My curiosity and urges are making me waste my time

When clents cross the line into a therapist's private personal associations, I'd say all bets are off. Google me all you want, but leave my friends and family alone.

Awkwardly sodastream vs another brand, or fizzy water in general?

See, that's interesting. The therapist hasn't always been happy about rainbow's interest in her personal life...but still accepts her. I mean, I think people on here are more critical and shaming of rainbow than her therapist is. Maybe that's what the compulsion is: to keep checking that the therapist accepts her (even though I don't think the googling represents any boundary violation).

If sodastream, your therapist deserves mocking. That stuff tastes awful (others' mileage may vary).

But the googling of her husband isn't the boundary here. The boundary was in session sharing of her therapist's personal life, not Rainbow's googling. I am only guessing this is for therapeutic reasons not fears of having her space invaded.

I give up

Rainbow introduced this as a boundary issue, and people went along with it. People may want to slap me for this, but I think it's related to the intellectualizing OC thing I have written about before. We are helping to keep Rainbow in this pattern by responding as if it is a boundary issue, when that is not the case.

Fizzy water is the best water! (Not so much sodastream, just like sparkling water in general.)

Kinda, yeah. Do you do psychodynamic as a rule? I thought you did not.

All my therapists have been psychodynamic.

I thought about getting one, then read that all the formulas--even non-diet--involved aspartame, which gives me headaches. So that was off the list for me. (Though apparently you can just use it to make carbonated water.)

I get that, but a person's history doesn't give a client carte blanche to do what they want. Actually, anyone can do whatever they want, and perhaps we can understand why people do what they do, right or wrong, but sometimes there can be consequences to our actions regardless of motivation, like them or not. People have limits.

Rainbow already realizes she's crossing a boundary; she stated so in her first post. But she's choosing to do it anyway. She can choose to do differently out of respect for her therapist who she respects greatly otherwise. Perhaps Rainbow, you can get your actions to match your feelings for your therapist and respectfully control your impulse to find out more than your therapist would choose to share at this point.

That's part of keeping the pattern alive, I think. Rainbow (and some here) was the one who said she is 'crossing a boundary' by googling her husband to see what he looked like. Not the therapist.

Maybe her therapist stated it, but it wasn't in this thread that I could tell.

Fizzy water is the new wine.

(For me it is, anyway)

Good post...(And to me the shaming of posters--including myself in previous threads--is a big issue. One can offer commentary and even criticism without shaming.)

This is the case with me--making sure I'm still accepted by T and MC (or H, or friends...), even if I do something that I'm ashamed of. That's the biggest thing to me. You make a good point that if Rainbow's T still accepts her, maybe that's the most important thing? Well, that, and what could be learned from Rainbow's desire to learn that information about T's boyfriend. It doesn't matter if everyone on the forum would accept Rainbow if they were in T's place. It just matters what her T does and feels.

Whatever it is, it has to resonate with rainbow. That will be the key to resolving the issue, of which george clooney is just a symptom, an ugly pimple on the face of a i dont know where im going with this!

That's the thing though-Rainbow said she is crossing the boundary, not the therapist. Some of us grew up 'walking on eggshells' afraid we were going to cross a boundary that had nothing to do with a real boundary. Like don't talk when father is home because father has to work. Child crosses boundary by asking for a drink of water.

There's a clinical term for this, I forget. Where any impulse of the child gets restricted, which turns into OC traits as an adult. The person even develops constricted affect after not feeling safe expressing oneself growing up over and over. And I do remember Rainbow said she didn't grow up with abuse, but a parent who is stressed about working, for example, can fulfill this pattern.

In that way, you can go around thinking anything you do that causes a reaction in another is 'crossing a boundary', when in fact, it is not unless the presumably healthy person states it is so.

Not vs. another brand and not fizzy water in general (although, I admit, I tend to mock that endlessly as well -- yes, I'm rather juvenile) but Sodastream in particular.

It isn't about shaming. It is about Rainbow finding the personal power to choose the direction of her behaviors. Often, Rainbow, you say things like I just can't help myself, or things of the like, but one of the most empowering things a person can learn is that we do have the power to make choices and just need to stop and listen to ourselves. I think DBT may refer to that as the wise mind vs. the emotional mind. Which mind is running the show here? And do you have the power to choose which one to act on?

We've had the sodastream discussion also

Rainbow, sorry about the 3rd person talk I did. For all I know, your therapist may have stated she feels uncomfortable if you google her husband. I remember about driving by her house, I just didn't see anything here about the therapist being upset about googling her husband, so it seemed odd to me for people to say it was a problem if your therapist never said it was. Morso for those those who don't know your history.

Anyway, I hope you can work through this and find a way out. That's the most important part. I can imagine the action-guilt-shame cycle you must be going through.

Ok question here - I googled my t early in our relationship, when I decided to go the long haul. I googled her and her husband. I periodically check in again mostly out of boredom. Yesterday I did google image search for an image that I knew was out there of her because of wanting to see her (I don't keep good mental image of people) and I don't like the one that the clinic has on their site. I have never told her and the only reason I feel I might should is out of respect. Based on what I have been reading, perhaps I don't need to do that?

I have been seeing this person for over a year now and plan on seeing her for a few more, she has heard many of my intimate details already. I have tried to be open as much as I can with her. At what point does it only seems appropriate to let her know, and if the answer is never then phew I can relax about that talk?

Wise mind is the intersection between rational mind and emotional mind. For some of us, those two states arent anywhere near each other. My t says, a child needs an attentive parent to help them make sense of hard feelings. That integrates thoughts and feelings. Otherwise, yeah they just float loose out there, as impulses. This thought sounds good, that feeling sounds good. Hence the title of this thread.

Why would you have to tell her? You seem perfectly okay, not guilty, with Googling her.

Students and colleagues google me all the time. They can do that and still respect me without telling me.

Not exactly sure - Secrets? Is that guilt? I do feel like I am keeping a secret from her.

I respect her. I feel keeping the secret is not being respectful towards her. Maybe that is guilt. BTW, she has been very closed lip about her personal life.

Best post ever

Correct! I feel like she is shutting me out when she won't share.