Couch 95: No title required

Any other compulsive skin pickers on the couch today? Somebody tie my hands down please!!

Yes, . I am SM. T says eventually I'll stop apparently it's not today or this week.....

Today it's my face, every clogged pore or blackhead I can see or imagine is fair game! Ewwww.

Well, I started cleaning. Taking a break right now. Put frozen chicken in the oven to cook for supper.

Room still looks messy, but I emptied out 3/4 of the bags that were around the room, though all the snacks and food that were in the bags are now piled on my bed till I put them away. But at least the bags are gone. Need to go through stacks of papers next and throw out the junk mail and keep the important stuff. Need to put "old" laundry away too that is still in a basket. Still need to do this week's laundry too. One of my roommates is using the washer right now, so that may need to wait until tomorrow.

Now to decide what I want with the chicken. Maybe green beans and mashed potatoes. Or maybe some ricce. Hmm... decisions, decisions.

It is fairly normal for partners to be jealous of Ts.

My mate thinks Madame T is The Perfect Woman and wants to find one like her.

Why working at home is challenging:

Anyone want to crawl inside a hole with me?

I'm just not going to get anything done today, am I?


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I hate when I am holding on with a thread I have to take care of my babby of a husband who cant handle me doing anything but crap rainbows for him . I cant do it all I want to do is mutilate myself

All fed. I had my chicken (marinated in Italian dressing), garlic mashed potatoes, (packaged) chicken flavored pasta side, and green beans.

I ate 2 plates tonight and still have one plate left for tomorrow (maybe lunch...not enough for supper). Not the healthiest dinner, but better than the fast food I have been eating.

Well, I need to go clean a little more or I won't have a place to sleep tonight.

Ellah if there's room in that hole, the keg barely has a dent in it from this morning. I promise I won't sing off-key, just to try to cheer you up. No promises on the inebriated behavior though!

To hell with it. Can I join the kegger?

I need a good kegger right now.

Taking a break from cleaning. Put my comforter in the wash a little bit ago, it should be done about 8:20. Then to dry it and put a load of clothes in the wash. Then to wash my sheets after that. Still need to pick up papers and sort them and find a place for the crap I brought home from school. And take out the trash I already bagged up. I will be up a while longer.

Good to know.

Oh boy do I relate to that.... it started when I was in the worst of my depression and continued for many months until I finally got brave and started talking to t - that is when it stopped for good. I did it to my scalp mostly. It got to be so bad that when I finally started feeling better and wanted to get a haircut, the gal at the salon refused to touch my hair when she saw the scabs cuz she thought I was diseased. Man, I was a mess back then. So thankful to t for helping me heal. So, so thankful.

Sending hugs....

I have such a long story to tell behind this moment, but... I thought it would be nice to share with people who might appreciate it, that in the midst of a really painful session today, and knowing that I've been cutting back financially a lot, my therapist told me she wanted me to send her a smaller payment next month (I'm paying one month at a time now, lovely simple arrangement) to buy myself a dress I'd told her about, as a college graduation present to me. I graduated about 10 days ago and the ceremony is next week. I'm kinda tempted to write a thread about it, but am feeling too tired and fragile to read folks who might tell me how horrible that is, when to me... it was a most powerful and.... moving and relieving moment.... to feel so much caring from her. I know she's invested in me- it was a conversation with her that inspired me to return to college and choose my major, and she's been telling me how very very proud of me she is and cheerled me all the way through. I felt such a bond with her it's just really precious to me.

Yes, I can relate to this too. It's an anxious habit for me and a hard one to break at times. My daughter has it too though with a lot of hard work and focus, she seems to be coming out of the worst of it. It's a tough tough one, and I am sorry you're struggling with it.

This a my 5000th post! Just because i can.

If something a therapist does is good for you, then yeah.

Hi, couch.

Well clothes are in the dryer. I am voting to hold off washing sheets until tomorrow. They can wait.

No more cleaning got done, I was on the phone (texting) for the last hour with my mom trying to make plans for lunch since I haven't seen her since the end of April. Plans were finally made though. 12:15 tomorrow at the Chinese buffet. I love all you can eat places. I love food. :-P

I should try to get some more cleaning done tonight while my clothes are drying, but it's so taxing because I hate doing it.

I'm torn about accepting the dress.

I was distraught when she offered, and at the time, I cried that I'd rather have more time with her than clothes.

But.... really, I've already paid for plenty of time, I'm having three sessions this week (will be away most of next week) and... the idea of accepting her caring and having something tangible from her... well.... it's really growing on me. Something... to help make that connected moment last.

I wrote her an email.... I told her some things, appreciative, and how much it meant to me... and asked her if she was alright with me accepting.

What do you all think?

Part of me says... "Just take it." Not to be greedy, but.... to validate the caring, to validate that I'm worth it, to have something... tangible. I bought myself a shawl, a while back, silvery and soft and long enough to wrap all the way up in. It was part of a visualization exercise I did with my T. I imagined a dorm room, where I could study at college, like a bee hive of learning, orderly and calm and fulfilling.

And in it, I visualized a silver shawl hanging from the wall.

And then, because I could not have the dorm experience anymore... I found a woman who wove shawls on Etsy, and I bought this one for myself. It's very special and comforting to me.

And.... to think of having something from her...

But on the other hand... there's the part that says...

Don't take advantage.
Don't be aggressive (by writing her)
Just let the moment go, take in the caring without needing the actual item

But... I don't even get to see my T in person, and sometimes I'd really like to... so... it would be nice to have something...

I think it is lovely that your T is offering you this! I hope you accept it.

If it is bothering you, you can always "pay it forward" by giving to someone else at a later date when you are in a better financial situation. For example, there are organizations that help girls get a dress for prom or ones that help low income women get interview clothes. You could write her a card saying that you gave in honor of her act.

I think that's a wonderful gesture by your t. And I think it will help you feel connected to her, I can understand that. Especially since she helped inspire you to go back to school. My t surprised me when I saw her last month when she was in town, by not letting me pay for that session, she said it was her gift to me (this was shortly after I'd given her the poem I wrote for her.) I surprised myself by accepting that w/out too much discussion. I hope you get the dress, you deserve it!