[sugahorse1]

What do you do - my T has asked me NOT to send mails or sms's unless it's an "emergency". What's that? she knows I have no support structure, and when the wheels fall off, I can get sui ideations and I get stressed. What on earth am I supposed to do? I feel so stressed and lonely now - I thought she at least was the one person who cared. I guess that's the professional nature of the business- but how do I keep the pieces together?

I would say that suicidal ideation is an emergency. Give her a call.

[granite1]

i would ask her to be more clear about what she feels is an emergency.and let you know exactally what is ok.seems kind of unclear to me.i would need guidelines

[cmac13]

my therapist has also said that I can call her at anytime in an emergency. I asked her what an emergency is and she said whatever I consider an emergency to be is good enough reason to call her.

[sugahorse1]

she texted me back-an emergency is when I've lined up the tabs ready to OD. That's too late in my opinion.
I cannot do therapy, if it's the one outlet for my emotions, when i have to be honest, and then get dropped like that

Originally Posted by sugahorse

she texted me back-an emergency is when I've lined up the tabs ready to OD. That's too late in my opinion.
I cannot do therapy, if it's the one outlet for my emotions, when i have to be honest, and then get dropped like that

Ouch! I wouldn't like that answer from my t either. Sounds like you need to talk about this with her. That's just not an acceptable response at all.

[gelfling]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

she texted me back-an emergency is when I've lined up the tabs ready to OD. That's too late in my opinion.
I cannot do therapy, if it's the one outlet for my emotions, when i have to be honest, and then get dropped like that

OMG

if i wait until i have lined up the tabs to call - it is too late - i will take them no matter what..........and have so......................

sugahorse - you need to have a serious conversation about this, and you two could try to come up with a plan for what you do if you start down the road to trouble - i have a scale from 0 to 100 - if i'm above 80 - i go to hospital - below that there are different things i am to do to keep safe - please talk to t and work out resources to have available - a plan in place written with phone numbers and peoples names, safe places what ever resources you can find - the whole nine yards - all written so you can get to it and have it when you are in or heading for crisis because our brains sabbotage us then

and if you can't do this with this t - you may need a referral from her to someone who is able to take your calls, emails or texts and do it willingly and readily

i'm sorry i dont know your history, i dont know if t is trying to push you out of the nest and have you test your wings - i just worry you need a bit more of a safety net under you then her text me when you have the pills ready to go

please let us know how you are doing

[sugahorse1]

I think T doesnt know me well enough to realise that I cannot be pushed out the nest yet. The last 2 sessions were the most serious and honest we've had. But i need a T who can help me during my tough times. I'm always at serious risk of ODing when I get really down. They should take all my meds away, but what meds are not at risk of being OD'd? eve over-the-counter meds can do the job.
I do agree there's be lots of talkinf going on on fri at session - just gotta get thro til then

[sittingatwatersedge]

oh my gosh!
(((((((((((((((((((((((( sugahorse )))))))))))))))))))))))))

agree, agree, need to get this straight and to YOUR satisfaction, or move on. Yikes I wish you the best on this.

[sugahorse1]

I really need to talk to her, but she seems to be quite set in her ways (She's a relatively young psychologist, not sure if the fact of truely professional relationships has been pushed harder in recent years..?)

I'm nearly 25, and have always had older friends (My bf is 13 years older, had a gf who was 16 years older and now I have a T who is probably only 6 years older or so). I have always had a problem whereby I get attached to people too much expect too much, but she's my T - she knows about my lack of support system IRL (PC aside)
I've made the effort to be honest - only slowly starting to feel able to open up; but I feel as if I'm let down just as I open up; and like today when I was honest and told her I was feeling terrible.
Is that not T's are supposed to get involved in? I'm not telling her trivial things about my day, but only if I've had a shocker and not coping emotionally.

Now, how to find a T that can support me between sessions, and restart all over... I know it's only been a few months, but insurance has also run out, so financially I'm on my own... And I have to learnt trust all over, especially as this was a big step forward, being honest, discussing deep things (Even if right now i've only admitted to them over mail - but she's aware of them) or discussing embarrassing things with her (jealous boyfriends, affairs, 3-somes..) And now I must just leave it all..??
But how do I know she cares? She cannot make an emergency app - my next app is Friday lunch - I now pay out my own pocket
I've taken 3x the dosage of sleeping tabs I should have (I think you call it Ambien - active ingredient is Imovane, or very closely related to Lunesta, and had 1/2 bottle of wine. Floating on a cloud) supposed to take 1 tab, 7.5mg, but have 3 = 33.5mg.
And more if I am not passed out soon. I'm so hurt and angry

Sugahorse, I'm right here with you in how I'm feeling this week. No more alcohol, ok? If you have already taken too much sleep meds and are drinking on top of it, this really is an emergency of the type that your t needs to be involved in. If you can't call your t, call your pdoc. You're headed down a dark road right now and need some help getting through this. I'm so sorry you are suffering so. Please be kind to yourself and be careful with those meds and alcohol.

[Kacey2]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

she texted me back-an emergency is when I've lined up the tabs ready to OD. That's too late in my opinion.
I cannot do therapy, if it's the one outlet for my emotions, when i have to be honest, and then get dropped like that

Sugarhorse,
I can not believe this is the text you received. I am so sorry dear! I think that your therapist may have an issue with setting boundaries and limits. From what I have gathered and correct me if I am wrong. It sounds like you had pretty much free liberty to text and call before and now she has said that will not work for her anymore. If she would have been more clear on her boundaries from the beginning (which is her job by the way) you would not be in this situation. It also sounds to me that you may need to transition to another t that is able to give you more support outside of session. It sounds like you have some pretty serious suicide or parasuicide ideations. I hope that you can come up with a safety plan. I had my husband lock up my drugs in the safe and he kept the key when I was not in control of my impulsive sui times. Also someone had written to you about putting together a safety plan with specific actions step by step and phone numbers listed. I have also done this and found it very helpful in times of a crisis. Have you checked into a DBT treatment program? It may be helpful to you regaurding your parasuicide urges. I sincerely hope that you can keep yourself safe and find others to help you on your recovery journey. Remember you can always come here to PC for support as well. I wish you the best. Please keep us posted on what your t and you decide. and just for the record.........................that text was totally unexeptable in my opinion. hugs to you

[rainbow8]

I want to give you some hugs. It seems like your T thinks she's doing the right thing, but there are plenty of Ts who will let you contact them as often as you need to, or at least more often then in an emergency! I think it's worth finding a T who meets your needs better. It's YOUR life, and you deserve the care you need. Maybe tough love is good for some people, but if it doesn't seem to help you, then please find someone else.

[sugahorse1]

i texted her back to tell her she was being hard on me. She then denied it; saying I was just in a really bad place and was taking things harder than necessary. also, it was due to receiving a text from her and not being able to hear her voice or see her face, that I was making assumptions about her being hard.
I cannot see how i mis-interpreting things....! I'm so angry. I don't even want to ealk into our session on Friday. I do need someone to support me between sessions, but it sounds like that will be a whole new T. I was just beginning to trust her and open up - I don't think I can start that process over...

[sugahorse1]

Chris - i honestly got the feeling she wasn't in a position to listen to me. i told her i was having sui ideations, but she looked past that. i was not ready to follow through with the process, but i know that what i did was essentially SI. i needed to do something to make the pain go away. and still i couldnt slepe properly - took me 3 hours after the tabs to finally fall asleep, and the only result was really impaired motor skills, and me sleeping like a log. and slightly drowsy this AM

Originally Posted by sugahorse

she texted me back-an emergency is when I've lined up the tabs ready to OD.

Sugahorse, I am utterly horrified and really distressed that any T would ever say this. There is so much wrong with this that I don't know where to start.

It makes much more sense to help you before things have got this bad. Not only would it be easier/more straightforward for her to help before things have escalated, but it would also avoid reinforcing dangerous behaviours in you- if you have to line up tablets to have your distress taken seriously, then that's what you'll inevitably do.

I really hope this rant hasn't increased your own distress at her response. I really wanted to validate your distress at this situation. It's not ok that she said this.

If you are struggling a lot with sui ideation, could you consider DBT? I do DBT for chronic sui ideation rather than for a diagnosis of bpd. The contingencies for contact with your therapist in DBT are completely the opposite of what your therapist is using. In DBT you contact your therapist as early as you can in the chain of behaviour, way before you get close to carrying out the behaviour. The therapist reinforces this by being available and helping you effectively. Once you've engaged in the behaviour, you're actually not allowed to contact your therapist for 24 hours, because how can they help you when you've already done it? For most people the experience of being cut off from their T is so aversive that it pushes them to make contact before the behaviour next time. This explanation is over-simplified, but I suppose I'm trying to say that Ts are supposed to do everything they can to help us move away from using behaviours to communicate, but this is exactly what your T is instructing you to do.

Do think seriously about whether you need something different. This is not a game, or just a nuiscance, as she seems to think, it's a question of your life. Each time you 'line up the tablets' there is a risk you will take them. Please make sure you get what you need to help you save your life; it may be that you can't get it from this therapist.

[Amazonmom]

WHOA that is way too late to contact the T. Your T confuses me.

Definitely talk this out with the T because they seem to want to be playing with fire.

[Anneinside]

If your can't call your therapist for support then you should consider other things like calling a suicide prevention line. If you google suicide you will find several phone numbers. I know that my psychologist is scheduled every day, every hour so expecting her to me my day to day support person is not an option for her. I can call her if I am close to suicide and she talks me through what to do (usually go to the hospital). Perhaps you need to think about if your demands on her time are reasonable.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

i texted her back to tell her she was being hard on me. She then denied it; saying I was just in a really bad place and was taking things harder than necessary. also, it was due to receiving a text from her and not being able to hear her voice or see her face, that I was making assumptions about her being hard.

I do not like what your T said about the tabs lined up and think this needs to be discussed next time you see her. But I do agree with what she texted you about texting. I think texts are very prone to misinterpretation--even worse than emails, which are prone to that themselves. Perhaps if you need to contact her, don't use text or email, but use the phone? That way fewer misunderstandings. You told us she didn't want you to send her texts and emails, but what is her phone policy? If she is so critical of texts as being prone to misinterpretation, then it seems she would prefer to receive phone calls?

Sorry you got that "tabs lined up" response. I agree with what others have said--that is way too late. I agree with what gelfling wrote about having a plan. If you get to such and such a stage, then you do X (e..g call a crisis center). If your T isn't willing to handle emergency situations, she should be frank about it, and give you other instructions for what to do in an emergency.

[WePow]

Thinking of you and hope lunch was ok yesterday for you. That was when you got to talk with T - right?

[elliemay]

I think in everyone's therapy (sorry for the generalization) that there is a stage of emotional dumping and venting. An outlet for all the pent up bad in us.

However, it is essential that therapy eventually move beyond that emotional dumping into emotional understanding and change.

IMHO if a T allows a client to stay stuck in emotional dumping then that is malpractice.

Now, having said that, it sounds as though your T is trying to get you out of the emotional venting phase and into the emotional understanding tolerance phase. Also, IMHO she is failing miserably in her approach.

This is obvious given your distress.

Has she introduced or facillitated your acquisition of skills to deal with suicidal thoughts or the badness that may come to light causing those thoughts?

Have you discussed specific support systems outside of therapy that may prove just as beneficial in the long run as your interaction with her?

Do you feel as though you are ready for the next stage of therapy no matter how badly it has been handled, or is there something else you need to say - something that is lurking but hasn't been articulated. Something big?

I think these are all questions that you need to ask yourself and your T before the "pills lined up " approach should be fully implemented.

Until then, take care of yourself. Try to "sit" with the feelings as much as you can, and use distraction and positive imagery (those worked for me).

Keep us posted.

[sugahorse1]

thanks Ellie - wow; that is profound.
I think we are both learning more about me as each session goes by. I have never realised that I have major abandonment issues for instance. That my thinking is at times very distorted, presumptious and overly negative.

I did see her last week Friday (29th) and I was in a VERY different frame of mind, as I was going to spend the weekend with a friend.

Today I saw her again. I'm in a bit of a mixed state at the moment, which at least makes me a bit more receptive and open. She only said to me today that I need to learn to self-soothe. So I said to her that I feel I've never learnt how to, and am hoping she has the tools and knowledge to impart on me to learn how to self-sooth.

I used to be able to text her, but then she cut that short. For me it was like cutting a life-line and I really battled. I still text her every now and again, when I'm really battling. While I now know not to expect a reply, she does subtly touch on issues I brought up in the text messages, in our next seession. So she does hear me. I know she wants me to start writing those emotions onto paper, and bring them into session with me; I need to be brave enough to read those emotions and thoughts to her face, as opposed to hiding behind a mask (Of text messages in this case)

She knows I have a very limited support-structure, and when I had the break-down last week, on top of everything, my boyfriend was away.

I do feel we are moving onto a different stage of therapy - "next stage" is a bit of a difficult one to define at this moment, as I'm not quite sure what the sequential steps are, if there are any defined ones. But I notice we are in a different stage none-the-less. I am able to talk much more openly. I'm not coming to session with a whole lot of emotions, but also have a mindset where I am prepared to work through the feelings and not just pour out emotions. I'm much more analytical now.

But there has been no real transference (we touched on it once, as I told her in a text how cared for I felt around her - and then the saga above unfolded..?!?!)

I hope that gives you a bit more insight?!?