[ScarletPimpernel]

Seriously! I reverted to talking about ex-T today just so I had something to talk about. It was nothing new. No insight. Same old, same old.

My life isn't bad right now. I mean there's problems, but nothing that needs to be talked about in therapy. Like why would I talk about my fiance not being able to find a job? It sucks. But we're fine. Family is supporting us financially. One of my dogs is sick, but that's not new. She's been sick for 4 years. My fiance and I haven't fought in a long time. Things btwn my mom and I are well. I have no life really, so nothing is really bothering me.

Now I am in a depressive episode. It's not too bad thanks to my meds. I'm over sleeping, lacking energy, hopeless thoughts. But there's no SI or SUI thoughts. So again, not much to talk about.

And it's weird. This never happened with ex-T. I had more than enough to talk about with her.

Even my emailing has stopped with current T because of how little I have to say!

Should I quit therapy? Reduce? Both are a scary thought and trigger my attachment/abandonment issues.

What do you do when there's nothing to talk about?

[awkwardlyyours]

I'm sort of in the same boat as you but I feel like the reason I'm stuck is because I don't seem to be able to fully trust / feel comfortable / believe that I have a good 'fit' with my therapist.

And, it's not her fault i.e., I really doubt that she can do anything different.

It didn't seem to matter a great deal all this while (although it's been a bit like a shoe that slightly pinches) because I hadn't gotten to the really messy, deep, gawdawfully vulnerable stuff.

So now, I'm just looking to make a decision in the next few weeks (circumstances may decide it) on whether to stay with her or leave.

In the meanwhile, coming up with stuff to talk about has been frustrating.

For what it's worth, the strategy that seems to be working for me is that I describe how I'm processing old stuff (stuff that I've already mentioned in therapy) -- so, I don't necessarily rehash what happened in the past but rather how I'm looking at it or framing it.

In doing that, some other details / events / dynamics etc crop up that she sometimes latches on to as significant and we discuss that. Seems to be working so far but we'll see....!

I know that it's not a healthy, honest way to do it but yeah, it's where I am at.

You are at a place where you are stable right now - that's great!
Only you can decide whether it's time to make changes to your therapy schedule, but I would offer a caution. It may be worth considering that the consistency you have experienced with your current therapist has been a contributory factor to getting to where you are right now, and reducing it at this early stage may have an impact on that.
I was in a similar position to you a couple of months ago and my T suggested not making any changes right then. Sure enough life came around and bit me on the arse again and I'm grateful I still have that weekly schedule in place!
There will come a time when you feel it is right to reduce and stop therapy, but I don't think it's something to be rushed. I think it's likely that when that time comes, your attachment/abandonment issues won't be triggered in the same way. It's important you listen to the feelings evoked in you.
So glad you're doing well Scarlet

[Ellahmae]

[unaluna]

When there are no fires to put out, no emergencies to attend to, thats when you can do the dull and boring work of improving your life. Its a sucky adjustment imo.

That's when I worked on the present, the future, healthy skills, etc. Learn to maintain that stability so that in the future I wasn't putting out fires all the time, or rather, I learned to get to a place where I could put out my own fires and not have call the fire department for a simple grease fire on the stove.

Edited to Add: . . . then, down the road after you have managed a few crises on your own and feel like you really do need less support and/or assistance from a therapist, that may be the time to cut back on sessions. Consider this time of stability a time to test the waters, and a time to practice what you know so that down the road you really can start cutting back and feel comfortable doing so.

[nervous puppy]

I'm probably repeating what a couple others have already said, but I think you stay with the program for now and don't change anything. Not yet. That's just my opinion, but perhaps it may be too soon for changes in your therapy schedule.

I've had that "problem" too, where you think you've run out of things to talk about. However, the issues are still there and they really haven't gone away. They just weren't an issue over the past week or two. Maybe discuss that?

For me, one way to avoid anxieties biting me in the butt is to not go anywhere in public. Well, I was sick for a few weeks and didn't go anywhere. No anxiety, no problems, nothing to talk about. I went anyway and we talked about 20 other things.
Maybe they were "minor", but so what? Turned out 2 days later I had an "issue" that I had to email my T about. Thing is, I'm glad I didn't cancel or change my appointment day and I don't plan on changing the schedule.

I guess I figure, for me anyway, therapy isn't just there for the "big" things or issues, it's there to keep my head pointed in the right direction. Otherwise my head will start spinning and that's not good for anybody.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't know if I'd consider myself stable atm. Drama free.

I won't go changing my schedule with T just yet. I still do have issues. And if something does come up, I'd want my T to be available to me. But what can I talk about?

[junkDNA]

this might seem pointless to some, but sometimes my T and i dont talk about any issues or anything really some sessions. we play rummy and just chat. i think those sessions help me build my connection to him and i am ok that sometimes we just kinda hang out. we had one of those sessions yesterday because of stuff that happened last week and over the weekend. i just needed to kinda chill and relax and not get into deep issues that might spark my symptoms again.

im not sure if its normal that me and my T play cards and stuff...so i dont know if that could be an option for yours. maybe you could ask your T if she wants to talk about something?? ask her to guide you?

[Ellahmae]

I know a lot of people don't feel they have the luxury of just not talking about things in session, but for me when I don't have anything pressing to talk about we just chat. It's a nice break - she always seems to come up with something therapeutic in it but she gets to know me in a different way. I find it beneficial to have a 'casual' session every now and then instead of always working.

[stopdog]

I just take breaks - even a week or two. I have others to chat with so paying a therapist to chat holds no allure for me. If someone does not chat with others or if one just likes to chat, then chatting with a therapist may be useful as well. But for me, taking a week break or going to every other week for a month, can be very freeing. It is not a change set in stone and it gives time to regroup.

[divine1966]

I only see my t maybe once a month or actually now it's been two months. There is nothing pressing to discuss and I don't have the time to go there and just chat. I am very chatty but don't feel like something i need therapy for. It's fine to reduce. Talk to your t about it

As about what to talk about when there are no pressing issues. I talk about my job, actually i work two jobs, complain how tired I am, paying my debt off, talk about my daughter, about my moms health, about my art, about my fiancée and how our life is going etc etc just every day thing. Sometimes we talk about shopping, like favorite stores or movies or books we like etc

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I do a sand tray, or we also sometimes just chat. I told t just today, actually that by wanting to take a break I'm not in any way discounting the relationship between us because so much of my healing has happened within and because of this relationship - and just chatting sometimes is part of building (and maintaining) that relationship, I think.

[iheartjacques]

Those quiet times are dangerous for me. It's when something was from my sub conscious decides to jump into my conscious and I have to deal with it. So I've learnt to read the pattern and just wait. Sure enough, something else comes up to the surface to be dealt with. Sucky thing is that it gets deeper and more painful each time. But every time I've been able to process something, makes processing the next thing a little easier. I hope that makes sense.

I never feel that I don't have anything to talk about but have a tendency to sometimes cancel sessions or take a break when I feel most unstable or want to indulge in old repetitive behaviors. It's still hard for me to overcome this current and go to therapy to talk about it instead of acting out. I have issues sticking with therapy in a consistent, regular manner, which actually reflects my general erratic tendencies in many areas of my life. Sometimes I tell myself that I want to save the money I spend on therapy, but in reality I want to spend it on often useless or destructive behaviors. So I have these spins when I feel I want to be free (of treatment and working on issues), but in reality those are the times I am the least free and go back to what I wanted to be liberated from in the first place. So I don't really have the right to say anything about when it's good to "tune down" therapy other than from a purely theoretical view point, like knowing what would be right for me (yet often not doing it).

As an analogy, I would maybe compare it with being on long-term medication. Is it a good idea to stop an antidepressant, for example, when someone experiences a period of relative peace, especially if the person has a long history of a turbulent existence? I would argue it probably isn't unless it's been lasting for a considerable amount of time, including that when problems come our way again, we are able to handle them in a constructive way. Then maybe start to taper the medication (treatment) slowly and see how it goes instead of stopping abruptly.

I agree with those that say having lighter "chatty" sessions can be good sometimes even if we feel that paying a therapist for that may be silly. And it does not necessarily need to be new things -- after all, isn't one of the main points of therapy to deal with old patterns and issues?

Maybe the fact that you have nothing special to talk about and these thoughts of taking a break or stopping therapy would be something interesting to talk about?

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm definitely going to be talking to T about this this week. I also can talk to her this week about my hw and my appt with my Pdoc.

When I saw my Pdoc this week, I told her that I don't have much to talk to T about anymore and am thinking of reducing or stopping. She got all excited... She says I'm making progress because I can actually see my T as just a professional and not my core support. She told me it's okay if I reduce or stop because therapy isn't meant to be life long. I told her I was thinking about reducing with her too. She was happy about that as well, but still made my next appt for 4 weeks like normal. My Pdocs only concern is if I have enough support in my life w/o my T. I'm not sure. I do have my fiance, my mom, and my step-dad for support. But when I'm in a crisis, I need T's support. The other's aren't enough.

I do know that I'm not running away from anything. In fact, I wish I did have things to talk about. I finally have a connection with my T, a healthy attachment. It took a lot of work and I'd hate to walk away from that.

As for talking about mundane things... I don't even have much about that. I don't work or go to school. I've looked into volunteering, found something I might be able to do, but am way to scared to try it.

It just doesn't make sense why this is happening. I have always had plenty to talk about with ex-T. So much. And even then I wasn't in school or working.

[scallion5]

This is really interesting. From what I read here, it sounds like life is pretty stable, you have a decent relationship with new T, and don't have much to talk about.

Though, you also wrote that you don't go to work or school but are too scared to volunteer.

It sounds like it might be a time to talk to T about the 'next phase' of work with her. Now that you have a solid relationship and some stability, maybe there are goals you have? Maybe there are things you'd like to try?

I also would caution about reducing/stopping, since the T has been a helpful resource, keeping things steady might be wise. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. That kind of thing. You also can continue to build that relationship so that should something come up, it's right there as usual. Stable/consistent.

[granite1]

my T probably would say if things are stable at the moment maybe it would be a good time to process some trauma stuff or something like that

I lean on the side of liking therapy vs it being a necessity to function, and find value in it even when I'm not in crisis or struggling a lot. I'm an anxious person, and prefer to burden professionals with my worries instead of loved ones. It's a great stress outlet in addition to other activities I participate in. I'm a talker, and in the years I've been in therapy I can't say I've ever run out of topics. I actually have a tendency to go over, and therapists tell me I can really chew through an hour.

I don't see needing vs not needing therapy as something thats good or bad. Choosing to work on yourself long term is a good sign of mental health IMO. Though it's my thought that therapy should never stop promoting growth. If it fosters regression, unhealthy dependence etc it might be time to find another therapist or cut back.

[stopdog]

I would take a 3-4 week break and see how it feels. It does not have to be permanent - just time to find out some information about yourself before making any other decision about it.

[divine1966]

After reading scallions post I am thinking why don't you talk about your fear of volunteering and you not working ( would you like part time job maybe?) would she have suggestions and ideas about that?

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[Gavinandnikki]

I think you need to get a job and deal with the challenges it presents to you.

No matter how scary, just friggin do it.

[Lauliza]

I think it's great that you have less to talk about and it sounds like you're making a ton of progress. If you don't want to take a break I think the suggestions to focus sessions on more practical issues is a good one. You can take this as a chance to explore volunteering/ working possibilities and identify where your reluctance is coming from.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Seriously! I reverted to talking about ex-T today just so I had something to talk about. It was nothing new. No insight. Same old, same old.

My life isn't bad right now. I mean there's problems, but nothing that needs to be talked about in therapy. Like why would I talk about my fiance not being able to find a job? It sucks. But we're fine. Family is supporting us financially. One of my dogs is sick, but that's not new. She's been sick for 4 years. My fiance and I haven't fought in a long time. Things btwn my mom and I are well. I have no life really, so nothing is really bothering me.

Now I am in a depressive episode. It's not too bad thanks to my meds. I'm over sleeping, lacking energy, hopeless thoughts. But there's no SI or SUI thoughts. So again, not much to talk about.

And it's weird. This never happened with ex-T. I had more than enough to talk about with her.

Even my emailing has stopped with current T because of how little I have to say!

Should I quit therapy? Reduce? Both are a scary thought and trigger my attachment/abandonment issues.

What do you do when there's nothing to talk about?

I had a conversation with T about how I feel like I've got nothing to say and end up just chit chatting.
T said, but it's not just chit chat. It's a another bit of the puece if me it's a part of the whole.
She said everything I have to say is important. It's not just about what I say, it's how I present as I speak, it's a way of communicating something that might just be out of awareness. She said it may feel disconnected to therapy, but it's part of it.
It's about being willing to allow all these things to happen in the room. It's absolutely nothing to do with paying someone just to chit chat. I'm sorry for others who have never had a skilled therapist that can explain these things.
Whether you quit or not cannot be decided by anyone on here. Nor should they give you advice based on their half knowledge.doctors we are not.

[stopdog]

Many therapists are not doctors and I have not found anyone who has any title of dr of any sort to be any better at advice dispensing than anyone else. Some doctors are decidedly worse. The OP asked what people would do so it is not unsolicited.