begin to comprehend it is hazardous to my health, no doubt. My mother never really drank or did drugs, and neither did I. I've maintained a straight edge lifestyle all my life without even trying, because I never was allowed to go out and have friends. Naturally this, in combination with Asperger syndrome (a condition so many people demonize and mock and deliberately misunderstand) has lead any attempt at initiating or attracting a valuable IRL friendship crashing and burning because I make a complete fool of myself by somehow violating some fake, unnecessary, and ever-so-important social rule. It's not like I can help it. I almost wish I was a junkie, because then at least I'd have a more valid reason to be as much of a failure as I am, and there would be a possibility of me ODing and dying happy.

There I go again making it about myself. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that you had to go through what you went through, and I'm sorry that I come across as selfish by ranting about my own issues while pathetically attempting to empathize.

Slayguy138: I don't think you came across as selfish at all. Everyone here is talking about their childhoods, and you had a lot to say about yours. It's good to talk about it, I think, when you're able to.
As for OD-ing, I can tell you from personal experience, OD-ing on pretty much anything suuucks. It feels like you're dying. Be glad you never started using, because all it does is ruin your life, or at best give you yet another problem to juggle.
Aspergers is a terrible thing to have to deal with, especially when your parent makes it harder for you. My ex husband has aspbergers, and a supportive parent, and it is still hard for him, so I can't imagine what it's been like for you. Real friends, though they can be few and far between, are understanding and wouldn't care if you broke some stupid social rules. Personally, I choose to be around other people who are socially awkward because they won't mind when I suddenly start talking to myself or get distracted in the middle of a conversation or a sentence. Maybe you can find others like that where you are too. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but hang in there, and don't apologize! You haven't done anything wrong.

Your childhood sounds like my husbands'. Parents don't realize how bad this kind of behavior can be when they're raising future adults! Sorry that happened to you.

I had a good start in life. Looking back at my early years, I remember my parents acting like cognitive behavioral therapists - they didn't ever say "do this because I'm the parent", they would challenge me to think things through rationally and try to reach me on my own developmental level. I had very supportive parents who taught me about empathy, boundaries, personal responsibility, all that good stuff. They took parenting very seriously. About the only problem I had with my family was, they could sometimes go from calm and reasonable to loud ranting if they thought I was doing something seriously wrong. Calm, calm ... BOOM!

My family moved several times - eventually to a different country - and I experienced being the slightly shy kid who caught the attention of every bully on the block, it seemed. I think being teased and bullied so much eventually caused me to develop social phobia and self worth issues. I did have friends, though.

I remember having good school teachers overall, but also encountered some teachers who seemed to think shaming kids in front of their friends is an ideal way to get a reasonable, compliant child. I disagree. I suspect I have some problems today because of those experiences - seeing it and experiencing it. Maybe that's partly why I am so protective of people to this day - can't tolerate seeing people put down by others.

My closest, earliest friend was literally the girl next door. We were pretty much inseparable. But I had to move. I sometimes suspect that maybe, on some level, I've been trying to find her ever since ... ?

Yeah, even with a good family, society in general can be very difficult but I'm so glad that you had a good home life I wish my family could have been more like that. The reason it was so hard for me to admit that my family had problems though was because they reeeally wanted to be like that. Moving a lot can be difficult too though. I've been doing a lot better recently, despite what has happened. Moving away from it all has made a huge difference. Fortunately, I have learned good social skills so the only thing holding me back was my situation.

My childhood is at the root of my psychological and mood disorders. The physical and emotional abuse, the rape that went on from age 4-9 went unanswered by my mother, she says because we had nowhere else to go. The poverty and neglect, it all adds up to learning unhealthy coping skills and mistrust of the wrong people and accepting anything from anyone that doesn't seem abusive at the time. Time tells. I chose to not have children to stop the cycle of violence. I'm glad I learned of that in high school. My parents started liking me when I was an adult and moved 1,000 miles away. For me, it was too late.

My childhood was great, but it ended too fast.

I mean, like, I was pretty much acting like an adult by the time I was 12. I recently found journal entries from middle school (around the time I was 12) and my friends were smoking cigarettes, getting drunk, I was getting drunk apparently, my friends and I were "mature", or at least, we were doing things that older teens should be doing, not 12 year olds...

Aside from some trauma in my earlier childhood, it was pretty good. Sometimes I think I can only remember my childhood as being "wonderful, amazing, magnificent and great" because the trauma was so bad that I minimize it and only see the good in my childhood.

I had a lot of friends as a kid, I was very active and I loved nature and such.

not good.

i grew up in an unloving, unsupportive family. 9 times out of 10, they'd forget i was their, or when they did notice me they'd make rude remarks and make it quite clear that i was a mistake- not only to them but to society.
when i was 9 years old, i was hospitalised for a suicide attempt, and from their on, the battle to diagnose me began (with my family all the while refusing to allow me treatment)

when i was finally diagnosed, they shut me out and left me to fend for myself- so as well as a rubbish childhood, it was snatched away from me by early MI problems.

my life as it is now... just back then....

I had friends until my trauma(s).

Run of the mill alcoholic home but I was very sensitive and took everything to heart. I am still working on being more resilient. My brothers have turned out to be wonderful people though, so that is a very positive thing.

i think a lot of people had not so great family lives. we just sometimes have to look back and try to fix things for the present. there are probably several books and such on this subject too. i had a terrible childhood too, two of my baby brothers died. i never got over it either. i think about it often. oh well i am not going to let that hurt me anymore.

I thought there was nothing wrong with my childhood. Grew up as an only child. I knew I fought with my parents constantly, but thought that was sort of normal. I was ready to move out at the age of 13 but really didn't know why except that I was tired of fighting with them. Obviously that wasn't going to happen. Shoot, they provided me cloths & a place to live....what more were parents supposed to do. I as the one in the family that was critical of my parents from the time I can remember.

I was always embarrassed to be in public with them. I remember one time when I was really young they wanted to hold my hand while walking in this park place. I snatched my hand away & walked as far away from them as I could get so no one would know I was a part of them.

My dad would always say stupid things like he knew what he was talking about but he never read anything. He made up in his own mind what he thought & it had nothing to do with reality. He worked for the aircraft company as a mechanic & did his watch repair in the garage when at home. He had no friends.

My mom was afraid to drive because of her eye sight. Also she had no friends & stayed home cleaning her little 1000 sq ft house & cooking. She wasn't involved in anything outside the house.

When I got into school I got glimpses of what others parents were like & I started getting on her case....& her life gave me a very bad taste of what being a housewife was. She finally got involved in the PTA after I kept pushing her. Her not driving forced me to live a very sheltered life which I resented. I remember one time I asked if I could stay after school to help the teacher. She said it was ok....but didn't tell me she didn't make arrangements for it to be ok. I was just going to walk the miles it took to get home..she hadn't told the neighbor she depended on all the timr to drive me home that I was staying after....so I was the one that got in trouble....I blamed my mom because of her inability to be like other capable parents.

My mom said I was grinding my teeth & talking in my sleep most of my life. She didn't realize that stress causes people to grind their teeth but even if she had, I had nothing to be stressed about unless of course it was my determination to excell in school which I had to work harder at doing than many of the others. There were no educational materials in the house & couldn't get to the library as there was no one to drive me & walking there alone wasn't an option in that bad area of town.

I remember not having even a news paper to do current events with & sometimes no way to get one than going to a neighbors at the last minute because me dad hadn't bothered to pick one up on his way to work. That would have been out of his normal driving path to work.

So often in class I would listen to several of the kids talking with the teacher logically about current events & almost being jealous of their ability & wondering what their home life was like.

It wasn't until after I researched Aspergers it terms of my H & my failed marriage & my comments throughout my marriage that I didn't want to marry someone like my dad, that the lightbulb really came on. I had felt emotional abuse in my marriage....but In reading about emotional neglect, I can see that my childhood was filled with the emotional neglect. Obviously not intentional but because of both parents dysfunctional behaviors of their own, together it created an environment where emotional neglect just happened.

I remember I came home one day when in college & stood up for myself on my first job. My moms comment was "where did you get that from, you are nothing like us (your parents)" & her favorite saying was they must have switched babies in the hospital when we brought you home because you are nothing like us". I didn't say it but inside I was jumping for joy....she had no idea how hard I worked at being NOTHING like them.

I got into my bad marriage because I thought their problems were because of their lack of education. I convinced myself that the red flags I saw around the guy I was going to marry couldn't possibly be real because he had a high IQ & a college degree. Unfortunately I was wrong. The attitude I had issues with had nothing to do with lack of maturity or education. They were too similar to my parents & the fighting continued in my marriage.....so obviously it was me that was the problem.

None of my therapy ever brought out anything different until a few years ago after I left the marriage & my parents have now been gone for years, & I was finally healed enough to start integrating my past with my present. What an eye opener this has been. This is when I started to see & understand what was really going on with my parents & how that slipped into my marriage as being normal & thinking I was the one with the serious problems. I realized after leaving it all & not bringing my reactions with me, that they weren't internal but my reactions to the dysfunctional environment I had been surrounded by all my life & that I was more normal than I ever believed I was.

Have I ever felt this way? I would have to say I have due to both some similar and somewhat different circumstances. I guess everyone's circumstances are different in ways; however, how many different emotions can a person feel as a result? Not many! If I could pinpoint the emotion causing this I would be pointed in the right direction. I feel like I am unable to care for myself sometimes and actually feel totally disabled at times due to the way I have been raised. How much help can a parent actually provide until you are completely dependent on them for the rest of your life? Also, what do you do when your only sibling won't ever talk to you for two seconds because she seems to consider her life is so perfect and seems to think mine is so screwed up!!!

I have a notion of how to improve the situation; however, my gosh, what a situation to be in!!!

Overprotective, emotionally unavailable (due to grief) mother, and perfectionist, impossible to please father. I didn't think my parents loved me. I had a lot of trauma and that's pretty much all I remember from my childhood- the nights of insomnia and panic attacks- other than a few random memories here and there. I'm only realizing now how odd it is that I don't remember my childhood and people twice my age can remember birthday parties etc. (I do have DID, so that would explain why.)

Seems I'm not the only one.

It's masochistic reading this thread, so much guilt...

I've never been hurt even though I deserve it. But with no pain or trauma, how am I such a mess? Maybe I'm faking and can't realize it? But how does that even work?

I grew up thinking I was worthless and that my mom was mentally ill (she wasn't, it was all a lie). I was convinced that my biological father and stepmother loved me when they never cared about me. I never want to relive my childhood.

Have you researched emotional neglect? Childhood Emotional Neglect
When I was such a mess, none of my therapists could figure out why because my parents were nice, good, provided my needs, no abuse, no trauma, no pain. Then I got into a marriage where I hid in my career & it wasn't until that ended & no where to escape that I felt like I was dealing with emotional abuse which later research has made me realize it was emotional neglect.....none of it is intentional on their part it's because they had no idea HOW to be emotionally connected. It wasn't intentional abuse....but it definitely WAS unintentional NEGLECT because they didn't know any better & well, my H has an diagnosed condition that definitely has to do with being unable to emotionally connect that I have researched & it all makes sense now.....I left it all & my life turned around. I realized that if it was ME, I would have brought the problems with me but I didn't & I don't & I'm learning how to be a more normal person now & have countered the effects of the neglect & am surrounded by the most wonderful people & friends.

Very happy, spent a lot of time with my family, they took me to squares, to the merry go round, to the cinema, the theatre, arcades, traveled a lot.