LCM showing up randomly at work

So I talked to her and I told her what happened and how I feel about it. She said she was wrong to not tell me she was coming to my school. She said she was sad that I hurt and she understands why I felt the way I did. She said she wasn't sure she would be able to come until that morning and she was excited to potentially run into me, but she was wrong to not really take my feelings into consideration. She said she really didn't think we would run into each other, but if we did it would have been a pleasant surprise since I'm always so excited to see her in session. She said she understands how that could have been overwhelming and she apologized for not considering how randomly invasive I could have perceived that.

I told her about my feelings about her and the pdoc. I think I kinda struck a nerve with her because she talked an awful lot about the nature of therapy and told me about a situation she went through that completely matched what I was worried could have happened. She told me that he was still a great pdoc and sung his praises again to kind of reaffirm that she wasn't wrong to refer me. I'm not sure if she isn't her boyfriend. I know that she certainly does like him a lot. She's called him cute to me before. But whatever is going on there I don't really care at this point. She seemed to be really self conscious of me calling her integrity into question. I do believe that she wouldn't use me for financial gain. I think she really cares about not doing that to her clients and that's kinda what threw her. She said she wants me to think of her as someone who somewhat has her life together and surrounds herself with good people and strong relationships so that I feel like I can look up to her and trust her. I said I do trust her and think the world of her. I said I think she's clumsy and the only thing she really did wrong in this situation was be clumsy with me. She laughed and said everyone knows she's clumsy and that it wasn't a good excuse to hurting me.

She decided to run over with me because she did talk a lot plus she is leaving for a couple of weeks. I told her about my behavior with random men. I know it upset her. I could tell in her voice that it hurt to think I was doing that. She told me she understands why I'd do that. She thinks that for some people, it's a good thing. But for me and how sensitive I am, I would do "monstrous harm" to myself if I did just randomly sleep with someone. I think I agree. She really wants me to wait and talk to her when she comes home before doing anything beyond anonymous flirting. I said I will. I'm too scared anyway.

I really don't want her to leave.

Wow, I'm pleasantly surprised. I'm glad that she was receptive to your feedback and seems to have cared about how you felt. Are you feeling any better after the session?

I love Oscar Wilde

Does my biological mother love me? She has a word that she calls love that she feels for me. Although I guess she hasn't said she loves me in a long time. But I do not believe that you can simultaneously love someone and beat them, and lock them in their bedroom for 12+ hours with no food. I don't think you can love someone and make them take off their pants in a parking lot and stand on a scale so you can yell at them for being ugly and fat. If someone's version of love involved that behavior being acceptable, then how they define love does not interest me and I do not want it.

She pays for things because she thinks that money = love. And to an extent for her, she does think that. That's fine I guess. I'll take it but she can't buy my forgiveness or my love. That is gone. I have no interest in a relationship with her and I will never love her.

I understand you're not there yet and may never be there... but one day a relationship with your biological mother might exist.


My parents neglected me my entire childhood. I was a shy child with a great imagination, so I guess they assumed I was fine. Due to family dynamics, I was rejected by my mom pretty early on. She was my worst enemy. She sent me to live with my grandma after I got out of the crisis house at age 14. My dad brought me back after 2 months. My mom was so pissed, she took my little sister and left my dad (only lasted 6 months ). Fast forward to age 18 when my mom kicked me out. The 3 reasons she kicked me out: because she wanted my little sister to have her own room, my dad didn't have to pay child support for me, and because I didn't get a job (...was in the hospital for a breakdown).


I processed my issues with my mom in therapy. I no longer cry over it. Facts are simply facts now and I can talk about my past with my mom without any distress. I was able to process so well, that I was able to reach out to my mom. [Skipping the how part]...my mom and I are really good friends. I see her weekly. I might lose her again, but I'm aware of the main reason I would and am prepared for if that ever happened.


Btw...my parents believed money=love. My mom is poor now, so she doesn't do that anymore And I haven't spoken to my dad in 9 years. But this belief is exactly way I hate holiday/b-day gifting to adults. It was so bad that each kid got the same $ amount for gifts, and we were required to spend a certain amount of money on a gift once we were an adult.


My mom does have my forgiveness and she has my love (it's what I choose for me). But she lost something... a daughter. We do not have a mother/daughter relationship. I call her mom because that's what I've always called her, but she is not my mom and never will be.


I guess I'm trying to say that people and life might just surprise you. Or sometimes it can be predictable. Though the most important person in your life is you. But I can relate to having a crappy mom.

I feel the need to defend Growli a little bit.

I don't know that LCM should've warned Growli ahead of time. But I do think that LCM is in over her head and she should not have recommended that Growli see her boyfriend as a psychiatrist!

This is crazy! Moreso than the money, I'd be worried about the pillow talk. LCM isn't bound to the confidentiality of a real therapist. Not only that, confidentiality breaks down in the quiet privacy between lovers. It just does. It's asking Growli too much to ask her to trust that they won't talk about her or discuss her private matters, with each other.

Not only that, LCM betrayed Growli by recommending a doctor with whom LCM has a lover-connection. It's wrong. LCM even knows it is wrong, which is why she's being so cheeky about disclosing it. Otherwise, she would'v said, "Full disclosure, I have a personal relationship with this person that I don't want to go into details about. If that makes you uncomfortable, here are three other psychiatrists to try . . . "

LCM is in over her head. My fear is she's going to be looking for ways out of this relationship soon. I don't see her as in it for the long haul or the hard work.

I realize that Growli objects to any criticism of LCM, so I'm not going to win brownie points, but I think this person is unethical.

Topics like this are so frustrating to me and probably everyone because LCM hurt me and confused me so I want to complain about her but at the same time I love her dearly and get offended when anyone else complains about her.

I understand this sentiment. I am the same way about my mum. She did lots wrong, there are lots of things I say about her and others can say about how she treats me and yet I'll defend her to the death and love her greatly./

I guess the difference is that I know deep down her behaviour is not acceptable and I need to break away.

Confusing emotions for sure.

Is there any way to convert LCM to just friends? Meaning that she will hang with you and be a mentor to you, for no payment?

It's the money for someone in-between that concerns me. Your relationship is not quite personal but also not quite professional.

Hey, No takie-backsies!! You shoulda told her you dont do therapy by text or email, and you can discuss it at your next appointment!

The only problem I cant seem to wrap my head around ... Altho men can wear Yoga pants in the gym but outside of the gym? I have never see it , so that visual is just cracking me up But yeah that would certainly be a easy easy notice if he had a nice butt or not! lol

Yes, college students are drinking and having sex. The difference I see, though, is that they are (usually) going out with friends and drinking is part of what they do to socialize, bond, connect, and meet new people. They're out to have fun with friends. They're also having sex, but they are (usually) having sex with other college students on campus, people they know, people they've had a crush on, or people they've met through friends. They also tend to go out in packs and sort of watch out for one another. At least when I was in college (8 years ago), we would not leave one member of the group alone with a stranger-- there would always be at least 2 or 3 of us together-- and if one girl was too drunk, we would make sure she got home safely. We would NEVER just leave her ********* with a random guy she just met. We always traveled in groups, both because it was about socializing and because we had safety in mind. College students are (usually) not sitting home alone several nights a week, drinking because they are depressed and have untreated mental illnesses or trying to lose their virginity to strangers on the internet who (by virtue of being strangers behind a computer) are unsafe. I have no problem with drinking in moderation or having safe sex. But I'm concerned that what you are doing comes not from a place of 20-something experimentation and socialization, but instead from a place of unhealthy self-medicating. If you had already had relationships and were now interested in having a fling (assuming you did some vetting to make sure he was not a serial killer and used protection to prevent STDs)-- I'd say go for it! Have fun! But the idea of losing your virginity to a stranger online because, as you said in this thread, "you can't seem to find anyone to have sex with you"-- that does not sound like you are an empowered woman who is making sexually liberated choices. I'm all about sex positivity. But, in your threads (and I have been reading your threads since you joined PC), you seem to be struggling with self-esteem. I can tell you that sleeping with strangers is NOT a way to improve your self-esteem or feel "sexy" or feel better about your body or feel loved. Usually, it only exacerbates the problem.


If LC is the only person you are willing to talk to, you should at least be honest with her about the way you break down and act out after your interactions with her. If she doesn't know that you are looking online for anonymous men, or you are drinking as often as you are, or that you break down in tears every time you're reminded that she is not your mom--- she really needs to know that information. It might help inform her of how you are REALLY doing. She certainly can't help you if she doesn't have all the information.


Of course, I still feel strongly that you should see a qualified T IN ADDITION TO (not instead of) LC. If you do the work, you really can heal from the kind of attachment problems you have. I know because I did. When I was in high school and college, I felt similarly about my teachers. I never had a mom and wanted one more than anything else in the world. I used to have the kind of relationships with my teachers that you have with LC. I thought it was helping me-- that they were helping me. But the love they gave me was never "enough" and it never filled that "void" I had inside from not having had a mom. I thought what I needed was for them to give me just enough love to fill it up. It wasn't until I went to therapy, when I was 25, that I started to actually do the work-- which I needed to do myself-- to process my traumatic childhood and start to heal from the inside out. I realized that I can be pissed about all of the things I missed out on that other kids had--- but holding onto that anger or trying to get those needs met by other people wasn't actually helping me. I needed to cry, I needed to feel angry-- and then I needed to let it go, roll my sleeves up, and work on myself. I needed to build up my self-esteem and carry myself like I had value. And, over time, that "void" has been largely filled up-- by me-- not someone else. I'm definitely attached to my T-- I love her. I wish I would have had someone like her as a mom. But, through doing the work of therapy (and having appropriate boundaries), my relationship with my T has been strikingly different from the ones I used to have with my teachers. I don't feel that sense of "neediness" that I did with them. I don't stress out, get anxiety, or live in a fantasy world-- like I did when I was a teenager. Instead, I feel totally secure with the relationship I have with my T. I look forward to my sessions, I always give her a hug, and we have said "I love you." But I don't pretend like she is my mom, I don't live for my sessions, and I don't have any problem seeing her in public or running into her daughter at her office (which happened once). Honestly, I think the way she is with her daughter is quite sweet. Of course, I wish I'd had that for myself. But, as an adult, I can recognize that I didn't-- and not let it eat me up inside. Instead, I re-frame it as "Someday, I can be the kind of mom I didn't get." I don't know if you want kids in the future (maybe you don't) but, for me, it's helpful to think this way. It also helps me to think "The fact that T can be so loving towards her kid helps her be more loving towards me, too." She knows exactly what I didn't get and can empathize with me as I work through my trauma. Learning how to have a secure attachment-- as opposed to an anxious one-- is by far the most important thing I have learned in therapy. And it took 4 years. It was not easy or fast. But it is something that can be learned-- if we want to do the work. My T also never asked me to give up the relationship I had (and still have) with one of my college professors. I rarely see or talk to her now--- as it's been 8 years since she was my professor. But I did visit her in September and still count her as an important person in my life. But, though doing therapy with my T (and not through my relationship WITH the professor), I learned how to have a healthy relationship with her. I no longer feel the strong emotions I once did, and can now relate to her as a healthy adult and enjoy my relationship with her more now-- even though the contact is less frequent. My own experience is why I think it could be so helpful for you to have both your LC AND a therapist. They could really work together and enforce one another.

The tight yoga pants thing is probably the most disturbing part of all of this.

I don't know what yoga pants are.