Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

It won't stop raining. And me without a boat.

This is day2 of functioning on only 4 1/2 hours of sleep. I hope I survive.

On another subject....I haven't felt like eating recently... I do eat but not very much and my ring was lose so I weighed myself ...I'm down 8lbs this week...which is miraculous since I usually don't lose without seriously restricting carb intake... An I'm not doing that

Lola - I have Toxic Parents, but I haven't read it yet. I'd be happy to lend it to you if you'd like to borrow it. Just let me know via PM!

CE - I'm sorry you're not feeling hopeful anymore.

Good morning, couch peeps! A good friend of mine who has had 9 different back surgeries and still suffers with back pain and sciatica suggested that I sleep somewhat flat with pillows elevating my legs to take the pressure off my lower back. So, I slept on the recliner on my couch which isn't flat but flatter than my bed which is permanently elevated, 3 pillows under my leg, 1 supporting my right side and a neck pillow....and the pain was less this morning! Woot woot! I didn't sleep well, but at least I didn't wake up in such agony.

My neurologist appt. is in a few hours. Wish me luck!

Seriously? WTF? Does she think you are visiting T's just for the hell of it? Sheesh. Just the fact that you are recently separated, just changed jobs, sold your house and are living alone for the first time...those are HUGE stressers and warrant a little help.

I have not read that book, although it does sound interesting.

Good luck today MUE.
Good luck with T to those going... ((granite))

My car is in the shop today, so I am home and car-less...WaHoo! I love this feeling that I can't go out no matter what. I really needed a day in. It's raining, so it looks like I will clean, nap and get some much needed art time. Although, I have yet to determine which art I will practice. I am going to bake some Hummingbird cupcakes too, my H loves them. Also, I want to put together a creative dinner menu because both kids will be home for dinner tonight...a rarity these days.

Hey ladies of the couch... If you don't mind that forum could you go take a poll N the women's only focus thread....need lots of responses to get an average view...

Sorry guys you can't post there or vice versa but you can read

Morning all... Ill look at the poll.

LOL @ Winter - seems like its raining everywhere nowadays.

Healed thinking of you. Wiki sounds like a plan, I am ready to go back to work... I need to get into a routine. As for that T, I may be more then she can handle... I may need to find a PsyD. This lady thinks I should meditate. Thanks for the book offer MUE, I looked at the excerpt on Kindle last night and Im not sure if its the book for me. She told me it may be a little too beginner for me, and frankly I think it is... Its not like I had parents who just sucked, I mean they did suck .. but they would have had to be there and try to act normal and me believe things were ok, for the book to assist me I think. What's that other book people were reading about the bad mom, or absent mom or something.... uggg Maybe I am ok and just am afraid to be.

I swear to god, Lola, you have the worst ****ing luck with therapists. Please do shop around and consider a PhD at least.

I have T at a weird time for me today -- 2. I am currently obsessing with wondering why his Tuesday morning appointments are on the half hour, and the Tuesday afternoon appointments are on the hour. He mentioned once that Tuesdays are the only time he has appointments on the half hour.

Oh, did I mention that a few weeks ago it was super dark out -- stormy -- and so his office was dark because he doesn't use the overhead lights. I was like, Dude, this is too dark given how I feel about you. He laughed kind of nervously and said the overheads were 'crazy bright' and flipped them on to show me. I asked him why he didn't just remove every other light tube. He kind of went off about how brilliant I am and how he never thought of that. I was like, damn, I'm in lust with a stupid man.

(((Lola))) You know, a lot of people have to interview several t's before finding one. I think you may be right about the PsyD thing. The best help I ever got was from a PsyD, but alas, she dumped me. SIGH.

OH...and I just realized: It's been one year exactly since I saw XT. Ugh. How the hell did I let that weird little man get under my skin so much? Feels strange. Really strange. I am not sure I like it. It's kind of an achy painful sick nauseous raw angry hateful pining sad wanting icky feeling. (take that feelings charts)

Oh great...and now that I've brought it up and put it out there, I wonder how I can possibly get thru today without texting or emailing him. Why oh why did I neglect to delete his email addy and cell number from my phone? Stupid, stupid wiki. Stupid wiki.

Hey, YOU! Stop calling my friend stupid.

You are not stupid. There were some good and valuable things with exT, and he helped you, right? The bad outweighed the good in the end, and you protected yourself, but it doesn't mean you can turn your feelings off or forget the good stuff. Sometimes it seems like it would be better if you could, though, I know. Hang in there.

((( Wiki ))) - You are not stupid!! I, too, hate having the sudden urge to contact T. The feelings that come up are difficult, but they're there for a reason. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

MKAC - How about you ask T about the Tuesday appt. schedule?

((( Lola ))) - T can't be a mind reader. If we don't share with them our struggles, it'd be difficult for them to figure out how to help us. It takes time to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, though.

I talked to my daughter before going to bed last night, and she was giggly and happy, playing with the kids. What a relief. It helped me to know that she was ok.

When I think of this past year I feel kind of anxious. Like, he doesn't know that I did the whole cancer thing again. Or that I finally sold my mother's house. Or that we had to sell our home. But, I also kind of feel proud, that I got thru that on my own, with no help from a T. (and lots and lots and lots of help from yous guys)

Its not like that, I even teared up several times on certain subjects.... but she seemed more interested in the fact that I work in a male dominatnted field and to her didnt seem like a hot mess. I told her about the hospital in Jan. , the meds, confirmed the trifecta of abuse Mental, Physical and Sexual, lack of parenting, moving around, self medicating..yada yada yada
I agreed to meet her one more time, but Im afraid its not a match. I guess I should have not got cleaned up and just bawled for 30 minutes, then maybe she could see I'm really a hot mess inside, she said maybe it was my subconscious that was messy and suggested budhism phycology. WTF?

LC - how do you want the therapist to respond to you? The buddhist stuff may not be your cup of tea, but meditation won't hurt you and could help.

Point taken SD... the answer is maybe I need a psychic instead.

oh helz Lola... that doesn't sound great. My friend did that, and even though her life was hell, they convinced her that a past life was even worse. Like she didn't have enough to deal with?

Since you seem unsure, can you set up interviews with others? Maybe even try 3-4 before deciding on one?

(if you decide on this woman, I will support you...please don't think I am telling you what to do._

Gads...my young dog is so damn adorable when she's sleeping. You'd never know what a little PITA she is. Did I tell you she found and chewed up my grandmother's little leather prayer book yesterday? Grrrrrr.

Thanks Wiki.... Ill let ya'll know what happens.

LC - I am not saying this therapist is or is not for you. Just that you seem to expect or want a particular kind of response from a therapist and this therapist did not do that. Which is fine if it is not what you want, but it could be that the expectation of a particular response is possibly a hinderance. Or perhaps tell the therapist of the expectation on the phone and it will save you a trip.
And I am not much into past lives or any religion, but I am a big believer that meditation can be extremely useful.

SD - at the risk of sounding like an A S S , I just feel like I need a T to be "smarter" then me to help me... and this woman is not appearing to fit that bill.

((( Lola ))) - I'm glad you're trying to figure things out to see if this T is a fit or not and hope that you are willing to explore others.

Dammit....I forgot what time my neurologist appt. was scheduled for - it's either 10 AM or 11 AM - and I called and got the friggin answering service. Said that the staff won't be in until 10 AM. So, I'm just going to have to drive the 40 minutes to find out....and will be late if my appt is at 10 AM. DAMMIT.

Enough of the T talk, regarding me. MUE hope your appt time is correct. I have to take Daisy to the vet this morning and then buy some closed toed and heeled shoes for work tomorrow... and I get a couch today ... YEAH!!!!!!! Hope everyone has a great great day!

LC -Do you have another one lined up? I like them to be well read for example. It helps me communicate with them. That one I see may never have read a novel in her life. It does get in the way. The other does read more it seems, and it does help me. I think I am as smart than the ones I have encountered.

That said...
catch ya all later.

I need to go occupy my mind.

oh, and Lola, I totally agree with needing a T to be smarter than you.