I can't do like everybody else; how hard is it for people to understand?

I'm not strong. I can't just suck it up.

I'm not smart because I have a diminished IQ as an adult because of all of the living hell I've had to deal with growing up.

All I am is cunning. I am brilliant when I'm in a position to where I can lie or cheat my way into something but I'm utterly worthless and powerless otherwise.

So if I can't lie or cheat, how the hell am I supposed to do anything right? I can't do like everybody else anyways. I don't have the knowledge or experience that other people 5-8 years younger than me have. I can't prove myself to people so why do I bother?

I'm nothing. I hate myself. I wish somebody would kill me because I'm too much of a coward to perform the deed myself.

I hate life.

DarknessIsMyFriend--

It is a terrible feeling when we have self doubt. When I read people's posts, I get a sense of them. Admittedly, part of it is what my imagination fills in since I do not see anyone IRL and only a handful have posted a picture of themself. Never pictured you as unintelligent. And you aren't completely dishonest because some of the things you post are like confessions--confessions are things we rarely admit because they are things we have done and thought that we feel would not be accepted by others. You do have anger issues about how you were treated in your youth. I feel like anger issues cause "arrested development"--they make it hard to move on because we replay/or react inappropriately because the emotions resurface at unwelcome times. I don't hate you or think you are a coward. You are trying to make it in this world as well as you can. You have posted many kind things on my threads. I like you. Hopefully, some of your anger will become less intense as the years go by....

Screw years. I need to do something now.

If you are curious as to what has me feeling so angry at myself go to the career forum and find the post that I've made.

If I don't get some help soon people won't like how I handle my own issues.

[LadyShadow]

All I have to say, is the old saying "hurry up and wait." Things unfold as they are meant to. I am struggling a lot myself career wise because well....I just can't seem to get it right. I am at the burnt part at both ends of the candle, and there is just nothing I can do about it.

I understand your pain and anger. I have no advice, because I know for me, I am in the same exact place. But what keeps me going, is that I know tomorrow will come, and I will find something to make me happy eventually and I just well suck it up and keep moving forward.

Hold on. Tomorrow is just over the horizon.

I don't care about tomorrow. All that matters is today.

If I can't get anything done in the moment, what is the point?

I've wasted enough time. I'm 25 years old yet I don't have any work experience, no driver's license, no car, no job, no anything yet nearly everybody else my age has their **** together.

I'm not good enough. I'm sick of waiting. What little I've accomplished isn't good enough. I'm sick of being poor. I'm sick of having nothing.

If I can't have what I want I would rather die.

I can certainly relate to being frustrated with not being where you wanted to be in life, and comparing yourself to those who seem to have it all together. I am also 25 and am also not even CLOSE to where I want to be. Here was my "perfect life plan":

-Go to university for my bachelor's degree
-Get my master's degree
-Become a social worker

Here's what really happened:

-Went to college for a year, then drop out during the third semester
-Tried a couple of part-time jobs that I ultimately quit
-Went to university, dropped out first semester.
-Tried a couple more part-time jobs that I ultimately quit

Where I am now:

-Steadily paying off my student loans so that I can attend college once more and graduate the program I originally started.
-Working a part-time job while on disability
-In a happy and healthy relationship

Am I where I thought I would be? No, not at all. But I do my best to appreciate what I do have and what I have learned along the way. Some of us get our start later than others and unfortunately, that is where patience is required. You will get to where you want to be if you work hard for it, taking the good with the bad and learning along the way. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat/vent.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you are having a bad day, maybe have had several disappointing days in a row.
I am also sorry you did not have parents that cared enough about (did not know how either) you that they helped you slowly learn how to build your self esteem despite the challenges of not being perfect and needing time to slowly learn your strong areas because everyone has something they can be good at doing.

I don't believe you are not smart enough or are incapable of learning. Truth is we all learn a little differently and one of the biggest failures in humanity is assuming we all are supposed to learn the same way. In fact some of the individuals that have contributed amazing things to humanity have been individuals who did not learn the way it was deemed they should. Also, some very historical figures who ended up standing out that we read about also struggled with some kind of mental illness, did you know that? Even some of our presidents had challenges like ADHD, PTSD and depression and challenges with anxiety that they hid. Abraham Lincoln struggled with MI and often isolated and suffered some very down stretches. Did you know that one of the medications he took before he became president had mercury in it? He did not even realize he was actually poisoning himself. It was believed that Mercury was helpful to take for one's mental and physical health. It can actually be enlightening to read about some of the individuals that stand out in our human history because pretty much all of them had challenges. And many of these individuals struggled with some kind of dysfunction when it came to the families they grew up in too. All of these individuals grew and learned their entire lives too. None of them were "perfect", none of them.

Truth is, a lot of people simply do NOT understand, and a lot of people tend to learn how to "hide" a part of themselves, the part they "feel" is not perfect and every human being has something about them that is not perfect.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I don't have any work experience, no driver's license, no car, no job, no anything yet nearly everybody else my age has their **** together.

Take anything for 6 months (places like sub shops, etc) have high turnover and hire easily if you walk in while they are short handed. Just get something under your belt and build from there. Trust me, you are more than intelligent enough for many jobs. They need you--the only luck you need it timing it right--keep looking and you will find something.

Man everything has me so worked up that I SIed earlier.

I punched myself in the head until my mind was too numb to think.

This is how much I'm hurting over all this.

[moonlitwish]

It's all an act. Nobody has their life together. They just pretend they do. I pretend every day. I just happen to be more stubborn than everyone around me that said I would never amount to anything. Use what you know and things just may turn on their head and go your way. You're clearly smarter than you give yourself credit for or you have one hell of a spelling and grammar check program. Supposed professionals with advanced college degrees don't write work related emails and letters as well as you write posts on psych central.
And, hey, I get it. I hate being poor too. I grew up that way and stayed that way for a while-I even ended up living out of my car for several months. But if you concoct a scheme to fix your situation, it can get better. Unfortunately there's no such thing as instant gratification when building the life you dream of from scratch.

[Artchic528]

I'm sorry you're feeling so utterly miserable and pissed off at the world. I feel ya. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger. I am a great listener if all you need is to just unload a shyteload or something.

You cope by being angry at the world. I have been around the block more than once and I see this in you.

You probably know this. You probably can read your frustrations in your posts.

I would use words like..."be proactive" or "channel your anger". But I don't think that constructive criticism is well-received by you...OR is it received, but you don't want anyone to know that it is?

You have armor that hasn't cracked (yet). I hope that the longer you are here, the more we can chip away at it. That's my hope. I know you don't want that yet, but it's what I want for you.

Vent away in the mean time. You have support from me and lots of others.

We may not have anything in common and you may not even care for me....that's okay. I will be happy to hear from you if you feel the urge to see if I care.

Hugs whether you want them or not.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Hi there my friend.

Good to see you posting. I am sorry you are hurting though. ❤
I am going to break apart your post and then add my commentary.

I can't do like everybody else; how hard is it for people to understand?

You may not be able to do everything like everyone else, and that's ok. It means you have things that make you unique. We all need to be unique in some ways. Those unique things cause us to develop other uniquenesses about us which in turn is what helps develops us as individuals.

No matter what you believe you can and cannot do, you are a good person. You care. You cared enough to reach out to me last night even when you thought you didn't do a good job (you did ❤) Thank you.

I'm not strong. I can't just suck it up.
It's ok to not be strong all the time. Go ahead and cry. Scream. Punch the pillow cases. Throw things (not at people). Blare that music loud. Stomp your feet. Slam the doors. Do what you need to do. Get it out. Just don't hurt others or yourself.

I'm not smart because I have a diminished IQ as an adult because of all of the living hell I've had to deal with growing up.
IQ isn't everything. You articulate very well. You know how to build pc's - that's a skill I don't have. You can help others if you so choose - even tho you dont think you're good at it, you are. Life isn't all about IQ - and as much as people will tell you differently, not all jobs are either.

All I am is cunning. I am brilliant when I'm in a position to where I can lie or cheat my way into something but I'm utterly worthless and powerless otherwise.
How does one lie or cheat to create a PC? Let me know please and hell, I may actually consider it myself and I'm a pretty honest person! I don't think you can lie or cheat to create something though - you either create it or you don't.
You are my friend. I don't consider my friends to be worthless. You are a very kind and caring person or I would not associate myself with you as my friend. ❤

So if I can't lie or cheat, how the hell am I supposed to do anything right? I can't do like everybody else anyways. I don't have the knowledge or experience that other people 5-8 years younger than me have. I can't prove myself to people so why do I bother?

You bother because you are a good person at heart doing the best you can to get out of the crap that was once your life. If you do not like something about yourself now - change it, don't let it eat you up. You don't have to be the same person forever. Life is about change. ❤

I'm nothing. I hate myself. I wish somebody would kill me because I'm too much of a coward to perform the deed myself.
I understand completely how this feels but consider it carefully. Think of how many people on here alone (myself included) you have influenced in a positive way. Therefore - you cannot be nothing. Positive energy doesn't come from "nowhere". We all hate ourselves from time to time but those are the times to do a self analysis. What exactly do we hate about ourselves? Dont just say "everything". Really look at it. What is it? Is it your hair? How often you do or dont shower? Your temper? Your scholastic achievements? Your sense of humor or lack thereof? etc... analyze it out. Decide what exactly it is. Then decide what you would like those things to be.
Example:
I hate that I tend to snap at people too quickly and then I cant make friends.
I want to be able to be more relaxed so I can be friendly.

Then you make a plan to work toward that goal.
Example:
From now on, when I feel like snapping, I will smile and make a funny joke instead.

Then you follow through on it.

I hate life.
I think this is something all of us here have said at least once. You are not alone. The best we can do though is make the most of it - in the good and the bad times.
Remember what I always say:
The past cannot be changed, why worry on it (more than you have to)?
The future is not guaranteed (who is to say you will be here even five minutes from now?)
The present is what matters, you can change your forever with this very moment (you can be as happy as you want, as sad as you want, as angry as you want, make a life changing event or even a world changing event)
Focus on this moment

Fat load of good being a good person does me.

I wish I was a full fledged psychopath or sociopath that could use and hurt people to get ahead without feeling guilt or remorse all while not feeling any emotional attachment towards people. At least then, I would be able to get my basic needs met and be less unhappy from being alone than I am now.

As much as I romanticize sociopathy and fantasize about being one, I'm not one because I lack the charm to manipulate people into submission and I do have empathy for other's like me as much as I wish I didn't.

So yeah, I'm not even good enough to be a minion of darkness. I am worthless to everybody

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Fat load of good being a good person does me.

I wish I was a full fledged psychopath or sociopath that could use and hurt people to get ahead without feeling guilt or remorse all while not feeling any emotional attachment towards people. At least then, I would be able to get my basic needs met and be less unhappy from being alone than I am now.

As much as I romanticize sociopathy and fantasize about being one, I'm not one because I lack the charm to manipulate people into submission and I do have empathy for other's like me as much as I wish I didn't.

So yeah, I'm not even good enough to be a minion of darkness. I am worthless to everybody

I am glad you are not a psychopath not sociopath, I have met people like that in my lifetime. I enjoy talking with you and I would hate to look back and think "yeah, he was just playing mind games with me". I don't really believe you would like that either, and I know at the moment that makes you want to strike out bc you feel like you can't get anything any other way.

You are wrong.

And you're wrong about being​ worthless too.

There's always other ways of doing a thing but sometimes it takes more thinking, or more creativity (not duplicity).

Don't ever give up until you breathe your last breath, your heart beats it's last beat, and your brain sends off it's last burst of energy.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Fat load of good being a good person does me.

I wish I was a full fledged psychopath or sociopath that could use and hurt people to get ahead without feeling guilt or remorse all while not feeling any emotional attachment towards people. At least then, I would be able to get my basic needs met and be less unhappy from being alone than I am now.

As much as I romanticize sociopathy and fantasize about being one, I'm not one because I lack the charm to manipulate people into submission and I do have empathy for other's like me as much as I wish I didn't.

So yeah, I'm not even good enough to be a minion of darkness. I am worthless to everybody

You're not worthless to me. I value our friendship.

Thanks.

I guess I'm just scared of screwing up in the future now that I realize that if I screw up, I have nobody to come bail me out of my failures and if I don't get my **** together in 5-6 months, I will be on the streets again all alone because I doubt anybody will come to my rescue beings how much of a ****** person I've been in the past.

I'm like a child in an adult's body. I'm scared of the world and I've done some pretty cold things out of reaction of that fear.

I appreciate those of you who have shown that they care about me because if I died tomorrow, I doubt anybody in my personal life would be sad or come to my funeral.

Thank you all.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

Thanks.

I guess I'm just scared of screwing up in the future now that I realize that if I screw up, I have nobody to come bail me out of my failures and if I don't get my **** together in 5-6 months, I will be on the streets again all alone because I doubt anybody will come to my rescue beings how much of a ****** person I've been in the past.

I'm like a child in an adult's body. I'm scared of the world and I've done some pretty cold things out of reaction of that fear.

I appreciate those of you who have shown that they care about me because if I died tomorrow, I doubt anybody in my personal life would be sad or come to my funeral.

Thank you all.

I would​ care. We have all done things in our past we aren't proud of. Life is a "learning curve". We constantly learn and grow. As we do, we make little changes to improve ourselves. Just make those changes and move on - either people will like you or they won't but what matters most is if you like you.

As far as if you "screw up" and land flat on your face with nowhere to go, like I said before - shelters are there. It sucks yes, but it gets you started again if you use it right.

Stop worrying too much about "tomorrow" and worry instead about "now"

*hugs*

[Turtle_Rider]

Thank you for this thread. We're struggling in almost same situation. I've applied any kind of jobs, but either the qualification are too high for my skills or I ****ed up in the interview. Now I've been rotted in my room for 2 months, doing nothing but put my *** in front of my laptop, hoping that some kind of miracles happen while I worry about my future. Meanwhile most of my classmates have been hired in very prestigious companies.

Lucky for me, I still able to find a low paying freelance and still supported by my parents, even through they surely don't want to see my *** around in home.

Sorry for the rant.... I just need to let this out somewhere.

I can't give you any advice, since I struggled too. Only, maybe you can try freelance job too. If I'm not wrong, you can do Web Design, right? Try to fill your portfolio while keep seeking the job. That's what I can only do right now.

[Onward2wards]

Darkness - and anyone else who can also relate - I truly wish you and I could take our fears and doubts and punt them off the nearest available cliff. Get some "good air" on the freaking life wreckers as they sail to their doom. Oh dear, how deeply sad I am for them. Not. Haha!!! Good riddance!!!! Sayonara suckers!!!

Originally Posted by Turtle_Rider

Thank you for this thread. We're struggling in almost same situation. I've applied any kind of jobs, but either the qualification are too high for my skills or I ****ed up in the interview. Now I've been rotted in my room for 2 months, doing nothing but put my *** in front of my laptop, hoping that some kind of miracles happen while I worry about my future. Meanwhile most of my classmates have been hired in very prestigious companies.

Lucky for me, I still able to find a low paying freelance and still supported by my parents, even through they surely don't want to see my *** around in home.

Sorry for the rant.... I just need to let this out somewhere.

I can't give you any advice, since I struggled too. Only, maybe you can try freelance job too. If I'm not wrong, you can do Web Design, right? Try to fill your portfolio while keep seeking the job. That's what I can only do right now.

I do ultimately plan on becoming a freelance web developer and possibly an internet marketer as well because honestly, being a freelancer or entrepreneur is the only way to go this day and age, especially if you lack the intelligence, charisma, and resilience required to be a high functioning employee at a company that pays well. Not to mention, if you have any type of mental health issues, these companies generally don't give people like us a fair chance and when they do, they expect us to work our butts off 40-50 hours a week and revolve our lives around their desires for slave wages only for them to generally abandon us when we outlive their usefulness to them.

Unfortunately, I'm still a novice at web developing and it takes time to learn, therefore, while I learn, I need some type of income to support myself.

I might just try some more eBay reselling while I job hunt even though I can't make much off of it without money to reinvest or having a company (which costs money to create) since most wholesellers won't deal with somebody who isn't a registered corporation or LLC so I'll take baby steps for now

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I do ultimately plan on becoming a freelance web developer and possibly an internet marketer as well because honestly, being a freelancer or entrepreneur is the only way to go this day and age, especially if you lack the intelligence, charisma, and resilience required to be a high functioning employee at a company that pays well. Not to mention, if you have any type of mental health issues, these companies generally don't give people like us a fair chance and when they do, they expect us to work our butts off 40-50 hours a week and revolve our lives around their desires for slave wages only for them to generally abandon us when we outlive their usefulness to them.

Unfortunately, I'm still a novice at web developing and it takes time to learn, therefore, while I learn, I need some type of income to support myself.

I might just try some more eBay reselling while I job hunt even though I can't make much off of it without money to reinvest or having a company (which costs money to create) since most wholesellers won't deal with somebody who isn't a registered corporation or LLC so I'll take baby steps for now

Nice to find ya in better spirits again ❤

First off, you don't strike me as an individual with diminished capacity. Your written communication is well written. You convey your ideas in an understanding manner.

You've suggested you have barriers. What are you actively doing to remove them? They won't just disappear on their own.

Find yourself an advocate if not a friend. Perhaps you can obtain one at your local mental health association. Perhaps you might find a peer support worker. You should also be able to talk to a vocational support counselor. Similarly, the association will have a jobs board of employers compassionate towards mental health. Most communities have such a facility. If not, find the closest one and give them a call.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

First off, you don't strike me as an individual with diminished capacity. Your written communication is well written. You convey your ideas in an understanding manner.

You've suggested you have barriers. What are you actively doing to remove them? They won't just disappear on their own.

Find yourself an advocate if not a friend. Perhaps you can obtain one at your local mental health association. Perhaps you might find a peer support worker. You should also be able to talk to a vocational support counselor. Similarly, the association will have a jobs board of employers compassionate towards mental health. Most communities have such a facility. If not, find the closest one and give them a call.

Right now, vocational support isn't an option for me because the state that I live in has such a huge funding issue that they put all applications on hold until it is resolved. I applied early this year and was reassured that they would be able to help me but the mental health system has let me down, yet another time.

The closest thing that I have to an advocate is my case manager through a program that's been helping me with some of my needs including linking me with resources for things like employment, mental health, or other things that I might need. Unfortunately, since the program that I'm in is for ages 16-25, I won't be able to see this case manager anymore in Aug because I will turn 26.

I need to accept that I am truly alone because the mental health system where I live is utterly terrible. Until I can eventually move out of this state, I doubt I will get the help that I need. Unfortunately, I have to live here right now because cost of living is low and I can't afford to live somewhere with higher costs yet so I need to save money.

I am in a true catch 22. If I can't get a job before the end of Oct which is when this housing grant of mine ends, I am royally screwed. If I can't get the help that I need by then, well I won't say what I will do over the internet but it won't be good for these idiots that don't care about people like me.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

"I am in a true catch 22. If I can't get a job before the end of Oct which is when this housing grant of mine ends, I am royally screwed. If I can't get the help that I need by then, well I won't say what I will do over the internet but it won't be good for these idiots that don't care about people like me."


I am still trying to help you figure out a plan B and C ... so you don't have to allow anger to take the upper hand, unless that's truly a decision you make rather than the "only one available"
❤
Don't give up!