dealing with anger

anger is a very frightening emotion for me to witness from another or experience for myself.

i would just like to get some ideas on how some of us deal with anger...constructively. i supress my anger/rage, but when it does come out, it's usually an inappropriate response to the current situation, because it's anger about everything that's been building up not just anger about the current moment.

so, have any of you found a way to allow the anger to come out and not be afraid of it or feel like you're being a jerk and an awful person by showing it?

thanks!

Sweetie what I have done in the past was to take all my misc dishes that are chipped or cracked go into a room by myself and throw those dishes into a box as hard as i could screaming as I did this of course you need to do this when no one else is home, we now have a dammit doll that works pretty good too
Angie

Gosh, I wish I knew, kd. Anger is a problem for me, too

Yeah, someone let me inon this secret please? i think i need anger management courses or something.

Oh if your artistic you can use the pieces of the dishes to make a mosaic or glue them around your fireplace in a mosaic style
Angie

very interesting, angie! thank you! can you tell me more abour your dammit doll?

thanks,

((((((((((((((((((( angela )))))))))))))))))))))

it can be really scary, huh?

thx for replying ((((((((((( jet ))))))))))) my anger is mostly internal. when i feel like i've let out too much and apologize to someone for being what i thought was so mean, they have no clue. they're like, "kim, you didn't do anything wrong." when i feel like i was the biggest jerk ever because of what was being felt inside.

have you checked into any classes in your area?

kd

I'd be interested in any info you find kd. Sometimes I get angry with hubby. We quarrel and then I end up apologizing for something I end up apologizing when I don't think I am wrong....just to end the fight.

Good luck, kd. Thanks for being honest!

thank you ((((((((((((( 1day )))))))))))))))

i know that in the summer time (when i can be outside and run away from ppls in here that make me angry/sad) i've found myself lots sitting in the grass...pulling out chunks of it. i told t about this and he wanted to know more. i said it feels good because not only am i doing an angry motion, but i see a sort of destruction afterwards...if that makes sense. i see something that i was able to do in my anger and it felt good and didn't hurt anything. t said that was great to do!

also, when i discussed this he mentioned "mini-rages"...l laughed my arse off (which he didn't appreciate). it just seemed so ludicrous to me for some reason...lolol. but i think i'm going to visit the mini-rage thing he was mentioning...i'll let you know what he says and how it could be constructive.

kd, I very rarely feel any anger. When I do, it's inappropriate to the situation and I can be pretty rude to certain people in my life (particularly people who remind me of certain others in my life, you know?). I get very snappy for no good reason and I have a hard time reigning it in. But mostly, I just don't feel mad about all the things that I SHOULD be mad about. Every now and then I can feel just a taste of the anger. I think you'll know what I mean when I say I know it isinside there, but I'm not exactly feeling it.

***May Trigger*** I feel like someone is choking me when I get mad. It reminds me of all the times I tried so hard to keep the anger down, just to keep myself safe from further harm if you know what I mean by that. It's the same sort of feeling, although this time it's just automatic to stuff the anger down. I'm not choosing to do it any more. Make sense? Anyway, it's like I'm being choked with it, it doesn't come out. And sometimes in my head, I imagine myself really flipping out with anger. Destroying property and going on the warpath. But in reality, even if I tried to vent that rage in a less harmful way, as soon as I tried to express the feeling, it would evaporate into thin air. I find this very frustrating and disturbing.*******

I hope I haven't hijacked your thread. I share it in hopes of helping you know you're not alone, and maybe we can all gain some insight about anger from this sharing. I hope so. I really am troubled by this, and have been for a long time.


Angela

angela, me thinks we're sharing brains again. i could not only relate with some of what you said. i can relate to every single word that you said...every emotion and fear you explained, as it's very much my experience. anger was a dangerous emotion to witness or to let out...more harm would come.

and now, yes, it's as automatic as blinking or breathing for it to be stifled when it's felt coming up "to the throat". alot of times, leaving me to appear "flat". i know that's no longer healthy and really want to be able to healthily show my emotions when i'm angry with someone...also to be able to show the anger without 10 things from yesteryear feeding it.

thank you so much. you put into words what i couldn't...exactly.

Gosh, I hear you kd. Do you ever feel like you're going in slow motion if you try to step into the anger feeling in your mind?

please! yes!!!! i think it's because it's being faught so hard against..physically and mentally?

Yes! I know it doesn't fix it, but it is nice to know I'm not such a freak and I"m not alone, kd

((((((((((((((((( angela ))))))))))))))))))))) you're not alone, hon. i've read of many who experience this same thing and talked with many ppl who have intense problems with anger/rage...on many levels but basically for the same reasons that you and i discussed.

*********** possible trigger **************

i know when i feel the internal rage, i want to see something that i've done which is destructive (i.e. visual putting my fist through a wall. i NEVER visual hurting another tho). that's why t said that the grass pulling thing was great. i also thought about getting a piece of clothing that i don't like and ripping it to shreds...that uses strength and i can visually see the destruction that i long...much like angie said with the dishes.

i would soon run out of old clothes tho...hehe. that's why i wanted suggestions from people who've figured out (on their own or with t) how to deal healthily with rage.

it's an important emotion t says and shouldn't be ignored, but i'm afraid of it...so maybe if i learn constructive things to do with it i won't be so afraid of it and let it out so it doesn't sit inside and fester.

i'm excited that i'm getting responses to this! thanks!

I know what you mean there, kd. With me, if I tried those things, the anger would go away as soon as I started. So it would be pointless, you know? It's irritating.

I have written some angry poems. They SOUND more angry than I'm able to really actually FEEL when I write them, though. But maybe they bring me closer to it? Have you ever tried that?

I also have taken a pen and just dug it into the pages of my journal, tearing them up. I did this as an alternative to si. Sometimes anger makes me want to hurt msyelf and do some serious damage, so I NEVER let myself si out of anger

no and that's a great idea! at least acknowledging it and letting it out that way is a huge step i think! i'm gonna do that. i know alot of anger has been journaled, and i always felt better afterwards...acknowledging. hmmm, that would be a good thing i think. of course, i could never let anyone read them, so i would have to think of yet ANOTHER good hiding place...hehehehe.

thanks!

Hay. I don't mean to join in or anything but I was reading what you were saying about anger. I feel my self getting very angry at times and sometimes I feel that when I do get that angry I know I should not be this way at all. And I know when I do get that angry I know I am hurting those around me and sometimes I can not help myself. I been hurt in the past and I have family who hurt me. So I take the pain and the anger and take it on those who really done nothing to me. But then there been times when I have people come at me and I get so angry that I feel myself losting it. And when you said you feel like someone is chocking you. I get that too. And I feel the world is out to get me and everything that is happening to me is becasue I am a bad person and that gets me even more angry because I know I am not a bad person.

And when you said you can be very snappy, rude and take it on those who remind you of someone. I do that too. My son reminds me of his father and what he done and what his family done to me and my son. So I find my self getting very angry at him but it isn't his fault that they are the way they are. Then I get angry because my mom does it to me too about my father. She always says I am just like my dad. That gets me angry too.

The funny thing is I destroyed things that is someone else too. Like my husband to be when he gets me so angry and so hurt I go in and destroy the cards I give him or I take off the rings he give me. And I am so tried and so sick of feeling this way. All I want to do is live a happy life. I been through so much in my past up to now that is all I want.

So I understand what you are saying.

(((((((((((((((((((( debbie ))))))))))))))))))))) i'm so glad you DID join in welcome

i understand completely what you're saying. the past comes up and bites us when we don't want it to, huh? especially when there's alot of unresolved issues and emotions dealing with childhood abuse...

can i ask if you're in therapy? it's helped me so much in my life. it's literally saved my quality of life. being in therapy has helped my see how the things that i do relate to my childhood and has helped me to change alot of my reactions and actions. if you're not in therapy, i think you would greatly benefit from it.

i'm sorry that you suffered as a child, and i'm sorry that you still feel that hurt today. it's hard you have many ppl here that understand what you went thru and are still going thru. we're here for you.

consider seeing a therapist if you're not already? again, welcome

Kimmydawn, you said something which REALLY made me think with your statement about anger to a current situation being the result of built up past anger. I always thought of it as a conditioned reaction but I now think you're absolutely right and you've got me thinking. Thank you.

Debbie, The threads in general because kd WANTS people to share! I hope you don't feel like you are intruding.

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, too. How do you with it in more healthy ways? Do you have ideas???

(((((((((((((( isolated guy )))))))))))))))) you're very welcome. it's true...alot of times my anger (when it's triggered) starts off as something small and by the time it's finished it has snowballed into this huge thing. when it's finished it barely resembles what started it...it's much bigger and uglier...then lays there inside festering until the next time

be safe,

One thing I have conquered quite a bit is my getting angry at the slightest things. What made me decide to control it was educating myself on the toll anger takes on the body. There are still things that bother me but not so much the little things anymore. It's not worth it. I've learned myself that too much stress and anxiety will produce unusual physical symptoms. I went to the ER last year because I had these on and off symptoms of slight weakness in an arm, leg, or sometimes both. I was convinced I had strokes or a brain tumor and the symptoms are much worse during stress. After 3000 dollars worth of scans, an ekg, and blood work, they couldn't find anything wrong and said it was just stress and anxiety. Anxiety is a much bigger issue than depression but I don't post in the Anxiety section because being there seems to make it worse for some reason.

yes, i agree anxiety is a huge physical stressor. i think anger that's held in can also wreak havoc physically. it's another good reason that i want to find a "safe and constructive" release. i always deal with anxiety. these can be so physically wearing.