telling T about posting on PC

You are right Squiggle.....and your willingness to be so unsparingly transparent is an inspiration! I have tried, really I have to be transparent and honest too, and not withhold, but yet that withholding because of fear, fear to be that vulnerable, is one thing I have such a huge issue with......I know I need to be transparent and vulnerable, and I have made strides toward that, and yet, and yet.....I have still been protecting the deep deep parts of me from her. But how can they get the help and healing they need unless I show them too....I'm getting there, bit by bit.
There are some things I will be telling my T too.....though I don't know that I can show her that thread (or if she would seriously want to read the whole d * * * thing!) but there are some excerpts from other threads I'm going to show her....

I agree, Squiggle. I try to tell my T everything because I want her to help me. It's not easy though! Poetgirl, take your time. I know how hard it is! Boy, do I know. I blush easily but I'm trying so hard to tell my T everything because I can't stand the pain of NOT telling her.

Well, I did take a plunge this morning......I took in some of my posts that have to do with my emotional neediness, my wishes for what T could give me (but can't), and also to do with struggling to understand my self-identity and my insight (or lack of it) issues.....So I not only now have told T about posting on PC, I have shown her my posts, and she even knows my name here (she wondered what the abbreviation PG stood for....and I thought, oh well, and told her....)
So, I confessed that I wish she could hold me (she won't of course, and re-iterated that firmly; a little less firmly would have stung less) and I confessed that I have sexual fantasies about her......and I confessed that I am still struggling with my sexuality, what is my sexual identity, am I bi-sexual (in the interests of transparency, the answer is yes......although, no, I truly am not attracted to my T in the sense that I am really wanting to fulfill those fantasies with her!). Anyway, it was quite an open, transparent, raw sort of session and she said she thought I was brave and she admired that. I am just drained and trying to process it all......
(maybe should put some of this in a new thread, but oh well, typed it and leaving it here for now!)

PG, big hugs for your bravery. That sounds like a big session. I'm sorry she was so firm when laying down a boundary you already knew was there- these things are so sensitive that it's easy to feel hurt by heavy handedness...

Do validate to yourself that it's ok to feel drained after all that! Be gentle with yourself

WOW! Congratulations on telling all that to your T, poetgirl!!! I felt drained after my session too. Therapy is HARD work. I think WE should get paid too! I'm glad you were able to share so much with your T and that she told you that you were brave!

yeah, I would find that hurtful too...maybe if it still bothers you, you could tell her.

If it was me, I would tell her this: I obviously know you are never going to hold me. It sounded harsh when you firmly re-iterated your boundaries, when I very clearly know what and where those boundaries are.

I did say something like this....that "I KNOW you can't, won't, and I haven't expected it". She knows I respect and understand her boundaries....doesn't mean the darn things don't hurt though, and that I don't wish that she could see that a simple touch in session would be so helpful sometimes. But she does at least hug me after every session and said that these things I've disclosed aren't making her want to take that away.....

I know many Ts give hugs these days, but I don't think many would actually "hold" their clients. I brought it up with my new T too, and she said she wouldn't do it, but she will hold my hand.

Holding someone: what does that mean for adults anyway? We're physically too big, aren't we? I think of the child part wanting my T to hold me, and I think of myself as small then, but realistically I don't think it could work. Or, maybe you mean like sustained hugging? Is that holding? If I ever cry in therapy (don't hold your breath) I wish my T would hold me like that, but I know she won't.

Hugs are nice, though. I never got hugs for 15 years of therapy with any of my various Ts. Of course I would have rejected a hug anyway, but they didn't try.

You know, what I have really been thinking of when I say hold is this.....that if I ever cry, she wouldn't just let me sit there! For some reason, I have this dread of just having her sit there while I cry.....and the need to be held or to even have a simple touch of the hand on my shoulder or something....just the feeling that without the touch the tears won't come either. I have touch and tears all mingled together in my mind....
obviously, this goes back to the fact (for me anyway) that I lacked this comfort and nurture growing up and the dynamic with my mother never supported this (and probably wouldn't now either!). For the 1st time, she used the word transference in therapy....saying that this is the transference between us, and the use of this word here is something I can't deny. There is the attachment yes, but here is the transference within the attachment, all right enough!

I've had two T's and haven't told either one, nor do I plan to. I know me. if I tell my T that I hang out on PC, i'd constantly worry about whether or not she is scouring the boards trying to find me. Eventhough I know she's not a huge internet fan, I still couldn't bring myself to tell her because I don't want one more thing to worry about...I have more than enough to worry about as it is (relevant or not).

Whenever I cry with T, he just sits there. At first I was really uncomfortable and never wanted to cry in front of him. I just couldn't help it anymore though, the tears came more and more as we got into deeper stuff. It really bothered me that he wasn't a bit more compasionate, but now I totally get him and accept it. He doesn't touch me, but he comforts me in other ways, by talking gently and encouraging me to talk more or calm down. It is a bit odd crying with someone just staring at you, but therapy is an odd relationship

I teared up once. My T just sat there.
It didn't bother me at the time because I was so busy keeping the tears in (yes, stupid I know) but I really hate that she is the kind of T that just sits there.
I need touch as well. It doesn't help being stared at if you have a huge issues with crying in front of others.

It is odd, that much I know I really do know!
My T told me that she understands that touch is my primary love language (relating to the 5 love languages book, which I've read, too....) So she understands the need, but her boundary is what it is, and she has no obligation to bend it for anyone just because of what their need/want is! Ah well. I have a huge issue with crying, period, never mind crying in front of others....think maybe I will forget about crying in session. If I want to feel like I am crying alone, I will cry alone, in private, at home, in the dark! Or here, virtually.....

when i was in a residential probram i had to be held most times when i was in T for my safety and for others like T.if i got out of controle i would be sat on the floor with someone sitting behind me holding my arms across my chest and sometimes someone else holding my legs.depending how out of controle i was the would have to restrain me face down on the floor sitting on my back with my arms behind me.but it was never my T that did that she would just sit thare untill i calmed down sometimes it made me feel safe but most times i didnt matter at all.i was around 22 years old then

My T when I told her was not very interested :-) since it wasn't about me-in-the-session-now. It's just a "fact" and not a whole lot different than if we are active on Facebook and enjoying and getting benefit from that.

(((((granite)))))

True....
I was sort of thinking/wondering really though how Ts might feel about the fact that they get so bluntly/blatantly/intensely discussed here.....and that they might wonder if clients would get triggered here and how beneficial it would be here, weighing the support value against that possible risk. I know my T wondered about that risk for me....and about me getting addicted/obsessed.....but about her getting discussed, she doesn't care, it's nothing she would feel a need to take personally!
I'm glad to know that my T is supportive of me being here and is trusting me in how I avail myself of this as a support resource, a connection, an aid to therapy and to understanding therapy, what's going on with it, with the T relationship and with me.

I guess I'm lucky because I don't want a hug or touch from T. And she hasn't given it. I don't know if that's because she senses that I wouldn't respond well to it or if that's her policy.

She gives me something that I value most - silence. It may seem weird but I feel support and comfort in that quiet space when I'm extra emotional. Sometimes we'll just sit there quietly for a minute or so. It gives me time to try to center myself and I know she's there for me.

I've never felt like she's 'watching' me in a intrusive way. It's more like a caring concern that I'm enveloped in.

So, sorry for those of you who need touch. It's must be awful to be denied what you feel you need.

I told my T about this forum. I think I was sort of asking for his permission. He seemed amused, maybe flattered that therapy was sufficiently engrossing for me that I wanted to continue to explore it with other people who know what it's like.

When I told him I had been posting questions to a completely different forum, which isn't psych-based but has had some good advice for me in the past, he got a little bristly. He said something like, "Well, you know THIS is the only place where you're going to get a complex response to your issues." (This, meaning: In my office.)

I said yes, that was true. And then I set him a little test (mwahaha). I said, "Just for grins, what would you say if I said I want you to tell me what to do about Roberto?"

He said, "Oh, that's the question you'd ask?"

I laughed because it's so therapisty to ask another question. I said, "You wouldn't give me advice about Roberto, and I know that, because you don't do that." He more or less agreed.

"But sometimes," I went on, "I need just that. ADVICE! And I can get it from a forum."

So he had to admit that it made sense, but he wasn't happy

I told my T and she thought it was cool that I had a place like this to go to between sessions for support and a place I can support others.

I haven't told my new T. Well, I haven't been on here much since I've been seeing her. Maybe I will tell her later. I told old T and she was fine with it, though she tried to encourage me to branch out and make friends IRL.

sure hope not

totally agree w that!

ditto

T does know my screen name now, because I showed her a post or two I made here when it was something I wanted her to see, and I didn't want to re-write it in my journaling, so she wanted to know my screen name and I told her......no big deal. She's much too busy to ever bother coming here to search me up and see what I said. And besides, I am transparent enough with her and also don't say much here I wouldn't say to her face anyway!

Why do you think she wanted to know your screen name?

NO, i havent told T about this place, ide be too scared she would want to know more about it and check it out for herself, and my name is just a giveaway, so I dont dare tell her about it.
Beth