Comfortable and Relaxed in Session?

So, this is something I've been thinking about, and another thread about bringing things to therapy for comfort is making me wonder...how did you manage to get comfortable enough to do things like that?

I have felt so much like I wanted to take a teddy bear with me (it's gotten as far as in my car in the parking lot), but I couldn't get myself to actually bring it in, even though it would be comforting. There's a pillow that sits next to me on the couch that I would love to pick up and hug/hide behind sometimes. And there's a blanket there, as well, that I also would love to curl up with. I also have wanted to tuck my feet up underneath me and try to relax, or move to the other side of the couch and sit nearer to my T, but I can't. I feel too self-conscious.

I almost feel like those things aren't allowed, that I should sit there like a statue and be put together and professional. I know this isn't my T's fault, because she is super relaxed. It's all me. And I don't know how to change it.

Any ideas? How did you start feeling more comfortable? I've been seeing my T for over two years, and yet, I haven't been able to yet. How long did it take to get that comfortable?

in dbt they have this thing 'alternate rebellion' in which you do something (not harmful) that is still against the grain so to speak, but not your target behavior (like SI or whatever you're working on). it feeds that little bit in you that wants to give the world the finger (am i the only one who ever wants to do this... er...)

anyway, i just started doing what i needed to do to be comfortable. sometimes it was defiant like 'i'm going to sit on the floor because i CAAAAN.' and he was always like 'sit wherever...' so then i was like 'i'm going to take the other fancy pants office chair you have in here.' and he was like 'okay, that's what it's there for!' and then i would just fiddle with stuff in his office like his chess pieces or coasters or whatever. i was feeling contentious because i felt trapped and idk. i guess this was me not being rebellious to him, but being rebellious to that inner me that gives me rules all the damn day. effing nutjob. she just sits in there and constantly has me putting every hair in place lest someone notice my less than pristine hairdo. (sorry, i have a weird relationship with my inner self).

I was not able to feel more comfortable without explicit permission (and my recent T even reminded me a few times that I could use either the objects I brought with me for comfort, or stuff in her office - apparently there were a few times I looked like a deer in headlights, so one of those times she suggested I take the stuffed dog from the back of the couch because it was in easier reach than my bag).
The hiding behind stuff was always more of a protective thing, like if I couldn't see T too well, she couldn't see me either (very little-kid in terms of thinking, but that's what those topics in therapy brought out in me). I am not sure when the switch happened though. I used to just sit there like a statue, afraid to move (also a throw-back to childhood for me), but one day I got so frigtened I actually hid when T stepped out of the room. It took her a while to find me again... Ever since then, once I get to know a T, I can relax more in their office. The hiding behind pillows or scrunching up comes even if I don't know the T, but feel exposed or scared.

I carry silly putty which I can squeeze in my jacket pocket. I would not say I am comfortable at the appointments, but it keeps me from bruising my hands or arms from gripping them too tightly

I end up rubbing red spots into my arms, pulling strands of my hair out, and giving my hands marks because I feel so stressed that I compulsively do these things. I'm not thinking about them, but occasionally I will become aware of the fact that my arm is hurting from rubbing it, or my scalp hurts because I've pulled several strands of hair out in the same area. It's ridiculous.

Well the first session I had with my new t , where my old attended for 15 minutes remember ? For final transition , I brought my favorite little stuffed animal, which is Kermit the frog.

New t thought it was cute. I feel comforted with Kermit . When my old t left that day, my new t said , how is Kermit doing? So I laid him down and I said he died of sorrow lol.

I bring him now and then depending on the topic .

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I brought my plush throw to therapy today but it didn't feel right. I'm thinking of bringing a pillow...or putting a hair scrunchy on my wrist to fiddle with. I brought the throw in a travel bag...it didn't feel much worse than carrying a purse.
I'm still not comfortable in therapy. I'm working on it.

I'm not like... say... comfortable the same way I am in my own living room. I don't kick off my shoes or put my feet up or anything.

I also, wouldn't conspicuously bring any comfort item because I've been shamed in real life for that type of behavior.

I just bring my fleece coat, as it is frequently necessary to hide under.

Last time I forgot it and mentioned it to T. She gestured to a fleece blanket she has. NO WAY, man. No way would I accept anything like that from her. No way, no how.

She always offers a toy to play with. (I fidgit a lot.) I would never accept a toy from her. Never.

Lol, ive recently noticed how tense my body is in therapy. This is because we are now working through CSA. My legs are clenched, my arms almost hugging my body, my neck is very tense. Im going to definitely try to relax though.

Gosh I wish I could get more comfortable, but my T has only one horrid new chair in his room that is like a hospital waiting room chair. Hate it. Can't relax. No couch, or cushions or anything. I mentioned one time that he could do with a cushion or 2 to hug....but nothing.

I always hold a cup of something or bottle of water. I find myself totally tensed, the harder the topic the more tense I get. Sometimes I notice I have been holding the cup so tight my hand gets seized up and sore. I often get aches in my neck too. Or I find my nails digging in to my palms if I have nothing in my hands.

I don't know, but I have noticed that my T moves around a lot more in his chair, changing his position and posture and have wondered if he is trying to show me I can...as I always sit soo still and tense.

Sorry, I don't have any tips for relaxing. I guess it is just time? Sorry that you have such a hard time of too.

I have a braided strand of each of my horses's tail in my purse. T knows it's there as I've taken it out once when discussing CSA.
At the moment we deal with lighter subjects, so I'm pretty relaxed when I'm there, but I used to fidget a lot, dig my nails into my skin and so on. I barely do it anymore, but this will probably change when we start working onharder stuff again.

I have been seeing my T for just over 4 years, and in the last 6 months I have been very comfortable.
I think it helps that my T's room isn't necessarily a room, its a cabin at the bottom of her garden. Its also very relaxed, with soft toys, figurines, throws, pictures and painting etc, so creates a very warming and relaxed atmosphere.

I guess I was fairly comfortable from the start in some ways. I never felt she was above me or better than me at all. I was also determined to show her open and positive body language, so I made sure to never cross my arms or hug myself or anything like that. I wanted to control her perceptions of me as best I could so I was always consciously aware of my body language.

I am someone who prefers sitting with my feet up and tucked under me in some way, so within a session or two I started taking my shoes off so I could tuck them up. I only did this when wearing socks; when in sandals and therefore bare feet, I kept my sandals on and suffered with my feet on the floor. I would think it rude to put my bare feet on her couch, but I did not think it rude to put my freshly showered feet encased in their freshly laundered socks, on her couch. It did bother me that removing my shoes and putting my feet up conveyed that I was comfortable because when I started doing it I wasn't ready to let her know that. Again, I was trying to control her perception of me.

Her throws and pillows always bothered me because I had no desire to touch things that a million other clients touched. Ew! So I always pushed those away or put them on the empty chair nearby. I had no problem moving her stuff. One time she was reading something I wrote and I got up and perused her bookshelf and took a book and began reading. When sitting I might casually fiddle with my scarf or my cup of coffee, but I made sure to do little of that because again I wanted to appear a certain way. If she had had a coffee table I'd have put my feet up on that when they started aching from being tucked up.

I think it all began simply with me being determined to show her I was cool about things; that I wasn't flustered or nervous or anxious. It was important to come off as casual and cool and collected, and sitting with open arms instead of crossed arms, and not hiding behind my coat or purse, and not sitting as a still as a statue but instead shifting position and putting my feet up all helped convey that. Not to mention that is my normal behavior in most circumstances.

Hazel, my advice to you is to simply DO IT. Force yourself. I doubt your T will object to anything you wish to do that is within reason. I wouldn't bring a real bear to session or your own comfy chair and ottoman or come attired in a robe and slippers, but she won't object to you putting your socked feet up or holding a pillow or bringing in a teddy bear at all! She wants you to be comfortable and able to open up after all! Good luck...for me it would be concern of how she was reading things, so that's why I began it all from the start. Since this will be new for you, perhaps you could email her and 'warn' her and say hey I'm bringing a teddy bear next week; I thought it might help me relax more. Or else just show up with it and say the same thing--I thought Bear might help me relax a bit more. Isn't he cute? So and So gave him to me for my birthday. Your bear could begin a dialogue if opening the sessions is hard for you.

Good luck.

sometimes i hold the pillow and hug it. sometimes i put the blanket on me. T leaves the door cracked so i am more comfortable. sometimes i bring the stuffed animal T gave me. or play with the toys in his office.

do u think ur T would judge you if you brought in your teddy bear? from what ive read you post about ur T she sounds like a very good T. maybe talk about the teddy bear before you bring it in? talk about ways you could feel more comfortable? im sure ur T might have some good ideas

I did take in my own chair once. Not because I find the appointments so comfortable but because her couch is awful and I hurt my back so sitting on the awful couch was even more awful. I really don't recommend becoming comfortable around a therapist. It leaves you open to get blindsided.

I could. I don't think she would judge me. And she has asked before of there's anything she can do to help make me more comfortable. But I'm embarrassed about it and embarrassed about feeling like I need comforting from something.

I'm too scared to ask if I could bring a comforting object into session. In the winter, I'll wear long sweaters and that seems to help.

My T has noticed me being uncomfortable many times. One time she shut off all the lights to calm things down. She often talks in a whisper. And every once in a while she'll gently touch my knee or arm.

If she notices I'm clinging onto my purse or bottle of water, she'll ask me to put it down.

For me, the touch and whispers are all I need to feel comfortable.

I don't think I've ever been comfortable and relaxed in therapy. Probably because I'm always concentrating on what he's saying. I fidget a lot, tap my phone, jiggle my foot, dig my nails into my palms or whatever.