Share the most ridiculous unhelpful comments your therapist sad to you?

I think this is true for the client who has enough ego strength ("self-confidence") to do this sort of thing. Some do not. Some have been so badly damaged at an early age, been told continuously that they are worthless, that they cannot do this. I was one of those "clients". I did not have the inner self-confidence to do this, to believe that I might be right and the "authority" might be wrong. As a result there was a tremendous amount of damage that resulted from things my therapist said, and which I took into myself. I tried to cope with it, but failed. It has taken me decades to work myself (partially) out of this.

I hope this thread isn't locked. Therapy can be quite ugly - even good therapy. Mistakes can have a ripple effect and grow. People need to talk about them. Of course, if the therapist is open to criticism, or when a client says "when you said this, it hurt me", then that is optimal.

My T, who is really good, has said some and done pretty wild things to me over the years.

One time at the end of a really hard session he told me that I had to suck it up we met again.

Another time, I went to the office and the door was locked (abandonment issues!) He laughed when I told him that it upset me.

Another time when I was in the waiting room a gentleman that I worked with walked out of my T's office and right past me. Didn't really want anyone to know I was in therapy at work. I asked my therapist to reschedule me, or the gentleman. My T assured me it wouldn't happen again and there was no need to reschedule. The very next week, out walks the guy I work with. My therapist's response? "These things happen"....

These are just a few in recent memory. I'm sure that there are others. The important thing though is I told my therapist about them and we worked through it. When he is wrong, he apologizes and, if necessary, takes steps to correct the problem. He makes sure that I feel heard.

Mistakes, hurts and misunderstandings are a part of therapy. I think it is part of our work as clients to look at the therapy as a whole, try to evaluate the mistakes as objectively as we can, and decide if the good far outweighs the bad. It's not easy, but it is skill that translates to relationships outside of therapy.

I am not in therapy at the moment... I had a bad luck with therapists in the past... I had a problems when my father died, when I was ten... the therapist told my mom (who had all her bank accounts frozen at the moment and was struggling financially at top of all things) that she should buy me some designer's clothes so I better fit with other kids. Uh, really?

When I was looking for help in the Uni a therapist basically told me all my personality is symptom of my mental health issues, including my hobbies (art, travelling and partying...) and my field of studies (International Relations/English). I walked out of that session, because... it was all weird.

I went in one day very upset saying I felt like my world was crashing down...he walked over, opened the shade on the window and looked out and said, "nope, the sky is still up there, nothing is falling." jerk.

When going through the finding a T process, the first T I went and saw was a disaster...
The man said to me "We all have our own problems, you need to get over yours"
And then he procceded to argue with me that my little stuffed ox I take with me to therapy sessions and doctors appointments (I have a huge anxiety with dealing with doctors) that it was not an ox but a buffalo and ARGUED WITH ME ON IT FOR 30 MINUTES!!!! and kept telling me how pretty my name was and how pretty I was....

Needless to say I stormed out of the office, flipped him the bird, and then reported him to my medical doctor....

Umm... did he by any chance get his license out of a cereal box?

writingwithink.....guess your post caught my eye....thinking how unfair ... that for every negative thing a T says that 5 positive things should be also written............sounds very egotistic to me....................

yes, we know Ts aren't perfect......and yes they are human.......yadayaya......but then we are "paying" real money for their advice and help............maybe for each negative thing a T says, that whole 45 minute session should be refunded or free...... sounds fair to me.......... when i buy a dress and the zipper doesn't work, i take the dress back and get my money back.....

to be fair........one negative ... one positive.............the other 4 you suggested, gets tossed out da window.......................

Where did you find that T -- referred by your MD, maybe? And where did you find the one you're seeing now, who seems to be doing much better by you?

Insurance list, my former insurance provided a list of T's, MD knew I was in therapy (was handling my meds at the time) and when I went for a checkup and he saw I had mentioned to the nurse that I had dropped out of therapy he asked why I hadn't liked that therapise I explained to him why, he had me give him his name and he said he would handle the situation from there and to not go back to him

T I found now was found in the same way, through insurance provider's list, I am very happy I found her, she has been a wonder

This is a little off topic because the person wasn't my T, nor even a T yet, but anyway...

When I was in my twenties and had recently moved out of the place where I'd been living, I went back for something and met one of the new roommates. He said he was starting medical school (or about to) and thought he wanted to be a psychiatrist "because it was so easy". This was back when most psychiatrists did do talk therapy, so I gathered he was planning to go through the motions of being a therapist and count on his patients not to notice the difference.

I saw this thread yesterday but was too busy to post.
Glad I found it because I had a therapist once that was scary.

warning to those who want to only hear positive things and think the world should be all kittens and sunshine - put me on your ignore list NOW because my world has kittens and sunshine and good therapists and one particular idiot therapist and that is just the way it is in my world. I didn't create it, I'm just here to share.

My personal therapist is a jewel. Wise, patient, kind, intelligent and thoughtful. I will keep her. There. I said five nice things about my good therapist. Is everybody happy? <sarcasm>

But when I was in a partial care program for four hours/day we had three therapists in the program and two were very good. But the other was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. It wasn't just one thing, or two things but she had incessant nonsensical moments. I referred to her as the "virtual therapist" when I told my Pdoc about her because she thought she was a therapist but I would like to have seen her college transcript. I tried to talk to her when she would say something particularly bizarre but she was not logical. Finally I asked to meet with the manager and for forty-five minutes I told her what had been going on that she needed to know. She took notes while I was telling her things so I knew she took me seriously.

Okay there must have been a gazillion and it has been a few years but what topped the list of unhelpful?

This one was not only unhelpful but it actually was harmful if you believed it.

"Every time you go into the psychiatric hospital you get on more and more meds and you always come out in worse condition and you never get better"

So I have been in psych hospital perhaps a dozen times so at this point according to her logic I guess I should give up because nothing can make me better so I should do what? Lock myself in my closet?

I know that a few of the other clients wanted to go in hospital. Not sure why, perhaps they felt cared for, perhaps it felt more safe, perhaps life on the outside was overwhelming. Not sure.

I think that maybe the virtual therapist was trying to discourage them from wanting to go to the hospital. But if so she sure did go about it the wrong way because instead of learning people's real issues and needs she created some kind of bizarre fantasy logic that made sense to her but no sense to the rest of us.

I told my Pdoc her statement. My Pdoc threw her hands up in the air in frustration and said great so if she is right then why are you and I wasting our time here?

Okay. That was the most unhelpful. But I'll be back with more (to those of you who have not yet put me on ignore)

I went to a pdoc once (because of what he said I did not go back.) I was going through my history etc and he asked if the abuse I suffered was easier because I knew my abuser was mentally ill. WTF. You are asking me if when I was a child, it was easier because she was sick?

Another time when I was in the hospital a nurse who I was trying to explain something to (they had been getting on me about not sharing enough and were telling I should talk to the staff more,) told me not to talk about it because then my college might not let me back. I was trying to tell her that I wasn't feeling safe because of my PTSD and she just assumed that I wasn't feeling safe because I wanted to hurt myself. Too bad she didn't listen to me and so I decided not to talk to anyone else about anything. If they were not going to listen, why should I expend my energy talking.

I dont understand why a thread such as this one should get locked. When I first read that I thought that it sounded a bit controlling. Who is getting hurt by sharing unpleasant experiences in therapy? Maybe a trigger icon?

I learned A LOT from my negative experiences with desk-t and I also still do not like to fathom why I stayed so long. I consider myself pretty good at reading people, except when they play a role in the family drama I grew up with and then I will stay to work out those painful feelings. That is what happened to me in therapy with her. There are a milioin things I could post that she said to me and although I understand why I stayed, I am bewildered by the fact that I didnt realize that her comments and behavior were inappropriate until I started on PC and understood that she shouldnt be saying and doing what she was.

The whole thing makes me nlot trust myself and my perceptions. She seemed like she had it so together. She was dressed to the hilt and had a cool, distant demeanor. And a piece of furniture as a "boundary". My drama was to get warmth from a rock. And it still hurtts and I cant get this stupid woman out of my head. My current T says she is a "medium" between me and my mother. In other words, she is as narcissistic as my mother was and i picked that up and instead of remmebering that I wanted love from my mother, I only remember how this therapist hurt me. My current T says she never ever says anything disparaging about another T, but in this instance she does since her colleagues also have told her about this T. Her inappropriateness is so overwhelming.

I am saying this here b/c I think rather than the specifics of what she (meaning my T) said, and I can blah blah blah forever about it, what is more imporant is why it hurt me so deeply and who she was/is to me. She is the abusive, invalidating, narcissistic family I grew up with. And I was there in therapy with her for 1 yr 5 mo to try to re-do/undo that damage. It does on some level help to repeat the stories to get the validation that it wasnt normal behavior for a therapist, but where to go from there? Story after story? The healing is in understanding why I was there and why I am so hurt. And angry.

Lets see.. I can think of a few odd not sure if these are negative.. But here goes a few... He told me when I had a panic attack when driving on the beltway, that I should pull over and run around my car.. I think he thought my panic attacks were a joke or something.. wish he has panic attacks and I'd love to watch him run around his car.....panic attacks were never dealt with... everything i learned about panic attacks i learned "Online"...............

Out of the blue, he blurted out "we can never have sex with each other"....I said what! You have got to be kidding... I never ever once ever wanted to have sex with him.........Right there and then trust issues started...And he was stupid... One of my issues was that I could not date because I do not like being touched... And he knew this.. atleast i thought he knew this, as we talked about it.......He knew i had issues with sex too...that sex wasn't good for me, like it is supost to be.......... and he blurts out that we can't have sex together.... what a jerk!!!!!!!!!!

Ha! everything i was planing to type just flew out the window... if i think of them i might be back..

oh i just remembered this... isn't a negative, but i think it is very rude and unprofessional ... most of the time i paid in cash...he'd count it which is fine.. then he'd shove the money in his pockets.. not his desk drawer... went right to his pockets......... i'd bet $1,000 he did not have a file on me... that he pocketed the cash... because once I asked to see my file and all he had in it was a form i filled out with my name address, etc... nothing else whatsoever did he have on file about me..................and i saw him for 6 or 7 years...............

I thought it was me......until the last year i was in group...this poor guy for the whole year was trying to deal with his drinking.. and the t would look this guy in the eye and say ahhh you are not an alcoholic......the poor guy suffered thru the whole year, not facing his drinking problem, pretty much shoving it under the rug... then the guy got really bad and was sinking so he went to another doctor that put him on meds to help him stop drinking... in other words the T was making this guy be in denial and not facing that he really had a drinking problem, which in turn, made this poor guy suffer more.......thinks the t enjoyed seeing folks suffer than trying to help anyone get well.................

i better stop and wait till another time when i am in a nice mood...to continue on this topic....... wipes brow... am on a roll and is better i go to bed than remember those awful years i spent in therapy

Added the trigger because i don't know if this is a trigger for anyone.

The t was in the hospital for kidney stones.. So a few weeks later when i saw him for the regular session this is what he told me... he said he was laying in the hospital with his and yes he said the word "d*** hanging out and everyone could see his d***..... and how embarrassed he was... and well like, gee, why are you telling me this? i really don't need to know this...

Grant it, i've heard the word many times... but never in a professional environment.... and for petes sake, i am female, and i really did not need to hear my t talking about his private parts hanging out when in the hospital...........especially with the language he used..... and he is a christian counselor....... ha!

ooo i never used any faul language whatsoever when in his office...

shrugs shoulders.........maybe a t talking about his d*** is no big thing.. i dunno... sure irked me tho

I don't understand why talking about unhelpful comments from your therapist/family members/friends/librarian is inherently wrong either.

Some days I come to psychcentral and I am feeling stressed and I cannot read or reply to certain threads because I cannot input any more stress. Other days I feel differently. I cannot say that another member should or should not participate or read this thread. That is personal decision. If it bothers them do not read it just as I don't read some threads on some days.

I am not attacking anybody, I cannot even remember who posted some things, I am just expressing my thoughts.

I have trouble reading posts in the self injury forum. So I seldom read or post there. That is me.

I think it is healthy to be able to identify when a therapist is not helpful. Independent thinking is healthy and perhaps a therapist has mispoken or we or they have misunderstood something, maybe something that can be fixed by improved communication. If that does not help then perhaps a different therapist is a good choice. That is what ultimately happened in my circumstance. I tried talking to the therapist, didn't work, talked to my Pdoc and the unit manager, didn't work. So I asked to be assigned to the other groups with the other two therapist in the program.

Yes, I agree about clients are responsible for finding another T and it takes a lot of work and time to make therapy work. Especially because my problems aren't temporary or something new.

Right now, I don't have any energy to find another T. Let me see how many T's I've gone through...12!

I always had reasons that I had to move on to a new T. Some are excuses but I had good reasons. Now I am thinking back with all those T's... May be, It's me after all. I know talking therapy isn't for everyone.

Even I feel hopeless about myself. I am way too sensitive, notice every tiny details which could bother me or get discouraged. So I am trying my best to find something else.

Any suggestions?

Note: I do take med. Lots, prescribed by doctor

Very True!

I was actually quite shocked that someone would get upset about thread like this. Sharing negative, unhelpful things that T has said. I also don't read stuff on self injury forum because some of them are too graphic and scares me. I would never tell anyone not to write about SI becuase I am bothered and it could trigger someone. Then where should they go to vent?

I was also thinking...what if I was writing about ridiculous and unhelpful comments about my parents or friends have said to me... and that's OK but not about T's?

I am just expressing negative experience I had and isn't psych central all about getting support especially when we feel like we can't get them in real life?

Keep trying different therapists. I too went to several but didn't feel that we connected, sometimes I didn't think they cared. I was frustrated and thought something was wrong with me because they couldn't help me. Perhaps make notes about your feelings or symptoms or goals to take to therapy with you.

I finally found one that helps me.

Good luck.

So far, I have had three sessions with my first therapist. I don't have anything to compare to, so I can't tell if I am being oversensitive or if she is just not a very good T.

Every time I see her, she keeps bringing up (with incredulity) how I have lived in this town for 2 years and I "still have no friends". It is frustrating for me sometimes because it is not why I am seeing her. In our first session, we talked about why I was there: anxiety, social phobia, depression and SI.

I live in a very small town (2500 people). Statistically, there are very few people in my age bracket and I am not interested in drinking, parties or sports. That doesn't leave me with a lot of opportunities to meet people here. Normally I'd meet people at work, but I have been unable to find a job here.

Anyways.

Last time I saw her, she predictably began discussing how few friends I have. I went over all the information I have posted here. Lack of common interests, few options, lack of opportunity, etc. She always agrees with me that those are all serious impediments to meeting people my age.

Then she says "So, we just need to think of a way for you to meet people in your age bracket." I responded, semi-jokingly "Well, when you figure it out, let me know!"

Her response was to laugh loudly and say "Well, it's not MY problem!"

I just thought that was really rude and insensitive. First of all, I'm not the one who keeps bringing it up. Second of all, I have been living here for 2 years. She has been living here for over 15 years. She'd know where the local youth hangs out better than I do. And lastly, while I know that she does not really give a crap about my life, couldn't she at least pretend to while I'm there?

I should have clued in during our first visit when she was talking about SI and I welled up a bit. She laughed and pointed at my face and said "Do I see a little tear?"

WTF. I was trying to hard to open up and that comment really jolted me out of the moment. Now every time I see her, I try really hard to maintain control so that she won't laugh at me.

I have to see her again tomorrow for our fourth visit. Last time she also told me that she is leaving in two months and I will have to start all over with someone new anyways. I considered using her as practice, but I might just tell her to introduce me to one of the other therapists tomorrow. Maybe they won't be such a tool.

kallinite, your therapist does not seem that helpful. She should have ideas.

I too have few friends. I seldom ever had many friends but after my BF died I only had a couple and I didn't see them more than once a month or so

My therapist thought meeting people might help me and she suggested a local singles group that gets together for dinner at restaurants and they have dances and picnics and stuff. She gave me the contact number.

That was a helpful therapist IMO

(((((((((((((((((( kallinite )))))))))))))))))

Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear this. therapy is hard enough - you deserve better!!

you said >>> I might just tell her to introduce me to one of the other therapists tomorrow <<<
you know, all things considered, it sounds like a plan. Keep your courage up... hope it goes well for you.

Radio! This strikes me as really strange and not appropriate to talk to a female client this way. I am wondering if you have been seeing this T for a while or is the relationship new? How well do you know him and he you?

I sure do not think it is no big thing. And a Christian counselor? I think it is kind of seriously inappropriate.

I think if my T said that to me (if she were a he, that is) Id run and never look back....

BlueMoon -- I was in therapy with him for 7 years...I think it was around the 5th year in therapy that he said this to me...He talked a lot about himself so I knew kind of a lot about him... And he knew a lot about me... Guess he felt comfortable with me.. Because when his wife had surgery, he called me to tell me he had a roast in the oven and his wife was resting....Which means he was really comfortable with me...

I can understand wanting to talk about his experience in the hospital.. Yet, what he said bothered me.......All I could do was listen.....And yes, being a Christian counselor, this even surprised me more..."I am far from perfect" yet the church was my safety....To get right to the point, I really did not want to know anything about my Ts private areas.....

I told him straight up that he wasn't helping me and he would always say "it takes time"...and also said that he was trying to understand me....So I stayed. I kept getting worse and worse and by the 7th year, I fled for my life.. There was absolutely no growth in the 7 years of therapy.... And I worked hard... And kept sinking and sinking...I just think he opened too many "boxes of worms" and when they were opened he did not know what to do, which pretty much left me hanging on for dear life....

Took me several years being away from therapy to gather myself back together...Still might not be there just yet, but atleast I am functioning on a somewhat normal level...I harbor no ill feelings about the old T...Just glad it is over......

Just to add, he is a pretty nice guy I guess.. He is likeable and pleasant... Just he did more harm than good...shrugs shoulders.....

I told my female therapist that I loved her and wanted to have sex with her and a few weeks later on several occasions told me I was "very seductive". What an idiot - she should have her licence revoked.

What she coming on to me, do you think?