Is it ok to ask T questions about me?

I know I've asked similar questions before and it seems like this issue just doesn't go away.
The past few weeks have been really hard for me. I'm doubting whether T is the right T (because of her lack of apparent caring, empathy, her distance. That she sometimes accepts talking about "us" and sometimes tends to not be so gracious...there are a lot more of those) , whether CBT is the right approach for me etc.
Whenever I'm in session I no longer really listen to what she says but how she says it, what vibe I get from her and so on.
She's made some mistakes that might be tiny ruptures (I have to read the thread on what ruptures are) and I've become very wary of her and her methods.
So basically, I haven't got a lot to lose.
And I've been thinking day and night on how I can resolve this issue with her and find out whether it's even resolvable and if not, look for a new T

Is it ok for me to ask questions such as:
- do you think I'm working hard? (because I feel like she's giving up)
- how do you perceive me? do I seem depressed? sad? (because I can tell her "everything is going downhill" and after asking what exactly, she doesn't say anything about it anymore. So she acknowledges it but it's like "ok. moving on")
- do you even WANT to work with me?
- do you have a PLAN how to help me?

It's possible that I see her from a very wrong perspective that is not reality but IF I were to choose a different T, I want to know some things for her because otherwise, I wouldn't find closure at all.

Am I being silly? Feel free to be honest, I don't mind. Rather embarrass myself here than in her office

I think these questions are fine. You are paying, you have a right to have some say in the process. In fact, if she doesn't want to answer these questions I don't think you should feel obliged to struggle on with this, you need to know that she has some clue what is going on for you.

(((((((((((((sailboat)))))))))))))

It is ABSOLUTELY okay to ask your T whatever you want or need to ask her. It's your therapy. I've asked my T MUCH sillier questions....your questions don't seem silly at all. They seem like genuine concerns about your treatment that you need answered.

Will you let us know how it goes?

Thank you. That helps a lot!

Oh, thanks for my hugs! I needed those! Can I ask what question you have asked? You don't have to of course! Although I'm sure yours were very justified and not silly.
I have so much more to ask her but I don't think I can. "Do you feel annoyed?" "do you think I'm beyond helping" and many more.
I will let you know! Next week my mom is coming along so I'll let you know in 2 weeks.

I agree - and I have asked every one of the questions you listed, and tons more.

Do you think I will make it [be one of the ones who change, and not one of those who get stuck in blame and then quit]? was a huge question for me to ask the first time, SO HARD to ask, but I got a very kindly and reassuring answer that helped extinguish my anxiety immediately. This is something I ask every few months, along with some of the ones you list.

I'd say I get a straight answer about 90% of the time. And for the other 10% - when she dodges, and answers a question with a question - I can get her to discuss with me, which is good too.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( sailboat ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh my gosh, I've asked everything from "are you going to refer me?" to "do you like me?" to "do you roll your eyes when you see an e-mail from me in your inbox" to "am I your favorite?" to "can I hide in your office while you see your other clients?" Really, I just ask him, literally, whatever I want to. It felt scary at first, but now if I have a question, I just ASK. I figure the worst thing that can happen is the answer won't be the one I want to hear, or that he won't answer...but I'm not going to get in trouble, or thrown out just for asking a question.

I wonder why it's so scary to ask questions? Because it was for me too for a while.

those are great questions to ask your T. They are important to you and your therapy, not random or silly in the least. And you deserve answers to them, because they aren't boundary-crossing in any way.

My T strayed into some trauma history a couple of weeks ago, and it crushed me. I am a totally shy non talker...but the following week I pushed myself to ask if we could look at our treatment plan (agreed and signed by both of us after about 3 sessions). Sure enough, trauma work was not on there, it listed my social phobia, contact phobia and "learning how to communicate verbally". It was really important that I was able to get him to refocus on the issues I am there to work on.

Those questions are fine! I have asked ones like them, and many others. Like someone else said, if they aren't boundary crossing questions, and they are relevant to your therapy and your thoughts/feelings, it's good to ask them, because it's better to ask and get answers than be stuck wondering what the answers are!
I don't always have an easy time asking questions, either.....because sometimes I'm afraid of looking silly or being rejected, sometimes I'm afraid of the answers or afraid they will hurt, sometimes I think it will open up an area I don't want to go into......but I'm doing better asking and understanding that my T will be honest with her answers, and that she will want to answer in a therapeutic way.

Treehouse - you said in some other thread that you once asked T what he would do if you refused to budge when your time was up, but just stayed put.

It's killing me...... pleeeeze......what did he say??

OH, another hug!!!! Thank youuu!
Perfect question! Totally get why you wanted to ask!! And I'm so glad Ts answer was reassuring! I need to ask this too although I'm scared of the answer.

Do you think Ts will lie in our faces when we ask those questions? Because they know how much they'd hurt? I mean, I don't think I would tell anyone I didn't like them if they asked. I love how courageous you are and just get it out there! I need to do that too.
I guess it's scary because you may look like a fool or at least feel like it, I always feel like a child asking such questions even though they are killing me. Also, being afraid of the answer is a major factor I believe.

Oh yes, I bet the treatment plan from the beginning looks a lot different but T asks me every few weeks so we update it together. (btw, I have similar goals )

Yes, it's definitely better to ask... if only I was less afraid I'm so happy you trust your T to answer honestly.

Oh, hahaha, wonderful question! I want to know too.

***to all: what are boundary-crossing questions? Just so I know because I tend to be oblivious to things even if they stare me in the face.

Boundary crossing questions would be like asking your T really personal-type questions about them.....but you are asking here about asking questions about you and your therapy and how your T is doing therapy withyou, what your T thinks about you in relation to your therapy and these are good, non-boundary crossing questions. If your T feels like you have asked a boundary-crossing question about her or her feelings, probably she's going to tell you she can't answer that question.....

LOL. He was like "I honestly have no idea". Which made it sooooo tempting! Because...what WOULD he do?!

I told my H I asked T that and my H said "poor T". LOL That's generally H's response to any news from therapy.

As for boundary crossing questions, I used to be terrified of them, so I didn't ask ANYTHING, because I didn't know what the boundaries WERE. When I finally let myself literally ask anything I wanted (like "can I go through your other clients' files?"), it was so freeing. Because I never got in trouble for asking, T answered what he wanted to, and it just made everything feel a lot safer and more okay.

Definitely!! Go right ahead and ask a way. You have a right to know what is going on with your current treatment!

sailboat, I think your questions are fine. I hope you ask them and your T answers.

This sounds great. Do you think her words do or don't match the vibe she projects? I think sharing this with your T could be illuminating for her.

I think especially this is one question that you should not hesitate to ask. You are paying for her services. If she does not have at least an idea on how to help you, then better to learn this now rather than later, so you can find a different T who does know how to help, has a bigger skill set, etc.

treehouse! That is hilarious. I have asked the same question. I put it in the subject line of an email. I also asked her if she was "banging her head against the wall when she reads my emails", "am I driving you slap dab nutty!" and "am I getting on your nerves?"

Sailboat~as to your question: I think you should ask anything you need to know (that is within the boundaries of therapy). Your therapist should be open and honest enough to answer them. If you still get a bad vibe, I would go to someone else.

What about "do you like working with me", that would be about me in therapy but her feelings towards me.

Haaa, oh treehouse, how wonderful you asked those questions!! I would have loved to be there and see your T's reaction!! I'm not sure my T would be ok with such questions, that's why I worry so much. She hasn't always been very hmm... objective.

thanks, will do!

Hm, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. I know what makes her laugh, what makes her smile. I just haven't found that one thing that makes her eyes go soft. I once had about 5 minutes with her where her 'vibe' was fantastic- full of caring and empathy, it was like warm waves hitting the beach. sigh... no idea what I said to push that button

the second part of your quote: yes, that Is true. better sooner than later!

Squiggle, I bet your T laughed seeing this subject line!
Thanks! I'll do that.

I have asked a question like this more than once, or like 'am I difficult to deal with?'.....I think it's not a boundary crossing ?, but a ? that T's might be really careful in how they answer. Mine says, I enjoy working with you.....and I guess the reason I've felt the need to keep asking the ? is that I keep needing the reassurance, especially since I've been struggling a lot more recently and and keep thinking maybe she isn't enjoying working with me as much right now, because I feel like I'm more difficult to work with right now! But she keeps patiently reassuring me....

I'm not sure about that one. She might say something evasive. A therapist doesn't want to do harm to a client, so she might hesitate to say "not really" (if it were true) as it might be hurtful, especially if she doesn't think her lack of liking to work with a client would interfere with her ability to help. I think if a therapist has a strong dislike for a client, they should do the client (and thenselves) a favor by referring the client to a therapist they think would be a better fit. Expecially if it seems that therapy with the client will last a while.