Couch 79: Spend some time on Couch 79 (snap, snap)

love the car .and I am glad you were able to talk to him some . I know it is hard for you and wow you even were able to say you might need a bit more help when you get so mixed up. I hope he is able to do that for you (bet he will)

she sent me back the e-mail I sent with her response .I know I sent her one but I didn't remember what I said .is this horrible

I had kittens and different beds I know I can be doing this and I am so sorry but it just seemed important and I cant get it out of my head at all . you never have to see me again for this but im so damn tired and maybe just you knowing will let me breathe tonight and sleep .im sorry

THIS!!!

Granite, my little sister talked to me last night about how she is overwhelmed with my mother. I just flat out said, "She is NOT living with me." My little sis was not happy about it, but immediately went with it and said that we would have to start looking at assisted living situations for her then. Fine. No ****ing way is she living with me. Beyond that, I do not CARE where she lives.

ETA: My point was, would you expect or advise me to let my mother live with me? My mother was less abusive than yours. If you do not expect me to let my mother live with me, you should definitely not expect it of yourself.

Have you tried it? I read the Emotionally Absent Mother and it was good.

Your email does not sound horrible and I think it's great that she at least read it. The email did not sound angry to me, but I get why it would sound that way to you.

I think you did great living through this, but I hope you take Ready's advice and have a plan in place for the future so that this woman cannot end up living with you.

she will not live with me. my husband wont let that happen . I am going around when I get home and getting applications for retirement communities for her to move to when it is time

I think I need to call T and say sorry about the e-mail because I am terrified to go back right now . I hope she didn't mean for that to happen

Go around where she is NOW and get retirement home information. She does not need to be living in the same city as you.

Also, I am pissy as hell because one of my friends went and adopted a kitten at a shelter, despite telling me a bunch of times that she could not possibly take one of the EIGHT kittens we have rescued this summer because of her allergies. She said she could only have a purebred of a certain hypo-allergic type. Then she goes and adopts just a regular domestic short hair kitten from a shelter. It is not even like we didn't have a variety of kittens available. Four males and four males, and all colors from orange tabby to gray tabby to solid gray and white, tortoise shell to calico. WTF?

I think I am falling apart... And I can't right now!

Granite... I dont think your email was horrible. I think when your T said we will "deal with this " at your next appt she meant the content of your email...the effects of being with the mother...and NOT deal with the fact that you emailed.

I don't know she gets a bit upset at me emailing her. I'm not so sure I was not angry when I sent it to her. Or I didn't care. I was having a horrible moment I just wanted her around and I have no idea how to deal with that

Healed, don't fall apart - you can get through this!

My t cancelled today for a very good reason - thankfully, I start my outpatient program tomorrow and will be assigned a t and a pdoc (even though I already have both - these are just extra for the four weeks of the program). I feel I'm in good hands but I wish t didn't have to cancel even though I completely understand.

Granite- she probably respnded because she knew you are at the mother's(/devil's) house this week and suffering more than normal. She probably is just reaching out to you, letting you know she is not there. She is NOT angry! Remember that she never has been angry at you when you are convinced she is? Keep that in mind. You are just feeling like such shite from being around the devil. Sorry, but i can not stand your mother. She makes me a bit rageful.

Hey Velcro I'm at the airport now away from the mother now. I'm thinking I need to call her before next Tuesday and let her know what is going on in my head. No more e mail. Maybe I hope she can some how make me feel less afraid to see her

Still a little sick but slowly getting better

On top of everything else I lost my job today. Told it wasn't working and I could go straight away. My H is cross about the lack of money. Said I engineered it and this is what I wanted. So much for support and kindness. I have zero of either. I am falling apart and no-one cares.
I am such a failure.

I give up.

Therapy suuuuuuuucks! Still shaking a little. I got lost in my head at one point, and then suddenly we were in the middle of a discussion about kittens. I was telling him all about my favorite kitten who is a little demon child I have named Lucy Fur, and who I adore. [oddly, he did not wish to adopt Lucy Fur.] We went from talking about my little sister telling me last night about how one of her first memories is of watching our father beat me and being terrified I would die. Then suddenly -- KITTENS. ****. I hate being a crazy person.

Well, that sucks more than therapy. I am so sorry.

One of the hardest things for me to accept is that a neutral response really is neutral.

((3a))

((MKAC))

You're making real progress. This is old pain, and once you puke it up, you'll feel much better for the rest of your life.

Be brave!

Well, bil is bad again... He saw his t today, t called my mil and said he is bad, but let's try to get some new meds in him and see if that helps. So, he sees his pdoc tomorrow morning and they called him in some trazodone in hopes that he will take it and actually sleep tonight. I will go over after my kids are in bed, and sit with them tonight. Just praying we don't have go to the hospital tonight, b/c he probably won't go willingly. This stuff sucks big time!

Its like youre married to my mom. I am so sorry. where do these people come from? And how do they find us?

How old is your MIL? i am 62. Why cant she do this? Dont you have to work tomorrow? You have to take care of yourself and the kids. I am getting po'd at your BIL. Like he listens to you?? No offense! Where is FIL? Where is H? Why is this women's work? I cant believe how sexist i sound! But still

Mil is late 50s.. But she is the kind of person who is a deer in head lights when it comes to stuff like this. She freezes..my h is over there now, and will be there until the kids bedtime when I will then go over. FIL is an idiot and blames it all in drugs, and not Bipolar.. He is not listening to anybody we are just trying to keep him home and safe until tomorrow morning when he sees his pdoc.

Never say that, you are never a failure

good for you! do it
YES.