[lastyearisblank]

Have you ever heard of faking it till you make it? I think I need some of that right now.

My T has been conveying all this stuff to me, "you're not motivated," "you don't seem hopeful." And.. I'm not!!!! Which is part of why I'm in therapy!!!!!! Could I just be a bad patient?

I'm really wondering a lot about all this stuff. Like why live? Why quit abusing my body? I almost feel ready to quit therapy-- I feel like maybe this is pretty much all I'm going to get out of this?

And the thing is we have some communication problems and it's only been like 6 sessions so we don't know each other that well.

You know how sometimes someone will be acting bad, and then you find out that they were really upset about something?

I don't want to share the upset part with anyone. I would rather just be bad right now.

How do I fake it??? How do I learn how to be good? At being a patient? And at MY LIFE???????

Thanks for any replies.

Therapy is difficult. It is hard to be open and vulnerable with someone else. Therapy is for you not for T. Being a good patient is being honest...with the T. and with yourself.

[skysblue]

I've been faking it my whole life. Now in therapy I'm trying to be 'real'. It's hard when the 'fake' has become so real. I'd say don't fake it.

How to be good? Man, I'd love the answer to that too. But, I guess we just need to acknowledge that we're a mixed bag of good and bad and not let the 'bad' have such an overwhelming presence.

At being a patient? Just be...

Life - the seconds tick, there's nothing more to be done.

Don't quit therapy. There is so much value in having one person listen. I can't believe I went my whole life without that and now I'm so happy to be heard.

[ECHOES]

My T has been conveying all this stuff to me, "you're not motivated," "you don't seem hopeful."

I think you mean that this is what you are hearing, not necessarily what T is saying verbatim?

Could these things T says be invitations to explore being motivated and hopeful? What they are about and not about, what seems like it would help, what seems to be preventing being motivated and hopeful, etc.
Or, T is hearing you and bringing various things you say together to show the association to motivation and hopefulness/hopelessness?

[lastyearisblank]

Agh! Honesty! I CAN'T be honest when I'm like this. I hardly even know what I'm feeling!!! It's not personal to my T. I think it's that transference stuff that's bothering me. She told me that she was angry at me the other session and she was like "if I feel that way toward you, probably other people feel that way too". And yeah maybe they do but I just don't know how to handle it. I have a feeling therapy would be going easier, if she thought I was a good patient.

Skysblue thank you for your comment. Haha, it's good to be bad sometimes right?

Echoes, I think she would be thrilled if I could open up the dialogue that articulately. What she is talking about seems to be a sort of raw emotion she feels around me. That I'm NOT hopeful. That I'm trying to foil her somehow.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Agh! Honesty! I CAN'T be honest when I'm like this.

What the hey is honesty anyway? I can't tell you how many times I've had to answer, "I don't know" when T asks me what I'm feeling or why I'm feeling this way.

I think it's o.k. to grope and then still feel lost. At least THAT'S honest. Last session, T asked me a question and I went inside myself looking for the answer. I couldn't talk for a few moments because I was deeply lost in the hunt. T is great in that she stays quiet while I'm in that space. But, even though I searched, I still could not find the answer.

It was all feelings - and no words to describe them. T commented that I had 'shrunk' and asked what age I was. I said I don't know. She said I became a child in those moments of my silent seeking.

So, I don't think presenting ourselves any particular way is important. Having the 'right' words or the 'right' actions is not important. I think just being open and risking being vulnerable and accepting that there may not be a convenient answer is the 'answer'.

Therapy is not the same as attending classes, taking tests, and hoping that we'll pass with flying colors. Therapy is a deep digging without really knowing exactly for what we're digging.

Just be open...

[rainbow_rose]

For my first 2 or 3 sessions, I was in mindset of trying to be a 'good client'. but at some point, I realized how much I was stressing about that, how much anxiety was coming from trying to be what I thought I was supposed to be. The first session after I decided to 'stop trying', I pretty much dissociated the whole session. In another session, I pretty much shut down at the beginning.

It's very hard to not try to be what or who I think i'm supposed to be in session... but it feels worth it because I am finally showing her, really, what we need to work on. If hadn't made the conscious decision to just go in there and just 'be', she'd never see how much anxiety I have and how deeply it has affected my life.

This last session we had, I think she finally started to see where I was at and how she can help/guide me.

Don't try... just be. It's ok not to know how to describe your feelings. I don't and she's never made me feel wrong for not knowing. Sometimes not knowing IS being honest.

[Indie'sOK]

I have the same issue...I don't think it's a matter of being a "good" or "bad" patient...like another poster said, therapy is hard. And motivation is something you struggle with, like a lot of people do. That's ok...you're right, you're in therapy to work on it. Has your therapist been pushing you to open up, so much so that it's making you uncomfortable?

[Hope-Full]

The World's Best Therapy Client - great, short, article from Psychology Today that might be helpful in this thread. I know it was helpful for me when I read it

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

How do I fake it??? How do I learn how to be good? At being a patient? And at MY LIFE???????

Perhaps it's not a matter of being good or bad, but just being authentic. I know honesty is scary...believe me, I KNOW! But, being honest with your T, being honest with yourself, I think that's the only way to be a "good" patient and "good" at your life. When you've lived your whole life hiding, either behind the "good" mask or the "bad" mask, it's so very difficult to set those aside and just be. I've spent my entire live wearing that "good" mask for others, and it's just as damaging as the bad one, because I've never been true to myself. I'm trying to learn how, but it is very, very hard.

Being honest, and expecting honesty from your T would probably solve a lot of communication issues too!

[lastyearisblank]

Thank you all, I want to respond to these individually. I figured out what is bugging me and it is that my T assumes that the clashes between our personalities are all my fault and that other people see that as a bad thing in me. Very few people see me as a "bad girl." I have worked all my life to be in the top whatever percentile... in fact, I want to do the same thing in treatment!! But it is going to be so hard because now that I've pissed my T off everything is going to be about that. I feel like she wants to see me SUFFER for my sins now. And she keeps bringing up that "if I feel that way maybe everyone else does too?" But does everyone else feel that I am mean and difficult? I'm not sure??????????????????????

P.S. The authenticity stuff is a real issue. She could be a perfect T and I would still have that exact problem.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

I figured out what is bugging me and it is that my T assumes that the clashes between our personalities are all my fault and that other people see that as a bad thing in me... now that I've pissed my T off everything is going to be about that. I feel like she wants to see me SUFFER for my sins now.

You could be right -- and then again, you might be assuming she feels that way. Any way you could check to see which is true?

And she keeps bringing up that "if I feel that way maybe everyone else does too?" But does everyone else feel that I am mean and difficult? I'm not sure??????????????????????

Again, I think it is hard at this distance to know what is happening. She could be simply stating what she observes, and posing to you the possibility that you have that effect on a lot of people. Or she could be upset at you and not clearly admitting that to herself, and so putting the onus on you. Can you figure out which it is?

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Have you ever heard of faking it till you make it?

Yes, I have heard that phrase, in a psychology class I took. Could it mean to fake it in your real life enough to allow yourself to get to work every day, take care of your kids, etc.? Because there are essentials in our lives and if we don't feel up to them, maybe pretending/faking we can do them, will actually help us do them. But I don't think a client should fake it in their sessions. In therapy, they should try to be honest and genuine with their therapist. I know it's hard to go from "faking it" by necessity out in your real life, to genuineness/honesty in therapy.

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

How do I learn how to be good? At being a patient?

I think being a "good client" does include trying to be honest with the therapist. Other ways to be a "good client" include paying the bill on time and showing up on time for appointments. If one is used to not being genuine, it can be hard to suddenly be honest in therapy. Perhaps just try to look within and catch yourself in session before you tell any "lies," by which I mean, "Oh, I'm fine today," or "I'm feeling OK," or "I don't know" when the therapist asks you what the matter is. Sometimes if I am tempted to tell one of these "lies", I make myself stop and just be silent. If I can't tell the truth (it's too painful, I'm too shy to share, etc), at least I stop myself from saying what is not true. And if I truly don't know what the matter is, I give myself space and silence in therapy to try to figure out what is the matter. Sometimes if the T is patient and lets the silence reign, the answer will come to the client.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

You know how sometimes someone will be acting bad, and then you find out that they were really upset about something?

I don't want to share the upset part with anyone. I would rather just be bad right now.

This sounds like an excellent place to start!

[PTSDlovemycats]

LYIB, I think that as long as you show up to your appointments and are trying in therapy then you are being a "Good patient". Be easy on yourself Sweetheart!

[laceylu]

Peace to you, and patience, and caring. I journal. And then I take the biggest issue to T. I can only process one thing at a time. I have things on my list for other appointments. If i write it down then i feel it will keep until i need to talk about it. T may other plans but they are supposed to get you thinking about other way and points.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Thank you all, I want to respond to these individually. I figured out what is bugging me and it is that my T assumes that the clashes between our personalities are all my fault and that other people see that as a bad thing in me. Very few people see me as a "bad girl." I have worked all my life to be in the top whatever percentile... in fact, I want to do the same thing in treatment!! But it is going to be so hard because now that I've pissed my T off everything is going to be about that. I feel like she wants to see me SUFFER for my sins now. And she keeps bringing up that "if I feel that way maybe everyone else does too?" But does everyone else feel that I am mean and difficult? I'm not sure??????????????????????

P.S. The authenticity stuff is a real issue. She could be a perfect T and I would still have that exact problem.

Is it possible that you can't get 'authentic' because you don't trust your T completely even though you like her? I mean, if someone tells me everything is my fault, I will not be inclined to expose myself and risk more pain.

I have an opposite situation. I struggle with what my T calls my 'inner critic' and she works to help me see the good in myself. I believe I should suffer and she says I don't need to.

[lastyearisblank]

Well, I wrote something depressing here-- but it's gone now!

Looking forward to next session, we'll figure it out then.

[lastyearisblank]

Lol so much angst over... therapy! It's so funny sometimes...

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Lol so much angst over... therapy! It's so funny sometimes...

I understand that angst over therapy is a reflection of issues in our lives. It gives the therapist the opportunity to see us in live action instead of just hearing our tainted report of our lives.

[lastyearisblank]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I understand that angst over therapy is a reflection of issues in our lives. It gives the therapist the opportunity to see us in live action instead of just hearing our tainted report of our lives.

Omg I am seriously wondering now if there is a bug and wire in my T's office. That is exactly what my T said last time too... she was like "these issues are coming up here because they're part of your life." Or no, she said, "they're alive,".. something like that..

Gives me hope..

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by lastyearisblank

Omg I am seriously wondering now if there is a bug and wire in my T's office. That is exactly what my T said last time too... she was like "these issues are coming up here because they're part of your life." Or no, she said, "they're alive,".. something like that..

Gives me hope..

Well, every therapy book I've read says the same thing so, I guess it might be true..

[with or without you]

I've always been unfailingly polite and courteous since day 1 because that's my nature and how I was brought up...it's innate and I can't help that. If someone's nice, that's good enough for me and I return the kindness. If T ever calls and asks if I can change the time of our next appointment I usually say OK without a second thought. A few years ago T shared with me that she had lost her mother and would have to re-schedule; I sent her a sympathy card. Things like that.

However, after pleasantries are exchanged, I try very hard to really spill it all out and not hold back, including the frequent use of profanity and saying how I actually "hate" some people in my life and the parts of myself that I truly despise. I don't have to be all nicey-nice in therapy, that's not what it's for.