Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VI

Thanks Tiny

Dear t,
I hate you but I love you. I want to tell you that I need you but I can't because I won't allow myself to need or to rely on anyone again.
I want to tell you every time I think of you it hurts. I get a pain in my heart.

Dear New T,

You really do rock. I wish we had more time today. I needed like 3 sessions worth to calm down because I was about ready to explode when I arrived so upset...although you said I looked like a balloon that had already been popped. I guess I felt like that, or worse.
Right now I wish I could just talk to you more.

Dear T,
I'm afraid to get too close to you because I think you're going to hurt me and even though I want to vent,I'm scared you'll push me away. I want to talk to you so bad,but I also want to keep cancelling and taking breaks. I don't know what's wrong with me,I'm scared of what we are,I'm scared to even call what we have a relationship!!

Just want to say, thanks for the support.

I want my t so much it hurts.

Holding on for Thursday.

Dear t
Tonight hurt. My parents didn't really love me, they say they do but they can't even bear to talk about my childhood, my husband didn't love me. Why don't people love me. You basically said people do, even implying that you did, but that due to past experiences I couldn't feel it. What is wrong with me. Is it too much to want to not feel alone, be able to have people to reach out to in RL not just therapy and an online forum. I want more..... I feel terribly sad

L,
Oh, god. I'm so scared that you might leave me/us. Next time I see you I'm probably just gonna lose it. When did I become so dependent on you?
I don't know what brought this on, probably that you picked today for a day off.
Ugh.

You'll get there. You'll get there...

I continue to be filled with the good life, because of you. We both couldn't stop smiling because of how well I'm doing. I don't think, no I know I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the way you do therapy. I may have been dead by now on the route I was taking. You hauled my arse into a life I've never known. And, I'm lovin it. Did I say I'm loving life? You bet your turnip buds. I have a lot to live for, and a hell of a lot to celebrate this Mother's Day. I know we are on our wind down journey. I hope I make the righty choice, and if we become friends I don't overwhelm you.

You're the best therapist in the whole world for me.

Love you lots,

GTGT

PS: You're welcome to read all my post, anytime. I've no secrets from you.

Dear T,

I've been feeling the hurt a lot lately. I miss you so much. I also want you to know I wasn't born yesterday. Please don't forget that even though we are apart.

The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change. - L.B. Smedes

Thank you for this FM.

Goodnight.

Dear T,

I'm sorry, I feel so needy and pathetic asking for an extra session again. I will understand if you can't fit me in. But I hope you can. I'm getting quite stressed waiting for you to let me know.

Dear T,

I wish I hadn't asked now. I'm sure you're telling the truth about being booked up that day. I appreciate you apologising. But I wish I hadn't asked, because then I wouldn't have to reason with the nasty little voice in my psyche that wants me to believe that you don't care and you think I'm pathetic.

You said I needed to matter more to myself. I'm trying, really. And I'm trying not to take this personally. I am trying. It's really hard though.

Are you disgusted by what I told you?

((((((( freewilled )))))))

me too.

I would add more but even though you have told me you don't read e-lists, I don't believe you, so I can't say any more. Wish I could talk to SOMEONE about it.
but not you!!!!

SAWE

Dear T,

I've actually coped really well. I was disappointed, sure, but I haven't freaked out and taken it personally, I just think it sucks but these things happen.

Bet that's going to surprise you...

Nothing's wrong. I'm just wanting you to hold me.

Dear FM,

You were right - Misery does Love Company.

Dear T,

I miss you tonight /: was hoping to push the transference crap far away from myself and I have been fairly successful compared to before BUT it's kind of kept me still and not progressing.... I don't know if I can really tell you about it either. It's too uncomfortable. I dont think you'd understand. I think you might push me away. I'm so sad about it all and feel like I f'd it up too much and need to "start over" again. Everything is just too big, there's too much. I can't get it back to good. I wish you were involved but its like you're on the outside looking in...I only let you see what I want you to see and I don't know how much else you're picking up on...I'm sorry

I hate myself. I feel really guilty because a lot of things you said in session today, I was filtering through a negative lens. I am so frustrated with myself for not being able to do this without being upset. I was trying to tell you how I felt/what was going on and I felt invalidated not because you did anything wrong, but because I couldn't articulate much. I was kind of triggered by a few things, and I am afraid because I can't help being who I am. I am destined for failure.

Dear T,

I wish you would own up to and admit the truth instead of covering it up. You know I deserve an apology for what happened here. How can I go on without an apology?

Don't die ... ever

I feel betrayed by you, Christi. Just as I was beginning to feel that I could trust you, that your face was familiar enough, that your voice was benign, you became angry with me. You have no right to be angered at me for this. All I have ever tried to do was be honest. I feel that you are stumbling and struggling. Your marriage is failed, your children disrespect you, you are late, you are forgetful, you can be crass and selfish. These things I have overlooked because you were human. Because you cannot help it if you have made mistakes. You are flawed. Can't you grant me that same understanding, just one more time?

T, I have been missing you a lot lately. I'm starting to really miss the physical youness of you if that makes any sense. It's been 6 months since you moved. I remain thankful and grateful and delighted that the therapeutic relationship we shared in person translated as easily and gracefully as it did into phone sessions. But doggone it t <insert stomping feet here> I miss you and I hate it that you're so far away now!!! I wish I had told you this on the phone today. It would probably help (ok of course I know it WILL help) to talk to you about it. I had so much I wanted to talk about today I didn't even get to all of that let alone tell you this. So there it is. I miss you t. So much.

Dear T,

Thank you for offering me a slot today. I'm gutted it's one I really can't make, but the fact you offered has removed a whole load of nagging doubt. Phew.