[TayQuincy]

I called my T this morning because I had received several disturbing 3 am phone calls from my psychotic sister. She triggers me badly, and I feel totally powerless to help her at all. My T talked with me and when I started crying from sadness that my sister is in so much pain from our past childhood traumas, my T said "I'm not going to listen to this if you're going to do that" I immediately shut off my feelings. My T has done that before. It really hurts me when she threatens to hang up on me for crying. She says it is emotion mind, but i was just feeling sad and helpless. I don't get it. She is always encouraging me to feel my feelings, so what happened here? She knows that due to abuse traumas that i deal with feelings that are stuck inside by dissociating and urinating inappropriately instead of crying. She stayed on the phone with me for 20 minutes, but she seemed kind of mean (and I told her so). She knows how guilty i feel on so many levels when it comes to my sister. The guilt is so bad and my anxiety is so high that I have felt like vomiting. My feelings are inside and stifled. As I understand it, my tears were from emotion mind insted of wise mind so she didn;t want to hear it. It hurts to hold it in.

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((((( tay Q )))))))))

[SWA 1971]

I can't believe your T did that! To me, she has no business being a psychologist. Is there someone else you can see? I'm so sorry!

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

As I understand it, my tears were from emotion mind insted of wise mind so she didn;t want to hear it.

?? That doesn't sound very therapeutic.

[Hearty]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

"my T said "I'm not going to listen to this if you're going to do that" I immediately shut off my feelings. My T has done that before. It really hurts me when she threatens to hang up on me for crying."

" As I understand it, my tears were from emotion mind insted of wise mind so she didn;t want to hear it. It hurts to hold it in."

But this is why we're in therapy. We wouldn't be needing therapy if we could access and operate from our wise minds so easily when we're highly distressed.

I don't think she was handling your call from her "wise mind"... quite the opposite, actually. Like everybody else, therapists are not perfect and they have their moments of insensitivity, but I think she was quite harsh. I am so sorry, TayQuincy, you must be in a lot of pain.

I would be calling my T again to duke it out until it's resolved, but I can't suggest that for you since I don't know your relationship with your T. Would it be possible for you to communicate with her through email so you don't have to suffer until your next appointment?

Take care -- ((TayQuincy))

[TayQuincy]

I can understand her not wanting me to get all emotional over thoughts that may or may not be true. I was worried about my sister, thinking the worst. But, I also was just sad about what has happened to her. Deep down sadness that I have avoided feeling for a long time. I have avoided my sister altogether so as not to feel bad and triggered. We do trigger each other. But I don't think it is helpful for my t to tell me she won't listen to me, and in a harsh tone of voice. That only causes more problems for me. I guess maybe there could be another way she could express it? My T is human and like all humans doesn't always say the right thing.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

My T is human and like all humans doesn't always say the right thing.

I think this is a really healthy perspective on it, TayQuincy. I hope that at your next session you two can discuss what happened and come to a better understanding of what happened.

[rainbow8]

(((((Tay))))),

Your T sounds like mine!! I just want comfort but she sometimes is just rational and wants me to be that way. I've posted the blunt things she says that hurt me. But she thinks she's helping me, and says everything she says and does is FOR me.

Is your T usually like she was on the phone? Is she different in your sessions? I hope so! It sounds like she's a CBT/DBT oriented T. I hope you can clear this up with her.

I'm sorry about your sister and how she triggers you. That sounds awfully difficult for you.

[TayQuincy]

Yes, my T is CBT/DBT oriented. My T has been like this with me on the phone before. She has said the same exact thing before in response to me getting overwhelmingly upset. But, other times i have felt very comforted by her on the phone. When we are on the phone, it is primarily for help to get myself grounded and into problem solving mode. She encourages me to cry in sessions, so I don't think she is trying to stifle my feelings. This is where I get confused. She doesn't want me to feel the feelings I was having on the phone that day. I have a hard time knowing which feelings are okay to feel and which ones are from emotion mind. I don't even think she was right about all of my feelings being from emotion mind. It was probably a mixed bag, because i did get overwhelmed with the situation. At least her "threat" snapped me out of it because I did not want her to hang up on me. so I guess it worked.

[rainbow8]

She doesn't dot her i's like my T and she sounds like her too! But my T doesn't live in your state, LOL! I can understand why you're confused. I thought it was okay to feel ALL feelings, but just not to act on them. Then, in CBT or DBT, you examine your thoughts to see where they are twisted.

My T is harsh with me at times, and I don't understand why she has to be that way, either. Sometimes she is just frustrated with me, I know.

[hangingon]

I wonder if your T was not doing that to stiffle your emotions but more to help you recognize that what your sister was doing to you is not healthy for you. That you need to consider yourself and not allow yourself to thrown by what your sister is doing.

Perhaps because that is not your responsibility but your sisters. In other words you can't make your sister change, she needs to change on her own and you should not carry that guilt. Maybe your T wanted you to be aware of that. Just some thoughts.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

I called my T this morning because I had received several disturbing 3 am phone calls from my psychotic sister. She triggers me badly, and I feel totally powerless to help her at all. My T talked with me and when I started crying from sadness that my sister is in so much pain from our past childhood traumas, my T said "I'm not going to listen to this if you're going to do that" I immediately shut off my feelings. My T has done that before. It really hurts me when she threatens to hang up on me for crying. She says it is emotion mind, but i was just feeling sad and helpless. I don't get it. She is always encouraging me to feel my feelings, so what happened here? She knows that due to abuse traumas that i deal with feelings that are stuck inside by dissociating and urinating inappropriately instead of crying. She stayed on the phone with me for 20 minutes, but she seemed kind of mean (and I told her so). She knows how guilty i feel on so many levels when it comes to my sister. The guilt is so bad and my anxiety is so high that I have felt like vomiting. My feelings are inside and stifled. As I understand it, my tears were from emotion mind insted of wise mind so she didn;t want to hear it. It hurts to hold it in.

(((TAY)))

Wow. My first thoughts are those of anger toward your T... but I'll try to rein those in.

Haven't you confronted your T yet in session about her seemingly mean behavior on the phone?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

?? That doesn't sound very therapeutic.

I agree....

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by hangingon

I wonder if your T was not doing that to stiffle your emotions but more to help you recognize that what your sister was doing to you is not healthy for you. That you need to consider yourself and not allow yourself to thrown by what your sister is doing.

Perhaps because that is not your responsibility but your sisters. In other words you can't make your sister change, she needs to change on her own and you should not carry that guilt. Maybe your T wanted you to be aware of that. Just some thoughts.

Hangingon, i think you are exactly right, now that I think of it. She did say that my sister is an adult and has to get help for herself. I don't think she wanted me to feel responsible for what is gong on with her now, nor what happened in the past.

Simcha, I have not confronted her yet..I see her next week. I don't think I will "confront" her as much as tell her how hurtful it feel when she threatens to hang up on me when I am only trying to get help from her. There has to be a better way to communicate that she thinks I'm in emotion mind and I need to step out of it. It creates an even bigger spiral if she says she won't listen to me and in that tone of voice.

Rainbow, I have been wondering if we have the same T! Does your T have two i's in her name that go undotted EVERY time? LOL

[rainbow8]

Tay--No, my T has only one "i" undotted in her first name. I looked up graphology and not dotting i's is supposed to mean you're careless, or in a hurry, or something like that, but my T isn't like that. I may just ask her why she writes like that.

But, as you may know, she hangs up on me. Well, not "slam" bang, but "I am going to hang up now." She doesn't want to hurt me, but doesn't like long phone calls, especially if she thinks they aren't productive. I am definitely going to spend the next session talking about the whole issue of how it makes me feel. Like you, it won't help to confront her. I already know HER feelings about it, but I don't think she knows mine.

[thunderbear]

Ouch. Sorry she said that. If my doc said that it would be me hanging up on him. Mabye you should bring this up to her next session

[sunrise]

TayQuincy, that sounds like a very difficult phone call with your T. You wanted support but got reprimands. You said you called her in the morning and I'm wondering if it was right after your sister called at 3 am? Or was it later in the day when your T would have been awake? If the call was at 3 am, I am wondering if your T was disgruntled from having been awakened? I think if she doesn't want to handle emergency calls from her clients during off hours and weekends, then she should have a message directing them to a crisis line or an answering service. I think that would be better than reacting the way she did when you reached her on the phone. Maybe she should know her own limits better and set up a support system for herself (such as referring clients to a crisis line) so she doesn't get resentful if clients call. I hope some of these things will come up when you speak with her at your next session.

She is always encouraging me to feel my feelings, so what happened here?

It almost sounds like your T is giving you the message that it is OK to be in "emotion mind" when you are with her in session but not on the phone. Ouch. I think this would be really helpful to discuss with her, to see if this message is indeed the one T is intending to send.

As I understand it, my tears were from emotion mind insted of wise mind so she didn;t want to hear it.

So tears from "wise mind" are OK but tears from "emotion mind" are not? Aren't tears just tears?

It hurts to hold it in.

Is there another way to let the feelings out besides calling your T? Can you talk to a friend or a family member? Write in your journal? Cry by yourself? Tears are the body's way of relieving stress, so even crying on your own would probably help a little.

I hope you have a good talk with your T about this. I also hope your sister can get some help from others in addition to you.

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by sunrise

You said you called her in the morning and I'm wondering if it was right after your sister called at 3 am? Or was it later in the day when your T would have been awake? If the call was at 3 am, I am wondering if your T was disgruntled from having been awakened? I think if she doesn't want to handle emergency calls from her clients during off hours and weekends, then she should have a message directing them to a crisis line or an answering service.

No, the call to t wasn't immediately after my sister called. I called T around 11am at her office during working hours. I can call her anytime, and reach her through the answering service in the middle of the night if i need to, but I have never done that and probably would never do that.

It almost sounds like your T is giving you the message that it is OK to be in "emotion mind" when you are with her in session but not on the phone. Ouch. I think this would be really helpful to discuss with her, to see if this message is indeed the one T is intending to send.

My T does not encourage me to cry tears from emotion mind in session either. I am rarely in emotion mind in session though, but if i was, she would help me to use DBT skills to get myself out of emotion mind. I think the reasoning is that if i am crying and hysterical because I am thinking something that is not true or not based on reality, then that is the time to distract what I'm thinking about and not feel those feelings that result from that thinking. The problem for me is that i wasn't able to recognize the difference at the time, and her reaction was hurtful, not helpful. I am going to ask her if she can direct me to use skills in those moments and help me recognize emotion mind crying instead of getting mad at me and being harsh with me when I am dysregulated.

TayQuincy, first off a bunch of for you.

I'm not familiar with DBT, and I'm not sure what emotion mind is, but I think you have a good plan to tell T exactly how the phone convo made you feel, and then ask what she would suggest you do - that way, you'll put her in the role of offering helpful advice, and maybe your T will then realize that's better for you than reprimands. Good luck!

[miray]

Tay.....that has to be very hard to know how to deal with and I'm so sorry that happened. Like everyone else, I think you should bring up how this makes you feel in your next session. Sunrise brought up many good points. When you responded to one of them by saying if you were in session in "emotional mind", she would help you by using DBT skills.... is that something she cannot do over the phone? I don't know anything about this treatment, but it seems that it would be something she could also try over the phone. That has to be a better way for her to try and help than being condesending. Best of luck to you!!