Welcome to the Couth that Would Not Die - Episode 37: Clean up that Cool Whip!

Good morning. T today 1pm. I scheduled this session last week so I can continue what we were working on. Now I just need something to distract me until 12:25 when its time to leave.

Ooooh, I LOVE those little things of floss! [Is that weird?] I hate having stuff in my teeth and carry the little floss things in my purse. My mother in law goes to the dentist a lot more often than I do, and she makes sure to always get at least two of the little floss things and gives them both to me.

T in three hours. Feeling a little nervous, but basically okay.

Good luck MKAC

You too, Jersey!

Good luck Jerz and MKAC....

Shower and clean...

back in a bit.

What can we do to distract you, Jersey? Have you read any good books lately? Are you much into books? How about the last good movie you saw?

((( Jersey )))

Thank You MKAC for wanting to help, but a problem I often have is that I am not sure what to ask for because I am not sure what I need. I just know right now I feel really sad and hurt and I'm not sure why and normally T and I can't figure it out.

I think I'm gonna go clean and then take a long shower.

I am not even getting a shower this morning before going to the hospital. Eff it. I will take one when I get home, before going to group T of course.

And I'm wearing blue socks. With an outfit that has absolutely no blue in it. And I don't effin care at all.

Gotta give my mom a bath today, wash her hair in the hospital bathroom sink and put ointment on her arse cuz of a hemorrhoid issue. I think I'll put on a nurses uniform today and send them a bill for my services.

Boundaries dammit. Limit setting. AARGH!!! WHY OH WHY is it SO HARD!??!?

On the plus side, when my mom does come home - yes, it's going to be a tremendous amount of work for me - BUT I will figure out a way to incorporate ME time into it all. I will resume meeting with my comedy class, go back to doing open mic nights. I won't let the doctor release her until it is clear that she can be somewhat functional on her own and won't need 24 hour supervision and care. I HAVE to be able to have some flexibility to do SOME things for me. I will NOT sacrifice EVERYTHING.

MUE....its really good that you are not going to let this completely consume you. Yes, you still need time to do your own things, I agree. Plus make sure your daughter doesn't lack your attention. Other family members or outside care is just going to have to kick in and help or your mom will be okay when you are off doing your own things.

Also, if I were you..I would go to group T before the shower as well.. Stink them all out.

UGH. It's hard to feel things and not know what it's stemming from. You're just left feeling it with no real way of figuring out how to make it better. I wonder if your body is speaking to you but your brain is resisting, unconsciously prohibiting you from becoming aware.

That's what an aid is for. Seriously bordering on martyrdom here MUE. Love you bunches, but this is overboard. Let the professionals do their job.

Bahahaha....I'll be sure to take my socks off and wave them around a bit to make the stink-out really effective.

I'm going to have a talk with the doctor and my mom about what she can and can't do while she's at home.

And I'll definitely be sure to pay attention to my daughter. Actually, my daughter will be happier, I'd imagine, as she'll be with me in basically her "second home" rather than in a hospital room. A home that has better internet connection AND cable TV - which we lack in our home.

I don't want them releasing her until she is able to be home alone for at least a stretch of a few hours at a time, so that I have the freedom to do things. Otherwise, she won't be coming home. I am not willing to make that sacrifice.

My mom's mom also said she would come and stay with her (she doesn't drive though, so that doesn't help with taking her to the daily IV treatments - perhaps there's transportation the hospital can provide, or heck, call a cab)....I KNOW my mom doesn't want that - but it may very well be an option, especially if I find a job soon!

I can't let all of this responsibility and sacrifice fall on my shoulders.

Thanks, Wiki....I know I'm doing way too much. My mom has gotten baths from the nurses, but they use that leave-in foam cleaning stuff for her hair and don't do real shampoo/conditioner/rinses. So, every few days, my mom wants a good, real bath.

I realize this is craziness...I need to talk to T about this, to get to a better understanding of why I struggle with this so much.

Morning all, very dreary here, lotsa rain and storm. Good luck with T , all of you today T goers. MUE are you up for saint hood?

Question on etiquette:

My X BIL died last night. He and my sister were married for 20 yrs and had 3 great kids. I baby sit for their grand-daughter (my niece's daughter) a couple of times a week. When the divorced it was harsh, he and his FOO hate my sis and her family (me). My nephews and niece remained close to their dad. At my nephew's wedding he refused to speak to me. SO>.... I obviously care a great deal about my nephews and niece. What is right? Should I just send flowers/sympathy card, offer to take the little kid(s) and tell them call me if they need me? Or should I go to the final events and possibly make his new wife, sister and mother uncomfortable?

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad today Jersey. Do something nice for you- ok? A shower sounds like a good start. Hang in there.

Sounds like you taking in more responsibility instead of less Mue. Can't you ask the nurses to give your mom a real bath every couple of days? It seems like they should be doing that anyway.

Good morning everyone else- hope you all have a great day in store. Good luck to those going to T and to those of you going to the dentist..... when I go, and if I need a filling I do it without any pain meds because I hate the way they make my mouth feel. So.... no numbing for me!

Okay, I promise this is the last time I will comment, MUE. You DO NOT have to do any of those things. Those things are the nurse's job. If you CHOOSE to do them, and WANT to do them, that is fine. If you don't, then DON'T. You are a grown woman. You CAN set limits. You can go take a shower, wear something you like that is appropriate for work, and go look for jobs. You doing all of this, taking all of this out from a job search, spending nights at the hospital, etc, is totally unfair to you, and to YOUR DAUGHTER. You need a job. You have admitted that your family will not be paying for your time. HOW is this right or fair to your child?? If you will not set limits for yourself, can you not set limits to protect the welfare of your child?

I come at this from the perspective of having a mother who took her parents into our home. EVERYTHING revolved around them and if there was any time left over, then we kids got some attention. We went without many things we actually needed because there wasn't enough money because my mom couldn't work because she needed to care for her parents. The rest of us were just supposed to accept that and not even feel angry about not being able to go to movies or do anything because it was for our grandparents. And then she went on and on to everyone about how haaaaarrrrd this was for her. How she HAD to do it. So, please believe me when I tell you that no matter how much your daughter may love your mother, and may tell you that all is well with you spending that much time with your mother, and not finding a job to support her instead, your daughter WILL be hurt and feel at least a bit resentful in the end. End of rant.

I vote Option 1 Wiki....

Karebear - no numbing? I get gas to have my teeth cleaned... no way

Wiki- I'm sorry to hear about your X BIL's passing and sorry to hear how difficult this choice is for you. If it was me, I'd offer to baby sit and explain to the niece and nephew that you thought you'd be most useful this way. They're the only ones that would want to know that you cared anyway and you can tell them personally and help them at the same time.

Yep. I'm either really brave or really stupid- right?