just need some support until i see austin-t

Deli, I am so proud of you! The moving out thing will get better once you have had time to adjust. It's hard now, but it will get easier!

oh, and about the room size descrepancy, maybe if you two renew your lease you can switch rooms for the next year. My daughter had the same problem and her roomate demanded the bigger room and also demanded the only off street parking space while my daughter had to park on the street in a busy city. But, it evened out because my daughter also got the utility room, and the other girl furnished the living room, so all in all it was equalized. Perhaps there is something the two of you can do to equalize the situation, and if you are paying extra for the bigger room, there is no need to feel bad about it!

(((((((((deli)))))))))) i just want to give you some hugs. i like what skeksi said about you not needing to be the one to preserve the peace in your family. we're all responsible for ourselves but not other's emotions or actions. i think your mom will likely come around in time too. how they act is their choice and not on you. if your family wants to act distant then that is NOT because you have done anything wrong but because they are just having a hard time adjusting to this change. i've been praying for you girl.

thank you so much, (((((((((((((((bloom and tay and peaches and skeksi))))))))))))))).

pdoc just sent me a message saying he could squeeze me in at 10:30, so i need to get dressed and leave. also call my boss and say i'm coming in late.

you guys don't know how much i appreciate all your support and encouragement right now. you're balancing out everything at home and all my negative thoughts and i dont know where i'd be right now without all your kind words.

I know its too late cos you will be at your appt now but, just wanted to encourage you to talk to pdoc or t about the conflicting thoughts about your relationship with your dad. I have a complicated relationship with my dad too but my dad isn't abusive in the way your dad is. It can sometimes feel like you have two dads and you just want to be around the nice dad all the time. I don't understand why they are so upset about you moving out. It sounds like to me that you are similar to me, when you hold the family together and take on problems. Anyway i'm hoping for your abusive situation to stop.

thank you, crystal - i so relate to what you said about wanting nice dad all the time. nice dad is the best dad in the world .

re: appt. pdoc double booked me again. . i waited for an hour and finally left. i took time off work for this appt, and i get paid by the hour so i just lost a lot of money - my whole morning gone. pdoc just sent a txt saying sorry and that he could fit me mon or tues but i said don't worry i'm working next week and i've already taken time off today so i can't again.

i'll be ok because i haven't needed anyone's help before i met pdoc so i certainly don't need his now. i love him so much but he treats me like **** with this appointment thing, and i'm seriously over it. i'm not on meds now so i think i'll just stop seeing him altogether, because if he isn't available when he says he'll be then i'm just wasting my time, and also getting hurt.

did all my crying on the bus on the way to work and now i'm ok and i'll just move on.

oh deli, I'm so sorry. That's awful. I know how much you wanted to talk to him. I can understand why you'd want to just quit seeing him, when it's costing you time and money and hurting you in the process.

You don't deserve that at ALL, deli. I hope you feel like this is something you can address with him, so at least he knows the repercussions of his actions. Can you email him?

Oh, deli. P-doc canceling on you is NOT what you need right now. I'm so sorry he did that. I hope it's okay to say I don't believe you when you say you're over it. I think you need to acknowledge the hurt he has caused you, and discuss it with him.

Can't you call him or email, and tell him how much you needed him, and he wasn't there for you?

I don't know what else to tell you, but I admire you very much, and I hope the move will get less stressful for you once you actually do it.

((((((((((((((Deli)))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry pdoc double booked. That is so not fair! I would be so angry also. Please tell him how distressing it was. It seems like when he double books you are always the one to get bumped. Can you tell him this is ridiculous? I'm so sorry. I know how much you needed to meet with him.

pdoc has never given me his email, so that option is out. i'm upset because he txted me at 8am this morning, for an appt 2.5hrs away. he only gets in at 10:30, so he must've known.

i dont know if he was doing me a favour or doing the other lady a favour or what the circumstances were, but quite frankly i think it's rude to double book like that and just expect someone (me or the other client) to sit and wait for an hour wasting their time. this has happened on so many occassions now and it really gets to me. he doesn't even have the courtesy to say "hey deli, i'm sorry but i'll be with you after this client" or anything. i just wait and he comes in and i expect to be called and he calls someone else. so i tell myself maybe that client will only be 15-20mins, and 45mins i'm still waiting. i've only walked out once before (i had waited 2.5hrs) but i know he had been massively busy that day - big crisis early in the morning. that sort of thing i can totes understand, but i'm upset about being the first appointment of the day and having to wait even then. that gets to me.

thing is, i adore pdoc and i don't want to feel like i'm telling him off so i dont want to bring this up. he sees me on a massive concession and does bend over backwards for me - i dont want to be seen as ungrateful. i'd rather just tell him that i'm doing well off my meds, that i am seeing austin-t for psychotherapy, and that i'll call his reception in the future should i require a med check up.

anyway. that's life i guess. i guess the good thing is that it's taken my mind off everything else.