telling T about posting on PC

I think I'm worried about the things I've posted about him (nothing bad, more like looking for feedback)...feels like I'm talking behind his back or something, maybe it's guilt fueling my paranoia?

I told mine I post on a forum, but not which one. I also didn't tell her about my username- but if she wanted to find me on here, it wouldn't be too hard with my pic, and so few people from South Africa.
She didn't mind, and also referred to it as group therapy.

I've mentioned to my T that I post on a board about therapy. And recently, I told him about a specific post and the replies I got that were helpful. The post was about his area of expertise (CSA/PTSD) and he asked "do you mind I ask what the site was?" and I said "yes, I do" (nicely, of course) and he was fine with that and we moved on.

I'm not worried about T coming here, because I know he's way way too busy - and if he did, he wouldn't see anything he doesn't already know. But, right at that second, I felt weird about him recommending it to his other clients. I'm not sure, right now, if that even bothers me, but that was my first reaction, and he so willingly dropped it, that I'm not going to worry about it.

I know he's happy I have this site, because he and I both think I would benefit a LOT from being in a group for survivors, and we can't find one in our area.

Same here.

I would die too, squiggle - OMG!

I'll 3rd that.

Never told him, would rather die! I do worry he knows about it, and since I made a very bad decision in using my real name when I signed up there would be no secrecy. Gawd...I have asked for a new screen name like 6 times and they keep ignoring me...not even a response!

Wow, it was so cool to come here this morning and find all these good answers to my thread! Thanks for replying....
Pretty much, I figure my T has better things to do with her time than look up my threads here.....but I know she did already take the time to come looking for the DailyMood thing and look at the main site at articles she thought I would have looked at (like the bipolar ones) to make sure I was getting good, safe info and not getting into stuff that would overwhelm/trigger me. So then, what's to say she might not take a few minutes to see what I was getting into here on the forum? I hope not....I think I would be mortified.
I get what those of you say who feel like it's talking behind T's back....she knows I've been disappointed at times with her, but for the most part, I think she's been wonderful and hopefully my posts reflect that.
I guess the one thing I would NEVER want her to see or know about is that sex thread.... The thought of her reading that makes me feel both twisted/sick > and mortified because in a sense it almost feels so degrading to her.....but I've got to work that stuff out in a safe way and here is as safe as any, since I'm too mortified and cowardly to tell her!

My T is so computer illiterate that I doubt he knows what a forum is. It's humorous watching him just trying to print out a letter!

darkrunner said:
Coming from my background that sounds like a VERY appropriate question.
I grew up with people that were one way in public and another way behind the curtain/closed doors. Hidden abuse and with the mothers personality disorders she would hugely embellish or even make stories up so that friends and neighbors would give her all their attention-- she'd often defame others that weren't present, if it meant she could get some great attention.. ugh...

I find believing people very difficult. (things are not always how they say they are)

I'm sure many use the internet for their own gain-- be it pedophiles or people that will say anything to get attention. (I've even caught a person on a forum saying such and such happened to them-- when I saw the fictional foreign MOVIE they ignorantly thought no one had seen! and stated it as their own life happenings).....
I like to wish that people are really how they post and it's all truthful-- but-- I often have doubts...

sorry bout that sidetrack..... just wanted to give a cautionary "heads up" to some sweet, trusting members-- please don't be TOO trusting when you can't really "see" the people you are corresponding with.

wishing all to be safe and careful

fins (hope my paranoia doesn't rub off on anyone, that is not
what I would like at all)

Chances are slim that my T would ever come here and read but I'm not sure she would refrain from doing so if I told her I'm on here posting.
Not that I'm that important or anything but if I were a T...

I once said something in a discussion about the therapeutic relationship that I had to explain why I think so. I said "uhm... a friend, who is also in therapy, send me an email" which is true except the friend is a member on a forum and the email a PM. I just couldn't tell her.

Why the secrecy with the T? If we go to our T to help us, don't we need to tell all in order to find healing? Although I will feel uncomfortable if my T sees my posts right now, we haven't been working together long so I haven't had time to get to everything. It would actually save me time and money if she would come on the forum and read my stuff - then I wouldn't have to fill in so many things that there is no time in session to cover.

So, if you're in therapy, why do you hold back? Have you decided definitively that there are some things you won't tell T or are you just waiting to get the courage?

I know for me there's a huge fear but I am doing everything I can to get through that fear. I don't believe I will find my own healing until I'm as honest as possible. It's going to take a little time I've learned.

Funny thing is (and my T and I laugh about it now), when I had my 1st appt. with T, I read her a list of my goals and I truly truly believed I would see her about 3x at the most. Hilarious, huh?

My $0.02, one doesn;t necessarily NEED to tell ALL, in order to heal; half of the stuff I could tell my T would bore her socks off , stuff she couldn't care less about.

It's my feeling that every client knows what's necessary to tell, in order to find healing, even if it's difficult or even **** hard to do it;
but when the client judges that something is not necessary to tell for healing, I don't really think it could be called "secrecy", that seems a bit hard.
Certainly not something as innocuous as posting on a (public, mind you) social forum of people with a common experience, even of therapy.

I see your point. I'm rethinking now about a painful self-disclosure I had planned to make tomorrow with my T. She knows that we're doing it but now I'm wondering if I need to after all. I may change my mind. I mean, why go through that hell if it may not be necessary. Thanks for your input.

Hm, well, there isn't much I wouldn't tell T but what makes a big difference to me is the choosing of words. I would never be blunt about my doubts of therapy and HER to her face but in the end, I tell her the same things, just more gently I suppose.

Would I tell T: "I sometimes want to get up and shake you because I feel like you just don't get it!!"? (just as an example, I don't want to do that )No. But I'd say: "I feel like sometimes you don't understand what I'm saying".

I really wouldn't want to hurt her feelings.

actually I was not talking about painful self disclosure (One's posting on PC I wouldn't think was a painful self disclosure).

Going through hell is quite a part of the process, at least in my own experience. Things like the one you mention will need to come out - but there's no need for it to come out tomorrow.
What I did mean was that when the time comes, you , client, will know that it needs to be said, for your healing. hang in there

lol....... you might say most of those words but in the third person ... I imagine that sometimes people might get an urge to just get up and shake their T because ...

HEY, that's actually so true!! I always do that when I want to say something important but not ready to embrace it and use "I" so I say "some people"

yes!! Definitely!!!

I thought I would only be in therapy a few weeks.....and so did T, at first, until I showed her some poetry I had written and she saw the huge pain lying under the surface and it was clearer that there were old wounds and a history of emotional troubles.....
Is choosing to not tell T about PC holding back or hiding or being dishonest? I felt for myself I should tell her at some point in time.....but I wasn't feeling like it was urgent either....

If it doesn't feel necessary to tell T about posting on the forum, then maybe it's not....and it's technically not like keeping secrets. The client does have the right to decide what to disclose and when....some things it IS better to disclose, though painful, because it is important therapeutically (trigger......like telling T a SA trauma that happened to me). Telling about something like posting on this public forum may or may not be necessary therapeutically......if it feels like secrecy and is troubling someone and it's feeling like hiding something that should be shared, then maybe it is therapeutically necessary, though.
Just a few more of my 2 cents.....
I like seeing all the good answers, too!

She knows ALL about that thread. Every detail.

You're very brave, Squiggle!!!!!

Wow! You actually told her about that? What did she say Squiggle??

She was very 'poker face' as usual. Did not bat an eye. She feels that I need to explore my feeling a little more. I am doing that in the other forum.

While some may think that was taking a risk to share that with her, I see it as being totally transparent with her. I want her to see the real me. All of me so that she can help me figure out what is wrong with me! Why do I think like do? What do I do the things I do?

I told her that I am not in therapy to pick and choose what I was willing to share and what I wasn't. If something comes up, I want to share it. No matter how humilitaing it may be. It is something I need to work through. She had been okay with everything I have shared with her so far. I don't think there is any topic that is off limits with her.

I did send her an email to give me some feedback from that session. I know we talked, but I cannot remember what she said. Hoping to hear back from her tomorrow.

Wow, Squiggle....You amaze me....

Good for you Squiggle!