[geez]

If you've tried EMDR how did it help you?

So far I've tried EFT and instead of calming/turning down my emotions it activated me and that T recommended I go see a trauma therapist.

So far I've had two appointments with the new T and she has talked to me about trauma and has taught me some grounding techniques for me to practice before we do EMDR. I'm nervous that EMDR will activate me like EFT.

Any thoughts?

[Open Eyes]

(((Geez)))

I have not had it myself. Some people find that it helps a lot, and I have heard others say they didnt get anything from it. I think that you have to just try it and see what it does for you. Everyone I have talked to does say it is tiring so make sure you have time to rest after, maybe even the next day to rest as well.

As far as worrying about anything troubling coming forward and upsetting you, well what ever comes forward is something you have another opportunity to understand and work through.

((((Hug to not worry))))
Open Eyes

[purple_fins]

I tried it with a previous T. (working on multiple childhood traumas and many other things) and I didn't get a thing out of it.....
though looking back, I have HUGE trust issues and seemingly an aversion to attachment, so I think for me I had too thick and tall of a wall up around to protect me.
I've never tried it with the T. I see now, I think that the past experience has left me with negative feelings of it....
however... if you trust the T. you have and wish to try it-- it might be worth the try.
Everyone is different -- it just might be what really helps you

keep us posted on what you decide and how things go, K?

fins

[crazylife]

3 sessions of EMDR and hating it, hope it changes.

[geez]

(((crazy, Purple, Open))) Thank you for sharing your experiences/opinion of EMDR. I'm really anxious about it and I want to trust my new T and I do like her but to trust her is to make myself vulnerable and I don't like that feeling. :-(

Tomorrow I have an appointment with T and I'll keep you all posted. We may try a small part of EMDR. I'm not looking forward to it :-(

[Open Eyes]

(((geez)))),
That is understandable with you having a new therapist geez. But if you can build a trust with this therapist too? Well that will help your skills in building trust too. Try to look on the plus of this venture. You have come so far, keep moving forward.
Let us know how you make out tomarrow. Remember you may be tired, that is ok and people say it goes away. Don't put pressure on yourself and try to just go with the flow.

((((Hugs for tomarrow))))
Open Eyes

[geez]

Thank you Open for the words of encouragement. I had my appointment today and I we didn't do EMDR and I'm ok with that. I have homework to do. I have to work on my emotions. When emotions come up instead of stuffing them down I need to explore them and find out why I'm having them to figure out where they are coming from and what they relate to. I kind of felt like I wasted my time today. I felt 'shut down' and 'shut off' emotionally. I told T that I fear relationships and don't reach out to others (I feel like I can here but not IRL). I feel vulnerable and I don't like that - I'm sure that's why I didn't want to open up to T and 'explore' my feelings. I talked a little bit about what I've been feeling anxious about (food) but of course I need to figure out what is really behind the anxiety (so far I figured out it's not really about the food it's about not having control or losing control - I need to explore that ). Sorry for the long post.

[Open Eyes]

((((geez))))),

Ok, its alright if you didn't do the EMDR. You ARE with a new therapist and you were with the other therapist for a while and with that other therapist you took a while, but you started to engage life. And that other therapist encouraged you and she was somewhat of a mentor to you as well. It sounds to me that you had finally broken through and had someone there to provide and example of participating in something and gaining from it. As you did that geez you developed your emotions and began to realize that you COULD do just that. Somehow by doing that you discovered that you COULD tap onto your emotions and utilize them to build a safety net around you.

I think what you discovered that was so helpful is you discovered that you CAN get in touch with your emotional self and you have been a part of something (running I believe right?) So you discovered the emotional YOU in ways that you had not realized before. And you like it, you have connected with other people within a somewhat social activity and you realized not only could you do it, but it was fun and also made you happy and more outgoing.

Now in many ways you want to protect this, because lets face it, it feels right. For the first time something in you feels right and you want to keep moving with that.
geez, that is normal, that is what we are all meant to do. And you have done really well establishing your emotions to have a sense of "safety" and well being with this.
You are heading in a very good direction.

Now, with a new therapist you are challenged again. And this IS something new, but you are being asked to step back and address something else you have problems with. And whenever we address anything that is unpleasent, perhaps did threaten our ability to have a balanced set of emotions that helped or told us we were safe, you are worried. And probably there is an old desire to be "avoidant".

Well, you have homework that says "get in touch with your emotions or search them and see what you come up with to talk about" in therapy. And you don't really know how to do that yet. You know how to build on an activity and develope emotions around that, but you still have not really figured out the past and the emotions that were in that. Part of that is because you shut them off so you could just exist and now you are starting to see that.

From what I remember geez you were trying to get back into your marriage and relationship with your husband and some new things came up that you were troubled by and didn't understand. And then you were able to talk about and identify it a little better here. Something new came to the surface and it troubled you.

When we are re-establishing ourselves and things start to surface that we didn't truely know how to address in our past, we can get worried. But what that really means is we had something happen that we never truely emotionally processed.
What does emotionally process mean? Well, when something happens that is upsetting in some way it means that for some reason we didn't have a healthy emotional foundation to process it, or it was something new that we never developed and emotional way of dealing with. geez, this is normal you know, everyone has periods in their lives where they come across things they don't know how to emotionally process to where they have a balanced safe feeling about the event/situation/time in life. As a matter of fact, some of how your husband is dealing with his life right now? Well, he has unknowingly shut himself off and put himself in a low key simple daily routine that isn't really requiring him to challenge his emotions. And you ARE/HAVE BEEN and this is causing you to become displeased with him. And you began to come out with, "I don't know if the new person I am becoming is going to fit in this relationship/lifestyle I was involved in". Well, that is a normal healthy question geez.

geez, you have come a long way you know. You have found out that you CAN do life and develope a strong emotional sense that you didn't do before. There is nothing wrong with that, that is what we are all designed to do. And with this new therapist, that is supposed to be built on and appreciated and rewarded. And you are NOT supposed to feel that because you have this something is now wrong with you EVER.
But you are questioning your relationship and the empty shell that was there for a long time while you were married and had a family. And your family doesn't realize what is going on with you, they knew that other person, and don't see that you have, through therapy, become a healthier person.

You have to take time and evaluate what you are struggling with now geez. You have to let this therapist know how you progressed and are now finding it hard to explain to your family what this means. You DO deserve to thrive and enjoy yourself and these new healthy emotions that circle around the activites and new ways of interacting geez. So maybe that is where you need to focus here.

Take some time and write down where you are right now and what you are struggling with now. You don't have to go backwards and adjust YOU to fit into your family now. Your husband has to step up to the plate and find ways to support this newer healthier person you have become. You have to be given permission to continue with your progress, not draw back from it.

So think about that geez. Write down what you would like to see happen now and what you had been discussing a while back about your husband not seeing what has really taken place etc.

Open Eyes

[geez]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((((geez))))),

Ok, its alright if you didn't do the EMDR. You ARE with a new therapist and you were with the other therapist for a while and with that other therapist you took a while, but you started to engage life. And that other therapist encouraged you and she was somewhat of a mentor to you as well. It sounds to me that you had finally broken through and had someone there to provide and example of participating in something and gaining from it. As you did that geez you developed your emotions and began to realize that you COULD do just that. Somehow by doing that you discovered that you COULD tap onto your emotions and utilize them to build a safety net around you.



there is an old desire to be "avoidant".

Well, you have homework that says "get in touch with your emotions or search them and see what you come up with to talk about" in therapy. And you don't really know how to do that yet. You know how to build on an activity and develope emotions around that, but you still have not really figured out the past and the emotions that were in that. Part of that is because you shut them off so you could just exist and now you are starting to see that.


What does emotionally process mean? Well, when something happens that is upsetting in some way it means that for some reason we didn't have a healthy emotional foundation to process it, or it was something new that we never developed and emotional way of dealing with.

As a matter of fact, some of how your husband is dealing with his life right now? Well, he has unknowingly shut himself off and put himself in a low key simple daily routine that isn't really requiring him to challenge his emotions. And you ARE/HAVE BEEN and this is causing you to become displeased with him. And you began to come out with, "I don't know if the new person I am becoming is going to fit in this relationship/lifestyle I was involved in". Well, that is a normal healthy question geez.


You have to take time and evaluate what you are struggling with now geez. You have to let this therapist know how you progressed and are now finding it hard to explain to your family what this means. You DO deserve to thrive and enjoy yourself and these new healthy emotions that circle around the activites and new ways of interacting geez. So maybe that is where you need to focus here.

Take some time and write down where you are right now and what you are struggling with now. You don't have to go backwards and adjust YOU to fit into your family now. Your husband has to step up to the plate and find ways to support this newer healthier person you have become. You have to be given permission to continue with your progress, not draw back from it.

So think about that geez. Write down what you would like to see happen now and what you had been discussing a while back about your husband not seeing what has really taken place etc.

Open Eyes

Who the hell are you? (says it with complements) How amazingly perceptive you are and right on with your interpretations of what I've posted here on PC.

Your first paragraph brought tears to my eyes. It made me come to the realization of how much I miss my old T .

When you used the word 'avoidant' it struck a cord with me because it's something my T explained to me yesterday.

On the subject of emotions there are peaks and valleys for everyone and my T explained my window of peaks and valleys is a narrow one AND I go to being avoidant when the emotions come up.

Thank you so much for your insights and summary it helps to read it in black and white. I have lots of homework to do

[Open Eyes]

Well you had quite a relationship with your old T. She gave you permission and support to become who you are now. Maybe in ways she gave you the nurturing you always needed so you could find yourself, whatever that is for you and you Have come a long way. Maybe you should touch base with her once a month or something just to give you that comfort to help you keep going and maintain.

This T is a man right? Well, for me as time went on and he just listened and validated me, I began to feel like he was the father I needed to just listen while "I" sorted things out instead of lecturing me and only half listening.

So maybe this Male T can help you in a different way that you don't realize yet. You need to fill in the places where you somehow didn't get permission to place value in yourself and also allow your emotions to be there with you. I don't always think that you have to go back unless things are coming forward that you somehow need to sort through right now. And if you get more established as you have, sorting through anything that may come up will not be as hard because you now CAN actually participate in your life more emotionally right now.

Always make sure you maintain what you have accomplished. A new T is not supposed to do anything but help you keep moving forward ok?

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[geez]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Well you had quite a relationship with your old T. She gave you permission and support to become who you are now. Maybe in ways she gave you the nurturing you always needed so you could find yourself, whatever that is for you and you Have come a long way. Maybe you should touch base with her once a month or something just to give you that comfort to help you keep going and maintain.

This T is a man right? Well, for me as time went on and he just listened and validated me, I began to feel like he was the father I needed to just listen while "I" sorted things out instead of lecturing me and only half listening.

So maybe this Male T can help you in a different way that you don't realize yet. You need to fill in the places where you somehow didn't get permission to place value in yourself and also allow your emotions to be there with you. I don't always think that you have to go back unless things are coming forward that you somehow need to sort through right now. And if you get more established as you have, sorting through anything that may come up will not be as hard because you now CAN actually participate in your life more emotionally right now.

Always make sure you maintain what you have accomplished. A new T is not supposed to do anything but help you keep moving forward ok?

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

Thank you again! My new T is a woman T. I won't go to a male T unless I'm desperate but I lucked out and found this T who's a woman and specializes in trauma.

My old T I've been keeping in touch with via email (just a couple emails nothing crazy). I emailed my old T asking for names of T's she could recommend (this was before I decided to see current T). I told her I had an appointment with this T but I wasn't sure about her. My old T said she had some ideas to move forward if things didn't workout with new T and she would be available to see me. - I haven't called her on that as I want to keep moving forward and see how things go with new T.

I'm feeling a little lost:
Have some sadness about old T and missing her (something I feel awkward about mentioning or discussing with new T).
With new T and I'm having doubts about her helping me (she knows her stuff) - I'm feeling hopeless and I know it's my feelings and nothing she has or hasn't done. I then go through a period of feeling 'OK' as I have a 'normal' moment and I have a window of confidence and I question myself: "now why the hell am I in therapy?". For the cycle to then only replay itself from the beginning. I 'get it' but it just feels frustrating and I feel like a 'victim' to my emotions. I'm so sick of them driving the bus!!

Sorry for the rant. Gosh I'm so sick of listening to myself already!

[Open Eyes]

(((geez)))),

Oh, I know about the feelings of doubt, I have them too and I too get discouraged to be honest with you. I am still struggling with finding a sense of direction myself. And I still feel lost and often overwhelmed. But I AM seeing that I have made progress so I just try to remind myself to be patient and keep moving forward in therapy.

What impresses me the most about you geez is that you found things you like to do and you HAVE gotten in touch with your emotions enough for that progress to take place. Never loose sight of that geez. You have to know that it is ok to progress and allow yourself to keep doing things you enjoy. I think that is a challenge because your husband doesnt get that. As you said, he just wants you to be the old complient self. Well, your are not anymore, you have made genuine progress.

While this new T (knows her stuff) you have to make sure she sees the progress you have made geez. She needs to help you defend that and continue to progress. And if you need her to meet with your husband and explain to him that he needs to support you and that doesn't include you sitting at home waiting on him and being stagnent.

Geez, please don't appologize about the rant, that is the old you, appologizing for having feelings. You have every right to have feelings geez, and I think it is wonderful that you are progressing to a point where you are expressing them, never appologize for that. And make up your mind right now that you are not going backwards, you have a lot of time invested in this outgoing part of you, THAT HAS TO CONTINUE TO BE NURTURED AND DEVELOPED.

While this new T is experienced in working with PTSD patients, it is important she just don't get into her routine in treatment. Sometimes this can happen and it is up to you to make sure this T KNOWS where you are at right now and that YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS.

It sounded to me like your biggest difficulty is that your husband is not progressing with you and making efforts to venture out as well. Honestly?, I think he is a bit depressed and needs some help himself. This is something you need to discuss with this new T.

I don't know if you have new things coming forward to sort out or not. OR, if your main difficulty is feeling like you have to hold back on your progress.

What do YOU think?

Open Eyes

[geez]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

While this new T (knows her stuff) you have to make sure she sees the progress you have made geez. She needs to help you defend that and continue to progress. And if you need her to meet with your husband and explain to him that he needs to support you and that doesn't include you sitting at home waiting on him and being stagnent.

Geez, please don't appologize about the rant, that is the old you, appologizing for having feelings. You have every right to have feelings geez, and I think it is wonderful that you are progressing to a point where you are expressing them, never appologize for that. And make up your mind right now that you are not going backwards, you have a lot of time invested in this outgoing part of you, THAT HAS TO CONTINUE TO BE NURTURED AND DEVELOPED.

While this new T is experienced in working with PTSD patients, it is important she just don't get into her routine in treatment. Sometimes this can happen and it is up to you to make sure this T KNOWS where you are at right now and that YOU HAVE MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS.

It sounded to me like your biggest difficulty is that your husband is not progressing with you and making efforts to venture out as well. Honestly?, I think he is a bit depressed and needs some help himself. This is something you need to discuss with this new T.

I don't know if you have new things coming forward to sort out or not. OR, if your main difficulty is feeling like you have to hold back on your progress.

What do YOU think?

Open Eyes

Lots to think about. My husband is very supportive of me going to school (he takes care of the kids at bedtime so I can study and while I'm at class on Monday nights). He is also supportive of me taking a week off next month to go somewhere/anywhere for a kid free break while he takes care of our boys (I plan on going with my close friend somewhere and I'm going to look into getting a sitter to help out and give my husband a break while I'm gone). I don't know that he's depressed but he is anxious and is taking meds for that. I was able to get him to consider getting a bike perhaps later this year so we both can go on bike rides - I love biking besides running (when our youngest is in school - my husband has a home office and some flex time so we could go for a quick ride together in the morning after the kids are in school 1 - 2x a week). So with time I think I'm slowly wearing on him :-) I hope :-)

My new T knows about my accomplishments as of my last appointment and some of my 'outgoing new behavior in specific situations' however she does also know that I isolate myself and that I don't want to do anything the rest of the time (sort of depressed). She wants me to branch out in my social network. I told her I feel threatened by that. That is risky. Relationships in general are very risky and puts me in a very vulnerable position.

My new T also told me I need to stop the negative self talk. I'm finding that very difficult. If I believe different than who the hell am I?

Currently I have one close friendship and it's scary as hell. I almost feel desperate in my behaviors as I want people to like me and this person is my one close friend. I am very cautious while at the same time constantly monitoring the 'situation' and I feel like at any time this friendship will end. Am I in this friendship for feeling desperate for acceptance? I don't think so even though the feelings are there.

On the subject of EMDR I'm not sure when I will be 'ready'.

I need to define what I want to gain with seeing the new therapist. I want to have a normal relationship with my husband and not be afraid to form new close friendships with others (I have a tendency to pick people apart I think mostly as a defense mechanism) . I want to be able to accept myself and love myself. I want to be done with the mourning process of my past. I want to not feel like I'm on a roller coaster most of the time with my emotions. I want to be confident and successful.

Before I can accomplish any of the above I need to feel more comfortable with the new T and more trusting.

Thanks for listening.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, I agree that you need to be more comfortable with this new T. Tell me do you like her so far?

I think your list is very reasonable. I have a similar list myself to be honest geez. I have resigned myself to the fact that it is going to take me time.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[geez]

Hi Open,

Yes I do like her for her 'smarts' but as for a personality click I'm not sure. She's nice but I guess I just miss old T. Unfortunately old T doesn't have what I need to bring me to the next phase on my journey.

I'm feeling very defensive or standoffish with new T. It hurt to leave old T and I don't want to make myself vulnerable like that again. Stupid I know as there is the 'logical side' that is paying new T to help me.

Not sure how many sessions I'm going to have before I decide if I continue with old T or not. I don't want to stop seeing new T just because I miss old T. Gosh I feel so immature about it all!

[Open Eyes]

No, its not stupid, people with PTSD have a harder time trusting. With your old T you had many years to build that trust and she did help you and guide you. This new T has a different personality and your not knowing whether you click on a personal level is, as I said, very normal.

It took me time to build a trusting relationship with my therapist. If I had to start with someone new, I would have the same concerns as you do now. You just have to give it time. I always consider that I learn something from everyone and I don't "have" to like someone. You're learning and seeing what this new therapist has to offer you in the way of helping you on YOUR journey to healing and thriving. And it takes a therapist time to get to know YOU as well.

And a good PTSD therapist is going to know that you can't be pushed, that you have to feel safe with her for any good therapy to take place. So she may seem a little distant to you, but that is because she doesn't want to push you geez. Shes got to get to know you better and learn how you do best at opening up and trusting enough to move forward. If she has experience working with different patients successfully, she is going to base her therapy on how she learned to interact with the patients she has treated so far. Because everyone is a little different she is going to be observing you for signs of settling in enough to try different things.

Emdr can be a helpful tool because patients are not directed to remember specific things, they are simply allowed to just let any thoughts come forward.

Just keep going to appointments and give it time to evolve into therapy sessions that can help you.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[CWC3]

Just wanted to add that I'm doing EMDR now, and at first it was really hard, but I really think I'm getting a lot out of it. It is absolutely exhausting (and dehydrating...), but I don't get stuck as much as I did since I started it, maybe a couple months ago now. You really have to be willing to stick with it in order to persevere.

Yeah, it hurts. It's stressful. After you leave, you still get waves of memories and emotions. But it's actually kind of cool; you are literally purging your brain of negative emotions associated with memories.

I call it mental chemo; it's not fun, but it cures mental cancer in the end :P. You just gotta stick with it to get results if you and your T eventually decide to do it. Good luck with everything regardless. Feel free yo PM me if you have more questions about it. It can be kind of funny at times because of the bizarre things that you think of (ex. the Ceshire cat from Alice in Wonderland...)

--CHANGEwillcome :]

[crazylife]

sorry to ask this in here but has anyone lost hearing in one side right after EMDR? I couldn't hear anything in my right hand side.

[geez]

Crazy I haven't heard of losing hearing but I would be certainly be concerned. Contact a ENT specialist or your primary care Dr.

Open and CW thank you for your perspective. It's so appreciated! I feel less alone with your input.

Update: Yesterday we did a little bit of EMDR. I felt really self conscious and guarded. I let some emotions surface but kept it under control. My T could tell things were coming up for me based on my facial expressions (that I wasn't aware of but she told me about). She told me that my face was looking tense and asked what was coming up for me. I told her some of what the memory/feelings were and when it came to having the three positive images: wisdom, comfort, safety? I told her I didn't want to say it and then she asked me to anyways. I told her I thought of my old T when I thought of wisdom ( I lied a little I really think of old T as being part of all three - in combo with my grandmother). I was able to keep it under control and I told her I missed my old T. She then said "well you did see her for two years". I told her well it was almost 4 years but whose counting New T said at the end of the appointment I could call her if I need to just not at 3am and if I call in the evening she will get back to me in the morning. - I feel good about that.

Last night I was up at 2am feeling nauseous from a food hangover (I feel that way now) and a wave of sadness and loneliness is in my chest. The feelings of missing old T are front and center and I wish them to go away. I want to call old T even though I know it won't do me any good as she isn't treating me right now and she doesn't specialize in trauma so I don't know how else she could help me. God I wish I could have a hug from her right now.

I desperately want to be in a place with new T that I was with old T in terms of vulnerability. That's when I was able to do my best work and connect with my emotions ( I was able to connect with some emotions at my second appointment because I had no choice. My emotions overtook me). With new T I hope this comes with time to do better. My new T asked me to think about how I feel about the process of EMDR and it's different for everyone (I think she definitely can sense my apprehension, discomfort and being guarded) - I did tell her I feel very unsure about it in that moment.

At my next appointment I'm going to talk about this whole process, her, old T and what it's been like for me in addition to maybe doing some EMDR.

Is it best for me to just push through it even though I'm feeling guarded?

[Open Eyes]

(((geez)))),

How EMDR was explained to me by my therapist is that it helps the brain process troubling memories so that these memories don't present the emotional problems that the bring forward. It replicates REM where the brain sorts through events of the day and then breaks them down and stores them as resolved. Evidently tramatic events don't get storred correctly.

The only way to find out if it helps you is to try it. They have found with many people, after a while they feel much better.

Everything you are feeling is normal, missing old T and wanting new T to feel more comfortable. You just have to give this some more time, it sounds like she is trying to help you trust her. Hey, trust doesn't come easy with PTSD.

You just have to hang in there is give this some time.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes