[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Originally Posted by Imah

I am glad you posted. I feel the same way because I don't have 7 chickens hidden under my bed. Maybe that is why a lot of people aren't writing on here. Perhaps people think because they couldn't be on a TV movie - they have nothing to contribute. Frankly, I feel all alone not knowing exactly how to treat food as un-important as I used to. this constant fixating on it - first thought in the morning, nearly last at night. Sneaking so I don't make noise to the fridge. Counting the minutes until it would 'seem normal to others' for me to go back in the kitchen. Being annoyed if someone sees me getting food as if they are judging me. I think about food way more then I used to. Probably at least once every 15 minutes if not more.

I hope everyone who views this posts. ED are very common. We need to be comparing our experiences to help share knowledge, and the understanding that we are not alone.

I'm not sure if I'm even that bad - but like I said I have had some really low periods, and my number one go-to emotion suppressant is food. I have bad habits like eating a meal to satisfy a need for a snack, or eating when I'm not hungry (even full), out of sheer impulse. I can relate about being ashamed when someone sees you getting food; I'm one of those people who will take three of four cookies when everyone else takes one; I'm either going to be hiding the extras or going countershame and just not caring. My lack of self-control sparks so much self-hate.

I can't treat food as unimportant either. I'm not the biggest fan of eating with/in front of others. When I was living at home, I would regularly fix myself food late at night, or hide wrappers from my binges. I stop by a grocery store almost once a day, often just to pick up a snack (a couple doughnuts, or a muffin, or some candy). It's such a habit that not stopping takes willpower. I think the only reason I've been avoiding shopping more easily now is because I've been sick a lot lately, and genuinely don't feel like eating.

[Imah]

Binged/purged today. Will try to get back on a good eating habit tomorrow.

lost another two pounds so far this month. weighing on mon. this past mon. the scale said 263. i'm aiming for 261.

also, something that helps - lots and lots of green tea.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Okay, I need to get this out somewhere. I've been a bad bad bad bad bad girl with my FS again (and yes, I consider the fact that I'm undeservedly on FS to make what I'm about to admit even worse).

I've eaten an obscene amount of sweets in the past 5 days: a pack of cookies, almost a full box of freezie pops (there's one left), an entire frozen cake (snarfed in 2 days), a pound of gummies, another pack of frozen cake slices, and two more bakery cake pieces ( I've only eaten one actually... no doubt the other will be gone soon). I think I had some doughnuts too. I'm basically in sweets-as-meals mode now and I feel so disgusting, like the utter trash I am. I can't stop. And in addition, I have been stocking up on real food too, I just can't stop stealing money to feed my addiction. It's just legally condoned stealing now.

[Imah]

ate a pizza - didn't purge. first time I didn't purge in 5 days. Yay me.

[Fuzzybear]

I'm here, kinda

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Yesterday I learned that I only need memories to upset myself, it's not just the internet.

But today, I can tell, is going to be food torture.

I just stumbled on more comments from people who don't like food or end up on accidental ketogenic diets due to forgetting to eat. I want to be like that. I should be like that. It's literally wrong for me to eat and enjoy it. It's a sign of how base and unintelligent I am. Otherwise I would have transcended my body like more intuitive people have. I would recognize food as an annoying thing required to sustain life rather than a source of pleasure.

But in order to eat like an intuitive I need to consciously starve myself. Even if my mind is active hunger will bother me, and I'll need to assuage the discomfort.

If that's not enough, last night I had this weird dream that I ate out at a restaurant and when the bill came, I had just barely enough - and it basically wiped me out financially. Not because the bill was high but because I had nothing. Debit cards denied, almost no cash, etc. And it felt horribly real, so I'm still high-strung from that.

I ate a lot yesterday, so I was just going to eat sparingly today and fast over the weekend. Now I'm not sure. The shame is getting to me - I'm even thinking of making myself throw up what I just ate...probably won't, but it would get the evil out of me.

weighed mon., scale said 264 - gained a pound.

am hoping next mon. i will be down that pound and more.

[spring2014]

Originally Posted by ennui.

weighed mon., scale said 264 - gained a pound.

am hoping next mon. i will be down that pound and more.

feeling depressed that I might lose my therapist cuz of the food stamps program that I'm on I might get cut after the 4th of next month .



Diagnosis : Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

not a good week for me- 2 takeaways and a big bag of spicy potato chips

and i've another bag too which i'm trying not to open

[PianogirlPlays]

I went to a meeting and had group sharing. It encouraged me.

not a bad week. (from my standards anyway)

had 1 takeout, and 1 day where i did overeat

but mostly okay this week

[gracebuttercup]

hi I think I have posted in this area once before. I used to post on a forum for food issues that i love. But someone became obsessed with me. Sending many pms. But what she was doing was obsessive. So I finally left that forum, for now anyway. I did not want to report her. Anyway I think I want to start posting here.

With food it seems there is no satiation point. I could eat a big meal and still not feel satisfied. Today I ate way too much. Yesterday was even worse. Lately I have had challenges with keeping it under control. But I have had really good success with it in the past. I need to get back in control of what I am eating. I can do it. Just need to settle down and do it. Thanks for reading

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I'm sad and I can't stop eating halp.

Originally Posted by gracebuttercup

hi I think I have posted in this area once before. I used to post on a forum for food issues that i love. But someone became obsessed with me. Sending many pms. But what she was doing was obsessive. So I finally left that forum, for now anyway. I did not want to report her. Anyway I think I want to start posting here.

With food it seems there is no satiation point. I could eat a big meal and still not feel satisfied. Today I ate way too much. Yesterday was even worse. Lately I have had challenges with keeping it under control. But I have had really good success with it in the past. I need to get back in control of what I am eating. I can do it. Just need to settle down and do it. Thanks for reading

i'm sorry what happened to you with the other forum. these things happen, and it's sad.

glad you decided to start posting here anyway

we're a lot nicer

honest

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

I'm sad and I can't stop eating halp.

what's making you sad?

what have you tried to help you stop?

sorry you're struggling

watching a movie and stuffing yourself with stupid quantities of sugar

not the best way to spend an afternoon..

another bad day

ate way too much and still hungry.

(1 of those days)

[Soundoff]

I was trying to go on a diet but I over ate way too much. My stomach is so full that it hurts. The only bright side is that I'm not hungry and still eating. Tomorrow I'm going to eat really clean and make up for today. I'll try my best.

i ate really well today,

a good quick breakfast, a good dinner- and just 1 snack (a chocolate cookie)

now, easter tomorrow... probably a diffrent story

despite being easter, i've not done so bad with my eating today.

i had a chocolate egg this morning (that's in sted of my breakfast), and now i've just put on some lamb for dinner (with nothing in between)

so not bad at all

[Soundoff]

I want to eat. I just want to ransack my fridge and bury my feelings in food. I already didn't do well today so why not give in to my urges and stuff myself until I can't breathe.

i feel really bad round about now.

it's now tuesday evening, and all my easter eggs are gone.

3 big eggs (that's the candy part and the chocolate part) gone in 2 days

so much for making them last

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

Absolutely furious with myself. I withdrew a little money, enough for a couple of bus passes, and promptly spent it on food.

I have the weirdest addiction to Chinese buffet food - it makes me feel like absolute crap (seriously, I'll walk in there feeling fine and come out depressed as hell. MSG sensitivity, maybe?) but I can't stop eating it. It's always on impulse and it's eating all my money I don't have and need for more important things. I don't know why I'm even writing this, other than I feel like crap.

found yesterday to be 1 of those days where i just didn't eat enough.

had my breakfast, but that was really it.

snacked after i watched my tv show on some candy (but i expected that), that was hard to make myself do- watch that show