What is the point?

Sushi sounds so gross to me right now. My daughter ate sushi yesterday and has been agonizing trying to throw up.. But she had to have a fundoplication 5 yrs ago and can't throw up. You'd never think about the value of being able to grow up till you can't

I think this is what mostly happens with deleted threads.

Maybe somebody will manifest you an edible arrangement! I just ate some oatmeal with greek yogurt, walnuts and maple syrple.

I like that idea. That would be well received. Any volunteers?

Catonyx can put that on their vision board!

Well.... Not the walnuts unless they're trying to kill me.

Dang!!!! I did one of those and I loved doing it! I think my former therapist still has it. . . .gee, maybe I should send her the postage to have her send it back to me! Why is it that whatever I like people think is torture?? (I'm being light of heart here so no one thinks that I'm slamming Ellamae)

I think if you don't find doing it to be torture - then have at it. It sounds like you could even make one for a lot of people who don't want to make their own. I cannot imagine doing one but some people find the way I do therapy sounds like torture (much as how they do it sounds to me).
That is why they make strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.
Or
To each their own said the old lady as she kissed the cow.(one of my beloved grandmother's favorite sayings)

I am totally on board with this thinking.,. . . but when someone keeps posting the same thing over and over again and asking for a response from PC members and looking for them to react or respond to how they think things are happening, then, I have a problem.

It's fine to say to members, "Hey, gang, I just want to VENT and I'm looking for support here. Please be gentle ." (I've seen these postings on PC during the time I've been here). Then it is expected that the posters will just provide support and compassion to the poster.

But if you post and ask for opinions, reaction, thoughts, suggestions or experiences close to what is posted, along with "how" you handled it, then I think you better be open to other posters reacting to your post with exactly that!. . .. No big surprise that I don't start threads about my OWN therapy. I only reveal things about my own therapy in relation to how it interacts with what the other person posts. When you talk about your own experience then you're willingly opening yourself up to feedback about what the other person thinks might be happening. I think that is a critical thing that ALL posters need to consider--I get the idea that you yourself have considered that and acted on that, Stopdog. I know I have.

I am all for only talking about one's own experience. But I found, even when I expressly stated that in threads I started (eg "I am only looking for people to talk about their own experiences") I kept being told how I did therapy wrong and people tried to label me and analyze me and so forth. Not what I wanted nor something I was going to appreciate. If I had listened to the advice here, I would not see two therapists - and although odd to others how I do it, has actually not been entirely unsuccessful to me for what I am willing to use it for.

[QUOTE=mian síoraí;4293837]

I like lively conversations too, and intelligent debate. Why not start a thread about people searching for therapists, or something, and make it not personal? I think much of the discussion spurred from some of these posts is good content for a new thread about therapy in general.

Wow, mian siorai! What a great idea! I'd love to read and post on a thread about psychotherapy that didn't have any guidelines! One that was open and free to express and talk about anything and everything. I tend to be a bit conservative when it come to therapy and therapeutic relationships, but I want to examine, talk about, see, view, different therapeutic possibilities! I'd like to participate in something like this. I think PC could be on the cutting edge if they did this and let the participants know that there would be no censorship, just questions and challenges!

I wouldn't post on my own therapy because it's sort of like marriages on reality tv--most seem to end in divorce. Besides, I know I have to take time to sort through what I think/perceive and what's really happening. I don't need to complicate things any more. But I like discussions for those who do ask for feedback.

I guess I get baffled by people who offer advice and suggestions and then seem to get so offended when the original poster doesn't take the advice. The advice offerer (LOL) then says something like well just stay stuck in your awful life and I won't respond anymore. It seems so narcissistic to think that you're going to solve someone's problems on a message board just by offering unwanted (most of the time) advice. I'm not saying just blindly support someone in a self destructive lifestyle, but why offer advice over and over if someone isn't receptive? And then get offended? It makes NO sense to me.

I don't take offense to anything, ever - so you're good. They are tourturous to me because you have to have an idea of what you like or who you are to make one and well, I don't know much anything about me and I'm lucky I can get my name right most days.

I was actually suggesting the same idea that Stopdog did, although I explained it or framed it differently. We cross posted.

[QUOTE=Jaybird57;4293989]

I am part of a mommy message board.. and yes, we have mods. However, they very rarely have to close threads or warn posters or anything.

We have a "safe word".. the OP can post it, or another person who thinks that the thread has gotten hurtful, gone overboard or whatever, and they can post the "safe word." After that, people respect it.. and move on. Makes us all feel like equals, makes feel like somebody didn't get in trouble, etc. I like a world where everybody works together like that

But I see people NOT asking "how they think things are happening". They ask specific questions.

I've seen people posting, for example, why would a therapist say they had appointments, then suddenly, not have them. Many people answer and respond to the OP question. They do ask specific questions. But then people will start analyzing everything about the person instead of addressing their specific question. I do it too, not being a hypocrite here, but why complain when someone doesn't want answers that they didn't ask about in the first place?

I don't think people realize that sometimes their replies can be unwelcome, intrusive, and even controlling. So someone asks for opinions, and because it frustrates those who want to offer additional advice--advice not even sought--why are their feelings more important than the person seeking support?

I guess overall, i don't think those unhappy with not being able to provide unwanted advice trump those unhappy with the unwelcome advice. That's where I see moderation can be useful. To represent both sides of the coin. You can't make everyone happy, but there is a middle ground I suppose. And if there is an imbalance, I think it should lean towards the person asking for support, not those insistent on forcing unwanted types of support that is clearly distressing the person seeking support.

Like I said, start a new thread about the subject and debate it there.

I don't disagree with you, puzzlebug, but where I have a problem is when people post and ask for feedback, and when they don't like the feedback, they get angry or dismissing. Personally, I think that they have a total right to NOT accept or receive the feedback as something that they want. BUT, guess what, they can't pile on and dismiss that feedback as wrong or ill conceived. What works is to graciously accept and talk about what the poster is talking about. Heck, it isn't about agreeing with what the person says! It's about discussing or reacting to the comment of the editor.

I'm estimating here but I'd guess that many of the posters here on PC are people who have struggled with mental health issues for a long time. .. I sure know that is the case for me. I've worked hard to get to a stable productive place in my life. I want to "pay it forward" to other people who are suffering from mental heath issues.

Personally, I don't offer advice or personal experience to individuals who aren't receptive.. . .okay, I've made a few mistakes here on PC. But when I see what is happening, I typically back out. If someone doesn't appear open to what I have to say, I back out. I miscalculate that sometimes and that makes me sad. I sincerely want other mental health people to benefit from what I've experienced both physically and emotionally.

I was thinking the same thing after my recent thread!

Uggg...regrets. Posting remorse. Will find other distractions if need be. Tomorrow.

Good post and very true. I don't get offended when someone isn't receptive to my responses. I hope they'll eventually reach a spot when they are able to see things and move forward because I've been right and fortunately have moved forward, but I feel pain for people who are in such a struggle and can't yet see the forest for the trees so to speak. I feel so badly for them. Been there and definitely don't want to go back.

I think most people here are very kind-hearted, caring individuals who are just trying to be helpful. None of us (well most of us apparently) are not therapists, so we are going to miss the boat, but we mostly seem to have helpful intentions in mind. Berating people who are trying to help, even when we don't get it "right" isn't terribly understanding or supportive either. We're all just lay people here working only with what the posters tell us and our own personal knowledge and experience. That shouldn't negate our efforts to be supportive, even when it doesn't fit your own definition of supportive; supportive comes in many forms and trying to navigate what kind of support any one individual needs here on this forum is often a bit of a crap shoot. I rarely see anyone here who is clearly setting out to harm anyone. That needs to be remembered.

I do think that it does not matter the amount of threads people make. I emailed my T on and off. I called and got 2 appointments in a week sometimes. I pushed and asked her to be there until just last week I suddenly felt very secure in the fact she would be there and I no longer checked. I haven't even had the urge to email. My point is that sometimes people do a thing 1000 times but it's not until 1001 that they figure out what they need to.

That being said I see no harm with healthy disagreement. People have disagreed with me on threads I made and it helped me 100%. If that is what the OP is looking for, all opinions, then go ahead but sometimes it's not. Sometimes people don't want to be pushed to change, they just want to feel heard and safe. I'm not a T so I won't respond as everyone wants or needs, I can't always offer positive regard but I'll try and reply a helpful way.

I think there is plenty of berating on both "sides." I am just going to let the moderators decide what is appropriate and what isn't. I think we're all biased in some way and that affects how we respond. It's good that there are moderators who can see things more clearly and objectively.

I also think when the poster of a thread clearly says certain advice is not supportive to them that should be respected.

I have never found that clubbing others, no matter how well intended, helps them most of the time. Good intentions have done a great deal of harm through out history - often in the mental health field. I am not comforted/reassured or nor do I feel supported by people who become insistent on their idea of saving me from myself or their idea of what is wrong with me or the right thing for me to do.
I think it is often very obvious which posters want the advice and to be told what others think they should do pretty early on in a thread. And if that is what an OP wants, then great - have at it. But it is when the OP does not appear to want such a thing and others keep on at them that I wonder about it.
I very much do not want advice, or to be pushed or tough love or what ever one wants to label it. Such never makes me want to change what I am doing and is very much a waste of time and effort on the part of the other person.
Also, just because something helped one person does not mean it helps another. And I do find it sort of interesting when the insisters announce that because their brand of help was not embraced that they will take their good advice elsewhere. Why bother with the announcement? Perhaps that is just my thing because I don't ever feel like why I did not participate in a thread or quit participating would actually matter to anyone. Not in a bad way - just a sort of so what usual way.

I agree. This is why anytime I don't understand something or am really upset at something that happens here on the forums, I take it to a moderator. I feel like a child doing it, but it has helped. I have been "talked to" because of standing up for/defending myself. I've had people put me on ignore simply because I stated that their advice was hurtful or doesn't apply and to not repeat it over and over again. I have also posted a similar thread such as this and the moderators deleted it (interesting they haven't closed this one down yet). So now, I simply go to the moderators for an explanation and to see if their perspective is the same as mine (because emotions sometimes clouds things). But the main response I get is that I have to remember that there is a huge array of people represented here: high functioning to low functioning, different disorders, different levels of intellect, different ages and cultures, etc. So while it might be difficult at times, we have to practice patience and know our own boundaries.

I think you don't understand the purpose of this forum well, as you say yourself. And neither did I, when I started. I wanted to force my opinion on people, get them to start doing stuff, to stop repeating themselves. It was to the point I upset a couple of people and had to apologize to one or two through PM for invalidating them, which I begrudgingly accepted I had done.

Still, from time to time I offer a suggestion that turns out to be in some ways invalidating to the person. And myself too, from time to time receive a response that is kind of invalidating. But the fact that I have become aware of it, is that there is a general consensus here that the purpose of the forum is to validate others. This is primarily a support forum, not a debate forum, or a place to challenge intellectual views.

And if you see the validations as fake or mindless or equivalent of "there there", as you, perhaps you have to consider why you see validation that way, not assume that your view is necessarily the truth, and that other people are mindlessly validating others under this threat of moderator intervention. That stems from your misunderstanding. In fact, this forum is surprisingly lax and it is rare for moderators to intervene. I've been part of dozens of different kinds of forums over the years, and this forum is a fairly unique experience in that way, as you can make multiple threads about issues that bother you, and threads are allowed to go off course quite a bit before told to come back on. There is a casualness about it all.

But it's normal to have strong reactions to people's posts. That happens when people share strong feelings. Sometimes posters remind me of my mom who has borderline and narcissistic tendencies. Sometimes they're like my dad, like my siblings, even like me! I sometimes get angry and want to tell people to stop complaining or to listen or to whatever.

But then I realize something (sometimes too late but usually in time): First, these people are not people from my past. Second, I don't have to respond to all threads. In fact, I don't have to respond to any thread! I don't have to post a thread, to make posts, to thank or hug, to do any of it. People are free to say the same things over and over and make a thread about it every week, as I'm free to not respond if I don't feel like it. If I want, I can. It's my choice and it's your choice. Nor are other people obligated to respond to me or you.

If you look at it from that perspective, perhaps it becomes easier to participate, knowing the way the forum works and what people expect.