Not sure I can get through this

learning1 · Jun 03, 2011, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I am literally going to stand up and go get pen and paper and start a list of coping skills. I may just hang it on the fridge. I'm teaching my middle child with Aspergers about black and white thinking (wow, is he a black and white thinker), and good coping skills are probably a good lesson for everyone.

For me, sometimes just forcing myself to take an action helps move me forward a little tiny bit. I need need need need to move forward.

T left me a message this morning and reminded me about something we used to do. I would try to believe 1 out of 10 times that "x" is true. So he wants me to believe 1 out of 10 times this weekend that I am okay and my feelings are okay.

The fact that T can't help me feel better right now is scary to me. Although the fact that PC is helping me feel better is really really good. I guess that is my middle place for now. T is trying and it's not working, PC is trying and it is working, and that makes me feel lucky and grateful. Maybe that is the shift. Being able to feel lucky and grateful on top of all of this other stuff.

I need a shift.

Just wanted to tell you your amazing strength and success with using/trusting/believing things from therapy (even when it's not working as well as you need) really, really motivates me to do the same, and it is really helping me to be a happier person. Me (and obviously lots of people here) see your successfulness even when you aren't feeling it or when you might not feel strong about holding onto your new and better ways of coping or being.

It's really cool that you're going to tape them on the fridge

rainbow_rose · Jun 03, 2011, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo. I should get "GROUNDING SKILLS" on the inside of my arm. Or maybe, "BREATHE".

Today is today. I want it to be better.

I have a post-it note taped to my desk that says 'BREATHE'. It's amazing how easy it can be to forget to take a moment to do that.

Sannah · Jun 03, 2011, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treehouse

We didn't have feelings.

And being in this home would certainly cause you to form many feelings then you couldn't have them.

Did your mother ever react negatively to any feelings that might have slipped out of you?

Jun 03, 2011, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sannah

Did your mother ever react negatively to any feelings that might have slipped out of you?

rainbow_rose · Jun 03, 2011, 04:08 PM

.

..

Jun 06, 2011, 02:02 PM

Me again.

I am SO SICK of myself and my feelings. I am really struggling to not use a bad coping skill. I called T and left a message (didn't ask for a call back, just venting), I called my 12 step sponsor and talked to her, I e-mailed T and asked for a reply, and I suck and I hate it.

My feelings are just BIG. I've tried praying, I've tried writing, I've gotten out of the house, I've spent time with my kids, I'm taking one son to martial arts in a little bit and another son is having a friend spend the night tonight.

I'm not sure what threw me into this place. I had to deal with my mom a LOT yesterday. I had a stressful conversation with my H last night about the fact that I have "secrets" (my history) from him. It's a long time (for me) until I see T. I feel overwhelmed by my feelings. Nothing is working and I just have to feel how I feel and it feels kind of unbearable.

I. just. want. it. to. stop.

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 06, 2011, 02:30 PM

(((((((((((((( tree ))))))))))))))

I am wondering whether you and T have ever thought about asking yr DH to come see him with you some day - not on your regular therapy day, an extra day - do you suppose it would help him if he could ask questions and get answers from someone who won't be upset by them? Yr T is not going to break your confidentiality, but maybe he can make yr DH understand that you are not keeping secrets from him. this must be so hard for you, I am sorry.

Jun 06, 2011, 02:59 PM

But, I DO have secrets from him

He only knows the most GENERAL vague idea about my history.

I told him that it helps me to keep it contained in T's office. I don't like to speak it out here in the world, because then it is OUT HERE WITH ME. He understood, I think. And I have told him 2 tiny things before and he ended up using them both against me in heated moments ("you wouldn't be like this if (x) hadn't happened"). And he didn't say it nicely. So, it just doesn't feel safe. I can't have that stuff being thrown at me out of nowhere.

H isn't angry. But I feel horrible and stressed. I hate myself.

nannypat · Jun 06, 2011, 03:12 PM

Please don't hate yourself. Hate what was done to you. I understand about knowledge being used against you. They will never know how much it hurts and how much it means you can not share with them. I truly believe that they have no idea of the level of pain that they inflict slinging it back at you. I am not excusing them. Once told, it should never pass their lips again.

Jun 06, 2011, 09:30 PM

T sent me an e-mail reminding me to look for grace. I went to my 12 step meeting and I shared a little bit and I don't know if people understood, but I spoke what is true for me right now. I think some people understood.

I am tired of sinking into the despair and reaching so hard for the good stuff and finding it and losing it again.

learning1 · Jun 06, 2011, 11:58 PM

I'm sorry Tree. Please keep posting and asking for help from everywhere you can.

dizgirl2011 · Jun 07, 2011, 01:14 PM

Tree: I can hear your pain and wish I could reach out and give you the biggest hugs((((

)))). Sometimes I think the word 'secret' implys something sneaky or wrong, so I use the word private instead and maybe that would help you too? To say ' I have some things that are private to me, that are very hard to share and I can only share them in the secure environment of therapy.

I think it's healthy to have things that you keep private and if the past result was negative of sharing with your husband I can understand that you are hesitant to share with him again. This doesn't mean you will never be able to share these things with him but that you will only do it when you feel safe.

When you feel this low is it possible to move your session with your T forward? Or get an extra session?

It sounds like you have been working hard to just keep going by using so many positive distractions and coping skills, you have done so great.

we are here for you hun

SpiritRunner · Jun 07, 2011, 01:29 PM

((((((((((tree))))))))))))) I am so sorry for how hard things are for you right now.....I understand how hard it is to deal with BIG feelings. I am too. The best I can do is just keep breathing, deep breaths, remind myself that I am here, now, that there is grace! Yesterday I told T I felt like I was at a crossroads with one option to just quit struggling so hard to find grace in this pain I am in or to keep struggling to find the grace. She said, has it occurred to you that there is a 3rd option? Quit struggling and ACCEPT the grace.....nope, it hadn't. I thought there had to be a struggle because for me there always is....so to think of just giving up resistance and accepting the grace was a fairly new thing for me. I think it is helping me feel better slowly and just accept what is now, even accept the big feelings that are a part of the now for me, and take hold of the grace that there is now to deal with them....

sittingatwatersedge · Jun 07, 2011, 02:20 PM

Tree (OK if I sit by you for a minute?

) there are parts of your past that are
your
business,
not his; that does not mean you are keeping secrets from him.

using your confidences like bullets when he feels mean, is pretty **** low. I am so sorry that happened.

But that's why I thought T might tell him: she is not keeping secrets from you fella; it is not necessary for you to know everything (and it's not helpful!) any more than she need to know EVERYTHING about you, DH (and I bet you don't).

please don't be so hard on yourself.

Jun 07, 2011, 02:44 PM

((((((((((PC Friends)))))))))))

Thank you so much. It is so good to come here and find support.

dizgirl, I do like the idea of "private" instead of "secret". I am going to think about that.

There is no way I can see T earlier this week

I already know he's all booked up (because last week when I was scheduling my appt I wanted to come on a different day I couldn't).

I did just send the. most. pathetic. e-mail to him. I know I won't be in this place forever. But I don't know how I'm going to get OUT of it.

I feel like I'm watching myself drift through the days right now. I started stripping wallpaper to repaint a bathroom and that helped in a way and didn't help in a way (because it is wallpaper my dad hung).

Oh, BLAH. I give up. Just for now.

granite1 · Jun 07, 2011, 05:42 PM

i so get how you are feeling and sending you hugs

it is hard when you are so tired of things and feeling so crapy

rainbow8 · Jun 07, 2011, 06:44 PM

tree:

thinking of you!

velcro003 · Jun 07, 2011, 06:58 PM

Tree. I've seen tremendous improvement in how you are dealing with this stuff now, versus even 2 months ago...and an entire world from a year ago. I thought of two articles that might help you; i think they show 1--what a competent therapist you have and 2--what you are doing right now IS healing.

http://www.psychotherapynetworker.or...ing-the-brakes

This article really made me see how amazing your T is. He is doing it your way and at your speed.

And this article is a great read, this paragraph sort of sums it up:
I've found that in these crisis situations dissecting negative emotions or trying to rev up positive ones isn't the most useful step we can take. This isn't to say we should avoid discussions about how clients feel--far from it. But talking with clients about what they're doing and how they're coping provides not only a framework for them to talk about how they feel, but a real-life scaffolding for the eventual construction of more positive emotions. Hope follows action, rather than the other way around. Helping clients become aware that what they're doing--even if it's "merely" coping and "just" getting by--can be the first step toward rebuilding their sense of agency and control.

Link: http://www.psychotherapynetworker.or...matics-of-hope

Jun 07, 2011, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

http://www.psychotherapynetworker.or...ing-the-brakes

The second page of this is almost an exact description of one of my therapy sessions. It was so odd to read...but helpful too. Thanks, velcro.

Things went from bad to worse tonight with H. Big time. I e-mailed T and begged for a session tomorrow, but I know he doesn't have time.

BlessedRhiannon · Jun 07, 2011, 09:53 PM

((tree)) I'm just getting caught up on posts, and I'm so sorry you are struggling. Everyone else has already said the important stuff, so I'm just going to offer hugs and my support if you need it.

googley · Jun 07, 2011, 10:45 PM

((((((((((Tree)))))))))))))

Hopefully even if you can't get in to see T tomorrow, hopefully you can touch base on the phone. I know in the past he has called you on his way home. Hopefully you can set something like that up.

I agree with the others that you are doing so much better with this than you have in the past. You are able to see that this wont be forever, and that is great. Even if you don't know when it will resolve, you recognize that there is a point beyond this crisis.

I am so sorry about your troubles with your husband. It hurts so much to tell someone you should trust about something and then have it thrown back in your face.

Googley sits with Tree as long as she needs.

mixedup_emotions · Jun 07, 2011, 11:12 PM

((((( Tree )))))

I'm sorry you're in such a rough place right now. It's so hard and so scary to feel those BIG feelings. Even though you KNOW this will pass and that you WILL get to the other side, it just doesn't seem possible right this second.

I too am struggling with the fear and dissociating....and it seems so out of my control....and I, too, pass judgment on myself and tell myself how stupid this all is....I feel weak and pitiful.

My T explained to me how it is not a sign of weakness. Yet, it feels...so...ugh.

I understand. I do. I also KNOW with every ounce of my being that you are going to get through this and that you are cared for SO VERY MUCH by us at PC. By me.

Jun 08, 2011, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Tree. I've seen tremendous improvement in how you are dealing with this stuff now, versus even 2 months ago...and an entire world from a year ago. I thought of two articles that might help you; i think they show 1--what a competent therapist you have and 2--what you are doing right now IS healing.

http://www.psychotherapynetworker.or...ing-the-brakes

This article really made me see how amazing your T is. He is doing it your way and at your speed.

And this article is a great read, this paragraph sort of sums it up:
I've found that in these crisis situations dissecting negative emotions or trying to rev up positive ones isn't the most useful step we can take. This isn't to say we should avoid discussions about how clients feel--far from it. But talking with clients about what they're doing and how they're coping provides not only a framework for them to talk about how they feel, but a real-life scaffolding for the eventual construction of more positive emotions. Hope follows action, rather than the other way around. Helping clients become aware that what they're doing--even if it's "merely" coping and "just" getting by--can be the first step toward rebuilding their sense of agency and control.

Link: http://www.psychotherapynetworker.or...matics-of-hope

((((((velcro))))))

I just wanted to thank you again for posting these articles. I wasn't in a good place to REALLY read them last night, but I read them both this morning. It does help me see that my T does know what he's doing, and that we will find our way out of this place, somehow.

I really appreciate that

rainbow_rose · Jun 08, 2011, 07:48 AM

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