[here today]

After 55 years on and off, and 19 years almost continuously of therapy, I think I've definitely given it a fair chance.

It hurt more than helped, at least after my late husband developed a terminal illness 21 years ago.

Lots of "issues" I went into therapy with when he got diagnosed -- primarily that I didn't have a clear sense of who I was, apart from my late husband. And that, seems like, was an issue from earlier in my life.

It showed up throughout my adulthood in problems I had at work -- for instance, if I was supposed to do something I didn't think was "right", I couldn't do it, even if it was just a matter of technique, and I would eventually quit -- whether I had another job yet or not. My sense of identity seemed to be bound up both with the job and with doing the "right" thing and if there was a conflict -- it was intolerable. I say that now, in hindsight, but I wasn't always very clear about it at the time.

I get it now that therapy doesn't know what to do about problems like these. But it wasn't at all clear 21 years ago what the underlying problems and issues WERE. Unfortunately, uncovering them all just left a mess -- not a functional, whole person.

I now feel like a failure at life, a failure as a person. To the extent that therapy contributed to that situation -- and it did -- it failed me. Not the other way around. I have plenty of failures of my own -- but not that one.

[MoxieDoxie]

At this stage in life you need a therapist to just unload on, talk about the week, what went right, what went wrong, help turn around any negative thinking. They can not "fix" the core you. With the right therapist you can be higher functioning. They can not make you happy or enjoy life. Non of them can. That is all on you.

[stopdog]

I think therapy fails a lot of us. It promises more than it can deliver in many cases. It blames and shames those for whom it is not helpful. Others also join in this blaming the client mindset. I had one therapist I interviewed admit that therapy failed people all the time. I had others who scoffed at the idea they were not above reproach. There are therapists who hold therapy out as the answer for everything. They are wrong.

[here today]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

At this stage in life you need a therapist to just unload on, talk about the week, what went right, what went wrong, help turn around any negative thinking. They can not "fix" the core you. With the right therapist you can be higher functioning. They can not make you happy or enjoy life. Non of them can. That is all on you.

Thanks, but I do not think I can find such a person. Perhaps it's the well of anger and resentment toward them at this point -- it's like none of them can tolerate it, and although I can "turn it off" -- really, I can -- what's the point of that? If I were to talk to a therapist about my week, what went wrong, what went right, in that state, it would be just "people-pleasing" and would not include the "influence" of the cut-off parts on any negative thinking. I would not be being a whole, integrated person, parts of me would not be there in the interaction.

I also disagree with the implication of your last 3 statements, and specifically I disagree with the last: "They can not make you happy or enjoy life. Non of them can. That is all on you."

On which "parts" of me is it on? No one in the world can tolerate me or, alternatively, has been able to help me better integrate and express that wholeness. That WAS on therapy, and the therapists. It's part of their schtick, part of the carrot they hold out, part of what was stated in a recent link and thread about what therapy is for.

Despite many attempts, the therapists I tried and hence, to me, the profession as a whole and the way they just dump clients they don't know what to do with -- failed me. They did. It is possible there might be some people in the profession I might be able to trust personally, but because they are a part of a profession that has hurt me so badly and is unwilling to accept and recognize that and do something about it -- it is much better and more realistic for me, personally, to lump them into an "all-bad" lump.

That feels, and seems, reasonable to me. I do understand, logically, that's probably not the state of the world about therapists. I was able to use logic, etc., to get me into therapy in the first place, so that's not a problem for me. Perhaps it's related to the fact that I can (and usually did) cut off the part of me which responds to others as "all-bad". Logic, and kindness, and all kinds of "wonderful" attitudes I could bring to bear would say to that part "you're wrong."

But no -- to the extent that therapists can't accept that part, they can't accept me. And they failed, in what they promised, at least as I understood it. And so, now, I listen to that part of me. She's primitive, and can get me in trouble, but essentially she DOES always have MY back, even if her "energy" feels unsafe to other people.

I don't get a lot of feedback of the sort you described here on PC. It would be great if some people could, and felt comfortable saying, what rubbed them the wrong way about me, but at least I am able to vent and to speak my mind. That IS on me. That has helped. And I'm very grateful to you and other people in this forum, and the opportunity to exchange views.

As you know, therapy did not do much to me either beyond distraction and some very minor positives (that I am not even sure had anything to do with therapy, might have been a coincidence as well). I don't consider that any sort of failure - it's one thing I've tried in life and did not find beneficial, whatever the reasons.

You know what keeps puzzling me about you, HT? I hope you don't mind my saying these things here... That you so persistently insist that there is something very wrong with you, even evil... what is really that? Anger is not evil, it is a perfectly normal emotion, especially in response to unfairness and being taken advantage of, even just as a reaction to feeling stuck momentarily.

Similar for your apparent lack of sense of self. Maybe it is just me, but the complete opposite comes across to me about you here on PC. This as well:

Originally Posted by here today

It showed up throughout my adulthood in problems I had at work -- for instance, if I was supposed to do something I didn't think was "right", I couldn't do it, even if it was just a matter of technique, and I would eventually quit -- whether I had another job yet or not. My sense of identity seemed to be bound up both with the job and with doing the "right" thing ...

Isn't actually having a strong sense of what is right for you, and refusing to violate your values, show a pretty strong sense of self? So many people would not act the way you describe, wouldn't even express strong opinions, would just go along with the rules imposed by externals, etc. That, to me, is much more being out of touch with one's core identity and values, or at least not standing up to them.

Also, you come across to me here on the forum as one of the most considerate, respectful members - I said this before. Of course being able to see issues from many different angles, and taking responsibility the way you seem to, requires considerable self control and awareness. Who does not lose it sometimes? Perhaps those therapists and many years of therapy did mostly one thing: implanted in you that there is something very wrong, because you stood up for your values and what you think is not okay about their approaches and self-righteousness? I really think that therapy and therapists are not the Holy Grail for everyone and I am not surprised you are one. You see through and beyond things in ways that probably intimidated those that did not, and they found that intolerable.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by here today

A
I now feel like a failure at life, a failure as a person. To the extent that therapy contributed to that situation -- and it did -- it failed me. Not the other way around. I have plenty of failures of my own -- but not that one.

I think it's very true that therapy fails a lot of people, that there are problems for which therapy is ill-suited (can't really articulate what these are but generally those things that people can't control and for which changing one's relationship to the thing or one's reactions to the thing can't be done). When I was in grad school in a related field, the clinical psychology students spent a lot of time talking about this issue, as the institution where we studied was big on institutional failures of all kinds, especially mental health.

But I think that if therapy failed you, you are not, as you say, a failure at life or a failure as a person. You did what you could and certainly gave it a lot of your time and undoubtedly your attention and money. It reminds me of when my husband was diagnoses with Stage 4 cancer (and he lived only 4 months afterwards), how some people and to some extent the larger culture propagate this "if you have a positive attitude you can beat cancer" or "if you live a psychologically healthy life or have a nutritional diet you won't get cancer." I found this attitude, and the dipsh*ts who sent me articles about how lemongrass cures cancer or offered me a wholegrain cookbook I already had, very hurtful. There was more of this than I'd care to remember.

I think it is deeply ingrained in our culture that we "blame the victim." If something bad happens to you or you can't fix it afterwards, that's your fault. We want to believe in a "just world" where only the undeserving or those who lack effort have bad outcomes in all kinds of things. It feels terrible to get caught up in these social attitudes.

I hope you can let yourself off the hook for "failing" as a person. Sounds to me like you did the best you could and the institution failed you.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

As you know, therapy did not do much to me either beyond distraction and some very minor positives (that I am not even sure had anything to do with therapy, might have been a coincidence as well). I don't consider that any sort of failure - it's one thing I've tried in life and did not find beneficial, whatever the reasons.

You know what keeps puzzling me about you, HT? I hope you don't mind my saying these things here... That you so persistently insist that there is something very wrong with you, even evil... what is really that? Anger is not evil, it is a perfectly normal emotion, especially in response to unfairness and being taken advantage of, even just as a reaction to feeling stuck momentarily.

Similar for your apparent lack of sense of self. Maybe it is just me, but the complete opposite comes across to me about you here on PC. This as well:


Isn't actually having a strong sense of what is right for you, and refusing to violate your values, show a pretty strong sense of self? So many people would not act the way you describe, wouldn't even express strong opinions, would just go along with the rules imposed by externals, etc. That, to me, is much more being out of touch with one's core identity and values, or at least not standing up to them.

Also, you come across to me here on the forum as one of the most considerate, respectful members - I said this before. Of course being able to see issues from many different angles, and taking responsibility the way you seem to, requires considerable self control and awareness. Who does not lose it sometimes? Perhaps those therapists and many years of therapy did mostly one thing: implanted in you that there is something very wrong, because you stood up for your values and what you think is not okay about their approaches and self-righteousness? I really think that therapy and therapists are not the Holy Grail for everyone and I am not surprised you are one. You see through and beyond things in ways that probably intimidated those that did not, and they found that intolerable.

Thanks, Xynesthesia Definitely a different perspective and challenges some ingrained notions. Some things to think about. Thanks.

[here today]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I think it's very true that therapy fails a lot of people, that there are problems for which therapy is ill-suited (can't really articulate what these are but generally those things that people can't control and for which changing one's relationship to the thing or one's reactions to the thing can't be done). When I was in grad school in a related field, the clinical psychology students spent a lot of time talking about this issue, as the institution where we studied was big on institutional failures of all kinds, especially mental health.

But I think that if therapy failed you, you are not, as you say, a failure at life or a failure as a person. You did what you could and certainly gave it a lot of your time and undoubtedly your attention and money. It reminds me of when my husband was diagnoses with Stage 4 cancer (and he lived only 4 months afterwards), how some people and to some extent the larger culture propagate this "if you have a positive attitude you can beat cancer" or "if you live a psychologically healthy life or have a nutritional diet you won't get cancer." I found this attitude, and the dipsh*ts who sent me articles about how lemongrass cures cancer or offered me a wholegrain cookbook I already had, very hurtful. There was more of this than I'd care to remember.

I think it is deeply ingrained in our culture that we "blame the victim." If something bad happens to you or you can't fix it afterwards, that's your fault. We want to believe in a "just world" where only the undeserving or those who lack effort have bad outcomes in all kinds of things. It feels terrible to get caught up in these social attitudes.

I hope you can let yourself off the hook for "failing" as a person. Sounds to me like you did the best you could and the institution failed you.

Thanks so much. Sorry about your husband, I lost mine to cancer, too, and know what you're talking about. "Mental illness" that does not respond to current "treatments" is in many ways similar to cancer which doesn't either, I agree. Maybe eventually there will be better things but for now, if the therapy fails, the therapy fails. I'll try to let myself off the hook. Thanks.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by here today

Thanks, but I do not think I can find such a person. Perhaps it's the well of anger and resentment toward them at this point -- it's like none of them can tolerate it, and although I can "turn it off" -- really, I can -- what's the point of that? If I were to talk to a therapist about my week, what went wrong, what went right, in that state, it would be just "people-pleasing" and would not include the "influence" of the cut-off parts on any negative thinking. I would not be being a whole, integrated person, parts of me would not be there in the interaction.

I also disagree with the implication of your last 3 statements, and specifically I disagree with the last: "They can not make you happy or enjoy life. Non of them can. That is all on you."

It says they can NOT make you happy.

[here today]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

It says they can NOT make you happy.

Did it seem to you from my OP that that is what I had gone to therapy for? Looking for a therapist to make me happy? It wasn't.

[Sheffield]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think therapy fails a lot of us. It promises more than it can deliver in many cases. It blames and shames those for whom it is not helpful. Others also join in this blaming the client mindset. I had one therapist I interviewed admit that therapy failed people all the time. I had others who scoffed at the idea they were not above reproach. There are therapists who hold therapy out as the answer for everything. They are wrong.

Agree with a lot of what you say stop dog-if I'd had even the slightest idea of what "therapy" wasn't I would never have started it-stopped unpleasant psychoactive meds for gentler "talk therapy"-what a joke!! My psychologist admitted recently he had to be dragged screaming and kicking to his own analysis and was always late-wtf

[missbella]

Therapy imbued me with terrible emotional habits, encouraging me to wallow in self pity, expecting an external authority, a strong one, to sooth me and cater to me. Instead of social skills, I became much more self-absorbed. I also thought I was magical and privileged, that the therapy process made me more evolved than normal people.*
*I’ve seen people who’ve been to therapy playing therapist with others, unrequested. So condescending.

I’ve tried to unlearn the effects since.

[musinglizzy]

I very much agree with you, and feel your pain. I regret ever starting therapy, but now I feel "stuck" there. Through therapy, instead of working through past hurts and learning better coping skills, and regulating my emotions, my central nervous system, my mind, I'm left a mess. I wish I could just go back to the person I was before two therapists, in particular, tried to "help" me, only ending up leaving me a bigger mess. I have only been in therapy coming up on four years (minimum twice a week), but I am a far bigger mess, far worse off, than I was when I started. My first therapist (whom I still see), ended up offering me things I "needed," but didn't know I did until she offered them. She was trying to speed up the process, trying to gain my trust, since I was one who couldn't just come into therapy and just start talking. By 9 months in, she ended up shattering any relationship and trust that had built up, by backing off, and drastically tightening up boundaries without even so much as talking to me about it, or giving me any say.

Desperately depressed, practically suicidal, and unable to talk about it, because I felt shame, I picked up a severe addiction, which, looking back, I'm surprised didn't kill me. Almost a year after after what I call "the rupture" with T1, I started seeing what actually ended up being T3. There was a T2, and although she was ok, my therapy with her wasn't what I felt I "needed," so in comes T3. I was terrified at first, but T3 ended up being "the one," or so I thought. And she helped me receive help, getting me into a rehab program. The rejection I'd felt from T1 had me in a very bad place, I had picked up decades-old self mutilation, ended up quitting a job I loved, and was losing all passion for anything. T3....oh how I love and miss her.... things did not end well with her, and I am still feeling horrible pain and abandonment from her termination with me. I was finally at a place where I felt I could quit T1, and stick with T3. But T3, who had given me recommendations that she hoped I would follow, got upset with me when I didn't. I think, because my depression ran so deep, she, in a way, was nervous about being my only T, and she was requiring that I do more. I had tried some groups, but I didn't find them beneficial. She was even suggesting inpatient for my depression (NOT my recovering addiction....which hadn't been an issue, I was staying clean on my program). Basically, my big mistake with both of these Ts was letting them see what was really inside me. I wasn't a client in crisis, or a client threatening suicide (my self mutilation wasn't even shared), in fact T3 often bragged about how happy she was I was her client, she made me feel loved and extremely cared for, even "special." My work with her was more beneficial than I even realized....until now, when I don't have it. There's a lot more involved, but T3 terminated with me, and wouldn't even allow me a termination session, so I'm left here feeling no sense of closure, and missing her. I wasn't just terminated with her, but also with the doctor who was in charge of my rehab program, as she eventually transferred her practice to their facility.

So here I am, feeling "stuck" in my relationship with T1, and heavily mourning the loss of T3, and all of the great work she did with me. I tried to talk to her, but eventually realized I was making a fool out of myself when one of the office people there called me, asking me to refrain from contacting T3 and/or the rehab doctor there. So I was thrown away, having to frantically find another specialized doc for my medications, and still licking my wounds from feeling like I was thrown out with the trash, by someone whom I thought cared very much for me.

It's no surprised that I relapsed back into my addiction for a brief time after losing T3....I still have not been able to even say goodbye, or thank you, or "F--- You for the pain you caused me..." it depends on the day. But, at the end of every day, even if there had been some anger, I miss her, and I'm thankful for all she's done for me.

I'm quite sure I will never fully heal from the pain both of these therapists have caused me. Pandora's box has been opened......and T1 hurt me a great deal, and then ended up hurt even more by seeing T3, who was trying to help me heal the pain from T1. Now, some days I don't know which one hurts more. T3 is still very raw, losing her was, wow.... 6 months ago. But the pain T1 caused was 3 years ago now, and I'm afraid I will never heal from that.

Instead of enriching my life, therapy has caused more distrust. I do not allow myself to feel close to people, and I've thrown friendships away since the start of therapy 4 years ago. One, even being a friendship that spanned over two decades. I feel alone in the world. And therapy has only made that worse.

Sorry for the long post....but just wanted to let you know I hear you. I don't believe either one of these Ts intended to hurt me. Well, T1 for sure....she made mistakes with me she can't "take back." T3....well maybe it was intentional. I'll never know. But I do know how broken I am now. And now I'll always be "an addict." Even if a recovered one. T3 saved my life. She went above and beyond. But, when I was left feeling abandoned by her, all I wanted to do was use again. The pain was too much. Luckily I have not.

[MoxieDoxie]

I can relate to all of this.

[SarahSweden]

Even if I don´t have all of your experiences I can relate to what you write about as I feel the same to some extent. I´m going to end the contact I have with my psychiatric nurse and even if we don´t have "real" therapy I´m there because of depression and anxiety but I don´t feel it´s helping me.

As she isn´t a therapist (this occurs even if he or she IS a therapist) she can´t meet me where I am but talks in general terms and even if I try to get her to focus on MY experience with something she always turns in to general babble about things. I understand she isn´t competent enough, she has said herself that she feels she can´t help me.

But I´ve also spent a lof of time with a therapist and that didn´t lead anywhere either as she was too narrow in how she talked about problems and she wanted to find mostly all answers in childhood experiences.

I can really understand your resignation, to seek for help but never get really met in what one needs to talk about or be helped with is deteriorating to ones mind and self image. Perhaps there is "a therapist for everyone" but as one gets worse and worse by trying out several therapists on the way I think it´s very difficult to continue trying until that very therapist shows up.

And I agree with you, it´s not the client who fails therapy when one has tried several therapists and really engaged in trying to feel better.

[here today]

So sorry, musinglizzy.

Hopefully, maybe we can make it through our pain and things will be better someday? I don't see it, but I don't know that it's not possible, either.

[here today]

Wishing you the best, SarahSweden. I don't know how to find out or make a better life for myself but . . .maybe Time or the Universe or God will be kind to me? I don't exactly count on it, but I'm not counting it totally out, either. And I'll keep trying, but not through therapy.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by here today

So sorry, musinglizzy.

Hopefully, maybe we can make it through our pain and things will be better someday? I don't see it, but I don't know that it's not possible, either.

Thank you. I hope you are able to, too. Both of these therapists have been/are very important to me...which I should not have allowed to happen. But really, how can you stop it from happening? I joined this forum and started posting the very same month I started seeing T1, and I remember, a couple of years ago, going through old posts of mine on here, that just left me in tears. I even started posts asking how NOT to get attached, because I could feel it happening. If only I'd been able to stay detached enough to not get hurt so badly. T1 says this isn't about her, it's about my past. But one thing that was huge when I was growing up, was that I could not show love or appreciation for things, or I'd eventually get them taken away. Even people. Well, that may have been between 30 and 40 years ago, but now it's happening in therapy, too. Mostly with T1. Just one example, she used to give me such nice, warm, healing hugs after sessions. They helped me hold my head higher when I left. Well, they are now cold, meaningless, and one second long if I'm lucky. She decided "prolonged hugs" weren't useful in therapy. That was only one thing on the list that she changed....but I remember, after the rupture, we'd had a decent session, and she gave me one of those hugs. STUPID IDIOT ME....I Emailed her later, thanking her for that hug, and I never received another one.

Lots of examples...but T1 used to occasionally say "I love you." WHen that stopped, I questioned her about it, and she said that word is reserved for use in her private life, not in therapy. Yet, two weeks after she said that, she "screwed up," I suppose let the human come out in her, and she hugged me in the parking lot, and said those three words. I never made reference to that "screw up," because I knew if I did, I'd never have a chance of hearing it again. Well, almost three years later, I haven't. She has remained very guarded with me. No more initiated Emails from her, and eventually texting was taken away too, when she used to text me fairly often. I guess, looking back, she became too personal with me, realized it, and put an end to it. I can barely hug her anymore because they mean nothing. I know she does it out of duty now, because she assured me she would not take hugs away. No...but they mean nothing now, because now they are distant and cold. She wasn't willing to work with me, even meeting me part way. Nope, one by one, the meaningful things that helped me trust her and stay connected, were taken away. I felt like I meant something to her at one time, and it was helpful to feel that way, for me to realize that I was WORTH having someone act in a caring, loving way. But these Ts take it away...they hold too much power over us. And that's MY fault for letting it happen. I can barely talk about the pain therapy has caused. I don't think I was a good candidate for therapy, I think I was far too broken for such a relationship, and now I'm even worse off than before. Anyway, I better quit before I write a book here....lol. I think my first post about this rupture with T1 was about three years ago now, and I remember it being titled something about "Touch in therapy....it's gone." Something like that. Thanks for listening! And hopefully, we can both get through this....someday.

T1 used to let me cry on her shoulder. T3 would hold my hand and wipe my tears..... I've never had that. And it felt good. I was better off not knowing what I was missing out on....

I'm so broken, and empty....moreso than I can even come up with the words to even begin to express how broken and empty I am....

I'm sorry you've tried for so long with such few results.

However, just because therapy isn't the answer doesn't mean there is no answer!

I've been in therapy for 6,5 years; 5 of them included trauma therapy. Sometimes sporadically, sometimes weekly, and a lot (9 I think) of weeks where I was inpatient and had individual trauma therapy 3 hours a day. Barely any improvement. I've talked and talked and ..? I just got better at voicing the bad things, they didn't start to bother me any less. I didn't feel safer in everyday life.

I started self defense lessons in January; I've had 7 lessons now. It's a private lesson, with a great woman who has among other things worked in the justice system. She teaches me how to stay safe, by teaching me how to act when someone is being threatening and how to do so in an effective, de-escalating way.
She's very practical: I wear normal clothes and we also practice with my school bag on my back sometimes, because it changes your balance. I didn't want to learn how to beat an attacking judoka with judo techniques in judo clothes on a judo mat, and she understood that immediately.
7 lessons. It's helping me feel safer already. If a teacher raises his voice to the class now, I think "If he gets too angry and comes close, I'll do x" instead of flinching, tensing and simultaneously hoping not to be, and preparing to be, hurt.

Self defense might or might not be your thing. Just an example to show that maybe there are other ways to reach your goal. Is there any 'dream' you have: a skill to learn, trip to take, volunteer work to do? I wanted to learn self defense for a long time, but only started this year. I wish I had started earlier.

[MoxieDoxie]

I never see female therapists for fear of trying to get what I never received from my mother. I only see males which does cause me other issues like the desire to be protected and saved but I never want them to come close to hold my hand, hug me or wipe my tears. That would send me crawling up the walls or feel obligated to have sex as I did in my younger years. I felt obligated to have sex with any man that was nice to me or helped me. Weird.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I never see female therapists for fear of trying to get what I never received from my mother. I only see males which does cause me other issues like the desire to be protected and saved but I never want them to come close to hold my hand, hug me or wipe my tears. That would send me crawling up the walls or feel obligated to have sex as I did in my younger years. I felt obligated to have sex with any man that was nice to me or helped me. Weird.

My mom was 16 when she had me, and I never knew my dad. So I knew I didn't want to have a male therapist, I was afraid of having "daddy issues." But...I've noticed a fair share of maternal transference with my female therapists....so guess I can't win!

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by here today

Despite many attempts, the therapists I tried and hence, to me, the profession as a whole and the way they just dump clients they don't know what to do with -- failed me.

It's a biz largely without scruples. I expect most of 'em would still find a way to pin the failure on you, even after all those years. You weren't ready to change... yea that's it.

It's a failed system, and majority of it should be pushed into a hole in the ground.

[here today]

Originally Posted by BudFox

. . . I expect most of 'em would still find a way to pin the failure on you, even after all those years. You weren't ready to change... yea that's it.
. . .

I no longer accept their "expert" view on such things. I no longer accept their expertise on how and why people can "change." And, definitely, after my experience all those years, I do not accept that they have much or reliable expertise in how to help people change, certainly no expert way to tell in advance who and why somebody might be "ready" to change -- or how to help them get "ready".

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by here today

I no longer accept their "expert" view on such things. I no longer accept their expertise on how and why people can "change." And, definitely, after my experience all those years, I do not accept that they have much or reliable expertise in how to help people change, certainly no expert way to tell in advance who and why somebody might be "ready" to change -- or how to help them get "ready".

I too reject their claims of "expert" status. It's a ruse. Or a case of believing their own marketing and make-believe.

BTW, i get the feeling a possible subtext of your thread has to do with pervasive messages in therapy culture and wider culture about positivity no matter what. Put a happy spin on your therapy debacles and all your miseries, cuz otherwise you have a "negative" attitude. Fake positivity and superficial spirituality are valued over plain-spoken honesty. Repeat the slogans.

If you found therapy useless or worse and openly declare that, expect blowback. You must have deviant tendencies and disordered thinking if your attempts to purchase "transformation" did not work out.

I think part of what sustains therapy is actively avoiding defining its basic nature. For me it boiled down to -- therapist pretends to care, I pretend to benefit. This was supposed to be the vehicle for transformation. It was codependency personified. And the tacit agreement is you don't talk about this.

The worst thing that can happen is when the client asks... do you really care about me? Almost as bad is when the therapist asks... is therapy helping?

I think that often the failure to be an expert on the issues the client is having is when therapists claim that it is not their knowledge/expertise/advice that will help but mere talking and the relationship. In my mind, it is a rather defensive excuse that they do not know anything better.