Couch number 33!!!!!

Hi Granite and Lola thanks for asking. After T, I decided to not go home. I came and parked in the parking lot of a playground and been here ever since. I don't wanna go home. She told me to leave H alone about work, not react and don't say anything to him and maybe it will spark enough anxiety in him to get moving. She wished me luck. We talked about emotions from last week. She told me I sell myself way too short. She told me she thought a lot about me. There was more.. But it's hard. I'm here, I survived the job crisis last time and I'll survive it again. I told her I wonder if H wants out and wants to lose the condo so he can get away from me and blame it on work. So.. I can't say another word to him about it. Just go about my life like nothing changed and leave him to figure it out.

My husband was making me crazy this morning. We have separate blankets because I get REALLY cold and he gets hot, but then when he's chilled, he cocoons himself in the blanket and completely steals it from me. So, this morning, he flips up my nice warm comforter, letting in cold air, to get under with me and snuggle, even though I'm looking at the 'net on my phone. So I look at the phone a little longer because I'm crabby he made me cold, and then he starts sighing these great huge gushing sighs, blowing his morning breath/onion breath from last night in my face. So I put the phone down and arrange the snuggling so he cannot breathe in my face and then he rolls over, with his back to me, like he's going back to sleep. Okay. I wait a while, and then pick up the phone again and he immediately rolls back over and tries snuggling again. WTF? ARE YOU FIVE YEARS OLD? IS THE PHONE A MAGNET? WTF? Back to huge sighs even after I put the phone down. bleah. Then he gets up and makes me breakfast, which he knows I love. ???? so confused.

sorry about your morning breathe experience MKAC, that is not in the vows! At least you got breakfast??? SD- I'm not gonna worry about it any more, let the cards fall where they may.

wow not saying anything to him would be so hard for me. i can understand the pulling back and all when you talk to him about it but i wouldn't think ignoring it would help either. kind of strange. i am glad she had such nice things to say about you .i do bet you sell yourself short.

I just read this on a blog I like, and because it's something I'm working on right now, I thought I'd share. I know it's long, but it really spoke to me.

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to criticize, or regulate anyone, but to try to become what I dream I can do.
To let go is to fear less, and to love more.
Author - Louise Hay

Thanks Granite-it will be hard, especially after his stupid comment yesterday, but I gotta try and see if it works. If so, she will have earned the "Super T" title.

Mulligan!

just saying we will be here for you when you want to rant and rave and pull your hair out etc... and have to just keep your mouth shut. i will try not to critisize him. i know it has to be hard for him but ya got to do what you got to do

I may just post everything I want to say to him to get it out of my system. Kind of like "Dear H, I need to tell you something, but I'm not allowed!!!! LOL

Is this a football player who's let you down?

Getting ready to head out to group T.....with a migraine, of course. I hate going to group T when I have a migraine, because I tend to stay quite silent. It's difficult to have the energy to participate which leads me to feeling like a failure.

I will try to have a positive attitude, though. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.....

Jersey - Vent away! It might just be helpful to get it all out there and get some support in the process!

Healed - UGH. What a mess!

Granite - Your friend sounds like a piece of work. I hope you find your way out! I know I find it difficult to escape those kinds of friendships because I cower in guilt. I've gotten better at it since working on it through T.

At the DMV. Good god, I forget in between how truly horrible it is to do this. The line is huge, the guy next to me keeps snotting all over his hand. One guy walks in and said that he was not cutting, he just needed to give them a form. He then goes up and it becomes incredibly obvious that he IS in fact cutting and needs to do CDL paperwork AND a test. If you're going to cut, ****ing OWN it.

I have been very bad. I made some vegan choco chip cookies. They are yummy, and I keep eating them. I actually have had to use my electronic pancreas a few times. Guess my stomach is getting going again...lol. Prednisone...yikes.