Disconnectedness from current & future events

I've been thinking about this recently because it tends to make things harder work for me.

Basically I have some kind of emotional and mental disconnection from the future and which applies also to the present, but less so. Eg at the moment I'm in university and I know logically that in two year's time I am due to graduate. But I am in some way disconnected from it - it doesn't feel like I am at university working towards a degree, I find it hard to associate my current work with what I'm going to get in the future. It feels more like I am doing somebody else's work, somebody I don't know - there is such little emotional involvement. Even work due for next week doesn't seem like it is relevant to my life - a bit as though I'm watching it on TV, so to speak - I am watching everything happen, but not involved in it.

Most of my life is being passed like this. I am going on a week's holiday with my dad in a couple of weeks' time and at the moment it doesn't feel real that I will be going there. Not unreal as in a 'Oh that's wonderful, so good I can't believe it' unreal, but more of a 'I can't realize I am actually going to do something different' kind of unreal.

This also applies to present events too. I end up wondering if I really am doing something and occasionally why I am doing something at all, like a few moments ago I found myself wondering why I was writing this, like I got some jolted back into awareness. Part of my mind feels half-asleep most of the time, as though the part which deals with alertness and reality is asleep. That's really what it feels like, though it is hard to explain.

Does any of this make sense? Does anybody experience anything similar?

Isnt that a bit like depersonalisation? You described it really well, I was nodding my head in agreement as I read.

I agree with Mouse_, SQ.

You've been dealing with this for some time now, are you getting help?

(((( silveriest of queens ))))

Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder
The distinguishing characteristic of depersonalization disorder is the feeling that one is disconnected or unreal. Mind or body may be perceived as unattached, seen from a distance, existing in a dream, or mechanical.

Chronic depersonalization is commonly accompanied by "derealization," the feeling that features of the environment are illusory.

It should be noted that depersonalization as an isolated symptom may appear within the context of a wide variety of major psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, panic disorders and even depression.

Mild episodes of depersonalization have been reported following alcohol use, sensory deprivation, mild social or emotional stress or sleep deprivation, and as a side effect to medications. However, severe depersonalization is considered to be present only if the sense of detachment associated with the disorder is recurrent and predominant.

http://www.strangerinthemirror.com/dissociative.html

((((((((((((((((( Silver ))))))))))))))))))

Thanks (((((((( Mouse ))))))))) and (((((((((( Petunia )))))))))).

I hadn't considered depersonalisation - in fact I had forgotten it even existed. So after reading your posts I had a look at a forum for depersonalisation and some of what they said was eerily familiar in some ways - one person even said that they feel disconnected from their life which is of course similar to what I've just written.

Petunia, I don't think I've ever thought of mentioning this to a dr - not that I go much to one anyway. Mainly I am worried that if I mention this, I might be misunderstood and they think it is nothing much or that I should be more alert or something. I know I have also told my dad about my struggle to prepare for the future since it doesn't feel like my life and I can't remember what he said but I don't think he really knew what I was talking about

It is not always continuous, but a lot of the time I feel this way. Some people I read on the forum have said they feel emotionally disconnected from people as well, and though I have to say that at the moment I don't feel any emotion towards anybody, I know I can do, I know I can feel love, so much. But yeah, in general, it does make the more important things in living an organised life difficult. Do you think a British GP will know what I'm talking about?

((((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))))

Thank you for the hugs

Do you think a British GP will know what I'm talking about?

Absolutely!

http://www.dissociation.co.uk/

http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/de...n_disorder.htm

http://strangerinthemirror.com/questionnaire.html

Hmm so the first two are English sites, haven't looked at the third yet... thanks for those links, Petunia... it does sound similar... Also says it's the third most experienced thing after anxiety and depression, I didn't know that.

unfortunately i do understand... recently i felt a re-connectedness though... shocking, but cool...

Silver.........You described me perfectly. It is funny, in a sad kind of way, that I thought that everyone felt that way. I hate feeling like this...but maybe I just hate feeling bad things and not being able to feel good things .

I think I am going to print off your post and give it to my pdoc.

That's great, nowhere to run! When I feel 'normal' I feel way more alive, and more like I'm part of this world, lol Hopefully you are feeling the same!

Danialla... glad this has helped you

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silver_queen said:
...at the moment I'm in university and I know logically that in two year's time I am due to graduate. But I am in some way disconnected from it - it doesn't feel like I am at university working towards a degree, I find it hard to associate my current work with what I'm going to get in the future. It feels more like I am doing somebody else's work, somebody I don't know...

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Maybe that is because you ARE doing someone else's work -- your professors'. Not your own work.

It's a feeling I had when I finished graduate school: I was very tired of trying to live up to other people's requirements on me. It has taken me a very long time to figure out who I am and what I am interested in. Makes for a much more satisfying, interesting, creative, and productive life. Not sure how to tell you to get onto that track. For me it took a close-to-life-threatening course. I hope it doesn't for you.

darling {{{{{{{{{{silver}}}}}}}}}}

we think you should be posting this in the DD forum

in our opinion depersonalisation is a form of DD & in our personal experience, it is most commonly caused by anxiety

((((((((((((((silverqueen)))))))))))))) you're still trying, there is hope...

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pachyderm said:
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silver_queen said:
...at the moment I'm in university and I know logically that in two year's time I am due to graduate. But I am in some way disconnected from it - it doesn't feel like I am at university working towards a degree, I find it hard to associate my current work with what I'm going to get in the future. It feels more like I am doing somebody else's work, somebody I don't know...

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Maybe that is because you ARE doing someone else's work -- your professors'. Not your own work.

It's a feeling I had when I finished graduate school: I was very tired of trying to live up to other people's requirements on me. It has taken me a very long time to figure out who I am and what I am interested in. Makes for a much more satisfying, interesting, creative, and productive life. Not sure how to tell you to get onto that track. For me it took a close-to-life-threatening course. I hope it doesn't for you.

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Ok, I'm not sure what you mean by my professor's work - do you mean I'm just repeating my professors' work and that's why it has no relevance to me? Or...?

And as to who I am... I already have a good idea of what hobbies and films and literature I like reading, I'm not entirely divorced from who I am... is that what you mean?

(((((((((((( Zorah )))))))))))))

i didn't realize it was depersonalisation - if that is what it is - until what people wrote. I think the only time I have had 'proper' depersonalisation was after a counselling session when I left feeling like I was walking on air, it was really weird, lol, my legs didn't seem to belong to me and I had a hard time keeping myself from staggering as I walked

I'm not sure if it is caused by anxiety or not. I haven't really found any 'trigger' for it that I've noticed. Sometimes I just wake up and find myself as I described before. Othertimes I suddenly notice it. idk.

((((((((((( nowheretorun )))))))))))))

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silver_queen said:
(((((((((((( Zorah )))))))))))))

i didn't realize it was depersonalisation - if that is what it is - until what people wrote. I think the only time I have had 'proper' depersonalisation was after a counselling session when I left feeling like I was walking on air, it was really weird, lol, my legs didn't seem to belong to me and I had a hard time keeping myself from staggering as I walked

I'm not sure if it is caused by anxiety or not. I haven't really found any 'trigger' for it that I've noticed. Sometimes I just wake up and find myself as I described before. Othertimes I suddenly notice it. idk.

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wow. i just got round to reading this thread silver queen and at first i thought yep i know what you re talking about because i used to experience exactly the same thing but i ve been much better recently. then i did the questionnaire petunia (i think it was) posted and the questions and summary at the end have totally shocked me. i still do lots of those things a lot of the time. i got a score of 43 which apparently is in the range of 'severe depersonalisation'. i really thought it was just normal to go through life like this. hard but normal. i had to do the test three times and read all the fine print in case there were some instructions i was missing that was causing my score to be wonky.
anyway im sorry you are going through this. i know it really is hard. especially when it hits really badly. i quoted you above because i very frequently feel like that after T and occasionally at other times too. its very disconcerting to say the least. i hope you can get some help with this. you re not alone in it anyway.
take good care and thanks for posting about how you re feeling. its been very informative for me.
biiv

(((((((((((((((( Silver )))))))))))))))))

lol biiv, I know what you mean by being shocked by the test result, because when I took it I got 36,which also comes under the range of sever depersonalization - surely the test must be wrong somewhere or too vague? Because I really wasn't expecting that

I know what you mean by having it after therapy. I used to get it after my counselling sessions (which were only for depression) but after them it could last continuously for a week and more. It puts me off seeking proper therapy in case it happens after those too.

(((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))

hmmmm. i was talking about counselling too. we dont have 'therapists' here so i figured counselling was the same thing. it usually only lasts for me until i walk home and then i employ some inappropriate coping mechanism until i fall asleep/pass out and by the next morning its less intense. i wouldnt let it put you off 'proper' therapy though. a 'proper' therapist should be able to help you through exactly this.
im totally with you that the test must be wrong somewhere though! im not that out of it. right??
take care
biiv

It sounds like you are disconnected from your feelings. You mention a trip with your father. Is that stirring up feelings?

I think of 'counselling' as being done by somebody who more wants to help ppl than actually knows anything. And I think counselling is usually short-term and looks more at rectifying problems than treating the source of them. That's how I see it anyway. But perhaps where you are, both terms are used interchangeably? You'd know better by looking at their qualifications, it would give you an idea of what level they work at.