dealing with anger

thank you for what you said. it makes me feel better knowing there are nice people still out there. i am a good person just like you been hurt to much..i will say the same to you too.

((((((((((((((( debbie )))))))))))))))))) i'm sorry to read about neice and nephew.

yep, little man's a pickle right now (he was two in oct.) however, he brings a joy to my life that only a child can do

wow. i understand everything you said. it is true sometimes the anger you are feeling does come from the past when you were hurt by those who hurt you and at the time you could not explain to them why you feel this way until now when you are much older.

That is like me. I feel so much anger to my mom and sister and my family because of what happen to me and at the time i could not tell them why because i could not understand it my self. But now I understand it and I am letting them know just how hurt I was and how angry I was. But to them I have the problem and I am always out to start something and I am always thinking this way... That is all bull because I need to tell them just how I feel about what happen.

And it is true you should let those know who hurt you just how you feel and just how hurt you are. I was told the same thing.

that is like my daugther too. she is 2 and in june she will be 3 and she can be a hand full but she is like an angel and my son who is 9 can be a big hand ful too..but i love to death..i would like one more child but i am so scare to have another one.

ya i am sorry about my family too. i love them to death so much and i told them this..it is like they care.

poppet, i can show anger to a degree but only to a degree...if the anger i'm feeling triggers the rage that's in here, it's stifled and quickly.

hubby gets confused with me because he thinks i get angry about silly things that i shouldn't even give my attn, but when something "big" happens that justifies anger to him, i shut down. he says, "aren't you angry". i say, "yes, extremely" but act is if everything is fine. what he doesn't know is that i'm more than angry, i have rage. at that point, i shut down. it scares me. i hope that makes some kind of sense. it's something that t works with me on on a regular basis and we're making slow progress. it took a long time to be this way, it's going to take some time to let it out and turn it around

thank you so much for your posts and your suggestions. they're great! also, thank you for expressing your relation. it helps to know that i'm not alone

I was told a long time ago that anger is really hurt redirected.

wow, not THAT'S something to THINK about.

thank you,

I think it's true. It's always been for me anyway. It starts out as hurt, turns into anger and back into hurt again. It makes sense to me plus I was told that in therapy.

yep, it does makes sense...a LOT of sense.

i'm printing that out i hope you don't mind...

I don't mind at all. Whenever I'm angry I try to think what it is that I'm hurt about, and there is always something there, so I focus on that and then the anger disapates.

that's great i can be hurt deeply because it triggers something inside and snowballs...much like the anger...hmm interesting.

QUOTE: anger is really hurt redirected.

Yeah. I like that one!

you are welcome back. i think our hubbys don't understand much about us and how we feel and what we gone through. my hubby is the same way sometimes. it is like they are the only ones to feel this way but not us. my mom is the same way. i am not to feel. but it is ok to be angry at small things and big things. we are only human.

yeah, i like that one too. IG, you never responded to my post on the other thread...i hope it didn't offend you in some way.

that is how i feel at times or maybe more of the times. the way you feel. starts of as hurt then anger then hurt. but aother times it is anger then hurt then anger then hurt. goes back and forward. that is why i get so stress out and depress

oh, without saying anything else, i want to say i SO understand that...about mother.

really. your mom too. i try not to be like my mom. always angry at my kids and all that. but sometimes i have to stop myself because i see my self that way and it scares me....i want my kids to know i love them both the same and be there for the both of them. i care about them the same and love them the same. my mom says she does love her kids and grandkids the same and that my friends is bull....she loves my sister more and love my sister's kids more and care about them more then me and my kids. the things i seen and the people who come up to me and tell me things they seen too..i can tell you things then you will understand how i feel about this...

(((((((((((((((( debbie )))))))))))))))))))) that's hard. my mother was a depressed, complacent, histrionic mother. in other words, she was cold...very...unless she was being a drama queen or demanding attention for herself. i grew up giving her that attn just to get a crumb for myself from her. she turned her head to the absues in our home.

as an adult, i realize that she is/was ill. that little girl still hurts though and wants what she'll never get from her "moma". i understand.

Dealing with anger....wow...this is a big one for me! Unlike most of you, I have no problems expressing my anger, feeling my anger, articulating my anger. Anger is a very easy emotion for me to feel. In fact, I'd go so far as to say anger is a very comfortable place for me to be. I grew up in a home full of anger, anger flowed like water, I was constantly threatened and abused with anger. I am my fathers daughter. I use to express anger very inappropriately...hitting, breaking, throwing, destroying, rampaging, etc...but through therapy I learned how to express my anger in words, with the appropriate tone of voice, no swearing, no name calling, no insults...just the facts. The key I think is to not have any expectation of the outcome. The point is to respect oneself. And in respecting yourself you have no choice but to respect others. In instances where my feelings of anger are misplaced or inappropriate or misdirected....I take some space and think before I speak. I also don't allow myself to feel responsible for other peoples expressions of inappropriate anger, nor do I subject myself to them. There's a lot to be said for removing yourself from the situation. I'm no saint. I don't always do things perfectly. I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I use to be. TgrsPurr.

how well said and inspiring. thank you so much for that. it gives me hope that when and if i'm able to express, i can control it and do it well.

again, thank you.

my mom was absues by the men she married. my dad and my sister's dad absues her and absues me. well never hit me but throw things at me i guess i was the smalles and he told my mom never to come home if i was a girl and my sisters dad said the samething to my mom about my sister. so i understand that where she is coming from. and i understand the absues she gone through with them and as she would say with her parents but my grandparents were good people but hard people. who didn't put up with sh...that i understand..and i guess my mom holds anger with that and with her brothers and sisters too. but she doesn't have to take it out on me or my kids. i told her how i felt and i told her about the pain and the hurt about the things i felt and seen. i told her i feel what i feel and i see what i see. it could be different from her or my sister but i feel hurt and anger because of her and my sister. my sister and i would say things to eachother about the way our mom was and is.we sometimes don't understand the way she is. she will put my sister down in front of me but will not tell her what she said and then my mom would do the same about me to my sister. then she would put her own sisters and brothers down but not infront of them or when she does she makes it sound like they have problems not her. i seen it and i heared it. i am so sick of it. my mom is a good person and can joke around but when it comes to hurting others she is good at it. she things she has so much wrong with her and she things she is the only one who does and no one else does. or she things others are just bull around about how they feel. i know how she gets and i am sick of it. and i hope i don't turn our like her. it hurts. she will put me down and call me names and make me feel like i don't belone or anything. or she will say it is all me that i am out to start something or that i am always thinking this. i am sick of feeling this way and i am sick of having others say things to me that they see how my mom is.

when my sister was pregnant at the age of 18 years old my mom kicked me out of the house. when my sister was ripe by our uncle my mom made a big thing out of it. but when i was ripe by my cousin and it took me years of not telling anyone and i had to live with it since i was 13 years old and when i told her she said not to say anything to keep it to myself. so what does that show you. my mom would call me sl...u..t..becasue i hang out with guys as just friends and she thought i slept with them all. they were just friends..when i was younger i took my sister and i down by the rocks she got mad at me for taking my sister but not mad at me for taking both off us.

my mom and sister only come up now for b-days and christmas not anyother times like before. and when i tell them about this they say well the weather is bad but they been up before when the weather was bad. i have a car and then we can take the subway. i don't b about going down to see them. they come up with so much bull about everything. and when my mom had two strokes i didn't know about it until after and at that time i had no kids so i could have sat with her. i am so pee off about that..ooo there is more..but you get where i am coming from...

yes it hurts and yes i am so angry. sorry..

wow. i like what you just said. and that makes alot of since. sometimes i try that but most of the times i yell....lol...and i am trying not to swear or say bad names or brake things or anything like that. my sons' father was a very mean person and a very bad person he brong out the worst in me that i didn't think i had in me or that i had it hiden so well because of what i gone through. that makes since. i could not really say how angry i was or how hurt i was because i didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or start a fight or anything so i keep it inside of me until i meet my son 's father and then that is when everything came out. and now i don't hold back i say how it is when i feel it is the right place or sometimes i just don't care anymore. you get in my face and you see what happens..that is how i feel. you hurt me i tell you. but then to others i am not to feel.

((((((((((((((((((((( debbie ))))))))))))))))))))))) yes, it does hurt and i'm sorry for what you had to endure by those who were supposed to nurture, love and protect you.

i can tell you that i've been in therapy and it's saved my quality of life. have you considered therapy? i think it could really help you deal with alot of what happened to you and place it and be able to deal with life "today" a little more stress free. as a survivor of childhood abuse, you might have to take the initiative to no longer let those ppl have control over you any longer...by way of emotions and memories.

i wish you alot of things right now. please consider therapy if you're not already seeing one. you deserve and need to heal...we all do

i want to thank everyone for replying to this post. i invision this to be close to like a "group therapy" or something online. i've never been involved in group therapy, but if i were to be, i would want it to be alot like this thread has been.

we've touched on so much here and i wanna hear more still. anger and dealing with it constructively is a very important issue i think.

thank you again everyone! i've learned so much and received so many suggestions, support and hope from this one thread.

you all mean so much to me (((((((((((((((((((((( everyone )))))))))))))))))

much respect,

we love you kd. You're an asset to this forum. I, for one, love hearing from you and reading your posts. TgrsPurr