Bad session :(

What can you do differently next time?

I don't want to talk about it ever again. Am I being unrealistic?

Yes, you know T will wanna talk about this

but I'd Bookmark this thread as a reminder , next time you feel it heading down this path.. you can remind yourself of how you feel now.

Hm I'm not sure if he will bring it up. Sometimes he wants to bring up stuff I react to, and then other times he will NOT bring up something that I had been super reactive to. Stability issue maybe? I plan on telling him not to bring it up again anyway. He rarely pushes past that.

That's awesome. I wonder why that is.

Lost, I don't even have abandonment issues, but I totally get not wanting to hear any talk about the "end". It's one thing to know it intellectually. It's quite another to hear it, however casually.

But you must always keep talking to yourself when you have such intense emotions. Do you really think the "end" is near for you? Do you really think he's thinking, "You know what? Lost has got her act together. She doesn't need therapy anymore. Time to start talking about termination."

Of course he's not thinking this. He knows you still need lots of work and support.

I think you should try to find some type of activity to engross yourself in right after therapy. Something that requires every ounce of brain juice and you can't back out of easily. Being sent into such a spiral after every session is counter-productive.

Because I never give him any limits to what we talk about, I let him ask anything, and I answer every question he asks. I rarely ever ask him not to go somewhere..so when I do he respects that its hard for me and we'll go back to it when I'm ready.

Good point.. I'm guessing he doesn't think lost has got her act together...I haven't went more than a week and a half being stable and that's being generous.

After therapy activity is an awesome idea!! Now I just have to think of one.

Just a thought Lost, i had a major wobble when my T told me she was going to be away for the whole summer. We had some bad sessions let me tell you lol it was then that i started an art journal. I wrote or scribbled my anger, i wrote angry words, angry letters, BIG hurt scribbled thoughts. I drew and painted and collaged my utterly desperate feelings of abandonment. I screamed at her on those pages, i hated her and loved her and begged her not to leave me, sometimes i scribbled it out or painted over it if it was too raw and too honest. I told my secrets on those pages, tore them out, ripped them up and stuck them back in like a mixed up jigsaw and painted over them again until the words couldn't make sense. I filled an entire book that month and it helped soooo much.

I actually showed her it when she came back and she loved it. She thought it was "profoundly beautiful and moving"

This could maybe help you after your sessions? Get that rage and fear out on paper.

i love this idea and some of the stuff you did

Awh Lost, I am sorry this happened today. It must have been extremely hard to hear as you and your T are very close and get along so well. I can imagine it was hard for T too, to actually tell you this.
It is not happening imediately so you have time to process and to start to accept that no good thing lasts forever. T sounds like he has thought about this a lot. He is acting in your best interests and encouraging you to be independant and he thought you what is is like to have a positive role model in your life. Its not over yet and it might not be over for another ten years (hopefully) So please don't fret just yet and concentrate on the good things about therapy

I think I've really messed things up this time.

no response from T after your surrender text?

Nope. He hates me.

I doubt he hates you, whens your next session?

Thursday. I just in trouble for texting.

Did T tell you you were in trouble for texting, or is the silence making you think that?

No he responded.

Lost, its ok ... T isnt dumping you, but you obviously hit a boundary today and you'll discuss it Thursday. It happens, I mean if you would have been in his shoes how would you feel? I mean is T being upset about the text justified?

Lost, what kind of therapist do you see? Obviously, abandonment is a trigger, and I guess your therapist is thinking he knows what he is doing by trying to get past your abandonment fears. I don't have the answers, but I know that triggering a patient's abandonment fears and then telling them that they have to stop hanging on their T's every word, works well for the therapist, and not so well for the patient. He has just set off your attachment system, and now he is going to set boundaries while you are in high gear. He is setting you up for failure. No wonder you shutdown. This is traumatizing, seriously. I don't know if there are many if any therapists out there who know how to handle this, but yours doesn't.

He said he couldn't believe I had just made the biggest switch ever. That's because he is clueless, sorry. He speaks about the part of you that is most vulnerable, as if you choose to idealize him, when really you are trying to trust him. It's a part of the process.
So, he said he shouldn't have to watch what he says about this in order to keep you from shutting down. I'm so proud of him for standing up for his rights to someone who is paying him to help. I'm so glad that he has freed himself from not saying things to you because of how it makes him feel. Maybe he could bring up bit by bit your fears, but this is ridiculous. You didn't deserve this.
So, can you accept that he isn't doing his job if you are in therapy forever? How about he isn't doing his job if he damages you? You shut down for a reason (dissociative) - for protection. How dare you dissociate in front of your therapist when he is bringing up a subject to make himself feel better. (excuse the sarcasm).
I am stunned that he couldn't believe that you made the biggest switch ever, he is in way over his head.


He is controlling your therapy, not you. I KNOW very well that my words won't reach you because you are so attached to your T. I understand this 100 percent because I went through it. Now that he has triggered your attachment system, and now has created a schedule of you going less often, this is going to make you more stressed. This bothers me, and concerns me like you wouldn't believe.

I hear you and I KNOW so well how you feel. It is more painful than losing a parent, unless it is done in a straightforward, empathic way. I'm not seeing that here. Don't hate yourself for asking, it sounds like your T had planned this anyway. I know that words won't change you clinging on for dear life, but know that this isn't your fault. People who don't have attachment issues have NO IDEA what it is like. NONE!

Since I know you want to stay with your therapist, I am going to ask you if you can do this. Can you also start interviewing other therapists (I would look for Ts well-versed in dissociation) while you are still seeing your T? It would be scary, but you would be watching out after you, which is something your therapist is not doing.

I fear you are going to be traumatized and devastated, but I truly hope not. I am here for you if you ever need me, just send a PM. I'll keep you in my thoughts

You didn't mess things up. PERIOD. You have done the best you can. I am concerned about you and hope you are doing okay.

Yes I hit a boundary. I asked if I messed things up...he said no but to keep my texts to emergencies.

There are points that make sense and I really want to talk about that you brought up...but I'm instructing EMT class right now and I can't quote like I need to from my phone. Once I get home ill come back to your post.

Oh I see cbt/psychodynamic..I actually asked today.

What was his response? I'm telling you seriously, and I don't think many people believe this. When your T said what he said, I don't know what his intentions were, maybe to help you, or maybe to help himself, but know this:
As I said, your T had engaged your attachment system and pushed it into high gear. You are not just a normal person with no issues who out of the blue decides to cross a boundary and text. Realize you are dealing with the compulsiveness (these are my words, my descriptions), with having your attachment system activated, this compels you (like you can't stop yourself), to make sure everything between you and the person you are attached to are secure. The more your therapist pushes you away, the more intense it is going to get. I'm telling you this because I don't want you to feel any shame/guilt; because you are being compelled to be reassured that the relationship isn't over, when your T kind of layed it on the line.

I feel this. Exactly.