Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

Morning, couch peeps....

((( Stretch ))) - snap, crackle, pop....OWW....*sigh*

I wouldn't want my T holding my hand. I would feel totally humiliated, needy and gross. He'd probably be thinking I was ugly, pathetic and gross. And I'd imagine that for some other more attractive clients, he'd be ALL EGO about it. BLECH.

Makes me appreciate his boundaries, big time. I did get a hug from him once after my show, and it felt so genuine and safe. He seemed beaming with pride. I'll take that - because it felt good and it felt real. But anything other than that? No way.

I have also been struggling with this. It makes my CSA-part want to stab someone.

Lolz. Everything else, she knows the ingredients of!!

ETA: OTOH, some people are just huggy, and don't see the skeevy factor other people do. You go to enough AA-type meetings, you kinda learn to hug everybody. That's what did it for me.

I know this isn't funny, but...


My "CSA-part" wants to maim someone too.

Yes stopdog...the therapist should indeed say "I don't want to anymore, you gross me out".

Plus, it is not like one can trust a therapist to tell the truth as to why they change their mind on any given day or position. Their fall back is to blame it on the client rather than just admit it is all for them. They set up the fiction that what they do in the appointment time is supposed to be for the benefit of the client, but it becomes a problem when they cannot or will not admit that is not truly possible.

It may not be that the client grosses the therapist out as the reason. And if a therapist is grossed out by a client, then that is the therapist's problem to deal with in their own therapy and not to be taken out on a client, in my opinion.

Hankstah...I choose to be oblivious. It's just seaweed. It's just seaweed. It's just seaweed.....

okay...off to shower and submit my bad mood to other people. Maybe even people who deserve it (here's hoping my mother calls)

I think your H sounds difficult to live with, not you.

I love the movie Drop Dead Gorgeous with Kirstie Alley and Kirsten Dunst.
It has one of the contestants doing a reading from Soylent Green as part of the talent portion of a beauty contest.

If I repeatedly tell my T that I want to run my fingers through his hair and his natural response is "Ick.", he is totally, as a human being, entitled to that opinion. He's also completely allowed to tell me not to touch him. Saying I can't touch him is not taking anything out on me, it is protecting himself from unwanted touching. He doesn't have to be grossed out, he's allowed to tell me not to touch him for any reason he wants. It is his body. I have no right to rail against that just because he is at work and I am paying for his time.

Soybeans and lentils actually. Don't put me off my nori!! (I didn't think you were calling somebody a "cracker"...)

Omg what part?? I mean what reading?

Wasn't sectioned

I dunno, I guess after living together for over 17 years I should be better at knowing these things. Or at least I should be better at talking to him. I feel that I'm painting a very misleading picture of H here - he really is a good guy. He can't help it if I'm conflict avoidant.

But you know, I don't really know the first thing about living in a relationship. (Which again is not H's fault.) I point at the Wilde quote in stopdog's signature; I have no right to expect H to adjust to how I want to live.

I would like to trust that a T would be doing things that are in the best interest of the client but also within their own limitations. If they're grossed out by something, they shouldn't do it - unless it is a basic requirement of therapy (for example, not allowing the patient to talk about something important that may trigger the T).

If the T allowed hand-holding, then I would wish that the T wasn't repulsed by it. And if the T were to take it away, I would hope that it was due to them believing that it was no longer helpful to the client.

It's just not something I would want for me. For a long time, though, I fantasized about hugging T - after seeing him hug a client after their final group session. I was envious...never talked to him about it...and it took about 3-1/2 years to finally get that hug. But it was something he wanted to give and I was happy to receive because of a huge accomplishment. Not just because I wanted it.

Stopdog, you continue to confuse me. You often disagree with me and quite strongly. When I or someone else disagrees with another's person behavior or things they say, you tell me to avoid criticizing and just move on. Why am *I* or Wikid or whoever not allowed to tell someone I am bothered by their statement or behavior when you seem fine with others including yourself disagreeing so strongly with me and even engaging in name calling (not you but others).

(((( Mastodon ))))

I'm glad you addressed it with your H. It's clear that it took some courage, especially since you say that you tend to avoid conflict.

Hi all. I know that I've been around even less then usual, so I hope it's okay to ask a question. For any of you that have quit drinking and gone through withdrawal, did you have horrible body aches? I tapered off and for the first couple of days I had the sweats, headache, and irritability that I was expecting. Then for the next two days I was fine, but yesterday things got bad. I feel sick to my stomach, my head is killing me, and the body aches are awful. Is this normal? I kind of thought that things would progress from bad to better, not feel okay and then feel worse. Perhaps it's not related to withdrawal, and maybe I'm just sick? I'm also going to ask in the addictions forum, but I prefer posting here.

I hope everyone is doing well. For the most part I've been keeping up on the couch, but I haven't felt up to posting lately.

I don't think "entitlement" or "right" comes into it. But that is just how I approach it.

One of the more interesting things I have learned about myself in therapy is that I have such a strong desire to protect other people because it is my way of fostering hope that someone will protect me from the same thing. It is about my fear, not about my strength.

Because disagreeing, criticizing, and moving on are 3 separate things. After you disagree, you can just stop. If you continue, then it might turn into criticizing. If then you still continue, it becomes time to move on. It's the difference between disagreeing, and beating it to death. As we say in the mafia.

Eta: I didn't used to know this. I like that I do now, and that I can stop after just disagreeing. Most of the time!

Ewwww hair is filthy!!! Airborne pathogens, smog, general cooties, and when was the last time he washed his comb??

I have no desire to touch my T, hair or otherwise. Ex-T is a different story, but it wasn't his hair that seemed grabbable...

I apologize if I have ever name-called. I do not recall doing such.

I do not believe I have told anyone how they do therapy is wrong nor do I know what is right or wrong as an absolute. If you are comfortable criticizing how others are with their therapist, then have at it. I object to the concept that someone else can know anything absolute about another. I try to couch my language in it being how I see things = not that the other person is wrong in a vacuum. You are completely allowed to do whatever fits with your internal moral code. I may not agree with it. I have not told you to do or not to do anything - I have suggested it is possible for posters to not criticize others who they do not agree with and just move on to someone else. I have also suggested that it seems to me to become upset when criticism is not met with open arms of happiness and joy or cries of thank you - is, in my opinion, perhaps having an unrealistic view of how helpful such criticism is - if being helpful is even the real goal. I don't think much of the criticism I read here about how others do therapy is on track or useful or anything other than the criticiser's own issues coming into play, but that is just me. I do not want to engage with a therapist the way most people here do, but I would not tell them they are wrong for doing so the way they do it.
I have never intended to tell you or anyone else how you had to be, nor have I intended to attack you. But I do not have a problem with me defending that someone else can be how they are or how they post here, without fear of attack, regardless of how I feel about their underlying situation or approach.

My sensitivities coming into play - I always thought my brother was an idiot(I am not saying I think anyone else on this forum is an idiot -this is just an example), but I would defend him against my parents even to my peril because he got to be an idiot if he wanted.
So, in conclusion - I am not trying to tell you what to post or not. I throw in where I feel others are beating up on someone. But in general if you feel moved to do so, I am not really trying to stop you.
"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"