[Miracle1986]

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

[SoupDragon]

This is my first and only T - to be honest my head wasn't in a good place when I was looking for one so I can't remember the details of how I found him. Looking back even if my head had been clearer, I would have choosen to go to see him. On his website he details the problems he is able to work with and I could relate to them.

Although I struggle to be open with him, I also know the potential is there - it just feels that he knows me / gets me / can see beyond the smoke screens and it just feels right (mostly).

I do not really have anyone really to compare him with - I did a few couple sessions before my divorce with 3 different therapists and had a bad experience in all of them.

So for me, I feel reassured that I won't freak him too much with my specific problems and I feel that he knows stuff, what is going on for me without me having to say too much.

Good luck in finding someone who you can work with - Soup

[vanessaG]

My T is my 1st & only T as well in a long long time. I found him on ins. Website. Then I googled names and read reviews and kinda narrowed it down from there. He was one of the ones to. All back in a timely manner and worked w/ what I was looking for...

I look for: ease of scheduling appts. I have a standing appt 2x week so that's nice.
And I guess to see if we mesh or click. Which we do I think most of the time. I'm ultra sensitive sometimes n wonder sometimes if we're a good match...but I think we are.

I saw a couples therapist last yr..HATED her. Talked bout her fam most of session. I've seen several therapists over the years way back...don't remember too much cause I was in n out of hospital but I do remember I didn't like ANY of them! Lol.

I did see a therapist a lil bit ago & I really liked him at first but I'm pretty sure he became overwhelmed cause one day I came in severly depressed w/ Sui thinking and my 50 min appt turned out to be 3 hours!!! I left with a sense of fear in him and questioned his competence and a Sui contract :/. (plus. Bunch of 'follow up' phone calls! -he was a student)

So yeah. I know some people shop around...which I think isn't a bad idea...I wAs really really needing a therapist ASAP tho so I shopped around best I could!

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

My mother in law saw him and kept telling me how amazing he was and that I didn't have to feel like crud for the rest of my life.

Yes, I had seen two other therapists before.

I saw the one about three months before I knew beyond any doubt she was a horrible person for me. The other was a therapist I had seen before, and he probably would have been fine for me again, but I had insurance issues with the group he was with. Now, in retrospect, I can tell that my current therapist is much better suited for me. The problem with my current therapist is I like him tooooo much (in my own opinion).

I think being non-judgmental and accepting is really important. The woman T I saw was really a hag to me about something I said to my husband. Just kept asking me if I thought about how it would make him feel before I said it.

I found my current T through my insurance list. He was one of 3 or 4 names in my community. From there it was a bit random. He was the only PhD on the list, so I went with that (not that that particularly matters). I felt comfortable with him right away. He "got" me from the first meeting. The rest is history.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

1. internet search - she was about the right age, the right gender, in the right geographic area, and some other stuff on web that seemed not inapplicable to me

2. I have stayed with this one but gone to see about 15 or so others to see if there was a better match. Some I found were much worse for me and the others about the same as the one I was seeing. This one is my third try at therapy (about one time a decade).

3. The second one I tried about 15 years ago was horrible and I only went about 6-8 times before quitting.

4. I want one who is not real emotive, not particularly warm, will stay gone from me if I quit and away from me physically in the office, no stuffed animals and who does not try to talk me out of quitting. I would like one who had some concept of a plan.

I found my t thru a friend. I had to go thru nine duds before i found her. Some of the duds i gave several chances. Some it took just a few minutes to know they werent for me. I think its important for a t to be warm, honest, loving, caring, and love their job.

[ECHOES]

I researched types of therapies and types of therapists. I had an idea of what I wanted anyway. From there, because I wanted someone psychoanalytically oriented, I contacted the nearest psychoanalytic training institute for a referral to a candidate (student). Candidates are carefully screened, and are experienced therapists.
I received one referral to try and that is my T. The location was right and I liked her when I met her, even though I was certainly intimidated too.
She meets with prospective patients a few times to see if she thinks she and the patient can work together. After a few visits, I asked what she thought. lol. She had already decided we could work well together. I thought so too. I was nervous and angry when I left the first visit about some minor thing, and at the 2nd visit she was soooo gentle when she asked about it, and so accepting and non-judgmental and I knew that this was the person I wanted to work with. It still took a long time for trust to build, but that was a good indicator to me that she was trustworthy. Over time, she was reliable and didn't cancel sessions, she made time for me when I needed an extra session, once even coming in on her day off. She is kind and accepting and patient (although I had to get through a long period of time where I thought between sessions that she was anything but those things; my fears were at work, distorting my perceptions).

I've had other T's and they were okay. Only one who wasn't a good fit because she didn't tell me that her orientation is hypnotherapy and that wasn't what I was looking for. She also cancelled my standing Friday appointment every week for a month and wasn't concerned until she realized I had stopped rescheduling...

[wintergirl]

How did you find your current T?

I looked on my insurance company's website and looked at several profiles. One really stood out to me, and even though he was booked for two months, I decided it was worth waiting.

Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?

I briefly saw a marriage counselor with my dh, and he just did not work for me. But I knew my current T was going to work right away.

How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?

It took me two sessions with marriage T.

In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

I need someone who responds to me and really listens to what I have to say. I need someone who manages the time well and pushes me out of my comfort zone a little. I need someone with firm boundaries (I wouldn't do as well with a T who emailed and texted between sessions, but that is just me - I would become way too dependent on that person).

[bluemountains]

My first check was insurance coverage. Also, I wanted a clinical psychologist because I knew that I had some evaluation that needed to be done. Also, I read biographiess to see who was best qualified to meet my needs.

The final positive when I met my t through my son's testing, was that she has a no nonsense attitude, not a touchy, all will be wonderful attitude. I want this done as quickly as possible, and to be put in my place when needed. I tend to be hard-headed and difficult, trying to avoid the painful stuff. My t usually has the right words to put me in check.

Bluemountains

I am with the first T I tried and I found him from a list from my then insurance company. I just searched by location, picked a random few names of the closest ones and he was the only one I actually had the guts to leave a voicemail with, lol. I knew when I spoke to him on the phone the first time that I would be comfortable with him, so even after just the first face-to-face session I knew he was a good match.

I really had no idea what were good qualities, but I've discovered that I want someone who is empathic, accepting, won't criticize me because I already come from an environment where I am often harshly criticized so I don't need that anywhere else, but still has good professional boundaries. I wanted to be cared about but also feel safe, and I do.

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

1. I found him on the psychology today website. I read profiles of T's and checked to see who took my insurance. I liked what he wrote.

2. He's my first and only T!

3. I chose him after a few phone calls where he helped me through the process of choosing a therapist (he was never pushy about who I chose. he just listened and helped)...so I must have sensed when I picked him that he would be a good match. Although I considered quitting therapy a lot, it was to get away from therapy, not to find another T...so I guess I felt like he was a good match from the beginning.

4. My T is almost always 100% present with me. He gives me a lot of space to explore what I need to explore and to tell what I need to tell. He's empathetic and caring. He always, always points out to me that it is *my* internal wisdom that is leading to my healing - not his - and that's empowering. He has really good boundaries, and I know I'm safe. I didn't know those were things I needed when I started therapy, but I know now that those things are exactly what I need.

[Butterflies Are Free]

My current T was leading a support group I was in many years ago and I liked her from the start. Qualities that are a must for me: honesty, authenticity, warmth, mutual respect, needs to return phone calls, and works with me/we are a team.

[BlessedRhiannon]

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

I found my current T via a search on Psychology Today's website.

My current T is my third one, and the only one that's really been helpful for me.

I figured out that we were a good match within about 5 sessions.

I think the qualities are different for every person. I need someone that is calm, insightful, patient, willing to work at my pace, trustworthy, and there were a bunch of other things that are kinda personal (ex: couldn't in any way remind me of my mother, etc).

[learning1]

I've had a lot of t's over the years. I used to use the insurance company's list. More recently, I used Psychology Today. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence, but it worked better. I wonder if the insurance company tends to list more t's who have less training and charge less.

Anyway, I also found l tend to do better with t's who have PhDs. There have been others who were good who didn't have PhDs but I like them to be intelligent. There was one who had a PhD I didn't like as a therapist because she seemed too emotionally unengaged and scientific, always talking about the journal literature she read. Interesting, but it was more like a lecture than therapy. And there was one other t with a PhD who I went to for one visit. She followed some therapy guru who believed in getting the client angry. She successfully immitated her guru in that respect, but not for long for with me .

I haven't done well with social workers. I know social workers get less training. The ones I saw tended to try to do step by step solutions to solve immediate, concrete problems, and that wasn't what I wanted. It would wind up with endless discussion on defining the problem, because it wasn't actually an immediate, concrete problem that I had in mind.

So I guess I like t's who are emotionally engaged and intelligent and who talk enough to keep the conversation going at first, but not too much.

[Lexi232]

How did you find your current T?
Well... within a few months time... T1 saw me twice then referred me to T2, who saw me twice then got promoted and left the T title behind (whatever that means), and then I got set up with T3, who is now my current T for about a month now..

Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
In my life, I have only found 3 who I trusted... and one of those three is my current T.
I have had WAY TOOO MANY T's too really count, it's about like schools i've been in. I quit counting after a certain time.

How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
Usually the first hour, but even if they aren't, I still try. And just act "as if" they were a good match...

In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?
Empathy, compassion, honesty, trustworthy, patience, stability, good at listening, and advice, pretty much the qualities that are important are those that we can't find in our life elsewhere... That we so despritely seek.

[Yoda]

I found my current therapist about fifteen years ago when my son was diagnosed with ADHD and a learning disability. I knew she was a quality T when she took time from her schedule to attend a meeting at my son's school to advocate for my son. At that time I did not need a T for myself but when my BF started using meth she started counseling me for that issue.

[CantExplain]

How did you find your current T?
My wife's T referred me.

Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
Hell yes.

How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
I gave up on one T after three months.
I gave up on one group after a year.

In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?
To challenge a patient without driving him away is a delicate balance. My current T is at the upper limit of what I can stand. She nearly lost me on several occasions.
The T I gave up on didn't challenge me enough.
The group I gave up on challenged me too much.

In my experience, Ts do not alter their challenge seetings to match the patient. So if your T challenges too much or too little, you might as well leave.

How did you find your current T?

I asked friends of mine for recommendations, but none of the T's I checked out seemed like they would work for me. I screened out several by phone, went to one session with another (horrors!). Then I became lazy and asked to see someone at the same Psychological Industrial Complex (one T who employs about 15 other T's) where my son saw a T for a few sessions. I told the secretary that I wanted someone experienced in trauma and she linked me with my current T.

Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?

Yes, and this has been true for the three times I have looked for a T. But my specific T was literally assigned to me and I feel fortunate that I didn't tell the secretary/receptionist that I didn't want a man (which was my first reaction).

How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?

With all of my 3 T's, I felt they were a good match after a few sessions. I saw my first two T's for 2 and 3 years, and I'll probably see my current T for at least a year, if not longer. I tend to be like that with people in general, either I connect with them pretty much right away or I don't. It's rare that I develop a strong friendship with someone that I don't immediately have some sort of connection to. And I tend to have very stable friendships and relationships with people, so my T pattern fits me more generally.

In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

The first time I went to T, a friend of mine recommended my first T and said, you need to see someone who's smart. I think that all of my 3 T's have been very smart, but more importantly, they have been insightful and listen really well to me. I talk fast, say a lot, and can leave people behind if they are not on top of things. The T's that I have seen that I didn't think would work for me were people who seemed to have difficulty grasping what I was saying, reducing something complex to something simple like symptoms of depression. They just seemed to miss a lot of what I was saying. Also, I have interviewed potential T's who just seemed to have difficulty with some basic life tasks such as being on time, communicating basic things like their philosophies and beliefs and training, or coping with insurance claims. One potential T I saw went on and on about how horrible and impossible my insurance company was, she acted like she was a victim of paperwork. I thought at the time, I'm looking for someone to help me see my own power and lose my victim attitude, but she's not really it.

Also, because of the work I do, I have pretty well developed interviewing techniques. If I go see a potential T and he or she allows me to just extract all kinds of information about them and either can't ask me good questions or allows me to avoid talking about myself, I don't have any confidence in them to be able to help me. Some of this is a broader issue-- I need someone to be able to get me beyond my comfort zone-- using words as an obstacle for really talking (if that makes any sense) or asking questions as avoidance (I'm just very good at getting information out of T's, and some are fooled into believing I'm really interested in it, as opposed to me engaging in an exercise to avoid myself). Some of it is I need someone who can call me on my stuff and focus me on the real issues. I know that my current T (who is far better at this than my prior two T's) is guiding me when I pretty much lose my fluid and articulate conversational style and descend into few words.

Education and experience wise-- my current T is a MSW, my 2nd T was a PhD., and my first T was an MD. My current T has had about 25 years of experience, while my 2nd T had about 5 years, and my first T about 15 or so. The more experience I have in my own field, the more I think experience matters more than anything. My 2nd T had more life experience than T experience, which I think was particularly helpful for me.

The last quality that I have come to appreciate in my current T is his ability to be very much attuned and responsive to me, especially to my emotional reactions. He responds to a change in my emotional state, such as breaking into teary-ness, with an immediate flash of what I can only label as tenderness. His responsiveness is so genuine, so immediate, so authentic, and so understanding that he has taught me that attunement is something I very much need. It's really the opposite of relationships where I have felt out of sync in some critical emotional way.

Anne

[confused and dazed]

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

I was "forced" to see my T. (court order, long story). I did not have a say on who I saw. I actualy "hated" my T, well that was before I had met him. On my first visit, T said something I had never heard before, that he was on my side, there for me and we would work on what was best for me. It still took a while for me to trust T, but it has been over 2.5 yrs total and I would not trade T for anything. (was only ordered to see him 6mos and when that was over, I just stayed.)

I have seen a few others before him, and I could not stand them, it was almost instantly. I tend to be judgemental at times...

Good qualities for me are: compassionate, understanding, insightful, looks past my bs to see the real me, careing and patient.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Miracle1986

How did you find your current T?
Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?

I have to go through my insurance, and this is what they offered. I was hoping to get my old T (they work in the same association), but she was no longer available.

Most of my T's have been helpful in some form or fashion. I only had one T that I remember who was not, and I knew it by the first session because all he wanted to talk about was my daughter's issues and not listen to my own.

Qualities? Be a good listener, be emotionally present, be caring without being sappy, be trustworthy, and be knowledgeable about the profession. My old T is a professor and my current T a professor emeritus at the local university, so they keep up on current techniques and such.

[3velniai]

I found my current T on google. Seriously. Googled therapist + city, discarded all the therapists I know (the result of several years of volunteer work in mental health organisation in a small city, where losts of the to be therapists volunteered too), looked through what was left and picked a lady who's photo was the most human (not passport style, no obvious photoshop) and webpage most normal (short and full information).
She's my 2nd T, the first one was from the organisation I used to work at, and my ex-boss, so yeah, it wasn't a good idea to see her
I realised the current T is a match within like 10 minutes after meeting her.
Qualities? I have no idea, I guess that's different for different people and different issues. For me it's... ok, I seriously have no idea, lol lol

[lostmyway21]

How did you find your current T?
Psychology Today's website.

Did you have to go to several before you found a good match?
I tried 3 others before him.

How long does it take to realize they are (or aren't) a good match?
I stopped going to the others after 3, 1, and 2 sessions. I realized during my first session with current T, that he was the perfect fit.

In your opinion, what qualities are important for a T to have?
Patience, availability, empathy, caring, trustworthy, understanding..ect

[Fuzzybear]