Couch 79: Spend some time on Couch 79 (snap, snap)

It's not stupid, granite. I would feel nervous in that situation, too.

this is like the 5th time I have ever called her in 4 years

I think it will be fine if you will talk to her.

she just called me back and asked if what I wanted to know is if it was ok to come to our session next week .I said yes and also what was going to happen. she said it was perfectally ok for me to come and as far as what is going to happen is that it wouls be the same as other weeks. that maybe we could talk about why I am scared and also maybe some about that was going on with these things. I don't want to talk about the e-mail at all but it sounds like I don't have to and she isn't angry with me at all

I'm glad she called back and told you these things, granite. How do you feel about it?

I think I feel ok about her calling but kind of worried about talking to her but relieved that she isn't going to do anything hurtful to me . I guess I miss understood he saying we will deal with this on the 30th. I instantly go to she is doing something to punish me for e-mailing her. I know I did wrong by doing it and was scared she would punish

I would think we will deal with this means the stuff in your email, not anything at you about the email.

Granite, i agree. I have been talking with my t just this week about how if a boss wanted to see me at work, or even if a credit card bill came in the mail, i would just panic. I kinda wish i could remember what the mother did to scare the life out of me, but then again maybe i should be glad i dont. Because this panic is waaaaay out of proportion to reality. I got it a couple of weeks ago when my friend texted to ask me how i was. Wtf was that??

Yay!! You did it!! So proud.

Now I have a place of my own I have let my D have some mice. (I always wanted mice as a kid) They are the funniest things, who knew mice had personalities? One mouse gets on the wheel and runs and runs then can't work out how to get off so runs some more until eventually it manages to fall off. the other mouse I have called adventure Mouse because it just explores everything, the desk, the couch, your ear....

Madame T was much more sympathetic to phone calls than to emails.

I think my cold is completely gone

At a state honors scholar reception for my daughter. SOOO proud of her. She is also a national merit semi finalist.

go girl

That is so awesome MKAC!

******* TW FOR RAPE/SA/Sex***********

I saw t today and will most likely see him on Friday as well. It was good/intense session and I am hoping that I can share a bit of the insight today and see if anybody else has heard something similar.. This is about abuse, but I just don't feel comfortable posting anywhere else right now.

We spent a lot of time talking about my issues with sexuality,sex, faithfulness in marriage etc. the fact that I currently and always have found women attractive is something that I have come to terms with. Unfourtantley my Christian upbringing has taught me this is wrong and therefore I found a boy who was semi safe and wanted me. So, we got married when I was 19 because again that is what I was supposed to do.

As these feelings for women have come up over the years I have tried to ignore them.. I met somebody 3 years into my marriage a woman who I connected with. Since her, I have always been looking around and engaged in some inappropriate things, but nothing all out sex. T and I were talking about how all of those things made me feel ( making clear Not the attraction to women part) the acting out of those feelings part. And I makes me feel so disgusting, icky, like I am a bad person. Only because I am a married woman.. And I shouldn't be doing those things. If I were no longer married I don't think I would feel disgusting.

Anyways, so t asked why do you continue to seek these things out if they make you feel so bad? And I said I wasn't sure.. He suggested that in a way I maybe acting out the abuse in this manner... Doing things that make me feel so disgusting like the abuse did. And I was like, wow... That does seem like it fits. But wth would I do that? I suppose, it's subconscious.. But I have been stuck on this all day. Do people who abused frequently do this? Find something that makes them feel the abuse again? What do you all think?

Congratulations! Lots to be proud of!

Healed...my circumstances in both the abuse and the acting out are not the same as you...but discussing with YT a certain aspect of sexual behavior...he said was common with abuse victims and it was a way of acting out the abuse....

It's very confusing to me how brains can confuse normal experiences wIth abuse experiences and cause people to act outside the norm of what would be typical behavior for them.

I have really got no patience.

They mentioned Cool Whip on Family Feud this evening and i thought of the couch

I am eating a bacon/maker's mark marshmallow.
It is odd - not terrible - but not baconny or maker's markery enough to make it worthwhile. It does have a delightful soft squishy texture.

Patis mexican table made an avocado martini today with like dulce du leches in it. Yo! I think the falafel place gave me a lamb burger today, it was surprisingly tasty and lasting.

I do like a good lamb burger. I often make mine with a lot of spices and herbs mixed in. Tasty.

Hi all

I am feeling so desperate, a failure and just hopeless. I was fired on Tuesday. Instant dismissal. I just had to gather my things and go. I had done nothing wrong. It was the role that I wasn't qualified for. I had no idea - no warning and a great review three months ago. I am in pieces. Today it has really hit me. The rest of my life is rubbish. I have no support. My H told me I had engineered it and that I have got what I wanted (to be fired!) he has no sympathy and hasn't been kind or understanding. I feel,so alone. I am alone.

I wish you all well. I need to take some time out I think - I don't really know what I need or should do. I just can't stop the tears.

Xxx

I can't believe that kind of thing (being fired on the spot without even a month's notice) can be legal, Aaa. What does the union have to say about it?

I know it wasn't exactly your dream job but being fired must have been a horrible experience, all the same. I'm sorry that happened to you.