LCM showing up randomly at work

I know this is kinda off topic, but when I read LC or LCM, Ava from Nip/Tuck pops into my mind...

lucky

I look younger than my age and got so used to it that I was in total shock I was called mam, I was about 45. I was offended hshah then I thought wait I am how old??? Haha

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I get called sir on the streets. So yeah.

I think it's more honest to tell a client they want to help them to the best of their their ability. Checking in with clients see of therapy is working and changing it up if it's not is good practice. Therapy is not an exact science and even the most experienced clinician can't know for sure that their approach will work.

LCM is the one support person the OP has at the moment so I think walking away from the relationship is not an option for her right now. I agree an experienced T should be added when the time is right, but that's a very personal decision. Plus, I think the mention of alcohol use triggers a strong reaction in people because growli's posts sound so desperate. But alcohol makes you so much less inhibited that people reveal their deepest darkest thoughts-thoughts that you forget about when you're sober. From the posts here it doesnt sound like the OP is as consumed by this relationship as she once was.

A year ago, I would sound that desperate sober. Now when I'm sober, I'm sometimes sad that she's not there. I sometimes want a hug or I want her to hold me and play with my hair and tell me she loves me and everything will be okay. Usually, I'm not thinking about her unless I'm doing something I know she wouldn't approve of, I'm wondering if she'd be proud of me, she's talking to me directly, I see something that reminds me of her like her favorite animal or dog breed or I'm scared.

I have dreams of her protecting me and scolding me and keeping me safe instead of the dreams I'd have about her adopting me. Not that you can absolutely infer anything from that.

I really want time to move faster and morning comes so I can finally talk to her about all of this. I'm pissed that we got pummeled with snow so I can't see her in person and get a hug so the last time I saw her was a disaster.

I know part of this is reaction that my maternal transference isn't always positive. I actually felt like I disassociated a little and I'm embarrassed to say that because I love LCM so much. I feel like I might have had some sort of emotional flashback.

I recognized her immediately but everything got fuzzy and I doubted that it was her. I felt embarrassed that I didn't look great. I was worried she'd call me out on it. I was weirded out by him being there. Just this guy I had seen once before but has never talked to me. I was so confused and dumbfounded by seeing her there, she had to ask me to give him a program.

The emotion I got from the whole experience was almost exactly identical from when my mom made my dad go to the ER when I was first admitted. I got shaky and sweaty and scared and I sent him away. I felt super violated by him just showing up into my world uninvited and it deeply scared me that he could show up again. Having her show up with him randomly with my maternal transference as intense as it is, I felt like my mother showed up at my work with my father. My father does in real life ignore me and not talk to me and my mom runs the show. Making the connection between LCM and this elusive man that didn't acknowledge me freaked me out even worse.

I know that he didn't have time to say anything and that he couldn't have known who I was. I know it would have been inappropriate for him even if he did know who I was to say anything when she did not introduce us. However in the moment, I couldn't handle it and I panicked.

I also frequently fantasize about her coming to work and seeing me do really well. I couldn't find the right color socks that morning and when she approached me, I was so shocked that I needed her to remind me what to do. I'm really good at my job. That's why I was working front and center. I have the whole seating chart memorized, I'm good at handling unruly patrons and keeping the crowd quiet and happy. I'm extremely good in emergency situations and even completely handled all of the necessary protocol to get a man who was going into some kind of diabetic shock to the hospital without relying on my supervisors to remember what to do. I just did it. Then she comes and sees me at work and I just stare at her like I'm lost. I didn't want her to see me like that. Why can't she see me handling a crowd of 250 people with little trouble instead?

I once saw PrevT at my pharmacy. I was in line at the pharmacy counter when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turned around to see PrevT and another T that I knew waiting in line behind me, smiling at me, saying hello. Lol, I became completely discombobulated! Spinning around to say hello, back...spinning back around to step up to the pharmacy counter,...(Now, why did I come in here?).. Spinning back around to politely answer something PrevT had chatted to me...

I totally understand your embarrassment and confusion! I think it would confuse many people.

I understand about you wanting your LC to see you at the top of your game. I know a lot of people get depressed and don't shower, etc... I'm the complete opposite. I have to be/smell clean when I'm at work, or at appts, whatever. I can go the weekend without doing anything, if I'm not seeing anyone outside of my house. So I understand wanting to look/be the best you can.

I cannot be critical...my heart really goes out to you. However, sometimes when we're in the moment we can't see clearly, can't see from the outside looking in. You may not want to hear this, but don't you think, if your parents are paying for her, there's got to be some feelings for you there. If they truly didn't care, I can't see why they'd pay for this. My mom and I had a really bad relationship and there are things I just can't forgive and forget and move on, but I know she loves me. I may not want to admit that to myself sometimes, and may feel angry instead by the thought, but I can't stop how she feels. But...you said your parents ARE paying for LC, that's a start! Again, sorry if I offend, I do understand that angry feeling because I have it too, but sometimes it helps coming from someone on the outside. So you get to see her today? You'll have to let us know how it goes.

Does my biological mother love me? She has a word that she calls love that she feels for me. Although I guess she hasn't said she loves me in a long time. But I do not believe that you can simultaneously love someone and beat them, and lock them in their bedroom for 12+ hours with no food. I don't think you can love someone and make them take off their pants in a parking lot and stand on a scale so you can yell at them for being ugly and fat. If someone's version of love involved that behavior being acceptable, then how they define love does not interest me and I do not want it.

She pays for things because she thinks that money = love. And to an extent for her, she does think that. That's fine I guess. I'll take it but she can't buy my forgiveness or my love. That is gone. I have no interest in a relationship with her and I will never love her.

I agree with you completely. No one knows her like you do. Yes, I have stories myself, some I don't feel comfortable sharing... but I experienced being locked in the basement with no food/water/toilet/lights for that amount of time myself. My mom also did strange things I still don't understand to this day. Sounds like she owes you....so take her money! I would....

I'm tall, too, and this has happened to me a lot. There's almost a kind of shaming just by virtue of being born extra long. I don't like little women who go on and on about how tiny they are, as if they achieved that through hard work.

My therapist is tall. She gets it. There's a lot of built in body shaming, maybe because we're such an easy target?

It may sound stupid...I'm just shy of 5'5", and I like being shorter. If I hug someone, I like them being taller than me. Maybe that's a child thing.....I don't know.... my T is shorter than me and very petite, but I love her hugs anyway.

Growli,

Some people have very sick, twisted ideas about what "love" is.

I see whatever she is paying for as an investment in your future...a time when you can completely separate yourself from your mother and be autonomous.

Gee...what the.....people pay no attention whatsoever. Let me tell u this story.

Me and my gf were once in a train with no tickets (long story, we had tickets but in a wrong zone) so we tried to escape by walking away from whomever was checking tickets.

I had short hair but was wearing summer dress, and my gf was wearing pants but she had long hair in a pony tail girly style high up with colorful ribbon and she wore long girly earrings

. And dude was walking right behind us screaming "young men! Stop! Boys stop running! Young men do u have tickets" to this day can't forget it. We were 18-19 at the time.

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Sorry for your experiences. I have very very emotionally and verbally abusive mean and rude father and am still dealing with it in therapy and am almost 50. I never dealt with it in younger age. My mother is not abusive but extremely unavailable as her goal in life is to please my dad because she is scared of him. Nothing else matters to her

I appear to be very successful and very put together. It is not the case inside. I am very damaged.

I react to your posts strongly and I apologize for being too harsh but I just do it because I want you to do everything you can to heal now, not wait till u 50 to finally address it properly.

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Same story with my parents, only switch mom for dad. And i dont want these kids to wait until their sixties!

I rarely find that having someone be harsh is useful in causing me to change the way they want. But I also believe everyone does things in their own time and that I cannot save anyone from themselves. And I really do not want anyone trying to save me from myself. But others have different views on it. There is nothing I can think of that anyone could have said to me that would have made me be different than I was and am at any given moment. I do not regret my journey in that fashion nor would I have thanked anyone for trying to interfere with it. I sometimes observe people and think - yes, that is a place I remember going through and although unpleasant it was at least my own - I never think I can or even have the right to try and get them to another place faster or differently. It is their journey and not mine.

Stopdog, I think your Oscar Wilde quote demonstrates that sentiment perfectly.

It is one of the only three or four things I fully believe in.

Thats why i get harsh when people get harsh...?

I love Oscar Wilde

I'm sorry you've had this experience. I've been reading some of the posts (the whole thread is too long). Personally I know what these things can be like sometimes and I wish she could help you process the experience. I agree with stopdog that she could have at least given you some notice so the shock could have been lessened. I've been through something similar, though in my case it lasted a lot more than a day, and being confronted with my therapist's personal life in ways I wasn't ready or willing to be confronted really messed with my therapy for a long time. Now my relationship with my therapist is good but I'm still affected by it with regards to my initial objectives in therapy due to what happened. So yes, your life coach has a daughter that's not you, and I imagine you knew that before, but there's a difference between knowing and being forced to work at her daughter's concert and see your lc in that position, without even being prevented about it.

My therapist at least had very healthy boundaries outside of that particular context and that helped. I am concerned about you because your posts that I've read so far seem to indicate your lc does not have the necessary professional boundaries. I know what you mean about posting only when things go wrong; it seems understandable to me, since that's when you need support. It's just that some things I've read from you just shouldn't happen in a therapeutic relationship (and you seem to be using the relationship with your lc as a therapeutic one). I'm not trying to attack you and your personal journey, even though I understand how it may look like that when you're seeking support and (also) receive criticisms toward your lc, who is an important person in your life. I just hope that you will be more helped than harmed by this relationship overall and that it will help you to move forward in your life rather than hold you back.

As for the psychiatrist, I'd look at it from a different perspective (unless you know your lc to try and get money at any cost - I honestly didn't get that feeling from what I've read from your posts but you know better). I've also been in a position to refer people to other professionals, and personally I do prefer to recommend people I know well. This is not because it would impact positively on me, but rather because 1. I feel like I'm helping not just one but two people about whom I care, and 2. when I know someone more closely, I know better what their level of competence is. So there are also other reasons why she might have referred you to her boyfriend - if she even did, because it sounds like you can't be totally sure that that's the case.

So I talked to her and I told her what happened and how I feel about it. She said she was wrong to not tell me she was coming to my school. She said she was sad that I hurt and she understands why I felt the way I did. She said she wasn't sure she would be able to come until that morning and she was excited to potentially run into me, but she was wrong to not really take my feelings into consideration. She said she really didn't think we would run into each other, but if we did it would have been a pleasant surprise since I'm always so excited to see her in session. She said she understands how that could have been overwhelming and she apologized for not considering how randomly invasive I could have perceived that.

I told her about my feelings about her and the pdoc. I think I kinda struck a nerve with her because she talked an awful lot about the nature of therapy and told me about a situation she went through that completely matched what I was worried could have happened. She told me that he was still a great pdoc and sung his praises again to kind of reaffirm that she wasn't wrong to refer me. I'm not sure if she isn't her boyfriend. I know that she certainly does like him a lot. She's called him cute to me before. But whatever is going on there I don't really care at this point. She seemed to be really self conscious of me calling her integrity into question. I do believe that she wouldn't use me for financial gain. I think she really cares about not doing that to her clients and that's kinda what threw her. She said she wants me to think of her as someone who somewhat has her life together and surrounds herself with good people and strong relationships so that I feel like I can look up to her and trust her. I said I do trust her and think the world of her. I said I think she's clumsy and the only thing she really did wrong in this situation was be clumsy with me. She laughed and said everyone knows she's clumsy and that it wasn't a good excuse to hurting me.

She decided to run over with me because she did talk a lot plus she is leaving for a couple of weeks. I told her about my behavior with random men. I know it upset her. I could tell in her voice that it hurt to think I was doing that. She told me she understands why I'd do that. She thinks that for some people, it's a good thing. But for me and how sensitive I am, I would do "monstrous harm" to myself if I did just randomly sleep with someone. I think I agree. She really wants me to wait and talk to her when she comes home before doing anything beyond anonymous flirting. I said I will. I'm too scared anyway.

I really don't want her to leave.

Maybe you could work out some goals you want to achieve while she's gone to help focus on something other than her being away. This is what I've done in the past.

Thank you for taking the time to explain your relationship better. I certainly understand more although I still hope for you to be able to find a team of support and not just one person. My journey may be colouring that hope though