It's over- t broke all of my trust

i havn't responded much because i dont know a lot about the DBT stuff these days.i think when i was living in group homes i got a modified version of this .but i do see all the pain and confusion this is causing you and i hope seeing this other T may be able to help with figuring some of it out so you can figure out what to do with all of this that was handed to you.kacey you are an amazing person and you deserve your T's best and if he isn't giving it to you maybe you should put some thought into changing and i hope seeing this 2ed T will help you figure this out.BIG HUGS

The videotaping thing would throw me off too. Where i go it's videotaped bc the T's are students , but i knew this from the beginning. Also, it would be different if i felt like a group of people who were gonna be messing with my therapy and changing rulws etc... were watching the tapes. Ugh. Sorry about the hives and stuff. May angels surround you, and give those supposed to be helping you good counsel.

Thanks Trinity it is scary to venture out because it is familiar and it was once a comforting safe place for me. I think there is a part of me that deeply longs to have that back.

Echoes, everything you said was just so insightful. About it hurting no matter who is responsible and that it wasn't gentle at all. I think it was an impulsive reaction by him. I also did think he meant it when he said we could be connected in some way like I don't know letters or something and I know he knew that I was talking about real physical connection not in the heart and memories stuff. He just went with it and didn't spell it out like you did just now about yah KC we will be connected just in our hearts and memories. I was talking apples, he knew I was talking apples and he was talking oranges. I laughed about the video revenge fantasies! Now that is always a possibiltiy. We could have some fun here making up commentaries on pc and take a vote to see which one I should throw out there for the taping! You might be on to something.

That all was so sweet it made me quite teary.

Yes Mue I do think it will help me make a wise decision in the end and not a hasty choice that I may regret. I am just so nervous though, like I am sure she is going to think I am a crazy girl. A crazy girl in a whole lot of pain. That was good on your t's part for offering to bring in another t. I remember that it was a while ago. It does show humility on his behalf and it probably meant a whole lot to you that he was willing to do that for the sake of your therapy.

Aw Granite you are always so sweet. I have never been told I was an amazing person before. Truthfully I always question if people want me to post or not.

Yes I am scared that more damage may be done. Who knows what they will do next. Yah the hives flared up real bad today at work so I had to take 2 vistarils and benadryl on top of that. They still did not go away. I was so tired from the meds I fell asleep at 7. Thanks for the blessings of angels, what a great imagery idea. I will picture that when I am sitting in the waiting area waiting for my consult t.

Kacey, sorry I've had little to say, and I don't have time now since I've got to run, but I've read everything through and you have had some awesome comments I hardly need to add much to. I want to say, though, that granite is right - it seems to me you have grown so much and are handling this in an amazing way, not that it's easy for you, I see that it's hard, but I also see you being aware of yourself, your emotions, being aware of T/his emotions/motives, and making efforts to be clear about your perceptions and be in wise mind.
I hope it goes well with the T you're seeing today. I will be thinking of you!

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!! I can not believe my luck. New t cancelled this morning at 0830 for my 1000 apt. I started to bawl on the phone with the receptionist. She can't get me in til may 3 now and I just said forget it. I went back to bed until 1200.

UNBELIEVABLE

Oh Kacey, that really, really sucks! And May 3 is such a long time away. I know you probably don't want to, but maybe calling your T (not the receptionist) to see if you can get in sooner might help. Not sure if that's an option.

At any rate, hugs to you

*!&@#! Ok that was supposed to be a swear word. Sending you hugs and my dog sends kisses.( Dont worry i brush her
teeth.)Definitely get into see SOMEBODY sooner. I dont care if they are approved by your current T and his illustrious team of consultants or not. I agree with Likelife, see if you can talk to this T instead of receptionist.

dang, that really SUX. Try a different T maybe??

I'm on my phone so this won't be long but I wanted to let u all know that I did call back and she is working on me getting in with someone else maybe their intern. I don't care who it is I would talk to the secretary for 50 min if I could. I'm at dbt now with my t and skills t so wish me luck. I'm hoping I don't get hives. I'll write more later.luv ya guys

good luck kacey lots of love and hugs this sucks

Hope the new appointment you're on the phone for works out. It's a really bad feeling when you NEED to see T and then you get cancelled. Good luck!

I hope it works out to get a new appt and that the dbt goes well today, too. Good for you for taking initiative and working on getting into see someone; I'm proud of you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and your needs here.

Hey All. I haven't had much news to share but I thought I would see what I could come up with. I called that other agency back and asked for a different t for consult. The gal put me with a young gal (older than me still) that is another dbt t. I struggled with that but did not want to be a pest on the phone so I took it. Now that I have had an opportunity to think about it over the weekend I am going to call back and request the clinical director. I think a person who has more years on them will understand a little better and not try to get me into their dbt program. I had a really tough day on Friday at work and I ended up si-ing in the bathroom. I haven't done that since my 80 stitches incident 7 months ago but I was reading a memoir by Amanda Beard and it triggered me into remembering how good it feels and how well it works. The next day I felt even more depressed and wanted to do it again so I called the DBT coaching line and guess who answers it? Yep, good ole buddy ole pal ole t.

Side note; Now I know that I do not care anymore about my t because I seriously didn't care who answered that phone. Before I would always want it to be my t or skills trainer. I don't like the other 2 people. One hates me and the other is just plain out mean. Now I am totally apathetic to my t and think that skills trainer through me under the bus.

Anyway the real kicker is that t was like is there something you just aren't accepting that has your body freaking out? He went on to speculate that one of the reasons might be that I am not accepting reality about the changes in therapy. What reality? I am like, "dude, I effin get it! I don't think you understand that I know this is simply an exchange of conversation between to people. Nothing more, nothing less. Now I called for coaching to not injure myself and you are turning it around to the relationship that we are not supposed to focus on!" I have never been so confused in my whole entire life! How am I supposed to behave inorder to not have anything else bad happen in therapy anymore? I asked t to give me a list of things that I should not do that would make things go from bad to worse and he said that sounds like something we could work on together. I said too bad I only have 50 min power hour on Tuesday and we already have behavior problems to talk about. I told him to make the list before then.

He says to put aside the things that I have no control over for right now and plan ahead for coping of the things I can control. Coping ahead for the best possible and worst possible outcomes on a variety of different problem issues in my life right now. Whatever.

Kacey, I'm sorry things are so rough for you at the moment.

I think that is a great idea about using your interpersonal effectiveness skills to call back and request a session with the clinical director. You are in quite a complex situation and you are asking for a consult rather than an intake session.

I am also super impressed that you called the coaching line for help, despite all the current problems with your T and not knowing who would answer! I'm so sorry he found it difficult to provide straightforward coaching, and you found this confusing

I don't know if you have a phone you can use apps on, but T and I were comparing our DBT apps at my last session, and I wondered whether this could work for you- it is ready made coaching on your phone- you go through options to get to what you need, and you can personalise the skills in helpful ways too. This would be kind of equivalent to the 'list' you were asking T for

I have this one (cheaper!):
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/dbt-d...479013889?mt=8

And T has this one, which is the one her entire service is going to use:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/dbt-s...458300012?mt=8

Thinking of you

Checking apps now. Thanks! I will let you know. I'm at work so gotta run, I'll be back. Thanks for the encouraging response Improving!

Kacey, im proud of you for calling. Way to go. You are doing everything right. You will get through this.

Kacey, I'm thinking of you and knowing it will all work out for the best!