dealing with anger

Lexapro has helped me tremedously... not really with anger (didn't have any anger issues) but with anxiety and getting worked up with unnecessary worry. I just bought some biofeedback software, which I hope will be my 'solution' to calming myself down once I wean myself off the Lexapro. Have you ever tried biofeedback? I hope it works! Here is a link to the product I bought:

http://www.wilddivine.com/

biofeedback helped me tremendously with my panic! well, i know have maybe two panic attacks per year when i was dealing with them constantly and on daily meds for them! i believe 110% in the benefits of biofeedback therapy!

Great! I'm glad to hear that, because the software wasn't cheap!

Could that work for you with the anger?

well, i actually did biofeedback with a therapist specifically trained in it. we used equipment to monitor my pulse and other body reactions. it was weird but way neat as it showed me in black and white how my body reacted to certain stiluli, and as a result, showed what stimuli calmed me down.

it helped me alot! gl!

Hi kimmydawn!

Anger can be a scary thing no doubt. Some of us have been the brunt of angry outbursts from a loved one and we realize all too well how terrible it feels. It very often is demeaning in character. We end up feeling as though we are the reason for that persons anger. If we had done this or we hadn't done that, then that person wouldn't be so angry with us now.

It took me many years to realize that the anger being thrust upon me had nothing to do with me. I was convenient and one hell of a punching bag for years. Hence, I learned what I lived and became an angry person myself. Lashing out in inappropriate ways was the norm for me.

Over the years I learned to question myself on what was really making me angry. After awhile I finally realized that I wasn't happy with myself and that's why I was angry. I had become what someone else accused me of being....stupid, fat, ugly, a ***** etc etc etc. Those angry words defined me as a person for far too long.

When I did realize my problem, I set out to work on it little by little. With the help of my friends and co-workers, I worked on my self esteem and my coping skills. Before I knew it, there were wonderful things happening. I saw myself in a better light. I smiled more. I laughed a lot! I learned how to deal with the anger that surfaced when it surfaced...not later after things would build up and just the slightest little thing would set me off.

Breathing....that was a big thing for me. Pay attention to the next time you get angry....are you holding your breath? Are you getting red in the face? If you are, then remind yourself to breath. It cleanses you as you work through the emotion. If you have to, take yourself out of the situation you are in that is setting you off. Even if it's just a couple of minutes to gather yourself up and breath. Then you can get back to where you were and handle things with more control.

I hope you can find some kind of coping mechanism that works for you dear. For myself, I am a new person since I've gotten my anger under control. There is so much more love of self and love of life now, and I am finally happy! I pray for the same thing for you!

hugssssssssss

I go the alternative med route for depression and anxiety. I take the herb Scullcap on an as needed basis for the anxiety. It does reduce the anxiety and mind chatter, with no side effects. It gives a light mellow buzz and higher doses can cause a nice relaxed feeling and even a case of the giggles. Even so, theres still some anxiety there. I only buy it from a well known source because the herb has been known to be combined with another herb germander, which causes liver damage.
Alternative medicine is much safer than prescription meds but there are still some safety issues to be aware of.

Write what you are angry about - print it out - shred it with bare hands.

Somehow that seems way too tame for the intensity of my anger.

Another fine thread brought to us by the fabulous mind of Kimmydawn. Thanks, Kimmy, this is a good one.

The only real progress I made with anger was to turn it around sort of backwards from the mainstream popular regard. I heard someone once talking about the idea that anger expressed angrily begets more anger. It was an "aha" moment for me. For myself, that turned out to be true, if I throw rocks, or wreck stuff, all in the name of "releasing" said anger, I end up with more of it coursing impossibly through every cell in my body.

As eye opening as that statement proved to be for me, it was equally uninformative as to just what to "do." Gradually I have come to regard my own anger as secondary to something else. Sadness was one primary feeling which was often expressed as anger. Actually, that was the biggest one for me. Sorrow. Maybe I percieved there to be a greater measure of dignity in expressing anger as opposed to sorrow. Anger seemed safer than sadness. Although, I don't recall being concious of choosing between the two, it was more instinctual.

So, when anger comes roiling to the surface, I want to know what is really wearing that disguise.

To dissipate it, the grass pulling example is good, and the breathing too. Breathing physically counteracts so many triggered situations. Anger is a clench, and breathing denies the clench the strength it needs to pull you along. Back to the grass....it's not the pulling of the grass i suspect but the contact with it. My anger dissipates for allowing tree branches to brush me as I walk beneath them. Immersing in water, same thing. Weeding a garden, moving dirt with my hands. It is like running a ground wire from my shorted out mind, into the ground, and letting the charge be absorbed there. Because my anger is secondary to something else, my concious mind is of little use in sorting it out. It isn't rational and doesn't respond to reason.

Not a sermon, but perhaps a contrasting view that shines a little light somewhere for someone? Hope so.

breathing is an EXCELLENT tool to use for many. i can't really use breathing technique, though. my main trigger for panic is hyperventilation. therefore, everytime i think to hard about breathing and regulating, it becomes worse. i can begin to hyperventilate quickly...then panic.

i do know that many use "breathing" for many different reasons and that it's worked wonders for them. that's an excellent suggestion!

thank you so much for sharing

that's interesting, IG. i've been hearing more and more about herbal and alternative things that are helping many. the professionals are paying WAY more attn to that and going back to the "roots" of medicine i prefer not to take anything unless i absolutely have to. i was overmedicated by a doctor for over two years. therefore, i'm very cautious now about taking anything.

this is so interesting...the different things that ppl use to self calm! i'm so excited! it helps me so much to know that i'm not alone with this.

thank you!

dalila, another good suggestion. i could write the angry poems, get them "out", then destroy that anger. a symbolic and good thing to to, me thinks.

thank you!

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To dissipate it, the grass pulling example is good, and the breathing too. Breathing physically counteracts so many triggered situations. Anger is a clench, and breathing denies the clench the strength it needs to pull you along. Back to the grass....it's not the pulling of the grass i suspect but the contact with it. My anger dissipates for allowing tree branches to brush me as I walk beneath them. Immersing in water, same thing. Weeding a garden, moving dirt with my hands. It is like running a ground wire from my shorted out mind, into the ground, and letting the charge be absorbed there. Because my anger is secondary to something else, my concious mind is of little use in sorting it out. It isn't rational and doesn't respond to reason.

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8, you are such an delightfully insightful person. i look forward to your posts so much. i really believe in what you said about what you feel walking and touching the earth does. i think that the mind is a powerful thing and if we "imagine" things such as you described as working, they do. to imagine "feeling" the anger leave our bodies and be absorbed by something else could be a powerful tool. i do something very similar in a long bath...i soak and imagine all of the "yuckiness from the day" being washed away, then going down the drain...away from me. i think using this technique of which you speak is a very powerful tool for many emotions and feelings.

thank you for your post and your insight. your posts always appeal to me...your mind is brilliant i think. you see things that many don't, but the icing on the cake (that others can enjoy) is that you're able to transfer them from mind to words.

thank you i was not sure. i thought i was intruding but thanks. i have a great guy in my life and i have a wonderful friend who been through what i been through and she understands and i understands. i guess having friends who understand and help you and a guy who trys to help and makes you feel better helps. then coming on here helps too. because you see that you are not alone. and i try to deal with it by sitting quitey in a room or playing games or being with my kids. but i try to talk to those who hurt me. sometimes my husband too be sister and parents hurt me too and i tell him or them....

but ya i am here for you too. email me if you would like
angel68_eyes@yahoo.ca

((((((((((( angel ))))))))))))))) i'm glad you're doing ok with it and glad you're here

well you just hang in there and you just know that i am here too. i am hanging in here too...and thank you..

thank you, debbie. i like you it's good to know we're not alone in our stuggles, yes?

you be safe and i'm sending wonderful wishes to you

well thank you for what you said. i like you too. and it is good to know that we are not along. sometimes i feel that i am with what is going on in my life. but i am glad to have friends like you.

debbie, we're never truly alone here at PC. if we reach out there's always someone willing to take our hand.

whenever you feel lonely and overwhelmed, i or someone here, will be here for you. you may feel lonely at times, but you'll never be alone again in you struggles.

best,

Back at 'tchya Kimmy.

(((((((((((((((((((((((( 8 ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you for being you...you squirrely thing you

i was just thinking...i'll never forget once seeing an albino squirrel and what an almost magical moment that felt like for me. we were walking, the area was wooded and there it was...in the distance. i didn't want to breathe or move. there really was something magical/mystical about that for me and i really can't say why. it's still a very vivid memory for me and i don't have many of those

oh well, sorry, that was just a pleasant memory that popped up out of the blue...a good thing

don't have to say sorry. that is good for you to say how you feel about things. you have a sweet litte boy there.

ty debbie he's my nephew. i've had him for the last 5 months and am raising him now he's the light in my life!

thx again,

you welcome. my niece and nephew not talking to me thanks to my mom and sister. it is a long story.

but you are right. my kids are the same to me even when they get me so mad..lol..

This is a good subject to discuss, and I hope I am not changing it too much but what if anger is not really felt at all ?

Kimmydawn, you said that you suppress your anger/rage but that it does come out. Are you just recently starting to let it out ?

I just wonder if I will get to that point myself. I have had many things in my life that would deserve anger and rage, but I never shew it. The most I get is 'annoyance' and even then it didn't happen at the time of bad things. It is very strange - I don't get angry.

A couple of weeks ago I was very ill and in a stressful situation and I did the nearest thing to anger I have ever done - I walked away and my head felt it would burst, there was a lot of pain and muscle tension. I talked about it while upset to my partner (in a quite heated way).

When one of the bad things happened to me, I felt as if someone had hit me violently across the neck on the right side and I cried. But I never got angry !

How about going to a deserted beach, specially on a windy day, and shouting into the air all your rage ?

It depends on what or who you are angry with, but hitting a baseball bat on a pile of cushions is a good one too. Them cushions could be someone and you could stamp around on them and tell them what you think of them !

I am now thinking that there are times when you are alone and feel angry. And there are times when you are with ppl and you feel angry. 2 different kinds.

Being alone and expressing anger could become frightening so i guess you could come to an agreement with a friend that they would call you afterwards, or they could be around to encourage you and offer care as you calm down.

When with ppl, awareness of what triggered the anger seems to be important to me. Some ppl may genuinly deserve a bit of anger and (even though I can't do it !) expressing it is ok for the occasion.

I have read somewhere that ideally anger should be expressed at the time of the incident that brought it about, and to the person then, so it doesn't fester.

But I don't think the person who wrote that was aware of how much past bad stuff ppl can have. Bad things happen when we are too small and don't know (or are too scared to) how to do that. Years go by and for many, there are consequences if they express anger.

I believe that with dedication and time (and a good T) that eventually many of the 'individual' angers can be worked on. When they are sifted through and feelings expressed on them, maybe the confusion of past angers mixing with present angers will clear.

I hope you find some clarity, Kd, at the moment I am now realising I have exhausted myself ! Please excuse any waffle, I can get carried away !

I don't feel anger myself but the stuff I wrote just comes from experience with others. I know i should practice what I preach, but I also know that it will come when i am ready to handle it ........

Going to have a rest now, kitties

Keep hanging in there !!!!!!!!! Poppet