T has done this on numerous occasions and I try not to let it bother me and take it as just a comment but it does bother me. Maybe she doesn't realise how derogatory and offensive it is or maybe I am over reacting. Any advice would be great.
I don't refer to different minorities as their kind, its rude. She will often say something like andwhat do your kind do in that situation...next time she says it I will confront her.

[enchanted]

I think you are right to be offended, i would be, maybe she is unaware she is doing this, i think you should mention to her how it makes you feel though, therapy should make you feel better not worse

[Nightlight]

I'm not gay, but I do find that to be quite offensive. If you want to keep working with this T then you should point out how it makes you feel. It sounds like she doesn't realise how she's coming across, but it's not very supportive to start diving groups into "your kind" and "my kind", whatever the group. It would be quite an unsupportive comment from anyone let alone a therapist (who is supposed to understand other people's points of view). I agree with your assessment. You should say something.

I feel secluded and different when she does it and I am sure she would realise how it would make someone feel.

[autotelica]

I would hate that.

My therapist says stuff like "my tribe" when talking about her ethnic group. As in, "His last name sounds like he's in my tribe." And she'll also refer to black people as being in my tribe. Acknowledging stuff like ethnicity and race is not a problem for me. But she does it all the time, and it does make me feel uncomfortable.

[stopdog]

It would not bother me as a lesbian. It would only bother me if she were referring to clients like that. But lesbians, my (non)religion, or women or lawyers would not bother me. And I do refer to her and therapists as her ilk - so I consider it even.

[Bill3]

Maybe she doesn't realise how derogatory and offensive it is or maybe I am over reacting.

You are not overreacting.

[rainbow8]

I don't think you're overreacting but I also don't think your T realizes it's derogatory. So I think you just have to tell her and I'm sure she'll stop it.

My former T used to always refer to people with BPD as "borderlines" and I told her I didn't like it. She thought I was oversensitive but she tried to change her wording.

[notz]

How utterly insensitive! Please talk with her asap and clear this up so your therapy can move forward again.

I call my T out on stuff when she says something offensive. Like the time she was reading out loud one of my dreams that I didn't want to read out loud and she inadvertently giggled a little and I told her to "shut up!" and she acknowledged that letting the giggle out was not very therapeutic. I called her out on it, she apologized, and we moved on. I figure, she's human just like me and subject to make mistakes just like me. As long as she owns up to it I am ok.

It sounds to me like she is an older woman who hasn't had much exposure to someone who is gay/lesbian and that she is the one who is uncomfortable. If you could get passed being offended, I would laugh when she asks that. If you think about it ...it kind of gives you a lot of power...you now get to answer on how millions of people feel about something or do something? It would be like if my T asked me so how do all 45 year old white professional women deal with .....

its one thing not to know how You feel about something and to ask that question...its another for her to ask you to answer for a whole segment of society.

[learning1]

Wow, Rainbow, I think the "borderlines" thing is absolutely horrendous. How is it that therapists can miss Introduction to Sensitivity Training 101 and still be considered qualified?

I think the same thing about the "your kind" comment. I don't have a problem if other gays or lesbians refer to "my kind." I'm bisexual. I think that if members of minority groups (lesbians, African Americans, Native Americans, Deaf people, or any minority) prefer to identify themselves closely with the minority group, then they should.

But I think it's completely absurdly inappropriate for a therapist who is not a member of the group to do it. Even if the therapist was a lesbian, it might not be okay to say "our kind" if the client didn't want lesbianism to be such a central part of their identity.

[SallyBrown]

I really wouldn't like that. I have people say unintentionally uncomfortable things to me all the time about my race, but I can let it go if it's not done so persistently that it seems like they are purposely trying to make me feel like an "other". Or sometimes also if they use it consistently to describe themselves as well.

Like, I'll refer to my husband's cultural group as "his people", but he knows I'm kidding around and that I'm just as apt to call one of my background ethnic groups "my people". But even THEN, we are referring to people with separate traditions who might actually do different things for, say, different holidays or gatherings.

I find that the vast majority of the time, in any given situation, my gay friends do *pretty much the same thing* that my straight friends do. There's no difference in "kind", just personality and background. To attribute certain actions to being gay or straight by asking what someone's "kind" would do strikes me as ignorant.

So, it would bother me too. You're not overreacting or blowing it out of proportion.

[CantExplain]

Next time she says "your kind", ask "What kind is that?"

You are really not overracting. There are two problems here - at least - first it's just plain rude to talk like that, and second it's not as if gays and lesbians are a uniform group! "What do your kind do in that situation" - I'm sorry, that's frighteningly uninformed. Unless the situation she's asking about is "needs to go to the bathroom" when the answer would probably be "go to the bathroom". But I bet that's not it.

It's not even as if all therapists (which is a much smaller and much much more uniform group of people than gays and lesbians) react to the same situation in the same way. I hope you are able to call her out on this.

[feralkittymom]

Is this the T that told you that you needed to date men or some such thing? Am I confusing my memories?

In any event, I find it just "shaking head" worthy. We need that emotie. I would just have a really hard time respecting someone who would disrespect me by such comments (and I'm not gay, but I still find it disrespectful).

[anilam]

I don't think she realises that- telling her you find it offensive (as would most ppl) is a great step.
Phrases like: those ppl, your kind of ppl... actually could come up from ppl trying to be oversensitive (and probably not comfortable) with the defining marker- in this case homosexuals but could apply to race, nationality, religion...What they don't realise is that it does have a negative connotation (I/we as opposed to them or implicature of other characteristics that these groups have in common)

[possum220]

I would mention that you are upset when she uses the term "your kind". It is very rude. I would bring it up the next time you see your T. I wouldn't leave it until she says it again. Clearing the air now would take the elephant out of the room. If things don't get cleared up I would start shopping for a new T.

"Her kind" needs a smack.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by anilam

I don't think she realises that- telling her you find it offensive (as would most ppl) is a great step.
Phrases like: those ppl, your kind of ppl... actually could come up from ppl trying to be oversensitive (and probably not comfortable) with the defining marker- in this case homosexuals but could apply to race, nationality, religion...What they don't realise is that it does have a negative connotation (I/we as opposed to them or implicature of other characteristics that these groups have in common)

Saying these things is a problem, but whether or not she realizes she shouldn't use such expressions isn't the real problem for me. It's that she seems to have a pattern of thought that I find objectionable. I'm not sure I could value therapy with someone with this woman's world view--it's a relationship I wouldn't want. Being silent, or using different words wouldn't change that.

Yeah tell her how it makes you feel

[WikidPissah]

I don't like it at all. Sounds derogatory. I am sure she doesn't mean it to be, but most likely you aren't the only client offended by it.

Speak up, you will be helping all of your kind.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

It sounds to me like she is an older woman who hasn't had much exposure to someone who is gay/lesbian and that she is the one who is uncomfortable. If you could get passed being offended, I would laugh when she asks that. If you think about it ...it kind of gives you a lot of power...you now get to answer on how millions of people feel about something or do something? It would be like if my T asked me so how do all 45 year old white professional women deal with .....

its one thing not to know how You feel about something and to ask that question...its another for her to ask you to answer for a whole segment of society.

You are correct Readytostop,
She is an older lady in her 50's and has told me herself that she doesn't know that many gay people, sometimes it seems to me that she wants to learn about them through me but it is not fair for me to speak for a whole minority. I only represent myself. She is curious about it. She is always asking about how I am going to have children, to conceive them myself or sperm bank job.
I know many of you might not understand my T, \she is very well educated and has been a teacher of other Ts. Maybe its just how she is with me, I don't know but I do think she is more of herself in our sessions and sometimes the human appears- the human who makes mistakes and puts her foot in it.

I I swear I think that the patient is there to help the therapist more than the therapist there to help the patient.
therapist have these unique social illnesses and I think it's time it was classified as such.

Antipatient disorder.

[LoneWolfie]

She sounds ignorant in my opinion and I would set the record straight no pun intended. Being lesbian myself I think using the term "your kind", is like a slap in the face and rude.

Just reading your post got my back up and I am not the one dealing with this person on a weekly basis.

[notz]

Originally Posted by button30

You are correct Readytostop,
She is an older lady in her 50's and has told me herself that she doesn't know that many gay people, sometimes it seems to me that she wants to learn about them through me but it is not fair for me to speak for a whole minority. I only represent myself. She is curious about it. She is always asking about how I am going to have children, to conceive them myself or sperm bank job.
I know many of you might not understand my T, \she is very well educated and has been a teacher of other Ts. Maybe its just how she is with me, I don't know but I do think she is more of herself in our sessions and sometimes the human appears- the human who makes mistakes and puts her foot in it.

I'm a lesbian, pdoc is straight, 58 and I teach her, too. I wish every heterosexual could be as open minded and respectful as she is. There have been times when what she has said or put forth upset me, I've learned to speak with her about it as quickly as I can, because resentment is not something I believe you can afford in a therapeutic setting.

Speak with as soon as you can and see what you can learn from each other.