Couch 95: No title required

Acts of kindness are so rare in this world it seem churlish to decline one.

Thanks Growlycat and Artemis and CE and Hankster and thanks ALL! Hugs to everyone who wants'm.

She sent me this, and I feel like....... WONDERFUL. Comforted. Connected. All kinds of... soothed and happy.

"Oh Leah, I love being referred to as your mentor. (I'd called her that in a profile someone did on me at graduation.) I really think that is what therapist are, life mentors. [Your interviewer] certainly sounds like a lovely friend.

I am so pleased that you felt, relieved, drained in a good way, after our talk today. Seems you just need your GEM to help you unwind and settle.

I would absolutely love to buy you both dresses, actually. I think you told me they together were about $X. So it seems the simple thing to do is for you to subtract that from the $X you would normally pay next month. Or if you prefer, I can send you the $ through PayPal now. Just let me know.

We are absolutely sorted out for this week. We can talk tomorrow and then again on Thursday if you need. Don't worry about the $ or the time. A little additional graduation present from me. I do have X on Thursday followed by some grocery shopping for the weekend, but we can work out a time if you need/want to.

I hope you have a good night. Talk with you tomorrow."

Good hell.

What time does the kegger in my hole start?

I still have some wine left from earlier. I'm coming too. (my h yelled at me earlier because I asked him if he would mind getting a copy of the vaccination record from the doctor's office that we need to register son for school next year. He yelled at me "Why would you think I wouldn't?" I replied through my shocked tears, "I thought I was asking you politely, I thought that would sound better than telling you to do it, why are you yelling at me?" and he grumbled and walked away.)

I think for those moments when our S.O.s are acting like insensitive clods, we should form an ***-o-gram service, like singing telegrams, but instead of chipper cuties in costumes, a heartfelt "You're acting like an ***" in verse or something. Just a little reality check for when they need it.

(((Art)))
Have you talked to him about doing couples' yet? It sounds like he's hearing some old toxic 'tapes' in his head rather than your reasonable requests...

It also occurs to me that it may have been easier for him when you were not functioning so well - that way he could blame his stuff on you and your issues instead of facing it. On some unconscious level he might want to push you back into that pit because it's easier for him



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The person who was going to cover for the MIA respite provider tomorrow backed out, meaning I miss another day of work I'm getting more and more pissed off at this woman by the minute. I understand that things happen but ******mit she *knew* I was relying on her. The least she could have done is answered my text over the weekend and told me she wouldn't be here today. Argh!
I really hope the agency can come through for Thursday. I don't want to miss T after the week I've had (and it's only Tuesday... Crap...)
Pass the booze!

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Leah, wow, your T sounds lovely. I do hope you can accept this gift from her, and enjoy wearing it too.

Art, hugs. Sounds poo. Xx

It sounds like you've already started!

Ellah, hope today is a better day for you. I'm not sure I'm young enough to pull an all-nighter again, must dis-invite myself from any future keggers. Hope you're not too hung-over!

I'm doing all right, trying to keep grinning and waiting for the weekend, when I will have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve. At which point I will be over it, and life will carry on as usual. Thanks for listening couch!!

Morning, couch.

Well, I didn't clean anymore last night. I voted to go to bed after my laundry was done and put away. Sleep is good. I will try to get some more cleaning done today after lunch with my mom and grandma. If I don't finish today, there's always Friday before T and work. None tomorrow as I work a 12 hour shift, so I will be gone most of the day (10a-10p).

Paystubs for payday (Friday) were posted online today (CVS). I did get holiday pay for working Memorial Day. The other tech was right. Yay! I'll take it. My check was over $100 more than I was expecting with the holiday pay and extra hours I got those 2 weeks.

Next check should be fairly large (for me) too as it will be for 65 hours. I'm glad my pharm manager thinks I am doing a good job and will honor my request for more hours. I have 30 next week (all the other part-time techs have 10-15, but they always complain they are part-time and shouldn't have to work more than 20). The following week, I have 40. I don't mind. It's still less hours of work than during the school year when I have 2 jobs, so I won't be worn out.

Well, I'd better go get a shower and stuff before lunch.

That degree is working already! Brilliant business idea! is there an app for that?

Hey squirrel - i was thinking of you while i was swimming last night. I have kept a regular schedule for 3 days in a row now. Thats a worlds record for me!

Tomorrow is my last T session before his holiday. I haven't really made a plan for the T-less weeks yet... I've felt really good since yesterday's session and I hope I won't somehow destroy that tomorrow.

to all who need or want it.

You are so very wise! Thank you for that. I did ask again about the couples thing and he still says no. Oh well. I'll get over it.

Art, I'm not sure this is something to just 'get over'. Continuing to make yourself vulnerable to someone who continues to hurt you is very damaging. I'm thinking back to your post about moving your psychological house away from the edge. What if you're dealing with a tug o war with someone who is invested (albeit unconsciously) in keeping you there? It's not fair to you and an insult to all your hard work. I'm inclined to think an ultimatum is in order...

Come live on my couch for the summer! You'll have to share it with a couple of pint sized couch hogs though and I can pretty much guarantee you won't get any work done

Afternoon couch.

It is pouring rain here. Typical Florida afternoon thunderstorm. I got soaked going to my car after eating with my mom and grandma. It let up before I got home though, so I only got a little wet going into the house.

Now it is pouring again though.

I stopped by the mall before heading to lunch because I was early and it was across the street from the restaurant. I saw a shirt I liked, but only had enough left on my gift card to cover half of it. So, I thought...pay for half with the gift card and the other half with my debit card. However, I found that I left my debit card at home. Ooppss. I guess fate was telling me I didn't need a new shirt. Though I am tempted to go back out once the rain passes and buy it. I also saw a pair of brown pants on sale and they had my size. I used to have brown pants, but they don't fit anymore (they are size 8), so I'd like a new pair. And the shirt I liked would match them. Question is, do I need a new outfit?!? Probably not, but I want one and I do deserve one (in a way) for securing a 2nd job months ago, thus not needing to look for a summer job this year,

Grandson just taught me how to do a screen shot. No, I am not smarter than a 7th grader. Lol!

Well, I went back and bought the outfit I wanted, plus a couple other tops. New clothes. I think I will sport my new outfit at work tomorrow.

In other news, lunch with mom and grandma went well. Mom had to take grandma to a doctor's appointment afterwards.

My grandma was having problems with bleeding like she was having a period, so she went to an ob/gyn who wanted to do a heteroscopy. She had that last week and had to go back in for the results today. Well, my mom just texted me. My grandma has uterine cancer. So, the doctor is sending her to an oncologist and highly recommending a hysterectomy. Doctor also said she may need a short round of radiation. Grandma is in denial. She believes if she thinks positive thoughts and believes she does not have it that it will go away.

She will be 79 next week. That's pretty old to have surgery, but it is needed. Supposably the doctor said it is a pretty simple procedure now compared to when my mom had one in the 1980's. Still, it's major surgery. I mean they are removing a body part.

I don't know how to take all of this, she's my last living grandparent. My mom's dad had a heat attack when I was 5. He was 53. My dad's mom died when I was in college of emphesema. She was 65. My dad's dad just died this past February of old age. He was 89. Now my mom's mom is sick. I hate getting old, family gets old and dies.

My mom says everything is going to be okay and the hysterectomy will remove the cancer as long as it hasn't spread to other areas. My grandma was bleeding off an on for 3 years before she went to see a doctor about it. She claimed it was just a period. Umm....grandma, people in their 70's don't have periods.

Now, I guess when I go to the ob/gyn for my yearly visits, I will have to answer the question of any family member ever have cancer with yes. That scares me.

I think you may have the situation pegged here, m'lady. Thank you for sharing your insights. I'm thinking seriously that may be what is going on here. I need to get him away from the TV long enough to seriously talk about it. I think our marriage may have worked better before I started working on myself - because he was the 'big man' or whatever and I never voiced my opinion about anything, I deferred to him all the time, I pretended like I didn't have an opinion about things if it differed from his. We see where that got ME, of course. Into major depression. I guess I kinda "changed the rules" on him, didn't I, by working so hard to get myself mentally healthy and able to start expressing my opinions. Maybe he doesn't even realize consciously that he's yelling at me. He is a good man, and I know he loves me. I think I'm going to schedule a night or weekend where there's no TV so we can sort this out. I hate that I get so emotional where he is concerned. I handle my emotions really well these days everywhere ELSE but with my h. Thanks y'all. Your comments are so helpful.

Sounds really rough. I hope your grandmother's denial is a short phase.

Good that you did buy the new outfit - sometimes, it's nice to treat oneself.

I have a new blogger to dislike on psych. today. I think he calls himself a coach. He is an ***.

Grrrr.... My aunt is big into homeopathic remedies and told my grandma she can give her natural herbs to take away the cancer. I hope my grandma doesn't listen.

I don't really agree fully with homeopathic stuff. Maybe for some things like a cold or a general illness they may work, but for something like cancer, I don't think so. It's better to remove the organ with cancer (if possible) to make it go away. Then it is completely out of your body as long as it did not spread before they caught it.

ooh which one!!!

Trying to implement my anti-depression plan and I've been exercising at least 4 times a week. Spent 50+ minutes on the exercise bike trying to burn off the crazy. Literally dripping sweat everywhere and had to go outside to dry off. The air conditioner was making me feel really chilled. Then I spent the last half hour brushing my ancient horse and itching all the places he is too stiff to get to these days. He is happy and content and I feel better. I also dug out Young Dog's favorite squeaky toy that had gotten buried at the bottom of the dog and cat toy box and she was ecstatic. She is so fun to watch. Her sheer joy and enthusiasm is so heartwarming for me. Old Dog is now sitting close by, but not actually touching me, because she says I am disgusting and need a shower. Lol.